Kareno Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 I will try to keep this short. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years. I was widowed 4 years ago and he was separated in 2007, he is not divorced. They have no children but still have contact - how much, I'm not sure. In the beginning of our relationship he called me by her name a few times and he says that is because they rhyme - Sharon(her), Karen(me). The first few times he did this I would just correct him and say my name is Karen. After two years I would think that it should be my name that comes to mind first - After all, it rhymes no matter which way you say it. A few weeks ago he called me by her name again and the worst was this past weekend. We were with my family and he called me by her name at least 5 times in the course of the night - talk about embarassing!!! He even at one time stated when I first met Sharon....he didn't correct himself so I said to my family, he means Karen. Needless to say I was very upset and he basically told me that I was being unreasonable and if I wanted to be mad about something like that there isn't anything he could do about it. I asked him how he would feel if I started calling him by my late husbands name and he said that would be fine if his named rhymed. In any event, my thinking is that he is not over his relationship with her(they are still legally married because she has the insurance) and that she is obviously on his mind. Like i said, I would think that after this amount of time with me, it should be my name that comes to mind first. Thoughts??? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Next time you are having monkey sex scream out some guy from your past and tell him how great it is.. He should get the point.. I've been where your guy is... Here are my thoughts.. a couple of times and not long after meeting and no more.. It sounds like he is in more contact with her than you realize and it also sounds like he is carrying a torch. 2 YEARS.. pfffff what a dunce.. I called my now wife by my ex-wifes name a couple of times for the same reason.. they are similar and then my brother married a girl with the same name as my ex-wife. The fact that her name was always somehow in my life made it tough for me to totally forget it and not make the mistake. I did however only make that MISTAKE a couple of times and never in the company of her family. That is why I think he has more contact than you realize. He is way off base if he thinks he can continue to call you by his ex's name in front of your family and think he is not wrong.. Time for a coming to Jesus meeting.. Lay him out.. By the way.. he should be apologizing profusely.. It isn't like he just messed up your name with a random name... Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 A couple of slips can happen, and I don't think it means anything---out of habit sort of thing. My SO's name rhymes with my ex's and on a few occasions I've almost said the wrong name. However I was aware that I almost slipped up. I agree with Art. To say her name that many times and to your family even and THEN not even be conscious of it...is a bit suspect to say the least. No kids, huh? Then why are they even in contact-aside from the insurance? How does he explain it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kareno Posted July 26, 2010 Author Share Posted July 26, 2010 Thanks guys. Sometimes you start wondering if you're the crazy one for feeling a certain way and you just need an uninvolved parties input. He has never really explained why there is still so much contact. He has always told me she is a nice person and I did meet her once and she did seem nice. I did question once how he could consider her such a nice person when he was the one with her and helped raised her kids and when one of them was recently graduating college, he wasn't even invited. Be that as it may, the whole incident embarassed and humiliated me and I just don't know what to do with these feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 That dude needs to get serious and be more careful. I'm a guy of course but rhyme or no rhyme I know women are touchy about being recognized for who they are as individuals. I can't see being so blasé about such a personal thing--embarrassing you in front of your family. I don't blame you at all for wondering if your family were thinking to themselves: "effen moron, get it right fer chrissake". Just start calling him "whatever" or "whoever". See if that doesn't make him feel the seriousness of what he seems to trivialize as a mere detail. Link to post Share on other sites
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