Any hope with separation and a good outcome

[spots94]

I know a lot of the times when a couple is separates it probably doesn't work out. Is there any hope that it can work out even if one person is not sure what they want? One minute my H will give us our time to work on oursleves and see in the future what will happen. But then he wants to think about terms for a divorce and doesn't see us getting back together this is usually when he is angry with me which at the beginning there was a lot of anger especially since I was crying and begging etc. I have backed off and given him his space and only talk to him regarding the kids. But its so hard I have been with him for 11 years and married for almost 10 years. I am getting help see a therapist and going about my life went out with friends last week and had a good time. I just don't know after I do all this and change myself for the better if its gonna matter to him. I just don't want to hurt anymore but I love him and want to make sure I did everything I could to save my marriage.

[wrencn]

There is always hope! Give him his space and work on you. Live as though its over but keep an open heart. Don't let him string you along though.

[LittleTiger]

There is always hope! Give him his space and work on you. Live as though its over but keep an open heart. Don't let him string you along though.

 

I agree. Don't give up hope but do get on with your life and let him get on with his.

 

At best he'll see that he has a choice because you can manage without him and he won't feel pressured. If you look after yourself he may start to realise what he's going to lose. At worst, you'll get a new life while he's making up his mind - if he then decides he wants a divorce for definite you'll at least be on the road to recovery.

[cavedweller]

spots94,

 

Give your marriage 100%..Do everything you can to make it work..

 

If it turns out that it is over...Well, there is life after divorce.

 

ie: Life goes on.

[spots94]

I am just sick of my H bringing up this crap to make me feel worse or to throw it in my face. Last night after trying to get him to help me pay for things for my son which he fought me on and still won't pay for it all. He had to throw in at the end of the email that I still don't want to get back together with you and it will probably stay that way. He already told me that 2 weeks ago and I don't need to here it unless his feelings gave changed. He doesn't seem to know what he wants and is still angry with me. When I asked for money for school clothes (I am also a stay at home mom and don't have much money at the moment till I find a job). he told me that he wouldn't give me the money cause he doesn't trust me and that he would buy the stuff himself for our son and thats fine. I know I have lost his trust. I just think I hit the anger stage I am mad that he can't give our family another chance we have been together 11 years and it all was not so bad even at the end before we separated. I don't think we should get back together now because there are a lot of issues that need to be resolved before there is even a chance. I just sometimes don't know if it will matter in the end and why I am I holding on to something that may never be. I am realizing I don't need my husband to make me happy only I can do that. I realized that I just need to take care of me and stop worrying and thinking of him its making me crazy.

[kbk]

spots94,

 

I am sorry to hear of your situation. I am in a similar situation with my wife who says that she is no longer in love with me. I don't know what happened to make your husband so angry with you that he does not want to send you money for the kids. My kids mean everything to me and I would do anything I have to for them. I wish I had some good advice for you but my marriage is falling apart too. All I can really say is that I can sympathize with you.

[alphamale]

I just don't want to hurt anymore but I love him and want to make sure I did everything I could to save my marriage.

i think you two should find a good marriage counselor

[Ashes_risen]

I don't know all the hard facts. Who did what to who, but it don't matter. Concentrate on yourself, you are letting him drag you through the mud. Get a job and find help. There is support out there. He'll see how well you are doing without him and that will open his eyes. My separated wife and I have been a part for two months. I'm probably the guy on this forum that did all the wrong things, had the worst of the worst happen. I didn't know how to handle something like a breakup, because I never thought it was going to happen to me. She was a very kind person that even herself said that we'd be together forever. God was I nieve. If you take care of yourself in a positive way, good will follow. Do not take care of yourself and of course bad things will come.

[spots94]

Thank you ashens risen for all the good adivce. I was the one two that did most of the wrong though he is not innocent in either. I have spent money behind his back and he has called me out on it several times. I didn't think I had a problem, I had a wake up call when he told me he wanted me out of the house and wanted a separation and possibly a divorce. I am going to see a therapist which is helping greatly and going to an outpaitent therapy for my depression that I have. I am getting my life and self back slowly. Its been about a month now and feel much better every day. It will take time to get there. My husband thinks I will change overnight and that some things never will change. I told him I can change anything about me that I want to no one else can make me do that. I realize that now. I know in the end after I better myself and if he still doesn't want to be with me than I can accept that and at least I know I did all I could to save our marriage and family. We have been together for 11 years and I still love him very much. I hope it works out in the end but I also don't want to be with someone who cannot appreciate me for who I am. I never thought my husband would do this either and didn't see it coming.