No longer have good convorsations anymore

[Mnemosyne]

I'll just get straight to the point, I've known this friend of mine for about 2 years, and in the past 9 months or so we've been hanging out very often and having really long, nice convorsations. About a month ago we both confessed to seeing the other as a best friend. Anyway, we've got a great best friend relationship pretty much, except lately we have nothing to talk about. At lunch we might have a 5 minute convorsation but then everything goes silent again, and no one else has anything interesting to say anyway. It used to be if that ever happened we could at least hold long, interesting convorsations online or on the phone after school but now the same things happen with that too. Maybe once in a while we have a long convorsation, but they're never as good, and online we're lucky to hold a convorsation longer than 20 minutes without just ending up not saying anything for the next hour or so. It's really depressing me, and no matter how hard i try i cant keep up a really interesting convorsation anymore, we're just bull****ting our way through convorsations now. And mentioning it to her won't really work, seeing as it'll just make me feel incredibly guilty and probably make her feel like she has to work extra hard and not have fun talking anymore to try to keep a convorsation. It's gotten to the point where I'm afraid to hang out with her over the weekend alone for fear we wont have anything to talk about.

[A Thought]

Sometimes, when we first start hanging out with someone we find millions of things to talk about and laugh over. It's sort of like an infatuation stage, but it can occur in any type of friendship or relationship. However, with all infatuations it eventually wears off and we start to dig into the meatier aspects of real-life with this person. Then, we find out what we and our friend(s) are really made of. I think that being scared about not having things to talk about is okay, we all experience that at some point in our lives. But, we need to learn to move beyond that fear.

 

Some suggestions:

 

As friends, you do not have to talk every day. One of my best friends and I probably talk once a week, if we are lucky. So, maybe start minimizing some of your talking time, that way when you do converse you have more to discuss. You can save up topics and information that you know might interest him/her and then carry on a full blown conversation. You are not losing that important friendship connection you are just settling into a more comfortable and stable phase.

 

Possibly start a book club, just the two of you (you can always add more people, if they are interested). Then, hold "hanging out" time where you talk about what you read, it can be---how it made you feel, what it reminded you of, how well the author is conveying the story/information etc. Come up with questions to ask each other regarding the book. If you are still in school, maybe it could be a book that is assigned for a class---then, you have a natural study buddy. Magazines work well also.

 

Pick up a sport or some type of activity that you'll both enjoy. One of my friends and I walk together during the summer time, and in the winter we work out once a week. It's a nice way to catch up and get some exercise.

 

Play board or card games. It can give you a chance to relax and talk in a non-threatening atmosphere where you do not feel like you HAVE to come up with conversation to keep the party moving.

 

Is it always just the two of you? Perhaps you could start hanging out with a few others as well, mix it up a bit. Then, all of the pressure to come up with something to discuss does not fall directly on your shoulders. The others might come up with some interesting topics and you'll be gaining more friendships.

 

 

Something to consider, are you comfortable just being quiet around each other? It's nice to know that there are some people that you do not always have to talk with all the time. Consider it a privilege when you get to that level with someone, because we do not always make it there with everyone. I think that is one of the hardest things for humans to do, just enjoy the presence of someone else that is important to

them.

 

Anyway, I would not stress too much about the conversations. It happens and it is a natural part of the "getting to know a person" process. Enjoy your friendship as it develops and grows.

 

Best wishes

~AT

[monkey00]

eh it happenss, i remember a friend from J.h.s. i met.

 

we both used to have very similar interests. we would talk everyday it was cool at first.

 

but after awhile our convos became just BSing or long silences.

 

we both go to college now, i talk to him once in awhile, but rarely, probably 1x per 2 weeks online just to say sup. but yea

 

anyway that person might be your best friend now, but as you grow older you guys will grow apart.

you start finding interests in other things and meeting new friends...ppl come and go in life.

 

dont think having one best friend will suit your social needs, go out theree and make new friends even tho it might not be a "best friend"

[Mnemosyne]

no no, i do have other really good friends, but this one is the person who i spend the most time with usually.. And it's not always us alone, like at lunch or on weekends we usually have other people around, but lately she either doesnt really say much or she talks to someone else and doesnt really converse with me. seeing as i cant think of anything interesting enough to talk about for longer then 5 minutes anymore , and she hasnt seemed to be able to think of anything either. When we hangout it's not always uncomfortable to be silent if we're alone, but there are times when you know the other person wants to talk but they dont know what to bring up. We've only had those kind of things happen during lunch when other people are around though, usually we can find something to talk about when hanging out in person, just not on aim or the phone anymore... and lunch is basically nothing these days.. i dont know, i might just not get online for a few days.. or maybe ill go somewhere else for lunch for a little while, although that might just seem like im avoiding people.. but ill try not to stress of it, things happen and then you have to figure out how to make it work. so i will.