Social Ineptness

[Eve]

Well, I would disagree with this statement. I don't feel or even look old. Heck I don't even ACT like I am old. It's just a fact of life that I am in my early 40s now and never married, no kids. It does tend to make you wonder where you screwed up. And aside from my head scar, I look the same (and even better) than I did before.

 

That said, I notice some social ineptness especially at boot camp workouts where there are always new girls there. I mean, I'm not oogling at them or anything, I just try to start up conversations and they go nowhere.

 

It's quite easy to wonder internally "Do I have leprosy or something?!"

 

I think you are doing a bit of soul searching. Please be aware that even if you had the things that you stated are absent.. you would still be searching. I dont think we ever stop searching!

 

Well, thinking as such is how I have protected my mental health throughout my life really...

 

To me, it does sound like you are ready for a new transition and making sense of the past is part of this.

 

Keep talking.. maybe something will jump out?

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[CaliGuy]

I think you are doing a bit of soul searching. Please be aware that even if you had the things that you stated are absent.. you would still be searching. I dont think we ever stop searching!

 

Well, thinking as such is how I have protected my mental health throughout my life really...

 

To me, it does sound like you are ready for a new transition and making sense of the past is part of this.

 

Keep talking.. maybe something will jump out?

 

Take care,

Eve xx

 

Thanks. I've always looked at each new interaction as something that is always an opportunity to meet the RIGHT woman. That is the way I protect myself as a whole (never changing to meet the needs of anyone) and make sure that whoever she is, she is indeed the RIGHT one

[AD1980]

Im in the same boat,i just dont know what to talk about with strangers and i get paranoid that im gonna say the wrong thing and there gonna think im weird..It hurts me with women allot and why i rarely approach and hit on them..

 

Wheter its strangers or friends and family im also much more talkative and open when its just a one on one convo or just a few people..

 

Im kinda laid back and quiet when its a big crowd and i seem to get swallowed up and watch other peoples conversations and feel left out and get more self conscious about what i say around a larger group....

[GrayClouds]

Most of us are idiots but if you do not point it out in yourself most people do not see it because they are trying so hard to hide theirs.

 

Just do the "Dane Cook Method", no matter how stupid, how unfunny, how ignorant that thing you just said was act like the complete opposite. They will either love your confidence or think that it was their inadequacies for not getting it.

 

 

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[silverfish]

Yep, that is me. I have the tendency to have some social ineptness. Not because I don't know how to talk to people overall, just not understanding how to talk to someone NEW. So new people in new situations create, more often than not, awkwardness.

 

This is why most of the time when I meet someone new it's a colossal failure. It's why first dates, hanging out with new friends, etc almost always ends up with us not being friends.

 

I'm wondering what causes this and how to fix it because at my age, this still shouldn't be happening.

 

I dont consider it socially inept to end up mostly not being friends with people that I've met recently. I feel lucky if I meet one serious friend in a year, and thats not necessarily going to be someone that will still be around in 5 yrs plus.

 

If you look at it that way, why would it be any different in relationships? Its true its harder to make friends the older you get but the ones you make are more loyal.

[CaliGuy]

Most of us are idiots but if you do not point it out in yourself most people do not see it because they are trying so hard to hide theirs.

 

Just do the "Dane Cook Method", no matter how stupid, how unfunny, how ignorant that thing you just said was act like the complete opposite. They will either love your confidence or think that it was their inadequacies for not getting it.

 

 

.

 

Ah that is good I'll just ignore my own ineptness for now on. Either they're gonna like or dislike me, but in the end does it really matter?!

 

Besides, I had girls checking me out last night so I know even at 41 I am still a hot potato

 

 

I dont consider it socially inept to end up mostly not being friends with people that I've met recently. I feel lucky if I meet one serious friend in a year, and thats not necessarily going to be someone that will still be around in 5 yrs plus.

 

If you look at it that way, why would it be any different in relationships? Its true its harder to make friends the older you get but the ones you make are more loyal.

 

Yes all of my friends are fiercely loyal. Many of them even came and visited me in the hospital more than once. That tells you who your REAL friends are!

[Eve]

Caliguy, at least you are not 'up yourself'... now that is a really unattractive trait to have!

 

My Hubby is really geeky and has an odd sense of humour at times. His palms can also sweat when in social situations where people have too many graces.

 

... He is not perfect but is perfect for me! He is a very thoughtful and sensitive man is all.

 

Anyhow, men age well for the most part, so make this your decade, ok?

 

You've been through a lot with the crash etc and I really am hoping and praying that something good is just around the corner for you.

 

 

Keep that chin up!

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[CaliGuy]

Caliguy, at least you are not 'up yourself'... now that is a really unattractive trait to have!

 

Yeah I don't think I have any of those traits -- and that is a good thing.

 

My Hubby is really geeky and has an odd sense of humour at times. His palms can also sweat when in social situations where people have too many graces.

 

Well I can be geeky on things that I am interested in but not on things I have little interest in. My palms don't sweat either but that doesn't mean I am perfect.

 

... He is not perfect but is perfect for me! He is a very thoughtful and sensitive man is all.

 

That's usually how I am described but to women here in California, at least, that doesn't seem to be an attractive quality. Anywhere else I have been in this Country it's been a positive trait.

 

Anyhow, men age well for the most part, so make this your decade, ok?

 

Will do, thanks!

 

You've been through a lot with the crash etc and I really am hoping and praying that something good is just around the corner for you.

 

 

Keep that chin up!

 

Take care,

Eve xx

 

Thanks again! Hey I noticed you are in France. I had a great time when I went and met the most beautiful, nicest girls ever there. Loved it and I hope to go back again for vacation one of these days!

[Eve]

 

That's usually how I am described but to women here in California, at least, that doesn't seem to be an attractive quality. Anywhere else I have been in this Country it's been a positive trait.

 

Thanks again! Hey I noticed you are in France. I had a great time when I went and met the most beautiful, nicest girls ever there. Loved it and I hope to go back again for vacation one of these days!

 

Do you think it could be that you probably just had a bad few days and seemed to be meeting up on people with simular characteristics that do not blend too well with your own character? Sometimes that can be highly annoying and can drain a person a bit!

 

Or maybe you need a break?

 

I noted that you have said in the general chatting area (I think) that you want to move somewhere else. It could just be a sense of restlessness combined with other stuff that you felt quite astutely?...

 

Are you planning to get away any time soon, even just for a couple of days? This could lend a yet more clearer perspective on things.

 

 

To me California sounds fab! I know someone who lived there for a time and she enjoyed it but said that there was a lot of superficiality in some of the areas and she felt very lonely in the end. I do think this can happen in a lot of places though.

 

Glad you have had opportunity to visit France. I live in the UK mostly but adore the thrown together look and family focus of the French. Plus they kick off if their government tries to mess with them..

 

France is my favourite place at the mo..

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Eeyore79]

I find the majority of people difficult to talk to, because we simply have nothing in common. We try to make stilted smalltalk for a while, and then we both start gazing around, feeling bored and looking uncomfortable. I used to think it was my fault, because other people seem to get on well with each other, just not with me. But then I realised: they get on well with each other because although they don't have anything in common with me, they have something in common with each other.

 

Have you ever met someone who you really have a lot in common with, and conversation just flows? I realised that I'm actually pretty good at talking to someone if we genuinely have something in common; the problem is that I don't have anything in common with the majority of people. Call me a geek, an oddball, an intellectual if you like... what it boils down to is that I don't have as much in common with the majority of people as they have in common with each other. I have therefore realised that rather than berating myself for not being compatible with incompatible people, I should just accept the situation and focus my energies on meeting people who I am compatible with.

 

I still try my best to be sociable and talk to people even if we have nothing in common, because I don't want to be completely rude or anti-social. I just don't beat myself up any more about struggling to talk to incompatible people, because I know that when I do meet someone from that small minority of compatible people I'll have no trouble talking to them.