Guest46 Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Ive posted a question earlier this week but Its not on here now.I need some advice about my marriage.Ive been with my husband for 8yrs married for 2yrs.He just left over seas for the military hell be gone for 1yr.I just recieved our phone bill for his cell phone I noticed several long distance phone calls which come to find out there his ex`s which lives in another state ,he said before he left that she was a psycho and didnt know why she wrote him a letter.So I left it alone I wasnt happy and I told him that.But then 2 days before he left he was text messaged I never saw the message just the area code he deleted the message it wa from the same state as his ex.He blew it off when I asked said he hadent a clue who would be text messaging him.so i left it alone again.he has no children with this ex ,him andI have one together.After he left a friend of our ended up telling me he plans on when he gets back from over seas flying to this ex`s state and seeing her before he comes home to his family.what should I do Im hurt upset and confused about this ex.Why would he fly around the world to see her before me?The only way anyone would have his cell number is if he gave it to them.Why would a guy stay the weekend with his ex and not his wife first.Help me? Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 I'm pretty sure you know why he's doing this. His ex is manuipliating him to come back to her. When my brother was getting divorced, his wife didn't want anything to do with him. Once she found out he found someone else & was happy, she tried her hardest to get him back. It all came to light when I saw him & his soon to be ex wife kissing. I had a 'talk' with his gf about this. It was the best thing even though it might've been outta my place, because it brought the issue to light and my brother was finally able to see what his ex-wife was trying to do. But, it takes two to tango, and your husband has a brain. He's being selfish, disrespectful, and more or less you can say he's cheating in some ways. Confront him on the issue about the phone & the friend. Better yet, call that number you see on the phone bill and have a talk with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest46 Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 thank you for your advice i know the number is hers cause i called the cell phone company and it gave me the name the phone was registered to her,so there for he had to give her the number. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Hi. I replied on your first thread and noticed it had gone. It's probably a glitch but do report it if you want to. My first thought is that I would not want him back at all. I do think, however, that you need to make sure what the friend was saying is true before you act on the information. If you can find out the address you could turn up there or you could talk to both of them (I would go for the latter). I would also contact him while he is away and tell him he is history if he visits her. Am I right in thinking he said something about impregnating her? It's unlikely but the discussion may have occurred within the context of infertility - not that this would make it OK. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest46 Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Yes meanon something was said about impregnating this ex of his .but why? shes married also with a family.i dont want ot make a mountain out of a mole hill i think thats right .so upsetting about the calls he made the texted messages. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 I thought the ex had no kids. I don't think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. It must be so hard not to be able to sort it out with him now - will he be away for the whole year? Could you write and ask him to request leave in these circumstances? You need to talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest46 Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Meanon the ex does have childen with her husband but not with mine.he may only be gone for up to 8months but his orders were for 365 days all i know is he said when he back is when hes back.he cant leave i know that much.why would he say such things about his ex .is there more than he wants to admit.i kow im taking a word of a friend but shes a mutual friend of ours.but theres still the calls made from his cell and the text messeges which i never got too see .i did walk in one time when he was on the phone and i over heard him say something like i want to see if we still have the passion between us.when i confronted him he said i over heard wrong but i dint over her him wrong.. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Thought I would add my thoughts.... Why dont YOU call her? I was in a simular situation, my husband cheated on me with my younger sister's friend while I was preg and didn't tell me until recently, a year and a half after the incident, and I wanted to know EVERYTHING so I went on switchboard.com and found her number (you already have the ex's) and called her. Now, I know you will probably not be told the complete truth from the ex, but at least she knows you know something is up! This was one of the first things I did, I just HAD to let the &^$#@ KNOW that I KNEW and I think you would feel better knowing she knows you're on to something. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest46 Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Why would he say amd do all of this an ex of all things? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest46 Posted February 11, 2004 Share Posted February 11, 2004 I called her i got no answers she claimed she didnt know what i was talking about I called her this evening.but the calls were direct dialed from my husbands cell phone to her home phone.Why would he say all that?Does he ant sex?He has that at home and yes i give it too him all the time Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 11, 2004 Share Posted February 11, 2004 Why the ex? Maybe because she's available. It could be all talk but the plans to visit there would suggest there may be more to it. You won't get the answers you are looking for until you talk to him. Relationships can recover from this but only if there is honesty and the will to make it work. He has lied to you before so prepare to be tenacious in your search for the truth and protect yourself and your child as best you can. Do not seek to blame yourself in any way, rather be prepared to listen and trust your instincts. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest46 Posted February 11, 2004 Share Posted February 11, 2004 meanon:thank you but it just is depressing why her shes married with children and makes matters worse he hasent seen her in years they were engaged to be married long time ago .but im his current wife and with his child.things just dont add up.i thank you all for listening and helping me through this tough time i appreciate him defending his country and all but he also has a family too. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted February 11, 2004 Share Posted February 11, 2004 OK I'm not sure you will want to hear this and I may be wrong but if he simply wants sex with another woman than she would be a fairly safe bet. It sounds as though she has indicated she is available. She is in a relationship so she's not going to become dependent on him, demand he leaves you etc. He could feel it's no strings sex on offer and some men would find this hard to turn down, even though they may love their wife and not want to jeopardise their family. In short it's because he can and because he thinks he can get away with it. But remember - it may not have happened yet. Maybe he would have had second thoughts, maybe he will come to his senses when he realises he may lose you. All is not lost. Be strong, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted February 11, 2004 Share Posted February 11, 2004 Originally posted by Guest46 I called her i got no answers she claimed she didnt know what i was talking about I called her this evening.but the calls were direct dialed from my husbands cell phone to her home phone.Why would he say all that?Does he ant sex?He has that at home and yes i give it too him all the time She's married, and she's carrying on some type of relationship with your husband...you're his wife calling her to ask what's going on. You likely caught her way off guard. She sure isn't going to want to admit to anything, lest you decide to contact her husband and share what you know. She obviously lied through her teeth. You have the cell phone bills to prove it. Shame on your husband. So who pays the cell phone bill? I'm going to assume that you're the one who pays the bills. If it were me, I'd do something wench-like and either stop paying the bill (which might not be good because that could affect his credit)...or I'd call up the cell phone company and cancel the phone. That would really put a wrench in his ability to converse with her. I'd do that in a heartbeat, but I guess if the phone is in his name, they might not do it? You should look into it? When you called her, did you flat out tell her that there's tons and tons of times her phone # has showed up on your husband's cell phone bill.....I mean, how the heck could she deny that? I wonder, too,if you could call the cell phone company and request that a block be placed on the phone..so that no calls can be made to that number (hers) and no calls FROM that number can get through to the cell phone. Not sure if that's possible, it's worth asking. Of course this isn't going to fix what's going on here, but with him being gone, I'm not sure what else you can do at this point.....except the next time you're talking to him, confront him. Get out the phone bills and count how many time her # appears on the bill. Tell him you wondered WHO the heck this number belonged to, was it some kind of mistake? (play dumb)....so you called and found it it was hers. Ask him what the hell is going on. He deserves to know that you're not a dumbarse and that you're onto all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest46 Posted February 11, 2004 Share Posted February 11, 2004 I called her again telling her i have several numbers of hers on my husbands cell phone all she said is do u trust your husband then why dont u ask him not me and hung up. Link to post Share on other sites
Helpme2004 Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 sorry to hear that about your husband all you can do is wait until he gets back and confront him then until then just go on with your life for u and your child. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts