Has anyone here had a successful fwb relationship?

[justagirl09]

That goes for guys and girls. I am just wondering because I have been seeing this guy for a while on a fwb basis. Kind of on again off again, but mostly on. We see eachother every so often, get together, watch movies, cuddle, sometimes go out to eat, talk to each other often, etc. He is emotionally unavailable. He has issues, but it doesnt make him a bad guy, its just things he has to work on in his own time and I understand that. I have self esteem issues, have goals I want to achieve as does he. I have had to pretty much clear my mind of any fantasy of him and I being together so that I don't get completely attached to him. But he is a caring guy, and we have such a great connection and bond together, and right now it works.

 

I know fwb only work for so long, but just want to hear other peoples experiences.

[Narf]

From my experience... RUN! I had a guy that was like yours... had issue but never worked through them and i think it is cause i was there... 4 years later i finally saw what everyone else did... He wasnt going to change... And i helpped him not change by being there and putting up with his treatment of me...

 

It has been over about 4 months now and i can say my self esteem is way way better, im not getting angry at myself for thinking and feeling things. We are still friends but dont see each other or txt that often. i honestly think silence would be the best thing for me but it is hard and i know he has issues and me ignoring him totally would hurt him cause he doesnt understand.

 

Maybe that is an excuse on my part... but anyways being in the grey was horrible and emotionally and mentally draining. Sometime i would feel used... others i would feel like it is only a matter of time before he sees our potiental.

He never did... and me ending it... he still didnt see it but was very angry at me for treating him that way.

 

I dont regret ending it in the slightest, i miss him and i think about him a fair bit (but it is getting less), but it was right for me, staying did damage that i wish i could of proactively stopped instead of letting it get to the point where i had to pick him or my self esteem...

 

Now im the commitment phobe so i tend to push guys away before i give them a chance to get close :/

[Jilly Bean]

If you have self-esteem issues, and have already had to sell yourself out of the fantasy of him, this arrangement will tear you apart.

 

Personally, I don't know how women can do the FWB thing. My vag is directly linked to my heart, and you don't get one without the other...

[Woggle]

Nothing against FWB relationships but they usually run into a whole lot of problems. I tried to have one with a woman who swore she would never fall for any man and yet she ended up falling for me.

[Feelin Frisky]

FWB relationships aren't for those who Narf seems to be talking about. It's about unattached, uncommitted, uncomplicated affection, and the understanding that both parties are underwhelmed in their other realtionships--some of which they may be married to.

 

I once was a bit of a swinging dick and was just looking for notches on my belt. One of my notches thought I was way into her more than I was. I then felt the need to change and wanted to settle down and marry. I went back to school at night while I worked on Wall Street in NYC during the day to give myself perhaps some better earning potential. I met someone I deemed to have what I was looking for at school and was not at all considerate of those who were putting the notches on my belt up to that time. I just decided to do my thing breaking communication and not labor through explanations or I'm sorries or what have you.

 

There was one who as I said was getting the wrong impression and she cried when I coldly broke it off. I felt for her but I wasn't in love with her.

 

My relationship with the girl I met in school bombed and she was not to be my wife after all. In my sense of disappointment and quandry as to what to do next, either by accident or by her own design I ran into the one I'd given the wrong impresson to. She had told me she went on with her life and was involved with a guy whose job took him away on business quite offten. I was surprised but she forgave my selfishness and we became FWBs.

 

Most of the time she would contact me and I lived in Manhattan where she worked but she actually lived in Jersey City NJ. She would come over and sometimes we'd have dinner or see a movie but each time we'd always have the complete range of get yer ya-ya's out sex. No questions asked.

 

Afterwards most of the time I'd put her in a cab and have her driven to the Path Train at the World Trade Center. It went on for a long time until I moved to Long Island and getting together was not the sinch it once was. But we were both satisfied to have each other in our lives--friends with benefits with no illisiousn that we were going to the alter. I miss her.

[D-Lish]

That goes for guys and girls. I am just wondering because I have been seeing this guy for a while on a fwb basis. Kind of on again off again, but mostly on. We see eachother every so often, get together, watch movies, cuddle, sometimes go out to eat, talk to each other often, etc. He is emotionally unavailable. He has issues, but it doesnt make him a bad guy, its just things he has to work on in his own time and I understand that. I have self esteem issues, have goals I want to achieve as does he. I have had to pretty much clear my mind of any fantasy of him and I being together so that I don't get completely attached to him. But he is a caring guy, and we have such a great connection and bond together, and right now it works.

 

I know fwb only work for so long, but just want to hear other peoples experiences.

 

This is a typical fwb relationsip. It works for one person, but not the other (you). One person will always hold out hope while the other simply means what they say when they are honest about not wanting a relationship.

 

These r's rarely work out for the person doing the pining. You think because he has the capacity to cuddle that you can change him- but you can't.

 

You're looking for signs that it can work out when it most likely won't. You're reading into things when he has told you not to.

 

He's dedicating himself to you when he wants sex, but never outside of that. You have a choice- demand better for yourself, or move on.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I have only had one that worked perfectly. As the song goes.. we had one thing in common, we were both good in bed. We did not hang out unless it was going to lead to sex, we did not talk on the phone, or cuddle, or any of that stuff. When we were in the mood, one would call the other and we'd go at each other like animals. If we didn't hear from each other for a while it was no big deal and had no effect on either of us. We liked each other, but dating? Nah, neither of us was interested on that level.

 

Now, that was a FWB - it seems like what you have is more like 'dating with no commitment', which is often called 'FWB' but is actually much more emotionally involved than that. You are the 'ungirlfriend'. It is like constantly having a carrot dangled in front of you that you will never actually reach.

 

You are setting yourself up for pain here - and trying to block your emotions won't work but I suspect you already know that.

 

Enjoy it for as long as you can endure the pain.

[Odyssey]

FWB? To him maybe. But for you, "watch movies, cuddle, sometimes go out to eat, talk to each other often", you're basically dating! I hope i'm wrong, but it will only end in tears the more emotionally invested someone gets (and it's likely to happen if you're 'dating'). My sentiment is the same as most posters here - move on! Learned my lesson awhile ago - enjoy it while it lasts 'cause it won't lasts forever.

[tigressA]

I had a successful FWB and it went basically the same as Lucrezia described hers, only we did talk often outside of the bedroom and I was in his circle of friends--I had dated one of his closest friends for a time. I haven't seen him in a few years due to relocating after college, etc, but we're still friends and talk every once in awhile. We got along pretty well, were sexually attracted to each other, but were never interested in dating each other, so it worked perfectly.

[2sure]

I have, no problem. But without the passion of an intimate relationship it gets dull fast. Then, when you want to revert to friends without benefits...it can be a little irritating.