Lost my soulmate and cant cope at all..need !!

[mannpho]

My girlfrien with here of almost 1 year just broke up with after being on vacation in Canada. This relationship was filled with issues that I will explain. We both met on a dating site. She has been divorced for 17 years and decided to devote herself to raising her 2 sons. They are now 21 and 24. They were against her dating for numerous reasons too many to mention here. It started with me being slowly introduced to be accepted. The one son took to me well the younger one had issues. During the first few months everything was fine Christmas I met the parents, sister that too was fine. Throughtout the first few months I decided to take myself off the dating site and asked her to do the same. She didnt want to because she said she wasn't computer savy and would need help from friends to get back on. She would always be on it. She never dated anyone that I know of. It too several fights and finally her son to convince her how wrong this was and that Im a nice guy and not too mess this up. I always had my doubts if she was in love me but I kept falling deeper and deeper in love with her.

 

She would always say I love you, but was she in love me that I couldn't figure out.

 

Now comes our vacation in Canada. I was hospitalized 2 weeks prior and wasn't feeling completely. She wanted to do so many things and see everything. No regards about my fatigue or how I felt. I started to feel that I needed to leave her after a couple of temper tantrums from her. We drove back for 8 hours with no talking what so ever. I finally said that we should end this.

 

Its been 3 weeks now and I realize I still love her deeply and have tried in so many ways too get her to meet me and talk. She doesn't want to. I have sent her some very emotional packed emails about how I feel about her but she just attacks me about everything I didn't do for her in Canada. She said I had the chance to sweep her off her feet but I didn't. I have tried in such a pathetic and desperate way to get her to talk, emails, text, voice mail nothing. She did respond to the emails and some texts but with mean words.

 

I love her and cant get her out of my mind, I cant even bear the thought of never being with. Everyone tells me to back off and give it time. I cant even do that. I have been put on medication for the anxiety, depression, sleepless nights.

 

When does one simply accept the loss and deal with it? How does one try to move on and keep themselves busy to get them off the mind? I have thoughts of her being with another man, sleeping with him and doing things we did. Im being driven crazy by these thoughts.

 

Her birthday is coming up in 2 weeks should I send her a card a gift? I need any advise from all of you. Im heartbroken and cant cope anymore. I stare at my phone thinking she left me text or better yet a voice mail.

 

How does one go away with someone have some problems then come back and want nothing to do with me.

[welikeincrowds]

Mannpho, do you feel that you deserve the punishment she's handing you?

[D-Lish]

I decided to take myself off the dating site and asked her to do the same. She didnt want to because she said she wasn't computer savy and would need help from friends to get back on. She would always be on it.

 

She would always say I love you, but was she in love me that I couldn't figure out.

 

No regards about my fatigue or how I felt. I started to feel that I needed to leave her after a couple of temper tantrums from her. We drove back for 8 hours with no talking what so ever. I finally said that we should end this.

 

Its been 3 weeks now and I realize I still love her deeply and have tried in so many ways too get her to meet me and talk. She doesn't want to. I have sent her some very emotional packed emails about how I feel about her but she just attacks me about everything I didn't do for her in Canada. She said I had the chance to sweep her off her feet but I didn't. I have tried in such a pathetic and desperate way to get her to talk, emails, text, voice mail nothing. She did respond to the emails and some texts but with mean words.

 

I have been put on medication for the anxiety, depression, sleepless nights.

 

 

Her birthday is coming up in 2 weeks should I send her a card a gift?

How does one go away with someone have some problems then come back and want nothing to do with me.

 

I highlighted the important parts of your post.

 

She sounds like a horrible girlfriend.

Take a good look at your own words.

 

Do you think this is the best you can do?

[mannpho]

I know that she isn't good for me. But how do I convince myself. I'm hurting as we all are after a breakup. I still miss her. Maybe if she would talk to me I can get some closure as painful as it will be. The thing that confuses me is that she responds to the emails nasty as they are. Does that mean there is something there? I've was reading a great post about NC. That seemed to have helped last night.

I did text and call her yesterday and surprisingly she picked up. She said she would call last night or today. So far nothing. I'm fighting the urge to call.

I just want to talk and get so many questions answered maybe.hearing the words I was never in love with you might give me the strength to accept this. I guess if she doesn't call that's my answere.

How does a person stay with someone if they don't love them? I was a conveniet person to do things.

 

I need some words of advise from any of you. Any posts that might make the pain less

 

Thanks

[mannpho]

I was hoping that I would receive any advise on how to cope with this breakup. Please any advise would be appreciated. Im not a drinker but have been drinking heavy to drown the pain. Im going to a shrink for help, Ive taken meds to control the anxiety. I was taken to a hospital with an overdose and now my brother is trying to get a court order to take legal guardianship on me and have me committed.

 

Im in pain that I havent felt since my wife died 5 years ago. It has churned up emotions once more for her loss and now with my girlfriend.

 

Please any advise!!!!

[cookie2]

I think you need to get professional advice. Strangers on an internet forum are not the right people to be asking these kind of questions. Fantastic though this forum is, some things are way beyond its scope, and I think your drinking, drugs, mental issues and legal problems are too complex. You need to listen to what your shrink says and act on that.

[mikezombie777]

I'm so sorry you're going through this - I've been where you are on more than one occasion. But you know what? I'm still here. I got through it. The pain won't truly go away but you need to hang out because you WILL meet someone who you love just as much, and who won't break you.

 

You have to wait & see. All you can do is ride it out my friend

[bonpaw2008]

I know that she isn't good for me. But how do I convince myself. I'm hurting as we all are after a breakup. I still miss her. Maybe if she would talk to me I can get some closure as painful as it will be. The thing that confuses me is that she responds to the emails nasty as they are. Does that mean there is something there? I've was reading a great post about NC. That seemed to have helped last night.

I did text and call her yesterday and surprisingly she picked up. She said she would call last night or today. So far nothing. I'm fighting the urge to call.

I just want to talk and get so many questions answered maybe.hearing the words I was never in love with you might give me the strength to accept this. I guess if she doesn't call that's my answere.

How does a person stay with someone if they don't love them? I was a conveniet person to do things.

 

I need some words of advise from any of you. Any posts that might make the pain less

 

Thanks

 

You need to convince yourself that you deserve to be treated better.

 

Please please please go back and read NC. Print it, paste it so that you can read it in every room of the house. This is so very difficult to not contact her, but it is so important. If she wanted to be with you she would contact you and ask you to come back. She doesn't want to be with you and you need to move on. Pining for her and bombarding her with phone calls and texts are only going to push her farther away.

 

About the questions that you need answers to, you probably don't want to know the answers, and truthfully there probably are no answers on her side. These things happen, people fall out of love, to ask her why she doesn't love you will make you feel terrible any way she answers.

 

Good luck, be strong, you can get through this, it just takes time.

[Jemay]

I agree with Cookie, you need professional help. There is nothing wrong with that either.... some folk just have tougher times coping than others. If you took an over-dose over a break up than your issues go deeper and simple coping advice will not be enough.... this may be about unresolved childhood issues such as neglect or abuse, low self-esteem, etc., nothing the forum could just quickly advise on. Get the help you need right now, avoid contact with the ex so you can move forward, and know that you CAN deal with this even if the emotional pain won't let you see this right now. I really hope you get the help you need, all the best to you.

[HeavenOrHell]

I agree with some of the others that you need professional help, there sounds like unresolved problems from your past, maybe to do with your wife's death, I don't know, please seek help though.

As a footnote; I was still in love with my ex when he left me a year ago after 18 years, I went into a bad depression for 6-7 months, he never treated me badly, we wanted to remain friends but after 7 months I had to stop contact, it was only then that I gave up hope of reconciliation and was able to move on. I am now happy with someone new, I never thought I could be happy again. I am also friends with my ex again, because we still love and respect each other and get on so well.

You CAN and WILL get through this with help and support.

And no offence but your ex doesn't sound very sensitive, maybe you have low self esteem and have just put up with it, but maybe you deserve better.