AlwaysConflicted Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Do you prefer the contact? My ex has vanished from my life. We have no mutual friends, entirely different careers, eat at different restuarants, I deleted her number and we've blocked each other on facebook. We literally have zero contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted July 30, 2010 Author Share Posted July 30, 2010 Do you prefer the contact? My ex has vanished from my life. We have no mutual friends, entirely different careers, eat at different restuarants, I deleted her number and we've blocked each other on facebook. We literally have zero contact. It's entertaining. The text messages and the statuses directed to me haha My ex and I share many mutual friends and we go to the same school. She still has my number and FB (but I'm restricted) How are you feeling AC? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted July 31, 2010 Author Share Posted July 31, 2010 Ran into some old pictures of me and the ex I feel terrible. We looked so happy in these pictures. We were thinking about our futures with each other in these pictures. Now, we're broken up and **** happened and it's just a shocker to me. These pictures also is making me feel bad about NC because it reminded me how much I love her and the fact that I'm ignoring her cold. It also reminded me how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her in my arms and in my life.. *Sigh* this sucks. EDIT: Everyone is telling me to talk to her. They say I should be getting answers. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTruthChaos Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Do you prefer the contact? My ex has vanished from my life. We have no mutual friends, entirely different careers, eat at different restuarants, I deleted her number and we've blocked each other on facebook. We literally have zero contact. Same here. I would love the contact, just so I can ignore it and rub it in his face. No other reason, I just want him to grovel...but I really didn't mean a thing to him. Only difference between our stories is - my ex and I have more than 300 mutual friends. You'd think I would hear stories, but no. I'm quite glad about that actually. Easier to move on Link to post Share on other sites
lullaby Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Ran into some old pictures of me and the ex I feel terrible. We looked so happy in these pictures. We were thinking about our futures with each other in these pictures. Now, we're broken up and **** happened and it's just a shocker to me. These pictures also is making me feel bad about NC because it reminded me how much I love her and the fact that I'm ignoring her cold. It also reminded me how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her in my arms and in my life.. *Sigh* this sucks. EDIT: Everyone is telling me to talk to her. They say I should be getting answers. What do you think? To bump into pictures is the worst. I made a dvd of all of them and removed them from my computer because it was too painful at moments. Look, I may not be the right one to give advice since I'm having LC with my ex, the reasons are not important right now, but do as you feel. Some people cope better with NC, I know of others who do with LC. Just remember you can have a setback if you do contact her, you may not get the answers you're looking for and it may hurt you even more. I did it 1 month after the break up and it brought me no good because I was too emotional and full of hopes but now it's different, and I don't even care. Don't jump into doing anything, sleep on it and then see what you can do. There are moments of impulse that one can't control and you may regret the decision. Once you pick up the phone, there's no going back. Either way you're in pain, by ignoring her or answering. Remaining in NC may help you to heal faster and move on quickly, but if you feel like you may have an answer, then go for it, you already know that in the worst case scenario you'll have a setback and will need to start the process again but knowing that you gave it a last shot. Sometimes we only learn the hard way! Hope it helps! Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysConflicted Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 It's entertaining. The text messages and the statuses directed to me haha My ex and I share many mutual friends and we go to the same school. She still has my number and FB (but I'm restricted) How are you feeling AC? I'm alright. Since I have no contact, my memories of my ex are fading. I'm having a lot of trouble remembering details and emotions that I felt. I still miss her or the idea of her. I can't really figure it out. Glad to see you're doing better and that the contact isn't setting you back. I don't know what your ex is sending you, but I'm not sure I would ignore her. I mean, the idea of NC is to heal yourself, but if you're feeling okay with the contact then what does it really matter? The chances of you rekindling something aren't very good, but if you never contact her again I'd say the chances are zero. What are you thinking about? Do you want her back? Do you want to be friends? I think you need to figure out your intentions before you do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted July 31, 2010 Author Share Posted July 31, 2010 I'm alright. Since I have no contact, my memories of my ex are fading. I'm having a lot of trouble remembering details and emotions that I felt. I still miss her or the idea of her. I can't really figure it out. Glad to see you're doing better and that the contact isn't setting you back. I don't know what your ex is sending you, but I'm not sure I would ignore her. I mean, the idea of NC is to heal yourself, but if you're feeling okay with the contact then what does it really matter? The chances of you rekindling something aren't very good, but if you never contact her again I'd say the chances are zero. What are you thinking about? Do you want her back? Do you want to be friends? I think you need to figure out your intentions before you do anything. The contact is not setting me back, but it's leaving me wondering "what is she doing? This is what she wanted." I'm just worried that I'm going to contact her feeling good and ending worse than before. I'm thinking about whether I truly want her back or the thought of having a GF. So far, I'm leaning towards truly wanting her back. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTruthChaos Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 I'm thinking about whether I truly want her back or the thought of having a GF. So far, I'm leaning towards truly wanting her back. That's just your memories talking. Once you develop a life plan that you realise wouldn't have ever included her in the first place, you'll get over her pretty quick. What really helped me (and forgive me if you've done one already) - make a 'pros' and 'cons' list about her, and then ANOTHER list of what you really want in a relationship. Might help you considerably. I looked at pictures of my ex today of the two of us and hardly felt anything. Not love, not hate...nothing much at all. My wish for you is to get to that stage. But, like AC said - the fact that I've had NO contact in any shape or form makes it easier. I no longer wonder nor care what my ex is up to anymore. I only care about my Mum, my friends, and my bright future Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 I'm just worried that I'm going to contact her feeling good and ending worse than before. i have my moment of this too - i am tempted at times to reply to her txts and at times even tempted to attempt LC - but then I realise that what here I am thinking that I can do this, and end up feeling worse than before... My main fear is how the hell will i react to seeing her just getting on with her life like nothing ever happened... So far am sticking to NC but I do have my moment of weakness... I'm thinking about whether I truly want her back or the thought of having a GF. So far, I'm leaning towards truly wanting her back. I do want her back that much i know, but i dont want to settle for anyone else... I just dont feel that I could form the connection i had with her with another person - i know its a stupid way of thinking but in my 26 years i have never felt that bond with anyone not even family, and i dont know if i will find it with someone else... I can actually see myself now just being alone for the rest of my life... AC - that must make NC easier for you - and surely it seems like it is helping make her memories fade away easier.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted July 31, 2010 Author Share Posted July 31, 2010 Alright today, I officially have 23 days until I see her. So far, I look better but feel better? Not there yet...I do have those moments of power but I usually become weak after a few days. My school year starts in 23 days and I'm worried that it's going to hurt more over the year than over the summer. Especially during October, November, and December. Thanks for the help everybody. Did I tell you guys how much I love you? Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Alright today, I officially have 23 days until I see her. So far, I look better but feel better? Not there yet...I do have those moments of power but I usually become weak after a few days. My school year starts in 23 days and I'm worried that it's going to hurt more over the year than over the summer. Especially during October, November, and December. Thanks for the help everybody. Did I tell you guys how much I love you? Or you have 23 days until the new school year starts and everyone can see how you arent miserable over the break up with the ex and how you have worked out over the same, and have a whole new bunch of chicks drool over all over you - which one do you prefer - seeing her or her seeing how good you look??? with time you will feel better, dude you have been strong so far and given when you see her there maybe a flood of emotions coming through but you know what you will be a better looking, emotionally stronger person who is going to show her that she lost out... being broken up over the summer is the worst, its all nice and sunny outside yet we feel enveloped by a dark gloomy cloud, you will be fine over the winter.... No you didnt tell ushow much you love us - go on just how much do you love us?>??/ now go and spread some of your lovin on some nice young pretty things....LOL.... Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Or you have 23 days until the new school year starts and everyone can see how you arent miserable over the break up with the ex and how you have worked out over the same, and have a whole new bunch of chicks drool over all over you - which one do you prefer - seeing her or her seeing how good you look??? with time you will feel better, dude you have been strong so far and given when you see her there maybe a flood of emotions coming through but you know what you will be a better looking, emotionally stronger person who is going to show her that she lost out... being broken up over the summer is the worst, its all nice and sunny outside yet we feel enveloped by a dark gloomy cloud, you will be fine over the winter.... No you didnt tell ushow much you love us - go on just how much do you love us?>??/ now go and spread some of your lovin on some nice young pretty things....LOL.... Exactly, and be sure to tell me how pretty I am too Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 Been thinking about her like mad. She regrets the relationship. I can't believe her. Our relationship was pretty much like Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind. Weird thing was, that was one of our favorite movies as a couple. Gah I miss her like crazy right now. Is it weird I'm missing her contact EVEN though I don't reply to them and get hurt by them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 Has anyone gotten days where you have hope and other days when you have no ****ing chance in hell? Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Has anyone gotten days where you have hope and other days when you have no ****ing chance in hell? Yes. I have hope that I am moving forward and some small thing sets me right back. You miss the contact because it was a big part of your life. I struggle with going from constant contact to nothing. Silence is deafening. But I know that this is for the best, so I keep reminding myself. What would you say to her if she contacted you? I would struggle thinking of something that even meant anything anymore. It is all water under the bridge.... Link to post Share on other sites
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Has anyone gotten days where you have hope and other days when you have no ****ing chance in hell? Yes sir. All the time. That's all part of the roller coaster I guess. I suppose it's best to give up hope, but it's also the hardest thing to do. I'm with you there buddy... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 If she did contact. I would probably end up ignoring it. I want straight answers from her. And I don't think I can handle a friendship with her and it pains me that I have to pretty much erase her from my life. She was my best friend and a girl I really really loved. Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Yeah everyday I go through those same notions, each day is a constant battle, one minute up the next down, but I have learnt that its best to just ride them through - alot easier said than done I assure you... Like you USER & HPD I want answers too, I want to have that last one conversation, I want to know how she could just stop loving me, how she could break all te promises she made, but what will that achieve? For me, nothing. Is it going to change her mind, I doubt, what it will do is set me back 100 steps when I have only taken 2 forward - do I really want to take another 98 steps backwards - no... That's me, whatever the answers to those questions are don't matter anymore, they left for whatever reason, we still love them, we still care for them, but they chose to no longer be a part of our lives. Like USER I crave her contact, I miss seeing her name coming up on my phone, I know I won't answer, but I still miss it... As BON said I don't even know what I would say to K anymore, I have tried to play out a conversation in my head and it just draws a blank. It doesn't mean I have stopped loving her, but right now I am thinking of me, the most important person in my life... That's my 2 cents worth guys, and you know we are all here for each other, to help each other up when we fall, to be that crutch to keep each other up... Be strong... Link to post Share on other sites
cookie2 Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 I don't want answers. I don't want to know when her affair started. I don't want to know when she stopped loving me. I don't want to know the precise moment she decided the sex with me wasn't good enough. I don't want to know how good he was or what they did. I don't want to know if she's still in contact with him or if she's hooked up with someone else. I just want her stuff out of my house, and a divorce paper with her signature on it!!! Having an "angry day" today. Of course I'm still lonely and upset and all the rest, but I know it's for the best. Keep the faith everyone! http://www.ihighfive.com Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 That's me, whatever the answers to those questions are don't matter anymore, they left for whatever reason, we still love them, we still care for them, but they chose to no longer be a part of our lives. Like USER I crave her contact, I miss seeing her name coming up on my phone, I know I won't answer, but I still miss it... As BON said I don't even know what I would say to K anymore, I have tried to play out a conversation in my head and it just draws a blank. It doesn't mean I have stopped loving her, but right now I am thinking of me, the most important person in my life... I miss him. He was my whole world. But 3 contacts from him in the last day, all I want him to do is leave me be.... Is that the answer, that the next time around you don't let that person into your whole heart and soul? We are the most important people..... If she did contact. I would probably end up ignoring it. I want straight answers from her. And I don't think I can handle a friendship with her and it pains me that I have to pretty much erase her from my life. She was my best friend and a girl I really really loved. Constant contact and involved in every aspect of our lives, how can't we be all messed up? The stages of grief make more and more sense to me... Link to post Share on other sites
cookie2 Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Is that the answer, that the next time around you don't let that person into your whole heart and soul? No; you just choose better. And when you let them in you don't get complacent or take it for granted. That's my plan, anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 All I can say is WOW time does fly. And same with my emotions. Right now, I feel strong and I feel happy. I'm trying to stay this way. But there are those days of total depression. When I felt depressed, I always asked for my ex's help. Can't do that obviously anymore. I'm not 100 percent over her. I still miss her like crazy. And in like 4 weeks or so, I'll be seeing her a lot (we have school). I'm planning on staying NC and staying cool if I can't avoid her. I'll use this thread for my questions for I WILL have a bunch. I don't want to flood this forum hahaha Thanks LoveShack. You guys are amazing and I love ya all See now, a lot of the guys who've been in similar situations as me, such as yourself I spose, end up either seeing/speaking to the girl/guy at some point. I'm 4 months in and, aside from several text arguments within the first 2 months, I've not seen nor heard from her. It feels like such a long, long time and I hate it. I'm not over this girl AT ALL. Even a little bit, its mad! How can I still love someone so much when they ****ed me over like this? She demanded I take 100% blame for our argument (literally, exact words were that I was 100% to blame) and when I refused, I was called immature, selfish, inconsiderate, a prick, etc, etc, See, I miss this girl like hell coz we clicked so much. We had ONE argument, literally. We were only 6 weeks into our relationship but best friends for 3 years before that. And now? Nothing. No talking, no "hi, how are you?" Nothing. 3 years of friendship, of closeness, of her being there for me when my grandmother died, and when I was going through some tough times in college, and now...thats it. I can't believe it! I'm still totally confused and shocked by this whole thing. I had though, given how close we were and how much we got on etc, that we were so much stronger than this. But she broke up with me, then a month later asked to meet me so I could "explain myself" then, when I refused to take 100% blame, she cut me off completely. Nothing else. How can someone do that? Thats heartless, and thats not at all the kind of person I knew her to be. The last contact I had with her was 2 and a half months ago when I asked my friends to take her from their Facebooks. They were more than happy to do it as they weren't as close to her as me, and I think she'd been flirting with guys on Facebook, which they were uncomfortable getting in the way of, since I sometimes pestered them for information. Anyways, she emailed my friends, demanded to know if they deleted her because I asked them to, and called them (and me) childish and pathetic for deleting her. I was drunk when my friend called to tell me this, so I sent her a mean text and she replied and back and forth it went an I began to get rid of some of the anger and repressed feelings I'd been holding in. Then she suddenly stopped texting. That was it. Haven't heard from her since, except walking past her in a club last week. I punched a wall in anger at seeing her an had to go to the docs for my hand... I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm breaking down sometimes... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 5, 2010 Author Share Posted August 5, 2010 Right now, I'm in another anger stage. I hate her total 180 personality change. I loved her for her. She was a fat **** when I first met her and she was always afraid I was going to leave her because she thought she was ugly and all of that and she thought I deserved better. I stuck by her because I truly loved her. She lost all that weight and she became more of a bitch and became flirtatious. Then after the break up. She hooks up, begins doing stupid ****, post kinda slutty pictures on FB, and talks to me like I'm sort of psycho. She told me once never to leave her and that I was her perfect half. I made mistakes, but they were mistakes that could be talked out. Gah. 2 months and it's still pissing me off. Link to post Share on other sites
cookie2 Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 U37 - thats exactly what happened to me, re: weight loss! Sucks doesn't it! She was always glad I loved her when she was big because it meant I wasn't just after her body. Then when she lost the weight and got hot... first sign of male attention and off she goes to cheatsville. No more "fixer uppers" for me!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 5, 2010 Author Share Posted August 5, 2010 U37 - thats exactly what happened to me, re: weight loss! Sucks doesn't it! She was always glad I loved her when she was big because it meant I wasn't just after her body. Then when she lost the weight and got hot... first sign of male attention and off she goes to cheatsville. No more "fixer uppers" for me!! Wow, I'm glad I'm not the only one who experienced this. You think they did that because they had a boost in their self esteem and realized they could do WAY better? Link to post Share on other sites
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