Is this the end of the road?

[spiderowl]

I have tried online dating for a while now and I've become very disillusioned with the insensitivity, crudeness and illiteracy of men on dating sites. I can't seem to meet anyone I'm really attacted to socially either. I'm an intelligent woman and it's really hard to find someone who I feel is a match in that respect, let alone in terms of values or anything else. I don't say that to be snobbish but it's just the way things seem to be. I have an IQ of over 150 and so there are inevitably fewer men who would be a match. I find that few are on the same wavelength. I'm not physically attracted to most men I see on or offline and of the ones I've had contact with, most have been weird in some way. Few could carry out a two-way conversation and many were fairly insensitive characters. Most did not seem to want to find out about me, but only to talk about themselves. I have had a few, brief relationships but they didn't last beyond six months.

 

To say this is deeply depressing is an understatement. I'm not unattractive but I'm not usually physically attracted to the guys who are interested in me. What I consider to be the 'really nice guys' tend to be attached. They are presumably attached because they do not have weird attitudes, have good personal hygiene and know how to talk to women!

 

It looks like I'm looking at being alone for the rest of my life. It's hard to know how to accept this and move forward. Deep down I feel this is not a future worth having. I have hobbies and I do pursue them, but I wanted that intimate, trusting relationship. I have a strong sex drive and don't want to give up on that either. I'm not interested in shallow relationships as an outlet for that. Quite a few younger men have shown interest and seemed genuinely nice, but I've never got involved as I don't want to find that I'm cast aside for a younger model in 10 years time.

 

I'm not sure what I'm asking here, though I guess I'm wondering if this is really the end of all my hopes of finding someone special? I know you won't know either, but I'm feeling kind of stuck and lost here. If you have any insights, please feel free to offer them. I really need something here.

[Enchanted Girl]

People always tend to think that the "good ones" are all taken. You're judging this based completely on how the couple appears in public.

 

Me and my boyfriend tend to project the image that we're really happy, all the time. But we've had REALLY miserable fights and we've done some really terrible things to one another as well.

 

In fact, this is why a lot of girls get crushes on their friends boyfriends. They see him doting on their girlfriend (but don't see all the fights that happen in private) and think that the two of them have the perfect love life. That is never the case. Any of those guys would drive you absolutely insane dating them eventually.

 

Anyway . . . . .

 

The only relationship that's ever going to work out for you is your last relationship, just remember that. All the other ones are going to be failures, so it's not abnormal and it doesn't mean your situation is hopeless just because you have a string of failures trailing behind you.

 

And also, maybe you should consider looking into dating older men. I don't know your age and I'm not trying to stereotype, but older men as a whole are probably more mature and intelligent than younger men and since that's an important trait for you, maybe you should look into those kinds of men.

[spiderowl]

Thanks for your thoughts. Yes, I guess you're right that there will be failed relationships. I just feel I'm running out of time and that so many men seem self-absorbed and lacking in tact, decency or honesty.

 

Strangely enough, the man I've got on best with recently is much older than me by about 10 years. But, I'm not physically attracted to him and can't see this changing. That special connection seems so rare and so far I've only felt it with men who have been attached. I'd never encourage it or pursue it if they were in a relationship.

[SassyKitten]

Having just come out of a relationship with someone who I met on a dating website, well, for me I wouldn't say it's the end of the road but the whole experience was terrible enough to put me off dating websites alltogether. I'm not past the idea of meeting someone online, but only if we're friends for a while first. And the same goes for if I meet someone for the first time in person, I really need to be their friend first. Reason being it's so easy for someone to make a good first impression, but to stick with that first impression, good luck with that one.