cavedweller Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 Drifter, She is married? Try this: 1..E-mail her and tell her to contact you when she wants to meet or talk.. 2..Go 100% No Contact.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 29, 2010 Author Share Posted July 29, 2010 Drifter, She is married? Try this: 1..E-mail her and tell her to contact you when she wants to meet or talk.. 2..Go 100% No Contact.. Cavedweller, She is married but living seperately, and that's when I met her. I think that's what I kinda did with my response last night when I said I'm going to back off because I was getting that vibe from her. When I said "and I know why", I left it open to imply that either I knew she was avoiding me or that I knew she was staying over at this guys place. I know what you mean about step number 2. You are soooo correct. I HAVE to do this... I HAVE to do this... I HAVE to do this!!! Jeeze, there are just so many questions left unanswered and I deserve a face to face! I was never even told she wanted to break up!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 29, 2010 Author Share Posted July 29, 2010 Jeeze I feel needy today... I'm just a total mess over this woman. Sorry for hoggin the board. Wow, can't believe I'm at this spot in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Jeeze I feel needy today... I'm just a total mess over this woman. Sorry for hoggin the board. Wow, can't believe I'm at this spot in my life. We are in the same spot, and I can't believe I am here either. You will get through, try some distraction. Sad, I had to drive 30 miles to drop my son off at my mom's and all I could think about was getting back to see what was going on the board and of course him and all that I did for him and what I could have done different to make him want to stay with me. But I know this is not my fault, I was nothing but good to him and this is him....ugh I am a hot mess too Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 30, 2010 Author Share Posted July 30, 2010 Alright, I'm not going to email or text her. I'm almost done with this day and I haven't heard from her. Wow.... Really thought I'd hear from her. I guess it's for the best... Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 30, 2010 Author Share Posted July 30, 2010 Hey bonpaw, I was just going to comment and thank you on your posts from another post. Funny you just posted on mine. I just wanted to say thank you for your comments and I guess we are in this mess together. It helps to have companionship, in whatever form it is... Lets try to do this together miss hot mess... Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Alright, I'm not going to email or text her. I'm almost done with this day and I haven't heard from her. Wow.... Really thought I'd hear from her. I guess it's for the best... High - even if you hear from her what changes? She is still married, still a mess, she needs to fix herself before she can even ask for you to come back....you need to give her that time Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 HPD, I've been reading and I know you don't want to hear this but the only way to stop putting yourself through this is to stop putting yourself through this. The logic is easy. The doing is hard. It took a long time for me to understand that I couldn't let anything but serious intentions close to my heart. You have to feel like you are worth more than this. This is not the only woman on earth. Close the door. If she wants you she'll break it down. I get the feeling she'll only need to knock. If you are lucky that will never happen and you will start fresh without all this pain or this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Hey bonpaw, I was just going to comment and thank you on your posts from another post. Funny you just posted on mine. I just wanted to say thank you for your comments and I guess we are in this mess together. It helps to have companionship, in whatever form it is... Lets try to do this together miss hot mess... LOL looks like we crossed paths of posting again thanks for that Tomorrow is going to be a better day Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 30, 2010 Author Share Posted July 30, 2010 HPD, I've been reading and I know you don't want to hear this but the only way to stop putting yourself through this is to stop putting yourself through this. The logic is easy. The doing is hard. It took a long time for me to understand that I couldn't let anything but serious intentions close to my heart. You have to feel like you are worth more than this. This is not the only woman on earth. Close the door. If she wants you she'll break it down. I get the feeling she'll only need to knock. If you are lucky that will never happen and you will start fresh without all this pain or this woman. Thank you Charlotte. I kind of know you are right. I made it through the night without emailing again. I have a feeling that I won't hear from her again. I am going to try to stick to this. It's going to be hard. It's just taken me so long to open up that she FEELS like she's the only woman for me. You guys all did help me greatly yesterday. I almost caved but didn't. Today is another day though. I hope I get through. Thanks again for commenting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 30, 2010 Author Share Posted July 30, 2010 LOL looks like we crossed paths of posting again thanks for that Tomorrow is going to be a better day Thank you bonpaw. Like I said. It really helps to know that I'm not the only one getting dragged through the mud. Still am in shock that she's doing this to me, but I guess she is... Just never ever ever would have suspected that from her. I made it though. Day one is done. Now... Day 2.... Link to post Share on other sites
cookie2 Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Just never ever ever would have suspected that from her. Ohh yeah, join the club!! I think that phrase is in virtually every single person's story. Replacing "her" with "him" in about 50% of them, of course Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Thank you Charlotte. I kind of know you are right. I made it through the night without emailing again. I have a feeling that I won't hear from her again. I am going to try to stick to this. It's going to be hard. It's just taken me so long to open up that she FEELS like she's the only woman for me. You guys all did help me greatly yesterday. I almost caved but didn't. Today is another day though. I hope I get through. Thanks again for commenting. I still feel this way as well, but the funny thing is when I think about him without my rose-colored glasses on, he is not that great! I have had much better, and I will again. We all deserve emotionally healthy people to give our love to so they can return it. I asked you that question about taking a step back to look at her because I wanted you to start looking at her realistically, not what you think she CAN be when she gets her **** together. You can't bank on that ever happening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 30, 2010 Author Share Posted July 30, 2010 I still feel this way as well, but the funny thing is when I think about him without my rose-colored glasses on, he is not that great! I have had much better, and I will again. We all deserve emotionally healthy people to give our love to so they can return it. I asked you that question about taking a step back to look at her because I wanted you to start looking at her realistically, not what you think she CAN be when she gets her **** together. You can't bank on that ever happening. Yeah bonpaw, my experience was a little different. You know, the only negative that I could put on her before all this stuff was that she hadn't finished her divorce yet. Other then that, she was the sweetest, cutest, kindest woman I had been with. I have had close and maybe equal, but I don't know about better. We never had one disagreement in 9 months, and it really seemed like the best relationship I'd been a part of. Now that's all changed I guess. And that's what's so dissapointing and shocking. I still remember that woman I knew for nine months, and she got scared and flaked out. Maybe it was just a dream, or a fairytale or something. I can't believe that she won't just tell me that she wants to be with someone else and let me go like she should. I know though. Actions, not words. And SHE'S STILL MARRIED!! I gotta keep telling myself that. I really think it will be a long time before she gets her $hit together... Unfortuneatly. I just know I don't deserve to be treated like this after how good I was to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 30, 2010 Author Share Posted July 30, 2010 Ohh yeah, join the club!! I think that phrase is in virtually every single person's story. Replacing "her" with "him" in about 50% of them, of course I guess, cookie. But in the past, I had kind of a vibe from some of the gals I dated where I didn't fully trust them. This one I did. She was THAT convincing. And I am not convinced easily... She was really really good at it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 30, 2010 Author Share Posted July 30, 2010 (edited) Wow, I really am getting a urge now. This "fat" guy plays guitar for a local country band in town and I went to their website. I so want to send a picture that says "You are seeing THIS GUY???" And there's also a picture of her on the bands website from a couple months ago with her and her friends dressed up in some dumb shirts, and the quote is "you'll have to ask the (guitar players name) about this one... Holy cow I want to call her on this... Oh my goodness.... Oh my goodness.... Edited July 30, 2010 by HighPlainsDrifter Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Wow, I really am getting a urge now. This "fat" guy plays guitar for a local country band in town and I went to their website. I so want to send a picture that says "You are seeing THIS GUY???" And there's also a picture of her on the bands website from a couple months ago with her and her friends dressed up in some dumb shirts, and the quote is "you'll have to ask the (guitar players name) about this one... Holy cow I want to call her on this... Oh my goodness.... Oh my goodness.... Breathe buddy breathe....NC is for you to heal. If you call her out on this she wins. You should not be thinking about her, stalking her , etc. Use this info for your own healing (seriously what a da she is!!) but she doesn't need to know that it is bothering you. It will just let her know that you are still on her string.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 30, 2010 Author Share Posted July 30, 2010 (edited) Breathe buddy breathe....NC is for you to heal. If you call her out on this she wins. You should not be thinking about her, stalking her , etc. Use this info for your own healing (seriously what a da she is!!) but she doesn't need to know that it is bothering you. It will just let her know that you are still on her string.... I know paw... I think she already knows it's buggin me... Good lord when I saw that I about jumped out of my skin. Oh this is taking some MAJOR restraint... This guy absolutely does NOT deserve this girl. I can't imagine that being the case. But WTF?? She's OVER THERE, regardless if it's just a friendship or NOT!! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!! Help me out... I haven't done anything stupid yet, and despite how stupid I look on this board, I've looked nothing but strong to her. Now THAT is a HUGE disguise... Edited July 30, 2010 by HighPlainsDrifter Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 I know paw... I think she already knows it's buggin me... Good lord when I saw that I about jumped out of my skin. Oh this is taking some MAJOR restraint... This guy absolutely does NOT deserve this girl. I can't imagine that being the case. But WTF?? She's OVER THERE, regardless if it's just a friendship or NOT!! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!! Help me out... I haven't done anything stupid yet, and despite how stupid I look on this board, I've looked nothing but strong to her. Now THAT is a HUGE disguise... You can't control what she does, and this is really a sign to show you that she is super ****ed up. Maybe he does deserve her, because she is so not good enough for you.... You need to control what YOU do, you are strong, you are not going to blow that now, over some big fat guy... Honey PLEASE STOP STALKING, find something else to do....you need to knock this crazy chick off her pedastal and get back to what is important....you Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 30, 2010 Author Share Posted July 30, 2010 You can't control what she does, and this is really a sign to show you that she is super ****ed up. Maybe he does deserve her, because she is so not good enough for you.... You need to control what YOU do, you are strong, you are not going to blow that now, over some big fat guy... Honey PLEASE STOP STALKING, find something else to do....you need to knock this crazy chick off her pedastal and get back to what is important....you Oh so true paw... I guess it's just because I never got to even have "the talk" that ended it. Sometimes you need to make your own closure I guess. You are so correct that I need to stop stalking her. I know I do. I can't believe I'm doing it myself, but I am. I guess I'm just trying to match up actions with words. It's like I gotta play detective to get the real story, which is a problem in itself... And thanks for calling me Honey... Don't know why, but that made me smile. I guess even cyber affection feels good in a time of crisis, so thank you... Hope you're doing ok with your stuff today paw. Thanks for hearing me out. Dang this is HARD!! Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Oh so true paw... I guess it's just because I never got to even have "the talk" that ended it. Sometimes you need to make your own closure I guess. You are so correct that I need to stop stalking her. I know I do. I can't believe I'm doing it myself, but I am. I guess I'm just trying to match up actions with words. It's like I gotta play detective to get the real story, which is a problem in itself... And thanks for calling me Honey... Don't know why, but that made me smile. I guess even cyber affection feels good in a time of crisis, so thank you... Hope you're doing ok with your stuff today paw. Thanks for hearing me out. Dang this is HARD!! Yea my stuff ****ing sucks today too! He had a friend text me, a friend of his that would NEVER text me out of the blue to ask me how I am. Then the friend said he had no idea that we broke up, which may be true because we have never had "the talk" either. But what a bunch of ****. He is such a gd coward....ugh What everyone told me about closure is that they are not going to say anything to make you feel any better and it is most likely going to make you feel worse. I already know that it is over, and it should have been over a while ago. We had the same fight about pressure, not giving enough, etc. so I know the reasons. Listening him say he is a gd ****ing quitter that doesn't want to try any more is not going to make me all warm and fuzzy. In your case I know you have questions about this big fat loser that she is sleeping with (at his house)....it really all comes back to what that information, good bad or indifferent is going to do for you, do to help you....you know the answer, it is just going to **** you up and make you wonder more. I think about him all the time. I always wonder if he is thinking about me. But this time is for me...to get my self-respect back, to get all of the pieces that I so willingly gave away back so I can be a whole person again. Some of those pieces are pretty ****ing small so this is going to take a while.... now I will give you some xoxoxoxo's Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 @ High Plains Drifter- Let me relate my story, man. I was working, single for a few years (This was 5 years ago, when I was 22) at a new place. There was this girl there I thought was soooo hot. One night, she asked to listen to my band in my car. Then she asked me on a date. Then it became two dates. Soon enough we were living together. for 4 years I was madly in love with her. I can't say the same of her feelings towards me, but looking back on it, there was a point where she truly loved me, although I believe it quickly faded, now with hindsight. Anyway, we got a dog, and a place... One night, she never came home. I texted her a few times, tried calling, no response. I was pretty pissed off. The next day she comes home and says she needs a break. Me, being mr. nice guy, I get upset, but conciede. She leaves. I find out our dog needed reconstructive heart surgery. The day before she left I bought the engagement ring. Ugh. What a waste. She is catty, going out with friends, while I tend to the dog and retain a semblance of life. To make a long story short, I got the ILYBNILWY speech. I told her to **** off, pack up and get out, which she did. I stopped all contact, for roughly 4 days. She asked me to do favors for her, which I refused to do, such as finding out things about her phone bill, etc. Then I told her about the dog. She called me a liar, said she believed me in the end, and refused to help me pay (5k) for the surgery. Then the evidence appeared. I found flirty messages. She left me for a short fat kid she worked with. I was livid, I confronted, she denied denied denied. The last thing I ever spoke to her (or ever will, for that matter) was "Fine, go **** around with the new guy, I'll be here to clean up your ****ing mess." We haven't spoken since. My point? Now you've read my story, know what I've dealt with. I was ready to marry this girl, and once it was done, stay with her. While it will hurt, like hell, you have to give NC a chance to work. I am alot better now, christ I was a mess when it happened to me, but I'm also very stubborn, and I'll NEVER let her beat me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 30, 2010 Author Share Posted July 30, 2010 Yea my stuff ****ing sucks today too! He had a friend text me, a friend of his that would NEVER text me out of the blue to ask me how I am. Then the friend said he had no idea that we broke up, which may be true because we have never had "the talk" either. But what a bunch of ****. He is such a gd coward....ugh What everyone told me about closure is that they are not going to say anything to make you feel any better and it is most likely going to make you feel worse. I already know that it is over, and it should have been over a while ago. We had the same fight about pressure, not giving enough, etc. so I know the reasons. Listening him say he is a gd ****ing quitter that doesn't want to try any more is not going to make me all warm and fuzzy. In your case I know you have questions about this big fat loser that she is sleeping with (at his house)....it really all comes back to what that information, good bad or indifferent is going to do for you, do to help you....you know the answer, it is just going to **** you up and make you wonder more. I think about him all the time. I always wonder if he is thinking about me. But this time is for me...to get my self-respect back, to get all of the pieces that I so willingly gave away back so I can be a whole person again. Some of those pieces are pretty ****ing small so this is going to take a while.... now I will give you some xoxoxoxo's Sorry to hear you're having a bad day too paw, but what else do we expect? That text from his friend must have sucked. I get occasional contact from her friend that actually set us up and she knows NOTHING about any of this stuff. When I told her she was staying at another guys place, she said that she doesn't believe for ONE SECOND that it is a relationship. She says it's gotta be just a friend. Yeah, that messes me up to. Her friend does tell me to move on though. And I know she's right. I just wish I could smack some sense into her. And see, you guys at least had an arguement about pressure, and not giving enough, etc... but I had NONE of that. It was just "poof" and she was gone because she said her husband was asking where she was staying, which, why isn't that an issue now? I wrote her a reply like I mentioned earlier to the email above where she was talking about being so tortured missing me, and told her to tell she didn't want to be with me and she couldn't. See how f**ked up that is?? And this guy, well, so he may be fat, but I can't call him a loser. I don't know him, but he's not attractive. It's not his fault, and right now he's spending time with her so I envy the $hit outta him. I can't be mad at him. Just jealous. I know what you mean about wondering if they think about us all the time. I wonder that too. They GOTTA be thinking about us paw. GOTTA... I know this is eating her up inside (hope?). She CAN'T feel good about this. They HAVE to have some feelings for us. I do feel like I'm ripped apart. I need to assemble the pieces too. Gawd that sounds pathetic, but what do you do? We gotta get ourselves back... Aww... Thanks for the xxx's and ooo's... Right back at you dear with a big ol {{hugg}}... I HATE this time of my life... Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted July 30, 2010 Author Share Posted July 30, 2010 @ High Plains Drifter- Let me relate my story, man. I was working, single for a few years (This was 5 years ago, when I was 22) at a new place. There was this girl there I thought was soooo hot. One night, she asked to listen to my band in my car. Then she asked me on a date. Then it became two dates. Soon enough we were living together. for 4 years I was madly in love with her. I can't say the same of her feelings towards me, but looking back on it, there was a point where she truly loved me, although I believe it quickly faded, now with hindsight. Anyway, we got a dog, and a place... One night, she never came home. I texted her a few times, tried calling, no response. I was pretty pissed off. The next day she comes home and says she needs a break. Me, being mr. nice guy, I get upset, but conciede. She leaves. I find out our dog needed reconstructive heart surgery. The day before she left I bought the engagement ring. Ugh. What a waste. She is catty, going out with friends, while I tend to the dog and retain a semblance of life. To make a long story short, I got the ILYBNILWY speech. I told her to **** off, pack up and get out, which she did. I stopped all contact, for roughly 4 days. She asked me to do favors for her, which I refused to do, such as finding out things about her phone bill, etc. Then I told her about the dog. She called me a liar, said she believed me in the end, and refused to help me pay (5k) for the surgery. Then the evidence appeared. I found flirty messages. She left me for a short fat kid she worked with. I was livid, I confronted, she denied denied denied. The last thing I ever spoke to her (or ever will, for that matter) was "Fine, go **** around with the new guy, I'll be here to clean up your ****ing mess." We haven't spoken since. My point? Now you've read my story, know what I've dealt with. I was ready to marry this girl, and once it was done, stay with her. While it will hurt, like hell, you have to give NC a chance to work. I am alot better now, christ I was a mess when it happened to me, but I'm also very stubborn, and I'll NEVER let her beat me. Thank you for sharing your story silicon. That sounds like a heartwrenching story as well. So sorry for you. I guess everyone on her has a story or two like that. That's why we are here. It just sucks that life is so cruel sometimes. I've had something similar happen to me as well, and to be honest, have probably dished something similar out before in my life. I'm not proud of that. This girl never got catty or mean or no fights or anything. She just freaked out and disappeared. That is what has me so confused! I know I gotta stick with this NC. I'm just so frustrated because I think if I would have met her after her divorce was finished, this never would have happened and she wouldn't have freaked out. I went where I shouldn't have and ignored my fears. Link to post Share on other sites
caru Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 HPD, I couldn't possibly give you as good advice as everyone else has given you on here, but just wanted to wish you well and to HANG ON IN THERE with NC. There is someone in my life who is very bad for me and i've tried NC before and it's the most difficult thing, really awful. I'm trying it again now- broke it today so tomorrow will be day 1 for me. Good luck! If you feel like emailing or contacting her just write in this thread instead Link to post Share on other sites
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