cookie2 Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 You think they did that because they had a boost in their self esteem and realized they could do WAY better? Actually I have a male friend who went through the same thing. He went from 27 stone to 14. We had a long chat about it a few days back. He said when he lost all the weight he went completely ape****. He felt he was quite literally invincible, walking on air, God's gift, and that everyone else should bow down. He said if he was in a relationship at the time, he is sure it would not have lasted. He did some things that he regrets and really pissed off a lot of friends. He could not even sit still to watch TV or a movie, he kept going on long runs at all hours and exercising insanely - not really because he wanted to, just because he could. But a couple of months later he "came down" and got back to normal life, apologised and made up with his friends and sorted his attitude out. He can now make a choice to go out for a run or to sit down and watch a movie, he is not ruled by his impulses any more, but by his brain. It was a huge adjustment and it took time to get used to it. So no, I don't think my ex realized she could do better. I think she just went giddy with power and personal freedom, and lost her mind. Her personality changed very quickly, and what she wanted from a relationship was no longer what I had to offer. Sad thing is, if she'd been patient, I would've given it my all to make it work. But instead she chose to cheat, cover it up, and planned to cheat again. When she comes down from her power trip - sucks to be her. She's lost me now. How much did yours lose? Mine went from 22 stone to 12, in about 18 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 5, 2010 Author Share Posted August 5, 2010 Actually I have a male friend who went through the same thing. He went from 27 stone to 14. We had a long chat about it a few days back. He said when he lost all the weight he went completely ape****. He felt he was quite literally invincible, walking on air, God's gift, and that everyone else should bow down. He said if he was in a relationship at the time, he is sure it would not have lasted. He did some things that he regrets and really pissed off a lot of friends. He could not even sit still to watch TV or a movie, he kept going on long runs at all hours and exercising insanely - not really because he wanted to, just because he could. But a couple of months later he "came down" and got back to normal life, apologised and made up with his friends and sorted his attitude out. He can now make a choice to go out for a run or to sit down and watch a movie, he is not ruled by his impulses any more, but by his brain. It was a huge adjustment and it took time to get used to it. So no, I don't think my ex realized she could do better. I think she just went giddy with power and personal freedom, and lost her mind. Her personality changed very quickly, and what she wanted from a relationship was no longer what I had to offer. Sad thing is, if she'd been patient, I would've given it my all to make it work. But instead she chose to cheat, cover it up, and planned to cheat again. When she comes down from her power trip - sucks to be her. She's lost me now. How much did yours lose? Mine went from 22 stone to 12, in about 18 months. Probably. Maybe she thought she was held back and once she had the freedom, she did the things she craved while she was dating me. I told her not to drink or smoke because I thought that stuff was dumb and now, she's doing it. First, I'll start by saying I'm from the USA so the measurements are different haha My ex was 170 or 160 pounds I don't remember and she's like....110 pounds now. She looks beautiful, but I find true beauty in personality, which is pretty much ugly now. Some of my friends believe she's annorexic though Link to post Share on other sites
cookie2 Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 (edited) Ah OK - a stone is 14 pounds, so mine went from 308 to 168. 110lbs is pretty low! I think possibly they craved freedom. You were her first real partner right? Probably she felt that being big, she didn't get the attention or options she deserved while she was single, and missed out on her chance to play the field. Thats what mine told me. Mine now looks great too, but I know she still has problems. Her thighs are still chunky, although she started wearing ridiculously short skirts. She has loose skin on her arms and tummy, and her boobs are like half-filled water balloons. It never bothered me at all though, like you I loved her personality. When clothed her confidence went through the roof, but when naked she started to get serious body image issues, it even brought our sex lives to a stop. No matter how many times I told her she was beautiful and I loved her no matter what, it just didn't work any more. Weird that when she was big, she had no issues stripping off... Sad thing is, it's happened to me twice now! My previous ex lost a large amount and left me too - but she also had serious mental health issues. So, I am done with overweight chicks!! Edited August 5, 2010 by cookie2 Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 Probably. Maybe she thought she was held back and once she had the freedom, she did the things she craved while she was dating me. I told her not to drink or smoke because I thought that stuff was dumb and now, she's doing it. First, I'll start by saying I'm from the USA so the measurements are different haha My ex was 170 or 160 pounds I don't remember and she's like....110 pounds now. She looks beautiful, but I find true beauty in personality, which is pretty much ugly now. Some of my friends believe she's annorexic though You guys, it's not about the weight loss it's about the girl. She was insecure at 170 and she is insecure and craving attention at 110. She couldn't do BETTER than you, she just used it to get as much attention as possible. Insecurity and craving attention can not be solved by one man. These are their issues and really had nothing to do with you, when someone is so unhappy with themselves that they need as many people as possible to tell them how great they are, there is no solution. Link to post Share on other sites
ResetReality Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 well me and my ex have been broken up for 2 months it's weird, Ive totally blocked everything, we both started new contracts on phones as well just after she ditched me so we don't have each others numbers, i deleted her off facetube, literally everything, the only way she can contact me is via email, I used to come home every night after work checking my emails in case she sent anything, I'm slowly moving on, Still, i do think of her time to time, wonder what shes doing and why the hell she hasn't bothered to at least email me on why the hell we broke up instead of me trying to piece it together, I kept blaming myself at first, kept wondering, if only i did this etc. but i guess it take 2 to tango, i dunno, the 1 thing i think about the most is, that fact she is hanging out with the people who ruined our relationship her so called mate who couldn't see past the color of my skin i guess that what i hate the most, i dedicated 2 years of my life to her, i did everything, and found my self sacrificing myself for her, compromising myself to make her feel special and to make her number 1 ive learnt though, once you have to sacrifice yourself in a relationship its pretty much over, I was so blinded by love hang in there bud, at least she is contacting you, although you're staying NC you have piece of mind that she IS thinking of you my ex has forgotten about me, like we haven't met *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
cookie2 Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 You guys, it's not about the weight loss it's about the girl. She was insecure at 170 and she is insecure and craving attention at 110. She couldn't do BETTER than you, she just used it to get as much attention as possible. Insecurity and craving attention can not be solved by one man. These are their issues and really had nothing to do with you, when someone is so unhappy with themselves that they need as many people as possible to tell them how great they are, there is no solution. Yep - sounds pretty accurate! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 6, 2010 Author Share Posted August 6, 2010 You guys, it's not about the weight loss it's about the girl. She was insecure at 170 and she is insecure and craving attention at 110. She couldn't do BETTER than you, she just used it to get as much attention as possible. Insecurity and craving attention can not be solved by one man. These are their issues and really had nothing to do with you, when someone is so unhappy with themselves that they need as many people as possible to tell them how great they are, there is no solution. Looking back, this makes sense. And I've been looking back lately. I realized I was a ****ty boyfriend and she probably doesn't miss the relationship one bit. Maybe she even regrets it and found it to be a waste of time.. Link to post Share on other sites
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 I was so blinded by love hang in there bud, at least she is contacting you, although you're staying NC you have piece of mind that she IS thinking of you my ex has forgotten about me, like we haven't met *sigh* Yeah, man, tell me bout it. I would give so much for my ex to get in touch with me again. I've been NC for 2 months now. I hate it. All I want to do is talk to her again, but I don't think I even exist in her little world anymore. I know exactly how you feel ( Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 6, 2010 Author Share Posted August 6, 2010 Thanks for all your replies guys. I'm expecting contact from her one more time before I see her in a few weeks. Kinda off topic question: Why do people believe being an exe's friend is a good way to get them back? Isn't that the WORSE thing you can do? Link to post Share on other sites
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 Thanks for all your replies guys. I'm expecting contact from her one more time before I see her in a few weeks. Kinda off topic question: Why do people believe being an exe's friend is a good way to get them back? Isn't that the WORSE thing you can do? I think the only person who tries to be friends with their ex is someone who wants their ex back and thinks the best way to do so is become friends again with them first. This just doesn't work. When you've moved into that relationship phase, its almost impossible to be friends, unless certain circumstances dictate otherwise. I have a girl I used to date 2 years ago, whose now one of my best friends. We wouldn't even consider dating again, she has her things goin on, and I have mine, but we email and text each other a lot with updates on our lives and how things are going and she's been councelling me through my break up, so it can happen. But that was because she and I broke up mutually because we found a relationship too hard to deal with at that time. You can do it, it is entirely possible, but you need to have absolutely no feelings for your ex in that romantic way...THEN you can become their friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 6, 2010 Author Share Posted August 6, 2010 I think the only person who tries to be friends with their ex is someone who wants their ex back and thinks the best way to do so is become friends again with them first. This just doesn't work. When you've moved into that relationship phase, its almost impossible to be friends, unless certain circumstances dictate otherwise. I have a girl I used to date 2 years ago, whose now one of my best friends. We wouldn't even consider dating again, she has her things goin on, and I have mine, but we email and text each other a lot with updates on our lives and how things are going and she's been councelling me through my break up, so it can happen. But that was because she and I broke up mutually because we found a relationship too hard to deal with at that time. You can do it, it is entirely possible, but you need to have absolutely no feelings for your ex in that romantic way...THEN you can become their friend. Yeah, my break up wasn't a mutual break. She told everyone it was but I told everyone the truth. She didn't want to look like a bitch. She sent me a text asking when we'll be friends again and she sent me a b-day card and stuff. Haven't replied or accepted friendship and I don't think I will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 6, 2010 Author Share Posted August 6, 2010 So today I found out she's been out of state with some friends and now she's going to a party tonight. Yep, I'm expecting her to hook up with someone tonight. Man I hate it. She's having the time of her life. Makes me feel like I was holding her back. She would've had this fun when she was with me. Maybe she wanted to do more at a party. Man she won't get out of my head Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 7, 2010 Author Share Posted August 7, 2010 I realized that I truly love this girl. I miss everything about her. I'm sure she doesn't miss me though Link to post Share on other sites
chooch Posted August 7, 2010 Share Posted August 7, 2010 I realized that I truly love this girl. I miss everything about her. I'm sure she doesn't miss me though Capiche. I'm sure you didn't hold her back intentionally (if at all) but I've come to realize I majorly held my ex back... at the end of the day it is for the best for them so they probably won't look back much (if at all). I accept that I messed up and wish I could've stopped myself at the time. But at the end of the day (as I said in my own thread) if it's meant to be she will miss you with time and come back. If she doesn't then we've both gotta accept that it wasn't meant to be and was just a steep (emotional) learning curve for us both! Hang in there Link to post Share on other sites
cookie2 Posted August 7, 2010 Share Posted August 7, 2010 Over the last few days I've come to realize my ex was holding me back. With her I was ready to settle down and start a family - not lying or pretending, I really wanted it. But now she is gone I can see a whole lot of opportunity and things I'd like to do before settling down. If I want I can take a month off work and go around the world. There are plenty of things I'd like to do before I die, that I unknowingly sacrificed when I settled down. So, time to start doing them! (When I can stop thinking about her all the time) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 7, 2010 Author Share Posted August 7, 2010 When an ex gives gifts back and ask for them back. In your opinion, is it a totally bad thing? Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 8, 2010 Share Posted August 8, 2010 When an ex gives gifts back and ask for them back. In your opinion, is it a totally bad thing? I think it depends on what the gift is, but if it is something that is not reusable and will remind you of them, get rid of it! An exception for me is concert tickets I bought for him for a show in Sept. I sold them, I gave him enough, he didn't deserve them Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 8, 2010 Author Share Posted August 8, 2010 I think it depends on what the gift is, but if it is something that is not reusable and will remind you of them, get rid of it! An exception for me is concert tickets I bought for him for a show in Sept. I sold them, I gave him enough, he didn't deserve them Well my ex told me to give back this certain stuffed animal. She returned like a bunch of things like one of my hats, some wristbands, a necklace and a stuffed animal. Very sentimental stuff. We liked giving that kind of stuff to each other. It felt painful receiving the stuff. She cared for all the stuff once and now...I don't know. She was really trying to move on and i guess it worked. Hahaha what was the concert? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 8, 2010 Author Share Posted August 8, 2010 Why does an ex want to be friends? Do they know the pain that they put us through and do they really think demoting a lover to a friend is a good way to calm us down? My ex did so many things that hurt me after the break up and she's asking for friendship. I don't get it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 8, 2010 Share Posted August 8, 2010 Why does an ex want to be friends? Do they know the pain that they put us through and do they really think demoting a lover to a friend is a good way to calm us down? My ex did so many things that hurt me after the break up and she's asking for friendship. I don't get it at all. Hey - she wants the stuffed animal back because you are not paying attention to her and she needs to know that she still has a hook in you. That is why they want to be friends, because when we go NC we are healing, we are not in front of them, begging them to come back and they can't stand it. Stay strong buddy, you know that you are better off without her. She may be nice now but you know what she did to you, and you deserve better. The concert was Eminem - he was so excited when I got the tickets so sorry for his loss :D Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 8, 2010 Author Share Posted August 8, 2010 Hey - she wants the stuffed animal back because you are not paying attention to her and she needs to know that she still has a hook in you. That is why they want to be friends, because when we go NC we are healing, we are not in front of them, begging them to come back and they can't stand it. Stay strong buddy, you know that you are better off without her. She may be nice now but you know what she did to you, and you deserve better. The concert was Eminem - he was so excited when I got the tickets so sorry for his loss :D Well...actually, she asked for it the day we broke up. I'm just wondering if that is a bad sign of no possible reconciliation and stuff. It's a weird question but it was just a thought. Also do you think they want to be friends because of guilt? I know she did all that crap to be, but I still want her back. It's so weird. I always had this idea that she's just doing what her friends are telling her and one day she'll just snap out of it and realize that she made a mistake. Oh dang hahaha sucks for him :D Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted August 8, 2010 Share Posted August 8, 2010 Why does an ex want to be friends? Do they know the pain that they put us through and do they really think demoting a lover to a friend is a good way to calm us down? My ex did so many things that hurt me after the break up and she's asking for friendship. I don't get it at all. Ohh the "friendzone" - I got that too... Don't do it... As everyone here says it just so that they feel less guilty about their actions.... I thought I could be "friends" with her and I realised it's simply not possible in the future who knows but until we have healed don't do it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 8, 2010 Author Share Posted August 8, 2010 Ohh the "friendzone" - I got that too... Don't do it... As everyone here says it just so that they feel less guilty about their actions.... I thought I could be "friends" with her and I realised it's simply not possible in the future who knows but until we have healed don't do it... Early on the break up, I tried being friends with her. I wanted to give it a shot. It was ****ing terrible. She treated me like ****. She believed we were better friends than lovers. But when we were friends, we were CONSTANTLY flirting with each other and we were even tempted to get it on when we hung out haha she basically thinks we can be like this again. A new thought: She has a lot of problems. I miss supporting her and I still want to. It's just that I can't talk to her because it will only just hurt. I think she has someone that's taking care of her emotionally and someone that's taking care of her physically. Gah....this is ****ed up. Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 9, 2010 Share Posted August 9, 2010 Early on the break up, I tried being friends with her. I wanted to give it a shot. It was ****ing terrible. She treated me like ****. She believed we were better friends than lovers. But when we were friends, we were CONSTANTLY flirting with each other and we were even tempted to get it on when we hung out haha she basically thinks we can be like this again. A new thought: She has a lot of problems. I miss supporting her and I still want to. It's just that I can't talk to her because it will only just hurt. I think she has someone that's taking care of her emotionally and someone that's taking care of her physically. Gah....this is ****ed up. Everyone has problems. These problems are no longer yours thank goodness. She wants to be friends with you and flirt with you so she always has you on a string if she needs you. This girl was terrible to you, I get that you love her but she is bad news. You need friends that are friends, not users....you need to value yourself more and tell this girl to **** off Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 9, 2010 Author Share Posted August 9, 2010 Everyone has problems. These problems are no longer yours thank goodness. She wants to be friends with you and flirt with you so she always has you on a string if she needs you. This girl was terrible to you, I get that you love her but she is bad news. You need friends that are friends, not users....you need to value yourself more and tell this girl to **** off I actually enjoyed listening to her problems. She's has a troubled family and she's insecure and I like to comfort her, but the problem is, if I comfort her NOW, she'll drop me to the friend zone, so I guess I'll care for her IF I can be her BF, which sounds pretty selfish. I don't know if I totally want her out of my life. She's my first love. But she caused me so much pain. I just realized something. I started talking to her on June 20th, 2008 and I began my NC on that day 2 years later. Wow... Link to post Share on other sites
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