zippy's login Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 The divorce was final about three weeks ago. I was depressed a few days before then once the judge said ok it was like a light went off and I realized that I was free to do what I want. I still feel bad about the situation for the kids of course and I'm doing everything I possibly can to make sure the ex is involved with them. I also still have the hurt but it not anywhere close to what it used to be not near as often. There is still a lot of resentment. I've been through a lot in the past 6 months. So why the guilt? I found that once everything was final that single women kind of came out of nowhere. I'm 50, in good shape, make good money and I guess decent looking. I'm not looking for any relationships but I am doing what the books say not to do - sleep around. And loving it. It's like a I'm a whole different person now. I realize this isn't probably good for me but it sure is fun. Hence the guilt. I'm not sure why I'm posting this and will probably get burned but I thought I would throw this out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Jemay Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 You could sit at home depressed or you can take yourself out there and have a good time. Not sure if sleeping around is the answer but if that's what you need to do right now, then go ahead and just be careful. We don't always deal with emotional stuff right away, and there will come a time you make peace with all that has happened and then you'll be able to move on..... seems like in a way you've embraced moving on already, so that's good! Guilt is such a funny thing....... someone once told me that it is arrogant to feel guilt as it is to assume that we are better, and that better version of us would never consider doing something wrong.... just a different way of looking at it I guess, the point is, guilt is a very negative and wasted emotion.... if you think it's wrong to sleep around then stop, or don't..... it's always your choice Link to post Share on other sites
spriggig Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 ...I'm not looking for any relationships but I am doing what the books say not to do - sleep around. And loving it. It's like a I'm a whole different person now. I realize this isn't probably good for me but it sure is fun. Hence the guilt. There's nothing wrong with this as long as you're honest with the women and yourself. The danger is that you'll get attached before you've become a whole person again. You could end up dependent on some new woman to "complete you" when you should have taken time to complete yourself before jumping back in. In other words you'll enter a classic rebound relationship, breakup soon after and end up in more pain. Or worse, you'll become convinced you're in love again and get married! It's a slippery slope argument that probably doesn't apply in all cases, but this board is full of stories like this. It's just like when you're traveling abroad, you want to hang on to your wallet--the one you keep your heart in. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Don't feel guilty. Your ex sure did not feel guilty with what she pulled so go out and have a blast. Make sure you use protection and don't be surprised if your ex comes crawling back when she sees you with other women. Do not fall for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflair Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Don't feel guilty. I'm 51 and I hope to be doing some of that eventually. I'm sure it's a huge ego booster and we need it. I've been working on my own guilt and I'm tired of it. I ended the marriage and changed everyone's life but he had the affairs so I have nothing to feel guilty about. I want to eventually do things I've never done before. I saw this recently and i liked it. Go for it, run toward it, dive in head first. live life with no regret. Put your heart out there, don't be scared you might get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Guilt is common during separation and divorce. So is a feeling of failure. Both are somewhat accurate; you're failings are often used to justify the other person's actions and, like it or not, you are half of a failed marriage. Just know if perfection was needed for a successful/happy marriage then no one would be married. True love grows and builds, imitation love withers and fades. Soon enough, you'll shed the heavier parts and move on. It's normal- Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts