UCFKevin Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 I've noticed that a lot of people here, maybe most, say that what's in the past is in the past and shouldn't make a difference on the present or the future. Like if a guy or a girl had slept with 50 people, it shouldn't matter, it's in the past. Well...this is a very whacked out possibility, but there ARE people out there who like this...what if you found out you SO likes to be crapped on? Or peed on? Or vomited on? Would you say, "Well, it's in the past, big deal," or would you be like, "Whoa...that's really messed up...I don't think I can be with you"? Unless it's a "what's in the past is in the past...most of the time" kinda deal. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 I think the past matters only if it's relevant to the present. If you are referring to my feelings on rape revelations, I was appyling them to that situation, not making a blanket statement. They didn't seem to be married, or even close to it. There are some things that one should only tell to someone they have absolute trust in, and whom they know can handle dealing with it. Your simplification is not apt, sexual trauma is different than liking to be crapped on. Link to post Share on other sites
crysiet Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Weird question. If you are into that, then good luck finding a girl who is also into that. If you used to be but arent no more, dont mention it to her unless it comes up somehow, it shouldnt matter to her if you dont want her to do it. Who knows maybe shell try to get you into it again JK. If she used to be into that, I dont think it should matter unless there is weird sexual issues baggage of that. If she still does, well thats up to you and what youre into. Why specifically are you asking this if you dont mind saying? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 I guess it would depend on if it was something they engaged in...in the PAST or they want to continue the same 'fetish' in the PRESENT with you. If it is in the present....they probably need to be forthcoming with that information. Nothing like the 'big surprise' in the middle of your intimate activity. "Oh...no...don't got the to bathroom...pee here!".....LOL!!! As far as what someone has done in the past....I don't see why they wouldn't want to share it once they are in a committed relationship with someone. If I was in love with someone....I would WANT to tell them anything they were interested in knowing about me. I would also want them to tell me their stuff. I think, between lovers, it's part of the whole 'intimacy' thing to share your pasts with each other. I don't think it's necessary to share the past.....I just think it's nice. ....YES....I would admit to the 50 lovers....but not admit any of them were 'better' than him.....TFF! Link to post Share on other sites
jester Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 I would want to know about my lover's past because the past helps define who she is. I would expect (and welcome) the same curiosity on her part. As for someone who was uninterested in my past I would infer two things: the person is utterly without curiosity about me (ie, uninterested and perhaps uninteresting ) or so insecure that she can't handle my past. Either inference is not terribly flattering. Ignorance is not bliss in this case; it is denial. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 It's nice to share facts about the past, within reason. Not every detail needs to be, or should be disclosed. I have learnt this the hard way! The past should not be held against a person...but it can be tricky to overcome certain things. The past has helped shape a person and turn them into the person you are with. Me personally, I don't know if I would be able to handle being with someone who had had weird sexual fetishes etc. That's just being honest. I am having enough struggle just letting go jealousy about my guy's ex-wife for pete's sake! Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted February 10, 2004 Author Share Posted February 10, 2004 Dyer, this has nothing to do with the rape thing at all. I only asked this out of pure curiousity. Seriously. That's it. Lots of folks here act like what happened in the past doesn't bother them, but I'm sure if they found out their SO used to have someone take dumps on their chests, they wouldn't be, "Well, that makes you who you are, and it's in the past." Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 doesnt matter, but is interesting to know. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Originally posted by UCFKevin Dyer, this has nothing to do with the rape thing at all. In that case, I'd hella want to know about the dump thing. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Anyone in the market for some synthetic poo? :lmao: I'm so sorry if you don't know... Where's Samson? -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Oh, oh, oh! Have you guys ever seen that episode of Jerry Springer where this guy was into the vomit thing, and he found some girl willing to try it (but he already had a girlfriend). They brought the other girl out and he kissed her and like... puked green stuff in her mouth. Then his girlfriend got up and started beating the crap out of both of them. What? You don't like Jerry? -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Originally posted by DerangedAngel Oh, oh, oh! Have you guys ever seen that episode of Jerry Springer where... No. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 hahahaha ok. I guess I'm the only one with good taste in TV shows anymore... with my love of Dr. Phil and Jerry, you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Well Kev, I can happily admit, if I found that out, I don't think I'd be able to handle it! Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 The last guy I dated seriously (some might remember my posts about him from a few months ago), he gave me waaaaaaaaaay more info than I needed to know. I don't give a crap about the # of people someone slept with, I'm beyond that......but this guy was strangely obssessed with going into very graphic, explicit, step by step detail of some of the nasty things he did with past girlfriends, past women he'd picked up in his 20s, past married women he'd picked up and screwed, a couple of threesomes he'd had in his supposed mid twenties, etc. Ironically, he started out our relationship painting himself as this guy who'd admittedly sowed his wild oats in the past, but had a lot more respect for himself and commitment and women in general. Wrong. Never in my life (and I've dated a lot of guys) have I been with someone who just couldn't keep his mouth shut....sometimes he'd just sit there and blurt out the details of his past sexual exploits.....and speaking very crudely (he was 35), like "this chick I once banged..." That in itself was a shock, I wasn't used to a man that age talking like such a punk. The longer we went out, the more nasty things he told me about...and I kept telling him that I didn't want to hear the specific, graphic details......but he was like a child who couldn't control what he said. It was bizarre. After we split up, he wanted to be friends. Even as friends, he did this....but only worse...to the point of telling me that in his last relationship before me, he got his girlfriend (long term relationship of 4 yrs, they'd lived together) and her best friend (who were at their place) drunk....and he ended up sleeping with the drunk friend, in the same bed with his girlfriend (not a threesome). I nearly tossed my cookies when he told me this. This is not the kind of quality man I would knowingly date. Had I known he was such a disrespectful pig from the start, I would never have even met him for coffee. This is a guy who would also start going into detail about having anal sex with past girlfriends. He was pretty sick if you ask me. He didn't give general details..he gave specifics. As friends he divulged to me that he hopes to find a wife one day who'll once a year, on his birthday, bring home a drunk friend for him to sleep with. And he's dead serious. All of what I learned from him was a far cry from the good wholesome moral principled dude he initially lead me to believe he was. In general though....would I want to know the details of someone's past sex life/experiences? Not really. I don't see the point. Together we can learn *together* what each of us enjoys, I think. However, would I want to know if he's into fetishes and swinging and crazy sh*t and things that I think push the limits, yes I would......because someone like that would not be a good match for me...and I"d see no point wasting each other's time. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Good answer Befuddled. Link to post Share on other sites
Dug Posted February 19, 2004 Share Posted February 19, 2004 I had posted something similar to this elsewhere, but in review.....I met a woman recently who I really fell for in a serious way. She was 36, never married, only dated 2 guys and seemed to be the typical catholic "girl next door" who professed to being very inhibited. Sounds perfectly cool huh ?? Soon afterwards when we became intimate, she reveals to me her 15 one nighters with strangers, mostly nameless (which I ignored)....but then she evolved to a point of telling my penis reminded her of Curtis's (a one night stand) ....and then while sharing a shower, my hairy chest was just like Gary's....still a meaningless one nighter. My Corvette reminded her of anal sex with Tim (a one nighter) .....and fortunately my penis was as large as the black guy's were. My aftershave made her wet, just like it did when Carl wore that brand.... and she instructed me on how to scratch the backs of her thighs like Scott (a one nighter) did for a guaranteed BJ in the middle of the night. She slept with her best friend's fiancee' and I should forget or get over all of the above crap because it all happened before we met and "it is different with me". I hate her for taking away the woman I originally fell for. We could never go anywhere or ever touch her without thinking about one of those one night stands she described so well. She never understood why it bothered me, although I never shared intimate details of my past with her. My advice is to not tell your lover anything you wouldn't tell your mother. I would love for Arabess to get into my jambled head. Link to post Share on other sites
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