bonpaw2008 Posted August 9, 2010 Share Posted August 9, 2010 I actually enjoyed listening to her problems. She's has a troubled family and she's insecure and I like to comfort her, but the problem is, if I comfort her NOW, she'll drop me to the friend zone, so I guess I'll care for her IF I can be her BF, which sounds pretty selfish. I don't know if I totally want her out of my life. She's my first love. But she caused me so much pain. I just realized something. I started talking to her on June 20th, 2008 and I began my NC on that day 2 years later. Wow... Hey - you and High are in similar situations, dude, she dumped you, and really **** on you from what you have said. Why do you want to comfort someone like that? Why do you think that she deserves you after what she did...? You can be her friend if you don't have feelings for her and that is all you want to be, anything else has ulterior motives and is wrong. Listen, NC is about you. I think that you may have underlying issues of your own, that you are looking at this girl as a "safe bet" of never having anything more than a ****ty relationship because you are scared to be committed to someone that is good. Work on yourself, find someone that deserves your comfort and strength, you are hanging on to this girl because she is more broken than you.... I know you are strong, you can do this. This is about you, get your self-respect back and kick this girl to the curb. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 10, 2010 Author Share Posted August 10, 2010 Hey - you and High are in similar situations, dude, she dumped you, and really **** on you from what you have said. Why do you want to comfort someone like that? Why do you think that she deserves you after what she did...? You can be her friend if you don't have feelings for her and that is all you want to be, anything else has ulterior motives and is wrong. Listen, NC is about you. I think that you may have underlying issues of your own, that you are looking at this girl as a "safe bet" of never having anything more than a ****ty relationship because you are scared to be committed to someone that is good. Work on yourself, find someone that deserves your comfort and strength, you are hanging on to this girl because she is more broken than you.... I know you are strong, you can do this. This is about you, get your self-respect back and kick this girl to the curb. I guess I still care for her no matter what. It's weird but I guess its true. I have this thought that deep deep deep down she's still the old her and the old her will come back and come back to me. But in reality, the old her is dead along with my relationship and girlfriend. I know that but I always have this thought. I've been crying a lot recently. And I been reminising like mad. And I felt like texting her hi or something. But I rather take all of this than heartbreak. New thought: I remember around the time when my break up was totally fresh, she use to check up on me a lot and contact me about random stuff. Why did she stop? Did she find comfort somewhere else? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 10, 2010 Author Share Posted August 10, 2010 Another thought: In a few weeks I'll be seeing her everyday. Should I make contact because I know I'm going to talk to her anyways? (no way to avoid) Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 Another thought: In a few weeks I'll be seeing her everyday. Should I make contact because I know I'm going to talk to her anyways? (no way to avoid) U - there are ways to avoid her if you really want to,,,,if you are just looking for an excuse to talk to her.... I just saw you post on someone else about NC and the benefits, why is it not pertaining to you?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 10, 2010 Author Share Posted August 10, 2010 U - there are ways to avoid her if you really want to,,,,if you are just looking for an excuse to talk to her.... I just saw you post on someone else about NC and the benefits, why is it not pertaining to you?? I think so. And I know, I feel like a hypocrite sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 I think so. And I know, I feel like a hypocrite sometimes. Sorry for being so harsh today, I had a bad experience with his break of NC today and it really made me solvent that I am doing the right thing. This girl quit you, if she wanted to talk to you she would be.....why set yourself up for rejection? You need to spend these next few weeks getting yourself together so that when you do have to see her she can see that confident stud you are This was Grayclouds advice today for HPD, see if you can have any random thoughts about this Now I will challenge you to state one thing that you are going to do before the day out that will either help you heal, make you feel better, commit to something positive or generally just enjoy doing. Force yourself to do this from here on out. Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 UN - paw is right you have been doig great te last couple of months with NC - but you gotta focus on you... Do as GC said and make that commitment to do something for you... She left and you don't need her, when you see at school be cordial and keep it short and sweet, you don't have to spend ages talking to her, so long as you are amicable I guess that's all that it needs... In fact she doesn't need that too, you could simply ignore her but being the bigger person just be polite and cordial... Link to post Share on other sites
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 (edited) Ohh the "friendzone" - I got that too... Don't do it... As everyone here says it just so that they feel less guilty about their actions.... I thought I could be "friends" with her and I realised it's simply not possible in the future who knows but until we have healed don't do it... I was thinking that...when my ex text me and asked me to meet her so she could give me back some old clothes, part of me thought "Hey, maybe she wants to get back together and try again? Surely its a possibility, right? Wrong. She wanted to meet up so to give me "a chance to explain yourself. Maybe we can be friends again. We'll never know unless we try" I'm sorry, what now? Me explain myself? I got shafted and I'M THE ONE who needs to explain myself? Can someone explain what the f*ck just happened? I think I had a brain aneurysm when I got that text. I text her back and insisted I wanted more than friendship, she replied that that wasn't going to happen, but that we could be friends. 2 words for her, 1) f*ck, and 2) That. I miss her like hell, every single Goddamn day, from as soon as I wake up to the second I go to sleep at night, and I love her but, hey, why should I, why should any of us on this site, have to sit by and watch the person we are in love with share themselves with someone else? I don't want ringside seats to that event. Friendship doesn't work, and I hope, I HOPE, that her wanting to be friends was just that and nothing more, because I refused to meet her and now, 4 months gone and 2 months of NC in it, I have no choice left. Contact is no longer an option, she has moved on and, so I hear, is dating some poor bastard now. I feel for the guy. EDIT: As well as that, I agree that people want to be "friends" to alleviate themselves from guilt. So, they made their beds, and when it comes time to lying in it, they want to be friends? Bullsh*t. I hate when people take that attitude. Sorry for the rant. I dunno what happened, just opened up some old wounds thinking about it... Edited August 10, 2010 by TheUnthoughtKnown Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 (edited) @ unthought - yeah I know what you mean now I feel the same way, I am not willing to settle for anything less... I notice that you are in London? Well a couple of us ls'ers are planning a get together in a couple of weeks - you're more than welcome to join... Should be a good laugh and hey we all have one topic in common.... Hehehehe .... Dude feel free with the rant we all have our moments.... I realised like you that I was not going to settle for a ring side seat of watching someone else have a good time with her... She made the choice to break, so let's leave it at that a break up not a break but let's be friends up... Edited August 10, 2010 by smk Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 10, 2010 Author Share Posted August 10, 2010 Gah I hate the "friendship card" She tossed that at me the day we broke up and the day after. They think that by offering friendship all the pain will go away. They're not in our shoes. I wish my ex and all our exes could see the pain they're putting us through Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 Gah I hate the "friendship card" She tossed that at me the day we broke up and the day after. They think that by offering friendship all the pain will go away. They're not in our shoes. I wish my ex and all our exes could see the pain they're putting us through They all do - it's easier and it makes them feel better... At least I know of I broke up with someone heck I went NC on them cos it was easier dealing with the awkwardness... How they do it I don't know, how my ex still phones me and tries to act like nothing ever happened.... I am back on NC though now... Day 1 again today... Lol Link to post Share on other sites
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 I think so. And I know, I feel like a hypocrite sometimes. Dude, I think it's time I introduced myself. I'm HighPlainsDrifter, chronic NC breaker. Did it again today. For some reason, I just love hitting myself over the head this way. I've broken NC about 4 or 5 times, and lately there's been a streak of it. It's totally like a drug. I get this big rush, this huge anticipation, and then this big crash afterwards. My ex is a wreck. She doesn't know her head from her a$$. I can tell you to not break NC, but I would be the biggest hippocrite in the world. Felt pretty good about it this morning. Feeling like crap right about now. Such is the roller coaster that I CHOOSE to be on. It's like a sickness. I wish you better than me! Link to post Share on other sites
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 They all do - it's easier and it makes them feel better... At least I know of I broke up with someone heck I went NC on them cos it was easier dealing with the awkwardness... How they do it I don't know, how my ex still phones me and tries to act like nothing ever happened.... I am back on NC though now... Day 1 again today... Lol @smk, when is the night out? I'm currently in Scotland visiting some relatives. Its an open ticket at the moment because I'm considering moving up here permanently but I'll need to be back in London at some point to sort things out. Oh, and hang in there! Nothing hurts more than going back to the ol' NC drawing board but its gotta be done I spose. You'll get there. @Username37 - Yeah, I'd love nothing more than to have my ex know the sh*t she's put me through these last four months. Honestly, nothing more! All I've thought about is the chance to confront her and explain these things to her. Hell, I bumped into her mum at one point and I actually thought "f*ck it, next best thing" but I resisted coz I was thinking in anger, and thats not right. Stay NC and don't bother with that friend card, burn it to ashes. Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 @ hpd - good to see u hear buddy - how you holding up? @ Unthought - we are thinking of doing something around the 21st / 22nd of august - more of a day out as opposed to a night out.... Everyone seems to be laying off the juice so day out makes more sense... Link to post Share on other sites
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 Dude, I think it's time I introduced myself. I'm HighPlainsDrifter, chronic NC breaker. Did it again today. For some reason, I just love hitting myself over the head this way. I've broken NC about 4 or 5 times, and lately there's been a streak of it. It's totally like a drug. I get this big rush, this huge anticipation, and then this big crash afterwards. My ex is a wreck. She doesn't know her head from her a$$. I can tell you to not break NC, but I would be the biggest hippocrite in the world. Felt pretty good about it this morning. Feeling like crap right about now. Such is the roller coaster that I CHOOSE to be on. It's like a sickness. I wish you better than me! Right there with you, brother! I've broken NC only twice and that feeling is incomparable. I fired off a text, and the rush was great, and that feeling of anticipation, unrivelled lol! Then, the coup de grâce, my phone beeping, and her name flashing on the screen. JOY! The first time I broke it led to a text argument that part of me actually LOVED coz I was thinking to myself, I'd rather she be arguing with me, but paying attention and responding to me, that ignoring me completely like she had been. But the argument got heated and I ended up sending five texts begging her for a response. Nothing. Second time was an automatic argument as she had insulted one of my friends because he took her off Fb after I asked him to. I texted her with a pretty nasty text coz I was embarrased that she'd done that to my friend, who only did as I asked him coz he knew it would help. That ended really bad and we haven't spoken since...that was over 2 months ago. Stay NC, seriously. Contact don't help unless you're totally over the person :/ Link to post Share on other sites
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 @ hpd - good to see u hear buddy - how you holding up? @ Unthought - we are thinking of doing something around the 21st / 22nd of august - more of a day out as opposed to a night out.... Everyone seems to be laying off the juice so day out makes more sense... Yo SMK, I'm still alive. Don't wanna thread jack. I'm about hittin the tremors and thinkin about my next plan to break nc, cause I'm retarded like that. I gotta knock that sh|t off! Yeah TheUnthoughtKnown, That's the drill isn't it? It is such a rush, and I don't know how to avoid it! I don't why I've been like that lately? She sent me some sentimental emails a while back and that kinda sparked it. Got my hopes up. If you can avoid it, by all means do! It's nutty! Link to post Share on other sites
cookie2 Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 Damn, I wish I could NC. We've just had stuff to sort out. She has my sat nav and mp3 player, I have her car insurance documents, I have all her **** in my garage, etc. Had an exchange of emails today, all just sticking to the point with no chit chat, arranging times to pick up/drop off. But at the end of the last one she sent was "Hope you are keeping well"... I ignored that part and stuck to business. All I can say is, roll on NC!!! Link to post Share on other sites
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 I generally find other ways now to remind my ex of me without breaking NC. For instance a good friend of mine I haven't seen in ages called me a while ago an said "Hey, its been ages since we've had a night out, should go clubbing" I agreed coz I hadn't seen him in ages and I figured a night out would do me some good. Then a light went off in my head: My mate still has my ex on his Facebook...O.o So just before I left the house, I grabbed my digital camera, then went off clubbing with my friend. I made sure he was in as many pics as possible, with me standing alongside him, even got some girls we were talking to, to take a picture with us etc, etc, Next afternoon at some point, I posted the pictures on my Facebook and tagged my friend in each of the ones I was in, but not the others. I'll never know, but as soon as my ex logged onto Facebook (she's addicted to that thing, trust me) she would have seen at least a dozen pics of me having a good f*cking time, living it up and enjoying myself, on her homepage. The thought of that is like a warm blanket enveloping me after a cold night >.< Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 11, 2010 Author Share Posted August 11, 2010 The silence is killing me right now, but I know that the heart break is going to kill me more. I'm continuing NC. I appreciate the support you guys, especially to those who have been replying to this thread constantly (you know who you are ) And once my school year starts, I'm going to be updating this thread a lot. BTW: 6 more days until it's officially 3 months broken up. New Thought: I realized that my ex used me the first few weeks after our break. She kept in constant contact with me and checked up on me a few times. Now I barely get anything. She got her comfort somewhere else which honestly pains me a little bit. I kinda miss the contact I got from her early on the break. Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 The silence is killing me right now, but I know that the heart break is going to kill me more. I'm continuing NC. I appreciate the support you guys, especially to those who have been replying to this thread constantly (you know who you are ) And once my school year starts, I'm going to be updating this thread a lot. BTW: 6 more days until it's officially 3 months broken up. New Thought: I realized that my ex used me the first few weeks after our break. She kept in constant contact with me and checked up on me a few times. Now I barely get anything. She got her comfort somewhere else which honestly pains me a little bit. I kinda miss the contact I got from her early on the break. I know buddy, it takes getting used to for them too. She didn't want to lose her hold on you if she decided she made a terrible mistake.... I generally find other ways now to remind my ex of me without breaking NC. For instance a good friend of mine I haven't seen in ages called me a while ago an said "Hey, its been ages since we've had a night out, should go clubbing" I agreed coz I hadn't seen him in ages and I figured a night out would do me some good. Then a light went off in my head: My mate still has my ex on his Facebook...O.o So just before I left the house, I grabbed my digital camera, then went off clubbing with my friend. I made sure he was in as many pics as possible, with me standing alongside him, even got some girls we were talking to, to take a picture with us etc, etc, Next afternoon at some point, I posted the pictures on my Facebook and tagged my friend in each of the ones I was in, but not the others. I'll never know, but as soon as my ex logged onto Facebook (she's addicted to that thing, trust me) she would have seen at least a dozen pics of me having a good f*cking time, living it up and enjoying myself, on her homepage. The thought of that is like a warm blanket enveloping me after a cold night >.< Love that UN! I know for a fact that he still has TONS of pics of me and him tagged on his FB, but I untagged myself so I don't have to see him. This isn't saying much because the DA still has pics of his ex-wife from 3 years ago on it, but I relish the day that he sees them and says "Dumb ASS!!!" hee hee Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 11, 2010 Author Share Posted August 11, 2010 So today, I haven't thought about my ex a lot and I decided to get a little make over. I got rid of the long hair that my ex seemed to like so much. She got rid of the bangs I loved around the time of her little hook up so I might as well get rid of the hairstyle she liked. I looked at pictures of me post break up (like a week after) and I looked fat, greasy, and depressed. I looked like **** basically. Now I've been working out like crazy and cleaned up well and well...I feel pretty Hopefully my ex will she the diamond she threw away XD Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 11, 2010 Author Share Posted August 11, 2010 I officially have taken a step back from my road to recovery. My friend gave me her FB login and password so I could check out this story that one of our friends wrote to her. She is also a mutual friend of my ex and her profile was UNRESTRICTED. I was fighting the urge to check it and I ended up doing so and I feel like total **** right now. I saw her pictures and she's been vacationing all summer and she looks happy. She's leaving for Utah tomorrow. She also met so many new people and has been with that party crowd. So she probably hooked up with someone new or the same guy. She's so happy now and is having the time of her life and it's tearing me apart. It's like I held her back and she's basically saying "**** you" to me. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTruthChaos Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 That was self inflicted, and silly, and you should not have done that. You kind of brought that upon yourself. She's not doing anything to you - you're doing it to yourself. Stop it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Username37 Posted August 11, 2010 Author Share Posted August 11, 2010 (edited) That was self inflicted, and silly, and you should not have done that. You kind of brought that upon yourself. She's not doing anything to you - you're doing it to yourself. Stop it. I know she's not hurting me intentionally. But seeing and reading what she's doing makes me feel like I didn't satisfy her enough etc. I'm trying not to beat myself up. But it's tough. I messed the whole relationship up and I could've still had her. But she had to quit on me. Edited August 11, 2010 by Username37 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTruthChaos Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 Think about how good you've felt lately. Take a good look in the mirror, and tell yourself that you will NOT torture yourself anymore. You are worth more than that. Learn your lessons, and leave her in the past, where she belongs. Have you written a pros and cons list yet? Link to post Share on other sites
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