OrdealByFire Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 I'll TRY to keep it relatively short. About 4 or 5 years ago first off, I found 400+ full length porn videos on my dad's computer. I told my mom eventually, and she said she didn't care. About a year later I told my mom he was fooling around or something along those lines, and my dad sat me down. Of course, once he asked me "What are you talking about?" I said "Nothing." I eventually found - get this; I know it's gross, I'm the one that saw it. - pictures of him with other girls. Some of them clothed, some not. I was stupid and didn't save the pictures and now they're long gone. The only picture I have now is one with him standing next to a car he got from work (Works for Chrysler. Engineer. He's up there. Too much information. I digress.) with some black woman all over him. I'm THINKING my mom knows he's cheating. He's gone, on average, 16 hours or so a day including weekends. On weekends, he's actually gone for more like... 19 or 20 hours. Just a few nights ago he answered his cell phone IN THE HOUSE and said "I'll take a shower and be right over." That was at 7 o'clock. He ended up getting home at 3 a.m. My mom thinks nothing of it. My sister, I, my grandparents, and a good portion of the rest of my family tell her about it and joke about it, but it doesn't seem to phase her. I've even suggested he's cheating and she says "It's impossible" because he has diabetes. Oh, so I guess my mom hasn't heard of Viagra or any other penis pills? She also shrugs it off and says "He works long hours." ... I'm sorry, no one works 20 or so hours on a Saturday, from 7am until 3am. Is she in denial? How could she possibly believe him? I can't remember the last time they said "I love you." to one another, and I REALLY can't remember the last time they kissed. ...So should I tell her? And if so, how? My dad's a pretty big guy, and I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to murder us all if I let my mom know. Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 ...So should I tell her? And if so, how? My dad's a pretty big guy, and I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to murder us all if I let my mom know. Surely you're exagerating. I hope you're not a Troll posting here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OrdealByFire Posted July 25, 2010 Author Share Posted July 25, 2010 Not exaggerating at all. He's... huge. He doesn't exactly have a chill attitude either. Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 If your Dad is really a physical danger to your family, then there are shelters and things that will take you in and help you keep safe. Have you showed your Mom the picture? You need to. People are always going to be in denial about these things until they see physical proof (like pictures) and luckily you saved one and that's enough proof. Show it to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Well, is he violent? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 No......... I did that when I was about 15 and it put me directly in the middle of their relationship and marital problems.. My Dad also threatened to kill me in the garage by putting a metal ruler up against my throat and held me against the wall.. In the end my Step Mother already knew and all I did was make my already bad strained relationship with my Dad worse.. Do not tell.. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Have you showed your Mom the picture? You need to. People are always going to be in denial about these things until they see physical proof (like pictures) and luckily you saved one and that's enough proof. Show it to her. No way.. No child should have to be put in the middle of the wrath that will ensure or even feel that they should have to make things right in their parents marriage... Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Man, this is a terrible situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 No way.. No child should have to be put in the middle of the wrath that will ensure or even feel that they should have to make things right in their parents marriage... I can see your point. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Your mom deep down probably knows something is "off" but she's chosen to ignore it. As much as you want to bust your dad and tell your mom what you know, don't. Let them deal with things... who knows? Maybe she DOES know and together they've decided to keep things as they are now - Don't kiss/don't tell kind of thing.. You're not around for private conversations between your folks, so anything is possible. I am sorry that you found out and are having to deal with this.. Is there anybody else you can talk to? A close friend, a relative, or someone at school? teacher or guidance counselor? Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 I mean, it's still possible that this guy is a troll, but I, personally, don't think he is because he's been posting other legitimate sounding posts elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OrdealByFire Posted July 25, 2010 Author Share Posted July 25, 2010 ...How am I troll? As if a husband cheating on his wife is unheard of. Please. My dad isn't physical, but he's big, he works out, and he's got a really short temper - anything sets him off. I don't know what he's capable of. He's intimidating. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyCharm Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 Whether he's a troll or not I wouldn't advice you to tell your mom. You tried telling her a few times before but she just shrugs it off so I don't think this time will be any different. Don't put your self in the middle of their relationship especially if you think your Dad might harm you guys. Just don't say a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 ...How am I troll? As if a husband cheating on his wife is unheard of. Please. My dad isn't physical, but he's big, he works out, and he's got a really short temper - anything sets him off. I don't know what he's capable of. He's intimidating. You need to speak to a someone outside your family. Maybe a guidance counselor, a clergy person or relative. I am more concerned with your fear of abuse than the cheating. It is clear that you feel like it is a very good possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OrdealByFire Posted July 26, 2010 Author Share Posted July 26, 2010 It doesn't bother me so much that my dad's cheating, he's just an idiot, what bothers me most is that my mom deliberately ignores it. She HAS to know something's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Ordealbyfire, You need to speak to a someone outside your family. Maybe a guidance counselor, a clergy person or relative. I am more concerned with your fear of abuse than the cheating. It is clear that you feel like it is a very good possibility. That's also good. Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 It doesn't bother me so much that my dad's cheating, he's just an idiot, what bothers me most is that my mom deliberately ignores it. She HAS to know something's going on. It's actually possible that she does know, has decided to live with it, but doesn't want YOU to know and keeps denying it for that reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OrdealByFire Posted July 26, 2010 Author Share Posted July 26, 2010 It's pretty impossible to not know. I'd have to be a full blown retard. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 It's pretty impossible to not know. I'd have to be a full blown retard. Since you are young and trying to do the right thing, let's leave the above bolded phrase alone...shall we? You need to make sure you and your mother are safe. I normally advise someone to tell, but if you are feeling fear at what he is capable of, then it is best to step back. Is it possible he is on steriods? Link to post Share on other sites
whiterose15 Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Boy, you are in a very difficult situation. Don't tell your mom. You've tried many times, but she makes excuses. I believe she knows deep down, but maybe she can't deal with it or not prepared to do so. Let them deal with their relationship unless your mom or yourself are in danger, which then someone you trust should know. I believe that maybe if he is short temper --- that's guilt! He knows that he got sick porns, cheating, etc. He can't see. If you have sometype of relationship with him try to let him know that you would like some time with him. Pray that you can get to his conscience. Take what you feel to remember how it feels, don't do what he is doing to his family when you grow-up. Be strong. have faith. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OrdealByFire Posted July 26, 2010 Author Share Posted July 26, 2010 I... don't think he is. I've wondered that. It's possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 I think you need to realize your mom is a grown woman and short of your dad going violent on her I think you should stay out of it. You already tried to tell her. Even if you had saved the pics it wouldn't have made a difference... Link to post Share on other sites
Iconoclast Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Of course she knows. Maybe she's just keeping cool, keeping low, until the time is right to make a run for it. Maybe she has a plan. Are all the children 18 or older? Out of the house? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 It doesn't bother me so much that my dad's cheating, he's just an idiot, what bothers me most is that my mom deliberately ignores it. She HAS to know something's going on. All the more reason for you to not to get involved and tell her. Maybe she doesn't want to start over again, lose what she has now and the life she has. The whole family dynamic, friends, inlaws, neighbours, the house, all of it - It's a package deal. For some, it's OK to settle and put the kids first, their happiness and keeping the family together under one roof. She may look at it as she's sacrifixing in a good way. Or maybe she's just plain scared to be out on her out and it's easier for her to ignore.. Whatever her reasons are, respect that. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggotface Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Don't get in the middle of this. Your mother acts like she already knows and doesnt really care. Link to post Share on other sites
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