Told MM about my pregnancy

[noelle303]

Ok, he's been calling me and texting all day, I took your advice, told him I need time and that I will call him when I make a decision.

He yelled at me how can I make a decision without him, don't I dare to shut him out etc. I told him I am perfectly aware of what his opinion is and what he considers the only acceptible solution, now I need to get my thoughts in order.

 

He again yelled how there isn't much to think about, do I want the baby or not. And that I shouldn't be influenced by other people, how I should talk to him.

 

I got really angry cause he's just trying to make me fold under pressure and do what he wants. I told him I can't talk to him right now, he's completely not helping me and to please stop calling for a while.

 

It's making me soooo stressed, I literally spent a day in bed in so much pain, I'm so sick and couldn't even get up, I just layed there crying.

I'm probably gonna go to my parents' house or something, leave my cellphone at home cause I can't deal with his constant pressure.

 

At this point I'm more confused than ever and just want this all to go away. I don't know whats worse, my physical state or my emotional.... seriously every bone in my body hurts, so much pain... is that even normal in a pregnancy?!

[cavedweller]

303,

 

He is scared as hell that you are going to have the baby and take him to court..

 

He knows it will cost him a small fortune..(he will be paying child support for the next 20 years)

[desertIslandCactus]

No. It wasn't consistant with my pregnancy.

 

Could you put a call into your doctor and ask what is going on.. Did you feel this way before the examination?

[jj33]

Noelle tell him if he doesnt stop calling you tell him you will tell his wife and that will shut him up.

 

I hope you feel better.

[desertIslandCactus]

I think it's a good idea that you go to your parent's house.

 

Also, I know it seems like an inconvenience, but if you cannot contact your doctor, then getting checked at the e.r. would be good. Be sure to eat and drink.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Honey, if you are cramping that is not normal. If you are achy and nauseated then that is probably morning sickness, mixed with depression and anxiety.

 

First of all, be careful, are your roommates around? If you want him to stop calling tell him that if he calls one more time then tell him then next time you see his number you will contact his wife and it won't matter after all.

 

I think going to your parents is a great idea. Maybe tell them that you aren't feeling well and that you think you may have the flu. Crawl into your bed and get some rest. They may well figure it out though. When any of us goes to the doctor, the insurance sends a notification of benefits paid to the house. It does not state a diagnosis but it does show lab, xray, ect.. You might want to have a story for that incase your parents ask. That is if you don't want to tell them, which I still think you should. You could say that you had a yeast infection if you need a story.

 

You're going to be ok, but you need do need to get away from this guy. Honestly, if I were you, and you are not ready to make a decision, text him that you are going to terminate the pregnancy whether you are or not, and then tell him never to call again.

 

Hope you feel better soon.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Don't leave your phone at home, turn it off it you must, but keep it on you incase you need to make a call.

[Fieldsofgold]

Noelle tell him if he doesnt stop calling you tell him you will tell his wife and that will shut him up.

 

I hope you feel better.

 

Better yet, tell him if he doesn't stop calling you, you will get a restraining order.

 

I had no aching or pain during my pregnancy. That, I don't believe, is normal. Call your doctor.

 

Good luck, sweetheart. I do wish you the very, very best.

[desertIslandCactus]

I hate that he is harrassing you, and I am with the others with concern for your safety, because he seems to be frantic.

 

Don't say anything to antagonize him, and don't put yourself in a position to be alone, coming or going.

[fooled once]

Like FA, I've just skipped through the thread, but calling the police? Really? So he wants her to get an abortion and has made that abundantly clear. He's made no threat to her and her pregnancy. If she goes to the police now, what are they going to do? Tell her to come back when an actionable threat has been made.

 

She hasn't even decided whether to carry to term. If she decides and then he makes a threat, then she can go to the police if she feels she is in danger.

 

Sorry, but I think those of you that are trying to scare her over her safety are just as bad as those trying to scare her out of having an abortion.

 

You may be trying to help, but I don't think you are making the decision any easier for her.

 

Just my 2 and a half cents. Everybody have a great weekend.

 

I agree. People are making him out to be a wife beater or something.

 

He gets told by his 20 year old play thing she is pregnant and she isn't sure what she is going to do. NATURALLY, he goes ballistic -- what MM who has a plaything wants that plaything to get pregnant?

 

She avoids his calls and texts -- and he is spiralling out of anger and tire of the games -- she goes to leave, and he grabs her arm to get her to stay. Seriously, no one has ever had this happen? No one has ever grabbed the arm of someone they are talking to to turn them around or to stop them from going?

 

And of course he is yelling and screaming, as I am sure the OP was She chose to meet him, she chose to walk away from him during a conversation, she chose to participate in the "will I or won't I" game. I really think she is enjoying the attention from him. Sorry, but that is my take on it. She is 20 years old and loves this guy ... and right now, has his baby in her. She feel invincible and has him wound up tight.

 

He didn't strike her. He didn't shove her. He yelled and also grabbed her arm.

 

The games that are being played are not funny and that show immaturity of BOTH their parts.

 

It's completely different - which was my point! MOST guys would act with honour in this situation, but Noelle's MM has shown he won't, or can't. He's unlikely even to honour a "private agreement" unless there's a gun at his head... If she does decide to keep it, she's on her own.

 

(Which, as others have pointed out, can be done. But knowing upfront that that's what you're choosing is important, rather than going into it with hope, and finding out later that you were wrong.)

 

 

I suspect he's turning himself into a **** stain in his trousers himself, worrying about his W finding out...

 

But I agree with JJ on telling your parents. Unless you're wanting their advice on what to do, there's no point in telling them before you decide. You have enough pressure on you from BOTH sides here alone!

 

Good luck with the counselling appointment - I hope your decision feels right to you after that, whichever way you decide.

 

Of course you have had the same situation, and of course the MM you had a scare with was wonderful, loving and caring and nurturing. Of course you only dated MM who were such great men and had great character. We know.

 

 

Noelle,

 

I think you are way too young to burden yourself and your future with a child, let alone the child of an MM whose behaviour is lamentable to say the least. You have a brilliant future ahead of you, so many wonderful things are just waiting to happen, dreams to be fulfilled, goals to reach, life is yours for the taking, full of expectation and possibility. Why would you want to throw all that way? There's plenty of time to have kids when the time and person are right.

 

Completely agree.

 

As far as cramping, sorry, but it IS a normal part of pregnancy - it is called the uterus stretching. Heck, some women bleed too. The egg is implanting and the pain and sometimes blood is from this. Ask any GYN doctor, they can back up this.

 

How about instead of playing these calling/texting games, you let the MM know you will make a decision by XX date. You can only safely abort for so long so a decision will need to be made within the next few weeks. And then let him know you will NOT be responding to any more texts or phone calls - and NOT respond to text or phone calls until you have made a decision.

 

You will need someone to pick you up from the clinic if you go the abortion route - they won't release you unless you have a ride home. I know this as I took my niece to have an abortion when she was 21 years old - which I found out was her 3rd abortion. She has 2 healthy kids today -- she is 25 years old and married.

 

So as to not further participate in the LS drama that I mentioned previously, I would like to say this final word and then move on. A child is a lifetime commitment. Not just a commitment till they are 18; I don't know any good parent who abandons their kid at 18. They are yours for life. No one but you knows whether you are ready for that commitment. Most people worth their salt will not think any less of you for making the decision that is right for you, no matter what that decision is.

 

My advice to you is to get away from Loveshack. Get away from MM. Get away from your parents or anyone else that has an obvious bias. You go look within yourself to see if you can be a mom right now. I suspect you've already made your decision, but you're upset that MM didn't react the way you would have liked. That temporary disappointment is nothing upon which a lifetime decision should be made.

 

What's done is done. You can't make a future where there is none. You need to look within yourself and no one else. Pray if you think that will help. Whatever decision you make is final. Make sure its one you can live with forever.

 

Hopefully, you will use this experience as a teaching tool to become a better person.

 

EXCELLENT ADVICE!

[Mimolicious]

Noelle, your phone has a shut-off button, you don't have to leave it behind. Hit the off button on your PC along with it... with 35 people throwing different opinions at you, you'll be very very puzzled.

 

Sometimes it is best to shut off and listen to your internal voice. At the end, you will be one feeding a baby alone at night.

 

Fell better!

 

FYI- cramps are not good.

[NancyBotwin]

Google "first trimester cramps" and there's a lot of info right at your fingertips.

From a maternity website:

It is not uncommon to have some abdominal discomfort or pain, or even cramping during the first trimester of pregnancy. You may even have an episode or two of light bleeding or spotting, that can be accompanied by some cramping that is similar in some ways to menstrual cramping. However, beyond this sort of light cramping, cramping during the first trimester or at any other time during pregnancy is not considered normal, and can be an indicator that there is some other problem.

 

Severe abdominal cramping that is persistent is never normal, whether you are in your first trimester of pregnancy, or whether you are not pregnant at all. Having said that, mild pain that is infrequent is very common, again whether or not you are pregnant. Many women, for example, will experience one degree or another of cramping after they experience an orgasm.

 

Cramping or other stomach pain during the first trimester can be caused by any number of things. Bloating and gas, for example, are very common during pregnancy, and can easily feel like cramping. Constipation, as well, can cause cramping during the first trimester and throughout pregnancy. There is, of course, also the possibility that a strained ligament or a muscle could cause cramping, although this is much more common during the second trimester of pregnancy than it is during the first trimester of pregnancy.

[Fallen Angel]

Noelle,

 

I agree with the advice that you get away from both the MM and this board for awhile. No one here knows your MM and no one here has the right to tell you what to do in regards to your child. Having said that, and feeling that way, will not however stop me from giving you my two cents..

 

Your cramping is likely caused by stress as a young healthy young lady with out significant health problems should have a fairly uncomplicated pregnancy. Go to your parents, turn off your cell phone or leave it at home. Stay away from the computer and just allow yourself to relax.

 

Once you have calmed down you can decide with a clearer mind what you want to do.

 

Any choice you make is a lifetime commitment. I have heard it said just about choosing to give birth and raise your baby, but all of the options are ones that will have lifelong consequences.

 

Please know, that as a mother, as a mother who has three healthy children and one child that passed away shortly after birth and one late term miscarriage and several early term miscarriages, I am biased in my opinion of what I would like to see you do. *shrug* (at least I can be honest about it)

 

I want you to know that raising children is difficult. You must be willing to sacrifice everything in order to do what is in the child's best interests. You must forego many of your own dreams and plans in order to do what your child will need from you. But children are a blessing not a burden. They give you a love that you have never experienced before. It is not in how they love you that makes that love so special and unique, but in how you love them. It is a gift. The mother who regrets giving birth to her child is a rarity indeed.

 

I want you to know that giving a child up for adoption is difficult. Many birth mothers spend years, lifetimes; wondering, worrying and second guessing themselves. They often search for the children they have given up and come to regret their decisons. Others never regret it, they feel as though they have given a gift to the universe, and they are content and at peace with their decision to give a child to adoption. They, in their love for their child, give that love to someone who is unable to have their own child and who loves their child unconditionally, wholey and forever as much as they would their own flesh and blood.

 

I want you to know that having an abortion is difficult. Many women regret having done it. Many women spend years, lifetimes, wishing they could take it back. Other women have abortions and never think of it again.

 

You could fit any of those scenarios. Only you know what you can and can not do. Only you know what you are capable of.

 

Take the time and really consider every option. Imagine yourself and your life in five, ten, twenty years after having done each of those things.

 

What will your life be like if you have a child, if you adopt out your child, if you abort? Which future looks most like the one you want for yourself? Which future leaves you most content?

 

When you figure that out, you will know what to do.

 

Regardless of your choice, I wish you well. I wish you peace tonight, against the turmoil that is going on both internally and externally with you right now. I wish you love, and happiness and joy. May you have all of that and more.

 

Now go home and tell your parents you aren't feeling well. (Okay, a lie of omission , but unless you want to tell them the whole truth it is better to say nothing yet.) And allow them to love you and take care of you. You need a bit of pampering right now, and you should let them do that for you if they are willing. Stay away from the phone, stay away from the computer and make a decision. Everything else in the world can be put on hold while you do that. We will all still be here to add drama to your life when you need it, but right now, that is the last thing you need.

 

Be well, and take care.

 

(((hugs)))

[RedDevil66]

Many women have no knowledge of being pregnant for weeks into their pregnancy. Even a doctor will tell you not to stress the few drinks you had before knowing (yes the OP knew) but I highly doubt this will have life lasting effects to her fetus. Now, if she decides to go through with having her baby then she should start taking care of herself from the minute she decides to have it.

 

Hope her appt went well.

 

Thank you for getting what I was trying to say.

 

Noelle drank ONE day!

 

Thanks Mimo, you and I are often on the same page :-)

[RedDevil66]

No doubt!

 

While it wasn't the best choice after she knew she was pregnant, and there is no doubt that repetitive drinking while pregnant is bad for the fetus, one single night drinking early in the pregnancy is exceptionally unlikely to cause any problems. I'd wonder if those overly concerned have actually read the statistics.

I discussed this with my doctor when I was pregnant (a surprise, as I mentioned earlier) because I had drank before I knew I was pregnant, once, and was taking birth control pills every day until I found out. He gave me some good literature to put my mind at ease that very clearly laid out that problem drinking has been conclusively tied to problems and one night would not likely cause a problem. Of course, I would absolutely advise her not to drink at all going forward.

 

It's funny what is acceptable during a pregnancy. People stop exercising (not medically advised) and eat junk food while pregnant, despite how excess sugar intake and sedentary behavior is not optimal for a fetus's development, either (the research is pouring in on this, especially in the field of epigenetics, had an interesting class at school that discussed this). It has so much to do with cultural acceptability more than making the best choices.

 

Now most of that is here nor their unless OP asks about advice for the best possible pregnancy, so I guess my point is let's not harass her for one mistake.

 

Agreed

[RedDevil66]

Riiiigghhtttt! Let's be for real. This will be the end of the rope for Noelle if she allows it. Nothing if life is IMPOSSIBLE! You are already classifying her as someone that will add to downturn statistics. There are plenty of "young" parents that have achieve their goals. Perhaps, not the "traditional" way but they have.

 

 

.

 

really, let's be real is right.

My Mom was 22, had a grade 7 education and had 2 kids (I came along in her late 20's) and she was poorer than poor and uneducated.

She went on to own two very successful businesses and went back to school in her 40's.

She raised 3 very great kids (yes I am one :-) )

So to assume some "uneducated" 20 yr old will fail is truly closed minded.

[RedDevil66]

I guess the difference is that I have never had sex with a slimebag MM, but only with MMs that have honour and respect for the women they share their bodies with.

 

well they shared their bodies with their WIVES, where was the honor and respect for their wives

ALL cheating married men have ZERO honor and or respect for anyone but themselves! Silly!

[RedDevil66]

That's wonderful for you OWoman, that you've led such a charmed life. It's obviously not the life that the OP (or anyone else I know for that matter) are dealing with.

 

I also doubt that you were 20 years old and only half-way through school when you had your pregnancy scare. You are due your opinion just like everyone else here, but I hardly see how your story is supportive to the OP's current situation.

 

It's not supportive at all!

[RedDevil66]

I agree. People are making him out to be a wife beater or something.

 

He gets told by his 20 year old play thing she is pregnant and she isn't sure what she is going to do. NATURALLY, he goes ballistic -- what MM who has a plaything wants that plaything to get pregnant?

 

She avoids his calls and texts -- and he is spiralling out of anger and tire of the games -- she goes to leave, and he grabs her arm to get her to stay. Seriously, no one has ever had this happen? No one has ever grabbed the arm of someone they are talking to to turn them around or to stop them from going?

 

And of course he is yelling and screaming, as I am sure the OP was She chose to meet him, she chose to walk away from him during a conversation, she chose to participate in the "will I or won't I" game. I really think she is enjoying the attention from him. Sorry, but that is my take on it. She is 20 years old and loves this guy ... and right now, has his baby in her. She feel invincible and has him wound up tight.

 

He didn't strike her. He didn't shove her. He yelled and also grabbed her arm.

 

The games that are being played are not funny and that show immaturity of BOTH their parts.

 

 

 

Of course you have had the same situation, and of course the MM you had a scare with was wonderful, loving and caring and nurturing. Of course you only dated MM who were such great men and had great character. We know.

 

 

 

 

Completely agree.

 

As far as cramping, sorry, but it IS a normal part of pregnancy - it is called the uterus stretching. Heck, some women bleed too. The egg is implanting and the pain and sometimes blood is from this. Ask any GYN doctor, they can back up this.

 

How about instead of playing these calling/texting games, you let the MM know you will make a decision by XX date. You can only safely abort for so long so a decision will need to be made within the next few weeks. And then let him know you will NOT be responding to any more texts or phone calls - and NOT respond to text or phone calls until you have made a decision.

 

You will need someone to pick you up from the clinic if you go the abortion route - they won't release you unless you have a ride home. I know this as I took my niece to have an abortion when she was 21 years old - which I found out was her 3rd abortion. She has 2 healthy kids today -- she is 25 years old and married.

 

 

 

EXCELLENT ADVICE!

 

Best post in this thread

[sadintexas]

I've gone back and read some of your posts to try to get up to speed. First off, I'm sorry you're going through this. Whatever road you choose will not be easy so my thoughts are with you.

 

I know you probably don't want to involve your parents since you probably don't want them to know should you choose to have an abortion. You are an adult and certainly don't have to. I would strongly recommend though that you do talk with them about this.

 

I gather that you have good family support and it's times like these when that support will mean the most to you.

 

As far as MM, I'd like to wring his neck for being such an a$$ about this. He's only thinking of himself so please, for now, just cut him off if you can. You need time to think this through.

[noelle303]

 

She avoids his calls and texts -- and he is spiralling out of anger and tire of the games -- she goes to leave, and he grabs her arm to get her to stay. Seriously, no one has ever had this happen? No one has ever grabbed the arm of someone they are talking to to turn them around or to stop them from going?

 

And of course he is yelling and screaming, as I am sure the OP was She chose to meet him, she chose to walk away from him during a conversation, she chose to participate in the "will I or won't I" game. I really think she is enjoying the attention from him. Sorry, but that is my take on it. She is 20 years old and loves this guy ... and right now, has his baby in her. She feel invincible and has him wound up tight.

 

 

I am not enjoying the attention and I'm not playing games!

 

Imagine being horribly sick, dizzy and your head is pounding and you're anxious and stressed and you just want to go to bed. And then someone is just screaming at you, grabbing you and refusing to let you just go and rest. I refused to answer his calls and walked away from our convo cause he was yelling at me to get an abortion!

 

And trust me, in my current state, I'm feeling a lot of things but invincible is NOT one of them...

 

 

 

Anyway, thanks guys for the support, I'm off now to my parents' house to stay there for a couple of days. I'm entirely leaving my phone and laptop here and don't want anything to do with anyone...

 

I was googling a bit last night and scared the heck out of myself! I'm still in a bit of pain and if I get any worse, my parents will have the family doctor come over and check me out.

[pureinheart]

Hi Noelle,

 

I would say this baby is one special baby, his or her tiny little life facing so much opposition...yep this is a special baby. I am glad you are getting into safety...take care Noelle

[Fieldsofgold]

Noelle,

 

I agree with the advice that you get away from both the MM and this board for awhile. No one here knows your MM and no one here has the right to tell you what to do in regards to your child. Having said that, and feeling that way, will not however stop me from giving you my two cents..

 

Your cramping is likely caused by stress as a young healthy young lady with out significant health problems should have a fairly uncomplicated pregnancy. Go to your parents, turn off your cell phone or leave it at home. Stay away from the computer and just allow yourself to relax.

 

Once you have calmed down you can decide with a clearer mind what you want to do.

 

Any choice you make is a lifetime commitment. I have heard it said just about choosing to give birth and raise your baby, but all of the options are ones that will have lifelong consequences.

 

Please know, that as a mother, as a mother who has three healthy children and one child that passed away shortly after birth and one late term miscarriage and several early term miscarriages, I am biased in my opinion of what I would like to see you do. *shrug* (at least I can be honest about it)

 

I want you to know that raising children is difficult. You must be willing to sacrifice everything in order to do what is in the child's best interests. You must forego many of your own dreams and plans in order to do what your child will need from you. But children are a blessing not a burden. They give you a love that you have never experienced before. It is not in how they love you that makes that love so special and unique, but in how you love them. It is a gift. The mother who regrets giving birth to her child is a rarity indeed.

 

I want you to know that giving a child up for adoption is difficult. Many birth mothers spend years, lifetimes; wondering, worrying and second guessing themselves. They often search for the children they have given up and come to regret their decisons. Others never regret it, they feel as though they have given a gift to the universe, and they are content and at peace with their decision to give a child to adoption. They, in their love for their child, give that love to someone who is unable to have their own child and who loves their child unconditionally, wholey and forever as much as they would their own flesh and blood.

 

I want you to know that having an abortion is difficult. Many women regret having done it. Many women spend years, lifetimes, wishing they could take it back. Other women have abortions and never think of it again.

 

You could fit any of those scenarios. Only you know what you can and can not do. Only you know what you are capable of.

 

Take the time and really consider every option. Imagine yourself and your life in five, ten, twenty years after having done each of those things.

 

What will your life be like if you have a child, if you adopt out your child, if you abort? Which future looks most like the one you want for yourself? Which future leaves you most content?

 

When you figure that out, you will know what to do.

 

Regardless of your choice, I wish you well. I wish you peace tonight, against the turmoil that is going on both internally and externally with you right now. I wish you love, and happiness and joy. May you have all of that and more.

 

Now go home and tell your parents you aren't feeling well. (Okay, a lie of omission , but unless you want to tell them the whole truth it is better to say nothing yet.) And allow them to love you and take care of you. You need a bit of pampering right now, and you should let them do that for you if they are willing. Stay away from the phone, stay away from the computer and make a decision. Everything else in the world can be put on hold while you do that. We will all still be here to add drama to your life when you need it, but right now, that is the last thing you need.

 

Be well, and take care.

 

(((hugs)))

 

Fallen Angel, this is undoubtedly the best post on this thread!!!!!

[Fieldsofgold]

Hi Noelle,

 

I would say this baby is one special baby, his or her tiny little life facing so much opposition...yep this is a special baby. I am glad you are getting into safety...take care Noelle

 

Agreed, PIH!

[Mimolicious]

I'm still in a bit of pain and if I get any worse, my parents will have the family doctor come over and check me out. [/quote ]

 

Interesting. Didn't you say your parents dont know? ok...