A huge mess

[Tony]

If you cannot make your response directly related to the original post, or related to other posts which relate directly to the original post, THEN PLEASE DO NOT POST AT ALL. Many thanks for your cooperation.

[Mimolicious]

I honestly don't see what is the point of delivering a religious sermon on here. Yes, I am a believer. I pray, go to church, etc and yes I also had an abortion when I was a young adult. Am I sorry for it and asked for forgiveness? Yes. Do I regret it? Not my decision. I did what was right for me and also right for my family. I was not going to make my mother responsible for my mistake. I am a parent now and my kids are my life but they came at a time when I was prepared to receive them to offer them a proper life. My exH and I still give them the best life we can.

 

I also know that through out the entire bible there is one little message spread... "Only God can judge us". So it is a bit hypocrital that the same ones that go around preaching are the same ones to condemn.

 

God forgives us for our sins but who's to judge us?

The Pro life- Pro choice subject gets old... It is not up the person THAT is not in the situation to decide.

[califnan]

I honestly don't see what is the point of delivering a religious sermon on here. Yes, I am a believer. I pray, go to church, etc and yes I also had an abortion when I was a young adult. Am I sorry for it and asked for forgiveness? Yes. Do I regret it? Not my decision. I did what was right for me and also right for my family. I was not going to make my mother responsible for my mistake. I am a parent now and my kids are my life but they came at a time when I was prepared to receive them to offer them a proper life. My exH and I still give them the best life we can.

 

I also know that through out the entire bible there is one little message spread... "Only God can judge us". So it is a bit hypocrital that the same ones that go around preaching are the same ones to condemn.

 

God forgives us for our sins but who's to judge us?

The Pro life- Pro choice subject gets old... It is not up the person THAT is not in the situation to decide.

 

--------------------

 

We are not supposed to be complacent when we think that an innocent could be in danger..

[herenow]

I really can't believe that there is so little regard for human life...the baby is a baby period...if the government gives a "choice" to jump off a bridge are you going to do it? Just because it's legal doesnot make it right.

 

The most dangerous place for a baby in this day and hour is the mothers womb...a very sad state we live in. Very discouraging.

 

So, getting back to Noelle and her situation like Tony asked us to. Noelle is a human and worthy of the right to make decisions for herself and her body. I'm surprised at how little regard you have for Noelle and her right to choose.

 

It's quite obvious based on the number of babies born everyday that not everyone chooses abortion. So, your comment about the womb being a dangerous place is not quite right IMO. There are many more dangers right here on earth, but to list them would be off topic and I like to listen to Tony as much as I can.

 

So, Noelle, you made a mistake and you now have a decision to make. Only you can make that decision. I think you have gotten a large spectrum of opinions here and I hope it has been helpful.

 

And, because it's legal, it makes it right. It is called choice for a reason. You choose to live your life the way you want. Just because you think something is right, doesn't mean it's right for anyone else. Also I don't know how old you are pure, but before abortions were legal, women got illegal abortions that endangered and/or killed them. I would hate to see that happen again.

[GreenEyedLady]

Noelle I assume you are savvy enough to know that you are simply witnessing pro choice v no choice.

 

And lets face it. Most 20 year old university students (and I said most not all) who have babies in this situation dont end up with university degrees. They end up with careers well below their potential struggling to make ends meet, and secretly spend a lot of time wondering what might have been if things had gone differently.

 

Is that what you want for your future? You would miss out on your youth. You dont deserve that. Thats not what you want for yourself and I cant imagine its what your parents want for you. Dont let the romantic fantasy sway you into a bad decision. This isnt the 1950s. You arent stuck. You have a choice.

 

She does have a choice and one I believe should be made by her. Not influenced by EITHER camp, and your last paragraph is just as damaging and meant to sway as the religious posts.

 

This is N's life, her body and choice. It is not for anyone else to promote an agenda.

 

OP, only you can decide what is best for you. What does your heart say? If it says that you cannot provide for a child, what is it that you feel you should do?

 

This is a world full of choices. Only you know the choice you will be able to feel good about. Abortion, adoption and parenting. They all have pros and cons. You know yourself. No matter which you choose, the people who love you, will always love you and support you. Lean on them. Talk to them, seek their counsel.

 

You're young. You have so much life ahead of you. Now you determine your path.

 

You are in my thoughts. I know it is a difficult decision and is not one to be made lightly.

 

GEL

[herenow]

She does have a choice and one I believe should be made by her. Not influenced by EITHER camp, and your last paragraph is just as damaging and meant to sway as the religious posts.

 

This is N's life, her body and choice. It is not for anyone else to promote an agenda.

 

OP, only you can decide what is best for you. What does your heart say? If it says that you cannot provide for a child, what is it that you feel you should do?

 

This is a world full of choices. Only you know the choice you will be able to feel good about. Abortion, adoption and parenting. They all have pros and cons. You know yourself. No matter which you choose, the people who love you, will always love you and support you. Lean on them. Talk to them, seek their counsel.

 

You're young. You have so much life ahead of you. Now you determine your path.

 

You are in my thoughts. I know it is a difficult decision and is not one to be made lightly.

 

GEL

 

Agree, agree, agree. Just like the good old days GEL.

 

However, I don't think JJ meant any harm by what she said. I think it's food for thought. I also think that all the other posters have their right to voice their own opinions. It's still up to Noellle to decide.

Edited July 28, 2010 by herenow

[califnan]

 

And, because it's legal, it makes it right. QUOTE]

 

-------------------------

 

Disagree. The baby can feel pain, has a beating heart.

[herenow]

 

And, because it's legal, it makes it right. QUOTE]

 

-------------------------

Disagree. The baby can feel pain, has a beating heart.

 

 

So you say. I have proof that Noelle can feel pain and has a beating heart. Why isn't her right to choose how she lives her life important? No one is telling you that your choices are wrong. Why are you telling others that they should not have the right to choose for themselves?

 

This thread is about Noelle and helping her deal with a pregnancy she didn't plan for. Whatever choice she makes will be right for her. Why can't you at least give her that much consideration? If she has read this thread she has seen all sides and the best we can do is support her decision whatever it is.

 

Good night ya'll.

Edited July 28, 2010 by herenow

[califnan]

 

 

So you say. I have proof that Noelle can feel pain and has a beating heart. Why isn't her right to choose how she lives her life important? No one is telling you that your choices are wrong. Why are you telling others that they should not have the right to choose for themselves?

 

-------------------

 

Because the baby has a right to live out his or her life.. And babies are wanted.

 

And you certainly could tell me of my wrong choices .. and I would explain or defend .. Although I already do know of the choices that have affected my life in one way or another up to now..

 

Complacency on my part would be wrong..

[carhill]

Hi OP....

 

One of our regular members went through a similar decision process, though from different relationship circumstances, earlier this year, and posted and received support throughout her decision process. Here is the thread if you'd like to read it. I'm sure she'd be happy to talk with you privately.

 

I'll echo those who suggest speaking with a professional counselor who deals with these issues, whether through your school or privately. S/he can help you see your potential paths clearly and provide resources to better understand them, as well as accept the reality of the here and now in a healthy way. Since it appears you have a healthy family life, have goals and are self-supporting, I'm sure this will all work out. You've learned a lot. Make use of those lessons now. Best wishes

[pureinheart]

 

 

So you say. I have proof that Noelle can feel pain and has a beating heart. Why isn't her right to choose how she lives her life important? No one is telling you that your choices are wrong. Why are you telling others that they should not have the right to choose for themselves?

 

This thread is about Noelle and helping her deal with a pregnancy she didn't plan for. Whatever choice she makes will be right for her. Why can't you at least give her that much consideration? If she has read this thread she has seen all sides and the best we can do is support her decision whatever it is.

 

Good night ya'll.

 

Watch the movie "Silent Scream" and then tell me unborn babies don't feel the pain of their bodies being ripped apart inside the mothers womb during an abortion. Noelle, please get the facts and make an educated decision based on the facts.

 

I think most of you would change your minds if you knew how abortions are actually performed...I challenge you to look at the real facts. They are quite devastating though, worse than any horror film you have ever seen.

[noelle303]

Whoa, ok. I'm reading every single one of the replies, thank you.

 

I just want to say, termination IS an option for me. It is... I'm sorry to everyone who believes otherwise if I offend. But thats my stance.

 

I just need to choose the option I can live with for the rest of my life. And my head is buzzing and swaying different directions every 5 minutes.

I'm sick and hormonal and just in turmoil.

 

My friends were here last night and are also telling me that abortion is probably the best option. And I know that it's the best option but it's just a difficult option to choose.

 

So can I ask you to please, please not post about babies flushed down a sink and heart beating and nails scratching?

 

I texted MM (married man, right?) last night and told him we need to talk. He called me back and was quite worried we hadn't spoken in over a week. So he agreed to come over to my place tonight or tomorrow, depends on when he can take time off of work.

[herenow]

 

I think most of you would change your minds if you knew how abortions are actually performed...I challenge you to look at the real facts. They are quite devastating though, worse than any horror film you have ever seen.

 

OK, back from dinner and I'm seriously tired but I want to say this one thing.

 

Even if I was totally against abortion in every way, it really makes no difference. I never said that abortion would be the right choice for me or you, I said that it's Noelle's choice to make for herself. What I believe and what you believe are irrelevant.

 

The fact is, women in this country have the right to choose and that right is yours, mine and Noelle's. I will defend that right as long as I can. I'm sick of people thinking that pro-choice is pro-abortion. Pro-choice allows individuals to make the best choice for themselves. Noelle, please make the best choice for you.

[herenow]

Whoa, ok. I'm reading every single one of the replies, thank you.

 

I just want to say, termination IS an option for me. It is... I'm sorry to everyone who believes otherwise if I offend. But thats my stance.

 

I just need to choose the option I can live with for the rest of my life. And my head is buzzing and swaying different directions every 5 minutes.

I'm sick and hormonal and just in turmoil.

 

My friends were here last night and are also telling me that abortion is probably the best option. And I know that it's the best option but it's just a difficult option to choose.

 

So can I ask you to please, please not post about babies flushed down a sink and heart beating and nails scratching?

 

I texted MM (married man, right?) last night and told him we need to talk. He called me back and was quite worried we hadn't spoken in over a week. So he agreed to come over to my place tonight or tomorrow, depends on when he can take time off of work.

 

Best of luck Noelle.

[noelle303]

 

 

 

 

ESPECIALLY the bolded!

 

Additionally, why should the parents of the irresponsible 20 year old have THEIR lives turned upside down by their daughter's actions? Yes, they may definitely want a grandchild, but I highly doubt they want their lives to come to a standstill so they can financially and physically support another child THEY didn't plan.

 

 

 

 

Turned upside down? I will not pawn the baby on to my parents. I will not move back home and take advantage of their roof and their resources. I will not sit at home while they go to work to feed my child.

 

I'm talking about a little bit of help from them. Every parent at some point gets some help from their parent. Whether it's with babysitting or splitting the cost of a car seat.

Don't jump to conclusions. I'm not stupid (no matter what the situation I'm in is) and would NEVER EVER let someone else pay for the consequences of my actions.

 

And if I truly would have been completely reliant on my parents, then I would certainly make the decision whether to keep the baby or not together with them.

[seren]

Hi Noelle, I haven't trawled through all the thread, but sounds like you are in a bad place. I had an abortion when I was 13, doesn't matter what the circumstances were, but I had one. I carry the memory of what could have been with me each and every day, but it was the right choice. There will always be people who are for or against abortion, the graphic descriptions aren't helpful to you at this time, the decision must be yours, after careful consideration as to the difference it will make to our future and any future you could give a child. I don't know part what the MM plays in all this, but if you decide to go ahead, he will be a part of your and your child's life for good, that includes support. As a parent, if my son came home and told me that he was to be a father, then he would have our support 100%, if that meant raising the child until he or the mother could take over, then that would be OK. They are your parents, only you know what would be acceptable for them and you.

 

No one gets pregnant alone (well maybe in todays test tube technology world) but in your case it took two and it is just not on that you are going through all this alone. Being a lone parent is possible, hard, but possible. Starting a new life after termination is possible too, hard, but possible. Whatever you decide will be a hard choice and I hope you have support to help you to make an informed decision.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Sweety, I didn't mean to imply that you would shirk your resposibility off to your parents, I meant that they could help you make the best decision for you and be there for you emotionally. As the mom of a 22 year old daughter I would want to be there for her if she were in a situation like this.

 

I know MY daughter does not want kids (at the moment) and has a hard time feeding her own animals, so for HER, I would know how to counsel. There would also be the need to deal with the situation she had gotten herself in RE: MM.

 

I warned her about MM when she entered the "real" work place a few years ago. They are out there and seem to target young woman, and I believe while willing, you where a victim of this.

 

If you terminate, make sure you see a professional...possibly ask your own OBGYN for referals. This really is a time to have mom by your side. Good luck.

[noelle303]

Sweety, I didn't mean to imply that you would shirk your resposibility off to your parents, I meant that they could help you make the best decision for you and be there for you emotionally. As the mom of a 22 year old daughter I would want to be there for her if she were in a situation like this.

 

I know MY daughter does not want kids (at the moment) and has a hard time feeding her own animals, so for HER, I would know how to counsel. There would also be the need to deal with the situation she had gotten herself in RE: MM.

 

I warned her about MM when she entered the "real" work place a few years ago. They are out there and seem to target young woman, and I believe while willing, you where a victim of this.

 

If you terminate, make sure you see a professional...possibly ask your own OBGYN for referals. This really is a time to have mom by your side. Good luck.

 

 

I know... I just don't know if it's fair to put them also through this turmoil, especially if I don't go through with the pregnancy.

While my parents would support me, they are also quite conservative, you know?

 

Oh man... do they have counseling at abortion clinics? Counseling you go through before you reach a decision?

[Ms. Red]

I know... I just don't know if it's fair to put them also through this turmoil, especially if I don't go through with the pregnancy.

While my parents would support me, they are also quite conservative, you know?

 

I don't blame you for how you feel conflicted about your parents. I'm double your age and I still hide things from my parents. I've grown up with ordained ministers from all sides of my family. The strict guidelines with no room for human error has only pushed me away.

 

Oh man... do they have counseling at abortion clinics? Counseling you go through before you reach a decision?

 

Yes they do offer counseling before and after. Any reputable clinic that is. If you are in the states please start with Planned Parenthood. Here's the link to their website and a quote from their site about counseling:

 

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

 

Counseling and Education Services

 

Counseling and education specialists are available to all women and their families before and

after an abortion. Specialists assist each woman in understanding the impact of her pregnancy

based on her current life situation, help identify and explore all options available so that she can

make the best possible decision, offer the opportunity to get additional counseling through

referral to other agencies and provide information regarding her reproductive health care, birth

control methods, pre-natal care, and other related health issues.

 

I have my own views about abortion but you have not asked to debate your options. You have come to us to talk about your situation and find out what options are available to you. You have asked questions about the abortion option and I have provided them because it is a legal option here in the states. Planned Parenthood happens to be a place that offers abortion among other options available to you. I was involved with them years ago and attended meetings and cast votes for future plans in my local area. They are a great source for information for what you are going through.

 

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope you find peace in the decision that you make. Hugs and prayers to you

[califnan]

Turned upside down? I will not pawn the baby on to my parents. I will not move back home and take advantage of their roof and their resources. I will not sit at home while they go to work to feed my child.

 

I'm talking about a little bit of help from them. Every parent at some point gets some help from their parent. Whether it's with babysitting or splitting the cost of a car seat.

Don't jump to conclusions. I'm not stupid (no matter what the situation I'm in is) and would NEVER EVER let someone else pay for the consequences of my actions.

 

And if I truly would have been completely reliant on my parents, then I would certainly make the decision whether to keep the baby or not together with them.

 

---------------------

 

Noelle,

 

As I mentioned, my grandson was born out of wedlock..

 

My only regret is that I too, work. His father and I have had him at our work from beginning months, and at nine he has been in daycares - before school..

 

He is Not a reflection of these circumstances .. .. He only Glows with happiness and love, beauty.

 

As your parents - I too am conservative... You have no idea how upset I would be had I not had 'choice' in the matter..

 

When I take him to the park and see him interact with other children, he is so Personable .. he really stands out .. He is going to be a great man.

[Minnie09]

This is patently disgusting.

.... .......

Inform the MM and TOGETHER make a decision.

 

I wouldn't call it disgusting, as I doubt the MM's primary focus would be the unborn's well-being. Or Noelle's well-being. I'm assuming his main focus would be on himself and his wife and two young boys, and on keeping his existing family intact. Take it one step further and - if you really want to make a politically correct decision - you would have to involve MM's wife in the decision, as she also has a "right" to know.

 

As far as I understand, OP is going to talk to him soon, and he will be informed, which is fair. That is a good start. It may clear her head and give her some relief.

[TinaniT]

Having only read your first post, not the thread.

 

1. Yes, absolutely talk to him. This is his child.

 

2. No, don't let him make the decision for you. Offer his opinion but don't let him get pushy and go over your needs.

 

3. I am prochoice. However, I would counsel you to consider keeping it or putting it up for adoption before another option. Of course, you know your own life so you decide but my friends who have had abortions have uniformly regretted it or had a really rough period after it where they treated themselves very poorly in one way or another... Not saying this is universal among everyone, it certainly is not, but it is something to consider and consider yourself. This is serious. I only put a highlight on this because one friend of mine was sure she'd have no problem with it and ended up really hurting.

 

4. I also would tell your parents either way because whether you keep it or not, you will need emotional support in the coming months. If not your parents, make sure a tight group of reliable people (I know some of your friends even those who love you might bail under pressure because you are so young and they can't understand) And their response might help you make your decision. I know if my son, grown, was in a problem, I would help in what ways needed to make sure he and his partner can get on their own two feet and support a child the way one deserves. Could their help or lack possibly change your mind?

 

5. My son was a "mistake." And while I regret being with his father because of it, nothing has made my life better than being a mother.

 

 

I hope you find the decision that is best for you and makes you happiest in the long term, whatever it is (Please don't feel I'm saying it must be one to do so, just sharing experiences of those I know - I'm sure you'll get plenty of others too!)

 

But I do firmly believe MM deserves to know.

[RedDevil66]

 

--------------------

 

A human from the beginning..

 

"a bunch of cells" is term that abortion clinics use to make $$$

 

You obviously have never taken a Human Anatomy course.

Besides, I live in Canada, where abortions are no charge.

[RedDevil66]

----------------

 

I said there are no fresh starts with abortion.. Most women who have aborted, will remember it forever..

Yours and my interpretation of how a baby should be embraced - has Never been a reason to kill the baby beforehand - so a woman will not have to "deal with it" ..

 

really? and have you interviewed most of these women.

I don't remember mine, I was 21 and was relieved to get it done. Never ONCE did I regret it and I knew I was not killing a "baby" as you say.

It's NOT a baby! It's a baby when it starts to form.

 

 

Why don't you right wing radicals realize reality?!

[RedDevil66]

----------------

 

I knew a few men who was raised in orphanages.. They are Happy to be alive!

 

As for the lechers who perform 'legal' abortions .. You will not run out of them .. But the 50 million legalized abortions ... God had good intentions for His babies.. ..

 

Are you kidding me? ! I know and hear of stories all the time about the NIGHTMARE in orphanages. And kids being sent from foster home to foster home.

Come on!!!!!!!!!

 

Yeah God, if God had such good intentions, then little children would not die of cancers, or there would be no wars.

I'm SO HAPPY my God is a realist :-)