sadie Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 hi, glad i found this page maybe someone can help me sort my head out. Basically about 4 months ago me and my bf of 3mnths (I'll call him Dan) split up because he said he couldn't handle a relationship and needed to be single. At the time a he wanted to just be friends, infact he was quite demanding that for now we had to be friends even though I told him I couldn't be only a friend. I also let him know that I wouldn't be hanging around waiting for him which seemed to annoy him. So I stayed out of his way for the last 2-3months, erased numbers to avoid temptation to txt etc. But he txted me most weeks asking if I was still talking to him, gonna be his friend and that he missed me. I began going out with someone else about a month after we split but didn't tell him because I hadn't seen him and didn't see the point of pushing it in his face..but he found out somehow and went mad which was unexpected. That relationship ended after about a month!! But atleast I felt I was over dan. I had heard that he'd gone out with another girl for less than a month, which did bother me abit but I was cool. So I decided that I would be fine if I bumped into him at some point, so I started going out to the places that we've both always gone. In fact the first place I went was a club that all my friends and dan goes to. And i saw him, spoke to him and all night he kept coming up to me for a chat, play fighting etc. And I realised I wasn't quite as over him as I thought. The relationship had been hard because I'd gone after him and he was always distant...I think I was alittle too intense and he constantly blocked me out. Anyway I ended up back at his flat and one thing led to another, but it was so weird because It was so natural And he seemed like he really wanted be with me, whereas during our relationship he seemed reluctant to do anything, which surprised me because he does have a reputation. Anyway, all the way home he was apologising for how he treated me, that everytime it went well he messed it up almost on purpose cause he was scared. He reckoned that it was so scary becuase he felt liked he'd kinda found his wife and he couldn't handle it! Well I found this abit scary myself cuz i'm only early 20's. The next morning I left and all was fine. the next day i rang and he said he thought it was a mistake but didn't want to talk about it. I of course wanted to get back with him. It took me nearly a week to find out from someone else that he'd met another girl the previous week who hes now going out with. So why did he mess about with me if he cares about my feelings and he likes this new girl? Its really messed my head up because he broke up with me so he could be single, during our relationship he didn't want to have sex really but he'll go elsewhere now. Spending the night with him seemed really special but then he freaks out again! I'm 7 years younger than him, I'm not britney but I'm not bad looking and I just feel totally rejected! He said that I was too nice and he felt like he was doing something wrong when he was intimate with me. Anyway, if he doesn't want me, I would rather just avoid him and get on with my life, but he is still txting saying he misses my company and he's sorry etc... What I don't get is that he says he really get on with me (and doesn't with most people) he can tell me things he can't talk to anyone else about and he does fancy me. So then why do I have to be just a mate. My problem is that even though I get asked out quite abit I can only see him. No one else measures up. Sorry for the lengthy message!! My question is really, what is going on in his head. We've been through enough drama-most people would just forget being friends and stop the contacting. Some friends have told me hes just scared of how he feels for me, others say he respects me too much and because he can't committ or get too serious at the moment, he wants to be my friend....Apologies again - Any Insights? Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Give people a second chance but not a third. You've only been fooled once. Good for you. You have given him one chance to reunite. Good for you. It appears you have done everything according to the New American Version of Dating in the 21st Century Laws and Entitlements. You have followed the laws of love, but it still didn't work out. In other words, you did good. You got over him once before, you can get over him again. Evidently he is still not emotionally available or emtionally mature. You however, are a goddess. Best of luck... Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 ps... Rent The Diary of Bridgett Jones, get a pint of ice cream, and a box of tissues, have one night of "pity party", then move back to where you were before the smuck did it. You deserve much better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadie Posted February 11, 2004 Author Share Posted February 11, 2004 Thanks for your advice! So why is he so desperate to be my friend? he has a new girlfriend, he has buddies so why does he kkep on contacting me, drawing out all the drama? I can't work out what goes on in his head!! Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted February 11, 2004 Share Posted February 11, 2004 Because some people want, no thrive, on getting what they cannot have! Emotional immaturity. There are basically 4 emotions. Love Fear Anger Hurt If you come from love, base your inner spirit in love, do your best, then your life will be happier than the other three emotions. I think people like him come from fear. I've come from hurt before, and all I end up with is a relationship filled with more hurt. I've been angry and bitter before, and it only leaves me with a relationship that grows angrier. They say like attracts like. I think coming to loveshack, trying to figure out what happened and dealing with it is a healthy response. God bless loveshack. But, trying to figure him out will probably be futile. If you can move forward positively, then you will be better off than him in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
LikkleMissConfused Posted February 13, 2004 Share Posted February 13, 2004 he won't let go of you because you are too nice to him! COME ON GIRL HE HAS USED YOU! Sleeps with you and then you find out he is seeing someone else. He is emotionally confused and messed up. It sounds liek he adores you as a person but has no respect for himself, his own feelings and you. Please if he contacts you the only way you will be able to get rid of him is by saying P*SS OFF! its harsh but you don't want to be treated in the way he has treated you. Yes you derserve much better. SOmeone who appreciates your kindness. Take care Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadie Posted February 13, 2004 Author Share Posted February 13, 2004 Thanks Guys. Your advice has been really great!! Link to post Share on other sites
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