bolase Posted July 27, 2010 Share Posted July 27, 2010 Hi I posted this in the dating forum but I guess this is the right place. Am I acting like a bad girlfriend or is this justified? I have a dilemma. I met a guy at the bar where I work last week, who I found very attractive, and he thought the same about me as my coworker told each of us - but I never planned to do anything about it, as I've been with someone for 3 months and it was recently made official - I really like my boyfriend. In the last couple of weeks though, things have gone downhill with bf - he's extremely devoted when we're together, always offering to do things for me and though he's very quiet he is VERY attentive, however: he is also very distant, we hardly ever actually meet up to do stuff, I always make the effort to drive to his. He has been making comments about other girls who add him on facebook, and when I go out, he asks me whether I will think of him. Just little insecurites that do irritate me but I have gotten used to them. He honestly feels like home to me, I really like him, but our communication kind of sucks, despite effort on my part, I think he just gets into mind blocks where he expects things to happen without any effort! I am a fairly confident girl who has never experienced this level of insecurity to make such comment in a guy..I want to give him loads of attention but it's as though he thinks I am perfect, and don't need it in return. So last time I was working at the bar, last weekend, my boyfriend was meant to meet me after work and was going to take me out for dessert, his suggestion. I waited there 3 hours after finishing and he didn't message me until 1am to ask how I was. that was all. I told him where I was and got NOTHING back; was pissed off, but at the same time as fate would have it... i'd been talking to the cute guy, who had bought me a drink, and met his friends, who are friends of my coworker. Cute guy and I flirted a lot, and had been talking for hours when my bar closed, so he asked if I wanted to go anywhere else for a drink, which I accepted feeling frustrated at bf and wanting some company. We just talked for another hour, but I felt extremely attracted to this guy..butterflies...yes tipsy ones but it was FUN. It felt like a first date. When I said I was going home, this guy asked me out to dinner this week, and I told him I was seeing someone but had to work it out. He texted later asking if I had gotten home okay - (nothing from my boyfriend still). Worse...I felt excited this next morning. I know my boyfriend would be hurt if I told him this, but what does he expect, to be with me without really bothering to do anything? What to do? Link to post Share on other sites
jsa100100 Posted July 27, 2010 Share Posted July 27, 2010 This passive revenge kinda thing is really playing with fire...I know its fun with the other guy but I've had a friend like this and I really recommend you sort things out with your current bf before doing anything further with the new one. And yes, if you want to really test out the relationship, I suggest you tell him what you did. Honestly might not be the easiest, but its the best way and gives the best chance to be happy in a genuine, truthful relationship. Besides, if you got with the new guy like this, would he respect you? He might feel insecure later... Hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted July 27, 2010 Share Posted July 27, 2010 It sounds like you're more into the new guy than your boyfriend. Seeing as you've only been together 3 months, I would just tell boyfriend that things are not working out for you and you want to break up. There is no need to tell him that you met someone else. If after 3 months you are already noticing multiple things that make you unhappy or frustrated, I'm not sure it's worth trying to work it out. Plus you are happy about having hung out all night with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted July 27, 2010 Share Posted July 27, 2010 What is official, the ONLY thing official in any relationship, are mge. vows---you are not tied to the guy you have been dating for 3 months, you are just going out----you are free to do anything you want I suggest you tell the 3 month guy, that you still feel the need to date others, and let it go at that See how the 3 month guy reacts to your going out with others, some of his insecuruties and other things you don't like may change, or maybe he will just disappear. What you need to do, is to just go out have fun, and be with who ever you want, when ever you want Don't miss the fun part of life, of being with and meeting new people Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted July 27, 2010 Share Posted July 27, 2010 What is official, the ONLY thing official in any relationship, are mge. vows---you are not tied to the guy you have been dating for 3 months, you are just going out----you are free to do anything you want I suggest you tell the 3 month guy, that you still feel the need to date others, and let it go at that See how the 3 month guy reacts to your going out with others, some of his insecuruties and other things you don't like may change, or maybe he will just disappear. What you need to do, is to just go out have fun, and be with who ever you want, when ever you want Don't miss the fun part of life, of being with and meeting new people That may be true for you, but it isn't true for everyone. If you agree to an exclusive and committed relationship with someone else, that means you aren't dating others or seeking out anybody else for a romantic connection. If you're not okay with that, then don't agree to it with somebody else. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 27, 2010 Share Posted July 27, 2010 Am I acting like a bad girlfriend or is this justified? you really have to ask that question when you are disrespecting your bf behind his back? and if you are using his less than attentive behavior as an excuse to justify developing some sort of connection with another guy, then why don't you just break up with bf? what is it about people that think of straying just because another pretty face shows them attention?? IMO you are not mature enough for a committed relationship. maybe best not to be in one until you are. Link to post Share on other sites
jsa100100 Posted July 27, 2010 Share Posted July 27, 2010 you really have to ask that question when you are disrespecting your bf behind his back? and if you are using his less than attentive behavior as an excuse to justify developing some sort of connection with another guy, then why don't you just break up with bf? what is it about people that think of straying just because another pretty face shows them attention?? IMO you are not mature enough for a committed relationship. maybe best not to be in one until you are. Wow I sense some resentment. Haha honestly though i didn't want to say it Dexter has some really good points. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted July 27, 2010 Share Posted July 27, 2010 When I said I was going home, this guy asked me out to dinner this week, and I told him I was seeing someone but had to work it out. He texted later asking if I had gotten home okay - (nothing from my boyfriend still). Worse...I felt excited this next morning. If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you. If you cheat with him, you'll cheat on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 27, 2010 Share Posted July 27, 2010 Wow I sense some resentment. Haha honestly though i didn't want to say it Dexter has some really good points. resentment? sure. Whats not to resent about people that disrespect others and hurt people in real life? I always have good points, just may not be with the flair someone likes. The truth is usually like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted July 27, 2010 Share Posted July 27, 2010 Me thinks you needn't continue this three month relationship at this point. It'll just waste your time along with his. Link to post Share on other sites
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