mixed signals

[Menafee]

Its kinda long sorry:)

 

I met him about 6 or 7 months ago and for the first 2 months he texted me everyday. We didnt do anthing during those first 2 mon. cause i told him i wasnt ready and he said thats fine he'll wait cause he "cares". After those 2 mon. i was ready and everything was great for the next month, we talked everyday and hungout nearly everyday since we met 3 months before. Then 4 days before my vacation we were drinking at his house with some buddies and i drank way too much so i was sick so i put myself to bed early..ish. Not that long afterwards he came in to cheak on me and i tried to get him to lay with me til i fell back asleep but he said he couldnt cause he had company and thatd be rude, but then he decided he wanted to mess around so i got mad that he would have time for that but not to lay with me and i said he was just using me, which i didnt believe i was just mad. Neways he ended up staying and falling asleep with me cause everyone who wasnt staying had left. The next morning was completely normal and i went home.

 

Then later that day i asked if he was feeling any better than he did that morning and all he said was yeah which was kinda weird, he didnt text me that night like he normally would or at all the next day. I did talk to him the next day before i left for vacation and i said i was going to miss my friends and he said "yeah but your not going to miss me.." so i thought he wanted me to say i was going to miss him or something who knows, so anyways i laughed and said i was maybe going to miss him a little bit just joking around and he laughed but he didnt say he was going to miss me or anything like that.

 

I was gone for a month and he only texted me once during that time and i even texted him 2wice with no reply so i took a hint gave up and had a blast. Almost 2 wks after i got back i was with one of our friends who was talking to him and they asked him if we'd talked since i've been back and he of course said no. Bout 10 mins. later i got a text saying he's sorry he hasnt talked to me he didnt want to lead me on and he doesnt want a relationship right now he just wants to be friends.

We didnt talk for the next 2 months, then he started texting me on Friday nights when he got home from the bar wanting to know what im doing, with who, and if i wanted to hangout. So after the 4th friday i went over there and it was like we never stopped talking. I ended up staying the night there and in the morning i was standing up and getting my stuff to leave and he pulled me back and made me cuddle for another 30 mins. We both had plans for that next day/night but we made plans for me to come over again after we left our things. We didnt end up hanging out that night i got wasted and passed out before he left the bar so i sleeped right thru his calls. I told him i was sorry the next day and said what happened and it was ok.

 

We didnt talk that week til Friday again and i went over there again and hungout with him and a buddie. He was acting like we were together, and his friends used to think we are, and everything was great. Later when his friend left we were laying on the couch and out of no where he said "move in with me" i asked what and he repeated it so i said "ok" and he said "im not joking i love you move in with me" then we started kissing and it didnt come up again..but he was wasted.

 

He ended up going to bed earlier than me i was watching tv and accidently fell asleep on the couch and in the morning he didnt even ask why i didnt come to bed, and neither one of us brought up what he had said the night before i dont even know if he remembers. Neways that was lastnight and i havent heard anything from him tonight and probably wont for another week. I dont understand if he wants to be with me or not hes sending mixed signals and im very confused! I dont understand why he would say he loves me and wants me to move in..i know he was drunk but thats when the truth comes out right?

 

 

And also i dated one of his friends for 2 years, that ended a year ago very badly but i dont think that has anything to do with it..? I didnt meet him while i was with his friend..in fact i only met one of his friends. So its not like i met him thru my ex aka his friend or ever hungout with them together.

[mythologymajor]

I think he might have an issue with 'rejection' - he has shown that he can sulk or keep quiet for days when he felt hurt... and now that he's forwarded an offer of commitment to you, he might be staying quiet to see how u will respond to it when sober (sort of like a cooling off period?) If u keep quiet abt it, that means u are having second thoughts, he might be waiting for you to bring it up again... the way i see it, if he remembers abt it, and u are keeping quiet, he will see it as a negative reaction on ur part... why not just gently ask abt it instead of waiting for him? He might be waiting for you... maybe he's afraid of rejection... and afraid to ask again...

[Odyssey]

ditto. He is clearly interested in you. But this kid's got issues, he gives others the silent treatment when his feeling is dented until he's cooled-off. There's a lack of communication between you two. Your both having to second guess each other.

 

"...i know he was drunk but thats when the truth comes out right"? Don't be silly. No, its not some truth wonder drug.

[Menafee]

Thats what people keep saying that hes scared of rejection..but i am too and he's the one whose been calling the shots so i guess im just kinda scared he's going to quit talking to me again since he called it off last time. And when he asked me to move in he was completely wasted, i was 100% sober and im just worried he doesnt remember or didnt mean it and i'd feel dumb if he asks what im talking about. But i guess if he's going to be like or doesnt want to move forward that i really shouldnt be with him anyways. better to find out now and move on than wait until later to get rejected again

 

And how did i hurt him before? I mean i probably did i just cant think of anyway i would've hurt him..that i noticed anyway

Edited July 27, 2010 by Menafee

[mythologymajor]

Like i said... why dont u just gently bring it up... even if he does not remember anything abt it, just tell him what he said when he was plastered... and ask him were u drunk or serious... if he shuts off and pushes u away, it'll be clear then, won't it? if he says it's something he might seriously consider (even if he denies remembering or talking abt it), then u might have something... not bringing it up will just eat at u, u know....

[Menafee]

Yeah i do know and i didnt see that part sorry But i agree i just need to suck it up and bring it up, its just that it was already 4 days ago and i probably wont see him again until friday, if even. So it'd be a week later, would that be too long to wait? Or maybe i could just casually bring up how i need to find a place to live. Or just tell him im moving in, laugh a little bit, if he says okay say im not kidding..kinda what he did.

 

Maybe he got worried because i changed once i relized i really liked him, im usually confident and im pretty sure im the one who made the first move. But after i figured out that i actually like him i get really nervous and never know what to say. Maybe he saw that as me not being intrested anymore?

 

Im not sure but i know when he said he didnt want a relationship and didnt want to lead me on and all that was because off my facebook status saying i wanted more and if he wouldnt give it to me i'd find someone who will.. maybe i shouldnt have said the someone else part..but i did

[mythologymajor]

Yeah i do know and i didnt see that part sorry But i agree i just need to suck it up and bring it up, its just that it was already 4 days ago and i probably wont see him again until friday, if even. So it'd be a week later, would that be too long to wait? Or maybe i could just casually bring up how i need to find a place to live. Or just tell him im moving in, laugh a little bit, if he says okay say im not kidding..kinda what he did.

 

Man, u guys are really circling around the bush doing an indian dance... but i guess u know him best... i'd ask him a bit more direct, but who am i to give u advice when i am in much much worse situation than u are, haha... And no, it's not too long to wait. i guess i can kinda identify with how nervous u are abt this...

 

 

Maybe he got worried because i changed once i relized i really liked him, im usually confident and im pretty sure im the one who made the first move. But after i figured out that i actually like him i get really nervous and never know what to say. Maybe he saw that as me not being intrested anymore?

 

Im not sure but i know when he said he didnt want a relationship and didnt want to lead me on and all that was because off my facebook status saying i wanted more and if he wouldnt give it to me i'd find someone who will.. maybe i shouldnt have said the someone else part..but i did

 

Yeah, u really shouldn't have done that part... i would've probably reacted the same way...

 

Wow, i am starting to see so many parallels between ur story and mine... mine just happens to be at a terminal stage...- were u addressing him directly via ur facebook status? without any other communication than that? that's ur way of getting the msg across? did u do it that way because u didn't know how else? and... if things really escalated too fast, would u shut urself off like what my girl has done to me? sorry to do this on ur thread... we could move it back there if u want ..

[Menafee]

Yeah my problem right now is nothing compared to yours, it seems kind of pathetic compared to yours. So im just going to suck it up ask him and not worry about it anymore, whats the worst thats going to happen i wont move in?

 

And when i posted that on facebook it wasnt the only way i talked to him i was still talking to him just not coming out and saying that i wanted to be with him. But i have been through almost the exact same thing as what your going through with my ex, and sadly he's now serious with the girl he dated after me. I could tell you what i did which is ask to be friends once, he didnt reply and i never talked to him again, he was with someone else so why keep trying. I thought that if he really cared we'd end up together, which i now know he didnt care, but i found a few guys who are better. Still its not the same nobody else can make me as happy as my ex did.

 

So whatever you do dont do what i did, i regret not telling him how much i cared all the time, after we broke up and when we were together. But you've already done way more than me to tell her how much you care, so you would have no reason to feel like you could have done more, but of course you still probably would cause dont we always?

 

And your girl might actually,sadly,have a bf but just doesnt feel the same way about him as she does you. I still to this day post sad mes. about my ex, and ive been with a few good guys since him. I miss him and know i'll never love anybody as much as him, but if he tried to get me back i would probably ignore him and act like i dont still love him. Simply because he's hurt me too much, i'll always love him but we've been through too much and i know i cant do it anymore with him. Maybe she feels about the same way as me, maybe she's afraid of getting hurt, feels like you've been through too much.

 

If thats whats going on you need to just keep assuring her that your going to stay around and maybe eventually she'll decide it'd be worth it to give you another shot. Cause i honestly dont know how long i would be able to take before going back to my ex, even as strongly as i feel about not going back to him, if he was telling me the things you tell her i'd eventually give in.

 

Okay now we'll try to go back to your thread, not that i mind at all it just may be confusing.

Edited July 27, 2010 by Menafee

[mythologymajor]

hey, i am really sorry that ur thoughts have gone to ur ex... and i am sorry things did not work out as u wanted with him... it sounds like u still really really care abt him, but at this moment unable to do anything abt it but try to move on... out of respect to ur original intention of this thread, i will not talk abt him anymore here, but if u want to share more abt this, perhaps we can do it on my thread...

 

Yeah my problem right now is nothing compared to yours, it seems kind of pathetic compared to yours. So im just going to suck it up ask him and not worry about it anymore, whats the worst thats going to happen i wont move in?

 

The fact that u mention u have to suck it up to do it indicates u r nervous and apprehensive abt this, but u have to consider that he might also be feeling the same way and as such dare not ask again, in fear of another blow... if the both of u dare not bring it up, i think the situation is liable to go south fast...

[Menafee]

You have any advice on how to ask him? Were not officially together and thats why we stopped talking originally because he didnt want a relationship or commitment. I'd feel better if we were together but im scared to bring it up again, since thats why he ended it before 4 the same reason ya no? Im going to do it, otherwise i'll regret it, but i just need help on how to ask/bring it up. And i need to find a place to move soon too, so maybe that would help?

[mythologymajor]

Hmm... if u're not officially together yet, isn't it a bit early to think abt moving in together? Do u think that's the best thing to do?

 

And unless i got it wrong, i think he sort of 'ended it' the previous time because u posted something that hurt his feelings and that was his way to respond... It might be that he withdrew that time becos of this, not becos u wanted more commitment... didn't he eventually come back? And wasn't he sort of giving u a hint when he offered for u to move in?

 

Since u already need to find a place to move, doesn't that give u the perfect excuse to talk abt it? I mean, not asking directly abt moving in with him, just bring up the subject of you needing to find a place...

 

Since he did bring it up, he has indicated that he is willing to submit to your wishes, if he appears reluctant to follow thru, it might also be becos he feels it's a bit early in your relationship? But he wants you, that's why he mentions it, he's just a bit apprehensive... Anyway, i think perhaps u might just bring it up, but not put pressure on him, u know?

[Menafee]

Yeah he stopped talking to me because i hurt his feelings, i just never relized thats really why before you mentioned it before. And then after i mentioned that to one of our friends she said my facebook mes. was why.. funny how she forgot to mention that before..

 

But i keep forgetting thats really why its been almost 3 months of thinking it was commitment.

 

And it is early to be thinking about moving in together but im really desperate right now for a place to live, and we were friends before we were anything else so that should hopefully help.

 

I can be confusing by how i word things weirdly, ive known him quite a bit longer than 7 months but he was just a friend. Then we eventually lost contact. I got with my ex a few years later and they were good friends. Although i didnt start talking to this guy again until a few wks after me and my ex, his friend, broke up the last time. Then like 2 or 3 months later i hungout with him again after all these years and liked him alot. That was about 7 months ago and i consider that the first time i met him because it seems like the first time i ever actually saw him ya no?

 

And since im looking for someplace to live, and hes looking for a roommate that should be perfect so i really shouldnt be freaking out about it like this. Im just way nervous so im sorry about that.

 

Im also a little bit jealous i guess..? I dont know if that would be the best word but anyways since he posted that he's looking for a roommate like 7 girls have said their looking for a place, he hasnt said anything back to any of them..yet which could be a good sign..? Or not he might have now, but i know i dont want him to live with another girl! Which def. isnt a good reason to want to move in even more but i cant help it im a human female.

[mythologymajor]

Sorry, i must have missed the part abt him looking for a roommate... that changes the situation doesn't it? i had thot that he was taking a commitment step by suggesting u move in with him, but he's actually needing to find a roommate... but still, if he does not reply to the other girls but offers it to u only, it's still a step towards commitment i guess... and if this were the case, u keeping quiet abt it is telling him loud and clear u r not really interested... u shouldn't be waiting for him to ask again - he's waiting for you... appearing to not care one way or another will to him be another perceived rejection... u shouldn't wait any longer...

 

btw, how do u know he's not answered to these other girls? is all of this taking place on facebook?

[Menafee]

I dont think i mentioned that part before.. i didnt think it was important..

 

But he posted two days before he asked me that he was looking for a roommate, which doesnt make sense because he doesnt have a problem with bills and always says how much he likes living alone. I thought about joking and saying i'd move in with him when i saw it but i didnt. But for some reason, maybe im just conceited, but it feels like he put it up for me to see. Im probably wrong but thats how it feels to me.

 

ANd yes its on facebook, he only replied to his sisters message saying his older sister should move in by saying "ha liv your funny" didnt even mention the other girls. And theres nothing in his phone because i uh..cheaked his phone..

[mythologymajor]

Why don't u just reply back on his fb saying u r interested then? that way, if he was joking, u can say u r joking back... if he was serious, then he can take it as a serious reply...

 

and i uh... noticed how ur posting count was going up beyond the 2 threads i know of, and just took a look at ur other postings... and picked up further pieces of the jigsaw hahaha.... guess we could never possibly put up everything on one thread, it'll be a novel... that's why i had also been gradually fleshing out my situation, although it's only to an audience of 1 (but an invaluable 1 )...

 

i guess the rest might be right abt it being early to move in together, i did mention it b4 also... they did help u visualise what might happen if u do...

 

and, looking at the population over at dating, i am thinking of getting my big head-busting question over there to hopefully get more responses... ur insights have been invaluable - u r an exact duplicate of my girl... u've been a great support over the last 2 days... hey why the heck do i sound like i'm breaking up with you?!! hahahahaha maybe i c ya over there also ok...

[Menafee]

Ha you do sound like your breaking up with me. I put the same one up in dif. places if i didnt get good enough advice, it works. And i do relize its going to be too early and i thought that before but its what i want so of course im going to end up doing what i really want anyways ya no? I guess im kinda stubburn, once i decide something its hard for people to change my mind. And the people that do know both of us together dont think there would be any problem, so thats important too.

 

And i dont get on fb like most people so by the time i saw it i'd feel weird for replying so much later because he does get on all the time so theres quite a few posts since then. Im just going to talk to him tomarrow, hopefully, and it may be easier because the job i've been waiting for just called me today, so having a job will make it easier.

[mythologymajor]

yeah, i am kinda stubborn too... its ppl like us who keeps staying longer in the fire than is wise and end up getting roasted. But i strongly believe the world needs ppl like us .

 

stay cool, ok... hope it turns out well... let me know how it goes....

[Menafee]

it seems like awhile since i had time to reply..

but anyways i agree that there needs to be stubburn people, i'd rather be stubburn and fight for what i want then be a push-over. It can get us in trouble but it can also pay off.

 

And as for the guy i tried to talk to him lastnight and he's not responding to me at all! So im guessing he's mad at me and not talking to me again. I may see him in a couple hours though, im hoping he's going to go paintballing with our friends i know his bestfriends going. So im going to go too because i've never done it, i want to see him, and right now im mad at him so i think it might be fun to shoot him with some paint.

 

Im not really sure what to about him though. It seems like i have to say the right thing or else he just stops talking to me. I wish he would talk to me about it but i know he's scared, and so am i. So what i've been wondering all night is basically Can two scared emotionally impaired people really have a successful relationship? I find it nearly impossible to open up to him or even tell him i love him back, which i really do. And when i dont say what he wants to hear he doesnt talk to me he just ignores my messages. I dont know what to do its 10 am and i wasnt able to sleep at all lastnight because i was too upset. I feel like my heart got ripped out of my chest, and i just wish there was some way i could know how he feels, and im sure he's thinking the same thing

Edited July 31, 2010 by Menafee

[mythologymajor]

Are u saying he's mad and not talking to u becos u made him wait too long for a response?? But u did get to talk to him, rite? Weren't u even able to start a conversation in that direction? Wow hey... that's not a nice response from a guy... i mean, if u are already taking the initiative to try to talk to him, he's being immature abt it...

 

I see u getting into a situation that is almost the same as mine, just that u are starting, and i am at the end of mine... i guess that's a good thing, becos hopefully u can get good advice and input here (if not from me, then others) and successfully navigate your journey... unfortunately for me, i came looking for help way too late...

 

I was in (perhaps still am) in a similar situation... i always get the feeling that i am getting punished when i do or say the wrong thing, and i always seem to be doing or saying the wrong thing. But that was becos i did not have the understanding of her fears. You are in a better position becos u have hopefully recognised the real problems...

 

R u saying he's told u he loves u? How did u respond? If u were indifferent and stayed out of touch for days, his reactions might be understandable... I suspect u r getting the mixed signals all wrong... if the guy says something to you, and then appears to have changed his mind later, it's probably becos he's reacting to how u responded. He's not going to change the way he feels or forgets abt what he told u so soon... like i've said b4, if it's mostly silent treatment, his feelings might have been hurt.

 

I had stayed silent and left my girl alone too, when she had hurt my feelings and when i got scared abt getting hurt even more... If she came to me but does not talk abt the real issue, i will also be confused and hesitate to bring it up becos i will be thinking she does not want to talk abt it.

 

If u tried to talk abt it, then u are already doing more than my girl did... But, if u did try, and he still prefers to stay silent, then that's not reasonable... it might be that he's actually in an immature sulk. All this while, we've been speculating whether he is scared... well u can test it out by trying real hard to talk to him... if he's still the same, we have to start thinking maybe he's not scared. I mean, if my girl were to suddenly try to talk abt the issues we are having, no matter how scared i am and how hurt i've been, i'm not going to give her the silent treatment. I'd want to talk abt it properly so that it doesn't hurt anymore. Maybe there's something else going on in his head... maybe he's insulating himself from hurt so much that u can't reach him, if this is the case, it'll really be tough for you... Or might the fact that he's close to ur ex explain anything?

 

The way u describe him ignoring ur msgs - it's the same how my girl ignores my msgs, but have u hurt him like the way i've hurt my girl? In my case, i think her ignoring me, no matter how painful for me, is understandable.

 

i am sorry u r hurting, i know how it feels.... just hang in there...

[Menafee]

I havent really tried talking to him about it i just asked him what he was doing later that night, and he didnt respond which is what he did last time before he ended it. And he has told me he loved me a few times, ive always just pretended i didnt hear him, its nearly impossible for me to say i love you 2 and it shouldnt be because i do. I want to say it back ive just never been able to say it out loud to any guy ever.

 

I want to talk to him about everything but its not something i want to send in a text message. I think it's something i need to talk to him about in person, while were both sober. Thats one of the biggest things for me is that when we actually talk one of us is always way drunk, i dont remember the last time we were both sober together.

 

I understand that telling a girl you love them and them not responding is a big deal and i dont blame him for being mad at me. But i dont know how to talk to him about it if he wont respond to my messages. Basically all ive done so far is text him with no reply and put up some facebook messages i'll post my messages. i was sad and then got mad later.

 

"I wish you knew how much i care about you and want to be with you all the time! I hate not hearing from you, your all i ever think or talk about! I was having a really good day and now its ruined cause i just wana see you" at 3am

 

"I wonder about at what age does a guy stop running away if we dont say the right thing at the right time. It was very unexpected and i never say the right thing, but this time i actually did its not my fault it got taken as a sarcastic answer. And quiting talking to someone cause they hurt your "feelings" is really immature." at 7am

 

I said the immature thing because of our first and only fight he told me i need to stop being so immature, he's apoligized a thousand times and always felt bad about it because he's not a mean guy and doesnt like hurting people. I really dont think its a big deal i am 5 yrs younger than him so naturally im going to act my age, which i do. But 4 some reason whenever im mad at him i always bring it up cause i know he feels bad about it..he feels bad when he fights with anybody, he really is a really nice guy.

[mythologymajor]

Wow, pretending not to hear him say he loves you would really hurt, and would hurt even more if u stay quiet abt it for days... to a certain extent, i symphatize with the guy, cos i know how it hurts when something lke this happens. He can try to cut himself off from feeling anything so that it doesn't hurt anymore, that's why he's ignoring you. I guess u really have to make an effort to show him u love him back too... if u are unable to respond to him in kind in person, i personally don't think it's inappropriate to do so by text, or even facebook msg... obviously, u can't do that now, becos he's gotten hurt by the last time u 'ignored' him... doing so now might even make it look like u saying stuff like this becos u are desperate for him not to walk out on you, so he might suspect u r not being honest, just desperate.

 

Why can't u say to a guy i love you? is it a commitment thing? Are u able to do it indirectly - email, text, etc?

 

I think it's something i need to talk to him about in person, while were both sober. Thats one of the biggest things for me is that when we actually talk one of us is always way drunk, i dont remember the last time we were both sober together.

 

I think this says a lot abt the communication issues the two of u have... why do u think u can only talk properly in this situation? Is it that u are only comfortable when the other is drunk and therefore less guarded? Is it so that you have the safety net where if the response from the other is not what u were looking for, u can blame it on the alcohol?

 

 

I understand that telling a girl you love them and them not responding is a big deal and i dont blame him for being mad at me. But i dont know how to talk to him about it if he wont respond to my messages. Basically all ive done so far is text him with no reply and put up some facebook messages i'll post my messages. i was sad and then got mad later.

 

Him not responding to your messages does not mean he's not getting / reading them. I suppose it all depends on what u say in them... if he's already hurt, i fear hitting back at him when he's not responding will not exactly make the situation better... i mean, my girl does not respond to my texts either, but i know she is reading them... that way, i hope to slowly rebuild her trust in me. I don't mind anymore that she doesn't respond because i know i hurt her real bad and i deserve this punishment, but at least i know she does respond in her own way, thru her MSN posts...

 

I used to get mad when she ignored me, and what i did was to stay away and not contact her - thereby making the situation worse. i suppose that's a way to cope when getting hurt, and to let the other know that u've been hurt in this way... but, perhaps there comes a certain stage in a relationship, when it's not good to do it this way anymore, no matter how easy it is to do... I'm sorry u r hurt, but what u posted were impulsive, and from the 2 facebook msgs, the first one - it's just not enuf when he's said i love you... and making him feel bad won't help either... as for the 2nd... i guess u were hurting... that'll just add fuel to the fire... next time u guys have a fight, this will be another item that can be brought up to fight over...

 

I can't tell u not to be urself, cos that won't be fair to you... if u have to bend over backwards to reach out to him, it should only be because u feel it is the right thing to do - that he is the one, that all his reactions are justified due to the way you've treated him. If u really feel strongly abt this, then u will have to try to change some of the way u interact wth him, especially on the way u convey your hurt by lashing out at him... it should be a 2-way process, but someone has to get it started... if u feel strongly enuf abt him, it looks like u will have to suck it up and be the strong one here...

 

I dun think u r immature, u sound very much the opposite... may i ask how old u are?

[Menafee]

Wow, pretending not to hear him say he loves you would really hurt, and would hurt even more if u stay quiet abt it for days... to a certain extent, i symphatize with the guy, cos i know how it hurts when something lke this happens. He can try to cut himself off from feeling anything so that it doesn't hurt anymore, that's why he's ignoring you. I guess u really have to make an effort to show him u love him back too... if u are unable to respond to him in kind in person, i personally don't think it's inappropriate to do so by text, or even facebook msg... obviously, u can't do that now, becos he's gotten hurt by the last time u 'ignored' him... doing so now might even make it look like u saying stuff like this becos u are desperate for him not to walk out on you, so he might suspect u r not being honest, just desperate.

 

Why can't u say to a guy i love you? is it a commitment thing? Are u able to do it indirectly - email, text, etc?

 

I've never actually told a guy "I love you" in person, no guy ever. And how does he know i didnt actually hear him, he always says it quiet and i never know if thats what he actually said or not, and if i ask him "what?" he says "what?" then i say "duh what'd you say?" and he says "what did you say?" thats how it always goes so how do i know he actually said it or he said something different and i just wanted him to say it?

 

What if last time he really did stop talking to me because he had been thinking and didnt want a relationship, not because he was hurt? I really feel like he just doesnt care, maybe never did even though he claimed he did. Maybe he just hoped i'd sleep with him sooner if he claimed to care, but then why did he wait so long for me? He could have about anybody he's very good looking and its been driving me crazy how everytime he posts anything on facebook all these different girls always comment! He doesnt reply but i hate it!

 

And the latest update is on Sunday i texted him, i wanted to ask if he's ignoring me again and tell him how immature and dumb he is and how much i cant stand him right now, but i didnt even though i really wanted to. I decided i'd try and text him one more time, that'd make twice which is my limit. He did text me back and said he was on his way to his moms and then asked me whats up, which is weird like he thought i needed something important or something? Neways i said i was looking for applications cause i really needed to move out soon and it sucked. All he said is "ha i bet" I said yeah and that i'll talk to him later when he's not busy and all he said was ok. Then bout an hour b4 he goes to bed i text him again, even though i really didnt want to i dont text twice in a day, he should've texted me later! But i did cause i said i'll talk to him later and said " So your birthdays this weekend?" And he never texted me back and still hasnt.but that was yesterday..

 

I knew his birthdays this Friday ive been dreading Friday knowing he's going to a huge bon fire where a bunch of really slutty girls are going to be and im not invited! There going to be all over him because its his birthday and i hate it!

 

So i just posted "I hate that i love you so much and you wont even text me back half the time! I cant do this anymore im not strong enough, i quit. I was fine during our break, why did you have to put me through this all over again?!" about an hour ago and i really dont think i can do it anymore.

 

I went out on a date with this Addam guy whose a really good friend on Sunday and it was the perfect date, except for the fact that he wasnt david I cried when i got home because it made me miss david so much more! Then today i went out to eat and to a movie with this Sean guy, which the only good thing about this date was the movie. I hated seeing all the happy couples they reminded me of the happy times with him which just made me sadder.

 

 

I think this says a lot abt the communication issues the two of u have... why do u think u can only talk properly in this situation? Is it that u are only comfortable when the other is drunk and therefore less guarded? Is it so that you have the safety net where if the response from the other is not what u were looking for, u can blame it on the alcohol?

 

The reason we only talk when were drunk is because we both drink alot, in fact i dont remember the last time i went a day without drinking. I usually go through about 3-5 bottles a week and he's at about 2-4. We both drink way more than we should, but for the last few years thats the only time im happy, unless i was with matt, david, or even jake..but you havent heard about him he's way out of the picture. It's nothing about how we communicate its just a drinking problem, although i usually do feel more comfortable going to his house while im drunk. I dont know if its because i always feel ackward just walking in when im sober or because im kinda shy when im sober, but while im drunk im fun and outgoing.

 

 

Him not responding to your messages does not mean he's not getting / reading them. I suppose it all depends on what u say in them... if he's already hurt, i fear hitting back at him when he's not responding will not exactly make the situation better... i mean, my girl does not respond to my texts either, but i know she is reading them... that way, i hope to slowly rebuild her trust in me. I don't mind anymore that she doesn't respond because i know i hurt her real bad and i deserve this punishment, but at least i know she does respond in her own way, thru her MSN posts...

 

 

I just ask what he's doing nothing out of the ordinary. And i did listen to your advice about not hitting back, even though i really wanted to, and he actually text back but nothing really great but i was way happy to hear his ringtone. Its amazing the feeling i got when i heard he texted me back, i dont remember it ever being that strong when matt used to text me..

 

And i wish he would respond some way, i just get nothing! I cant help but to think he was with another girl on Friday and thats why he never texted me back! I hate this jealousy thing im not very used to it!

 

I used to get mad when she ignored me, and what i did was to stay away and not contact her - thereby making the situation worse. i suppose that's a way to cope when getting hurt, and to let the other know that u've been hurt in this way... but, perhaps there comes a certain stage in a relationship, when it's not good to do it this way anymore, no matter how easy it is to do... I'm sorry u r hurt, but what u posted were impulsive, and from the 2 facebook msgs, the first one - it's just not enuf when he's said i love you... and making him feel bad won't help either... as for the 2nd... i guess u were hurting... that'll just add fuel to the fire... next time u guys have a fight, this will be another item that can be brought up to fight over...

 

Thats kinda where im at right now, just giving up. I dont think i can keep trying and being hurt i just want to quit. I really wish i could see him one last time so i could explain how i feel and tell him i cant do this anymore if this is all were ever going to be and this will be the last time. But i really cant unless im with him! I just cant do it anymore, it seems like the second time is way harder then the first. I just dont understand. And the thing is i we went 2 months without any contact and i after about a week i was fine, i stayed distracted. Then one day out of no where i was layin in bed and cried because i missed him and that next morning when i woke up i saw he text me for the first time in 2 months wanting to know what i did the night before. It seemed like we suddenly missed eachother on the same night..

 

I can't tell u not to be urself, cos that won't be fair to you... if u have to bend over backwards to reach out to him, it should only be because u feel it is the right thing to do - that he is the one, that all his reactions are justified due to the way you've treated him. If u really feel strongly abt this, then u will have to try to change some of the way u interact wth him, especially on the way u convey your hurt by lashing out at him... it should be a 2-way process, but someone has to get it started... if u feel strongly enuf abt him, it looks like u will have to suck it up and be the strong one here...

 

I dun think u r immature, u sound very much the opposite... may i ask how old u are?

 

I really do love him, ive never been THIS miserable in my life! I was down when i lost Matt but not like this. It feels like everything about us is perfect together. Im 21 he'll be 25 in 4 days, i accidently said he was 5 years older before but i meant 4.

 

And also i forgot to say the only actually "fight" we had was when i was being immature by not giving him his lighter because i didnt want him to smoke, the real thing was i was drunk and he was sober and grumpy. But besides that we havent even had any arguements he just doesnt talk to me. And the one time he made me mad was when i went to my friends going away party and he agreed i could come over there at 7am, she dropped me off on her way to airport, so i could sleep. Then when i got there he was laying on the couch and wouldnt let me lay with him because i asked if i could come over to sleep in his bed not the couch. So i said fine and went to bed upset, although i tried not to show it. But he kept coming jn and waking me up every half hour by kissing me on my forehead and sometimes he'd stay and lay with me a couple mins. before he left. But everytime he went back out he'd kiss my head!

[mythologymajor]

I've never actually told a guy "I love you" in person, no guy ever. And how does he know i didnt actually hear him, he always says it quiet and i never know if thats what he actually said or not, and if i ask him "what?" he says "what?" then i say "duh what'd you say?" and he says "what did you say?" thats how it always goes so how do i know he actually said it or he said something different and i just wanted him to say it?

 

What if last time he really did stop talking to me because he had been thinking and didnt want a relationship, not because he was hurt? I really feel like he just doesnt care, maybe never did even though he claimed he did. Maybe he just hoped i'd sleep with him sooner if he claimed to care, but then why did he wait so long for me? He could have about anybody he's very good looking and its been driving me crazy how everytime he posts anything on facebook all these different girls always comment! He doesnt reply but i hate it!

 

He might be having the same issues with communication as u do... maybe it's difficult for him also to say out loud how he feels... and, if u really didn't hear him, why do u think it might have been 'i love u', instead of anything else? Once u have the answer to that, why then do u think he'd say something like 'i love you' if he didn't want a relationship?

 

From what u have shared here, i get the feeling he cares abt u, but he really is very sensitive and easily hurt and sulk. i get the sense he's trying, but easily discouraged... if u know anyone close to him, u can try to ask a bit abt what kind of person he is... it might explain a lot...

 

And the latest update is on Sunday i texted him, i wanted to ask if he's ignoring me again and tell him how immature and dumb he is and how much i cant stand him right now, but i didnt even though i really wanted to. I decided i'd try and text him one more time, that'd make twice which is my limit. He did text me back and said he was on his way to his moms and then asked me whats up, which is weird like he thought i needed something important or something? Neways i said i was looking for applications cause i really needed to move out soon and it sucked. All he said is "ha i bet" I said yeah and that i'll talk to him later when he's not busy and all he said was ok. Then bout an hour b4 he goes to bed i text him again, even though i really didnt want to i dont text twice in a day, he should've texted me later! But i did cause i said i'll talk to him later and said " So your birthdays this weekend?" And he never texted me back and still hasnt.but that was yesterday..

 

Again, another example of how the two of u are not saying out what needs to be said. I am in the same situation with my girl... the difference is that the 2 of u are still talking to each other, even though not abt what's really on your minds... if u were forward and direct with him last time and now suddenly seem to have changed, he might be confused and actually hurt by the way u just go on abt trivial stuff, by the time u get to something meaningful, he's already so hurt that he's not going to respond in any positive way.... thats close to what happened with me and my girl...

 

I knew his birthdays this Friday ive been dreading Friday knowing he's going to a huge bon fire where a bunch of really slutty girls are going to be and im not invited! There going to be all over him because its his birthday and i hate it!

 

So i just posted "I hate that i love you so much and you wont even text me back half the time! I cant do this anymore im not strong enough, i quit. I was fine during our break, why did you have to put me through this all over again?!" about an hour ago and i really dont think i can do it anymore.

 

So how come u r not invited? i understand why u reacted the way u did... it's hard n i m sorry... but it is good that u managed to put in the L word... maybe he'll get the msg... it'll really dampen the bonfire for him

 

But, do be cool... text him to say sorry abt the outburst, when u have cooled down, ok... hopefully b4 the birthday bash... tell him sorry abt ur outburst, tell him to enjoy his party, and say u regret not being there with him.

 

I really do love him, ive never been THIS miserable in my life! I was down when i lost Matt but not like this.

 

That says it all, doesn't it? From how u describe what's been going on, he does care also. U need to decide if he is worth fighting for, and then fight for it! U need to learn to talk to him, and help him to talk to u too...

Edited August 3, 2010 by mythologymajor

[Menafee]

He's said it a few times that i've thought i heard. I know for sure he said it once, but that was right after sex so i dont count that. Im sure he's said it, im just worried maybe i heard him wrong. I do know people close to him but no one i can talk to about him. Its kind of complicated in our group of friends, everyone either wants me to be with david or they want me to be addam. I've told them and talked to addam about how i dont like him more than a friend and he said its okay he's always here to be my friend and likes hanging out with me as just my friend.

 

So the only other people who really know david would be his bestfriends tyler and matt. And obviously i really cant ask matt because he's my ex. And tyler's not a guy who talks about things like that, our conversations basically consist of video games, drinking, and food. And up until the last time i hungout with tyler i always thought he didnt like me. He doesnt not like me but im still unsure of what he thinks about me and david being together. From what i saw last time though i dont think he hates the idea.

 

 

Im worried he'll think im talking about someone else in my facebook messages. I said how i hate how girls always comment on his statuses, well im sure he feels the same way. That last one i put up 4 dif. guys commented on. I want to tell him how i feel but i dont want to have to squeeze everything i feel in a text that can only hold 150 letters. How am i going to explain in that amount of space?

 

And im not invited because his only sibling that i havent met is the one throwing the fire. Since we dont know eachother of course im not invited. The only way i could go is if i showed up with my friend addam, the one some others want me to be with, so that wouldnt be good. He may think i decided i want to be with addam after all, which i really dont. I wish david would put up some messages that actually mean more then he's cleaning the house today, but he doesnt thats usually it.

[mythologymajor]

I do know people close to him but no one i can talk to about him.

 

I know whr u r coming from abt not being able to talk to ppl abt someone... but u dun really have to have a serious talk abt him, u know? Maybe just keep it light and casual, talk abt other stuff but do it in a way that allows u to fish out information without being too obvious abt it... what u want to find out is if the guy (david) is the type who acts the way he does in certain situations (if they say yes, then u can say that he is that way, it's nothing to do with you) - i guess u will have to work out how to go abt it...

 

 

Im worried he'll think im talking about someone else in my facebook messages. I said how i hate how girls always comment on his statuses, well im sure he feels the same way. That last one i put up 4 dif. guys commented on. I want to tell him how i feel but i dont want to have to squeeze everything i feel in a text that can only hold 150 letters. How am i going to explain in that amount of space?

 

I've read here and there abt ppl not wanting to use email in certain situations, may i ask why u don't want to think abt email?

 

And im not invited because his only sibling that i havent met is the one throwing the fire. Since we dont know eachother of course im not invited. The only way i could go is if i showed up with my friend addam, the one some others want me to be with, so that wouldnt be good. He may think i decided i want to be with addam after all, which i really dont. I wish david would put up some messages that actually mean more then he's cleaning the house today, but he doesnt thats usually it.

 

That explanation somehow doesn't wash with me... if david cares abt u, he'll invite u obviously... it looks as if he's sulking, that's not cool, especially if it's an event like his birthday... he really does come across as a bit immature this way... he's a guy after all, and u have to reach a stage where u've gotta wonder, u know? i mean... he's sleeping with u, but he won't invite u to his birthday bash?? sulking is fine, but u r a man, u know? Do u want to see a guy pout at you half the time that u r together? Hopefully he will prove me wrong and do something abt this Friday... I can see that u've tried, i don't see what else u can do - the ball is in his court now, isn't it?