dieselcowboy Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 Ok, I have have had a girlfriend for the last 6 years, we have 2 beautiful children together. In the beginning things were great, but as time went on, our life together has slowly went down hill. Mainly due to her mony problem (spends every dime we have and then some!!) Well, a couple years ago I met someone else, nothing ever happened other than exchanging a few emails and a few phone calls. fast forward to present day, mind you me and the "other woman" havent talked in over a year. I get a phone call out of the blue, we are talking again, great! The feelings for her have never changed even after all of this time, and things at home are finally to the point that I am ready to pack my bags. She, as in the "other woman" isnt to sure about where to take things because of the long pause in talking to me, and I am not sure if I should leave home or not, and the only thing keeping me here now is my kids. ADVICE IS GREATLY NEEDED!! Link to post Share on other sites
Argentina Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 It can be really tempting to go down the path of the "other woman". The gloss of the relationship with your partner has well and truly worn off, particularly after 2 children and domestic life and financial responsibilities take over. It's not easy to keep a marriage/long term relationship together when there are other pressures. I don't know all the ins and outs of the problems between you and your girlfriend, but I urge you to really question if you have done everything possible to deal with all the issues. Is she open to counselling? Have you both sat down and worked out a realistic financial budget which you both agree on? Does she realise how "at the end of the line" you are in regard to the relationship? If you honestly feel that you have done everything possible to save the relationship and you want to leave. Then leave before you start up a new relationship with the other woman. Leave because you really want to end it and make a fresh start on your own rather than leave because there is someone else waiting in the wings. This is a time for deep soul searching about what you really want out of life. I don't believe that people should just stay for the children. Children can grow up well adjusted in single parent families. And it sounds like you would continue contact and maintain your parental responsibilities. Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author dieselcowboy Posted July 24, 2010 Author Share Posted July 24, 2010 Thank you for the advice. I have sat down with her and talked about counseling, and she has rejected the idea, more than once. We have also tried to work out a financial pattern, and it dosent stick at all. I take what money is needed from the bank at the beginning of the month and pay all of the bills, and to her that says "fair game" for the money that remains, not thinking about the other 28-30 days left in the month. I have tried to talk to her about our relationship, and the problems that we have and the only thing I get from her is, if your not happy, then pack your bags and leave. She dosent care to try, and I am to the point of stop trying. If I do leave, it would not be for the sole purpose of the "other woman" and it wouldnt be something I jump straight into. We have become friends, and it seems so much more on both of our parts over time, and she knows my situation as well. I have been open and honest about what is going on. As far as my children go, they are my whole life. I wasent cut out for being a parent when my first child was born, I was a kid still at 20 years old. They have changed me for the better and cant imagine my life without them. Link to post Share on other sites
Not strong enough Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 How old are the kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dieselcowboy Posted July 25, 2010 Author Share Posted July 25, 2010 My children are now 3 and 2. Link to post Share on other sites
Not strong enough Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Listen man, for the childrens sake, you need to figure out how to work through this mess, i have an employee going threw something similar. It's nasty how people get after a seperation. You either wont see those kids very often if you break it off, or she wont either way it wont be good. You will probably be the one to lose primary custody. I know you figure the court would decide in your favor, because of her finance issues. But my employees ex wife, is a drug addict with no job that lives in a house with other similar people, and she got custody, because he couldnt afford the lawyer that could prove it, and cetch her in her lies. As long as she didnt beat the child which is 2, they always found in favor of her ever time..... One time she did beat the child, and tried to take him to court for abusing the child. She didn't win of course because a dss worker testified that he had not seen the child much less beat him in the last month. Even after all this she still has custody. If you think you have money problems now, just wait till she claims you beat her, or the children, takes you to court over and over, and you have to pay child support. I know your saying to yourself she would never do it. Believe me she would, atleast until her anger for leaving her subsides. I've seen it happen 3 times for the same situation, each time the women has always won, and only once has she been in the right. Link to post Share on other sites
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