So I'm back to Day one NC

[HighPlainsDrifter]

HPD,

I couldn't possibly give you as good advice as everyone else has given you on here, but just wanted to wish you well and to HANG ON IN THERE with NC. There is someone in my life who is very bad for me and i've tried NC before and it's the most difficult thing, really awful. I'm trying it again now- broke it today so tomorrow will be day 1 for me. Good luck! If you feel like emailing or contacting her just write in this thread instead

 

Thanks Caru,

I just got back from a dentist appointment and I go in the office and look at all the women there, and NONE COMPARE. It just SUCKS and set me back. I can't believe I'm so stuck on her. Dang those were great times together. She HAS to realize that, just like she mentions in her email. Why the hell would she want to stop that?? Yep, I'm in the Denial stage again... $hit...

 

Holy I want to break NC right now. I know that would be counterproductive. I need to stop obsessing over this but I just don't seem to be able to for very long. I want her to own up to this and tell me to get lost if she doesn't still have feelings for me anymore!! Not the $hit she wrote!!

 

Dang Dang Dang!!!

[HighPlainsDrifter]

And you gotta be kidding me.

Here was my horoscope for today, not like I'm really into that stuff but...

 

 

Your horoscope for July 30, 2010

 

There is likely to be a great deal of free-floating anxiety in the air today, xxx. Take extra care not to pick up the vibe. You have made a great deal of progress in overcoming your own fears and insecurities, and the last thing you want to do is sponge up those of others. If you don't feel strong enough to put a positive spin on a difficult situation, just avoid it all together, for now. Things will be much simpler to deal with tomorrow.

[silic0ntoad]

Thank you for sharing your story silicon. That sounds like a heartwrenching story as well. So sorry for you.

 

I guess everyone on her has a story or two like that. That's why we are here. It just sucks that life is so cruel sometimes. I've had something similar happen to me as well, and to be honest, have probably dished something similar out before in my life. I'm not proud of that.

 

This girl never got catty or mean or no fights or anything. She just freaked out and disappeared. That is what has me so confused!

 

I know I gotta stick with this NC. I'm just so frustrated because I think if I would have met her after her divorce was finished, this never would have happened and she wouldn't have freaked out. I went where I shouldn't have and ignored my fears.

 

 

Yes, you have to stick to NC. There's no choice; eternal attachment or aceptance. People like to build castles in the sky. We aim for them. We pump our aspirations, love and focus into them. But, the tiniest chink in that castle dream causes the foundation to rupture. You also have to understand, that these aspirations aren't always shared; they may be guarding the truth.

 

 

It's hard, and it will be trying bro, but you have to give it a chance. I never once thought it would work. I thought "If she just heard me out" well, how many times would she hear me out? She wouldn't have anything I said. So, I went my own path. I continued MY version of the castle in the sky, and it's still being built.

[bonpaw2008]

And you gotta be kidding me.

Here was my horoscope for today, not like I'm really into that stuff but...

 

 

Your horoscope for July 30, 2010

 

There is likely to be a great deal of free-floating anxiety in the air today, xxx. Take extra care not to pick up the vibe. You have made a great deal of progress in overcoming your own fears and insecurities, and the last thing you want to do is sponge up those of others. If you don't feel strong enough to put a positive spin on a difficult situation, just avoid it all together, for now. Things will be much simpler to deal with tomorrow.

 

SEE! Even your horoscope is telling you to stay away from the crazy chick!!! You still have her up there on a pedastal High, and things aren't going to get any better until you knock her ass off. She is an adulterer, she is still married, she ran away from you. Yea she may be hot and fun and cool BUT SHE DOESN"T WANT YOU. And even if she does, you deserve someone that has their **** together and isn't going to **** around with you.

 

You rock, you deserve so much better

[HighPlainsDrifter]

Yes, you have to stick to NC. There's no choice; eternal attachment or aceptance. People like to build castles in the sky. We aim for them. We pump our aspirations, love and focus into them. But, the tiniest chink in that castle dream causes the foundation to rupture. You also have to understand, that these aspirations aren't always shared; they may be guarding the truth.

 

 

It's hard, and it will be trying bro, but you have to give it a chance. I never once thought it would work. I thought "If she just heard me out" well, how many times would she hear me out? She wouldn't have anything I said. So, I went my own path. I continued MY version of the castle in the sky, and it's still being built.

 

Dang man... I know I gotta stick to this. I did it before until she sent me back the sappy email. It's like it encouraged me and we made progress last week and now back to $hitville. It's like I KNOW she's got this in her but she's just freakin running scared of anything that might end up solid!!

 

I know that you have to do NC for you, but I'm lying if I say that I'm not doing it to make her miss me either. The only thing keeping me from saying SOMEthing is continuing to post on this dang sight. She has never heard me out. We have never talked about this. She just got super spooked and ran scared of this. I know I had her thinking about it last week, and then when it came time to actually see me, she panicked AGAIN!

 

You're right though Toad, I need to try to separate myself from the one thing I love the most. Gawd I wish I could just see into her head. It must be one heck of a traffic jam in there.

 

Groan... I need a lobotomy. Or a brain-washing...

 

Thanks toad for commenting. Not proud of myself and how I'm not dealing with this whole thing. I fear for the w-end. And thanks for calling me bro, bro. I need all the cyberbro's I can get right bout now...

 

Good Gawd...

[HighPlainsDrifter]

SEE! Even your horoscope is telling you to stay away from the crazy chick!!! You still have her up there on a pedastal High, and things aren't going to get any better until you knock her ass off. She is an adulterer, she is still married, she ran away from you. Yea she may be hot and fun and cool BUT SHE DOESN"T WANT YOU. And even if she does, you deserve someone that has their **** together and isn't going to **** around with you.

 

You rock, you deserve so much better

 

Yeah Paw. I did find that horoscope hitting pretty close to home. I need to try to find a way to knock her off this pedastal. I guess technically she is an adulterer. I have thought of that. That means then that I was involved in an affair?? Holy cow... Blows my mind.

 

Yep, she ran away from me. You know, I think she does want me, but she knows that with me comes a relationship, and that's what she doesn't want. That or I'm totally elluding myself as usual again.

 

I think we both rock paw, and we both deserve so much better. Why is it so hard to realize that and why is it so hard to wait for better to come along? Dangit... Tunnel vision!

[silic0ntoad]

You're doing just fine, man. Feel your pain. Let your emotions escape. Don't let them linger. Eventually, you'll be angry. Use it. It makes getting over her cowardly deeds alot easier. Then you'll be able to breathe man.

 

NC is for you. But it can also make them miss you, yes. BUT TRUST NOT FALSE HOPE. Stick with what you KNOW to be fact. I've said it before and it bears repeating; trust not the heart, for it lies. The heart will say to you "Yes, if you ignore her, for sure she has to come back." Be ready for these thoughts.

 

I am a big fan of preparing for the worst. So be prepared. It will get worse. You may slip up. But eventually every breath is less painful, every night easier to sleep through... You'll see. Any time you want to contact her, write a letter. Don't send it. Put it in a shoe box. Then, one day, when you're ready to move on, burn the box. It's very relieving.

[HighPlainsDrifter]

You're doing just fine, man. Feel your pain. Let your emotions escape. Don't let them linger. Eventually, you'll be angry. Use it. It makes getting over her cowardly deeds alot easier. Then you'll be able to breathe man.

 

NC is for you. But it can also make them miss you, yes. BUT TRUST NOT FALSE HOPE. Stick with what you KNOW to be fact. I've said it before and it bears repeating; trust not the heart, for it lies. The heart will say to you "Yes, if you ignore her, for sure she has to come back." Be ready for these thoughts.

 

I am a big fan of preparing for the worst. So be prepared. It will get worse. You may slip up. But eventually every breath is less painful, every night easier to sleep through... You'll see. Any time you want to contact her, write a letter. Don't send it. Put it in a shoe box. Then, one day, when you're ready to move on, burn the box. It's very relieving.

 

Well sir, I don't know if I'm doin just fine, but I guess I'm doin regardless. Got no choice. One thing is for sure though. She has definitely handled this like a coward. A confused coward, but a coward none the less.

 

No doubt about the false hope either. Oh yeah, the heart DOES lie. I can't IMAGINE her not coming back. As crazy as that is. Denial full speed ahead I guess. I guess I just compare myself to this guy and I'm everything he's not, which may be my problem right now. I'm a "keeper", he's just a distraction who has no threat of being serious. She's not ready for a "keeper". SHE'S STILL MARRIED!!

 

I know I gotta not contact her. This w-end is going to be tough. I KNOW it is. I have a date for tonight, so I guess that'll keep ME distracted for a while at least. Jeeze it's hard to fake being with someone when you'd rather be with someone else.

 

I need to purge her from my brain...

[HighPlainsDrifter]

okay,

I'm getting pissed now. I can't believe she is hanging out with this dumpy guy.

I want to call her out on this soooooo bad right now, but know I can't.

I've had 2 clonazepam, and a valium about 3 hours ago and all I feel is rage. It's had ZERO effect on me and I can't sleep.

This is f*cking ridiculous and makes absolutely no sense.

This gal is a f#cking head case...

And I let her in...

Unf*ckin believable.

[fresco]

okay,

I'm getting pissed now. I can't believe she is hanging out with this dumpy guy.

I want to call her out on this soooooo bad right now, but know I can't.

I've had 2 clonazepam, and a valium about 3 hours ago and all I feel is rage. It's had ZERO effect on me and I can't sleep.

This is f*cking ridiculous and makes absolutely no sense.

This gal is a f#cking head case...

And I let her in...

Unf*ckin believable.

 

Hey buddy. Just got done readin the whole story. I understand how you feel about thinking there could be a reconciliation somewhere there, but you just have to hammer the fact "SHES STILL MARRIED" into your mind everytime you think about her.

 

Yea maybe shes just using this guy and bailed on you because she couldn't commit right now, that could definitely be why she wont say that she doesn't want to be with you. But at this point its really moot, and you are really better off without her man. You don't wanna fall in love with someone who is indecisive like that. You want a girl who knows what she wants.

 

You gotta stop torturing yourself about this and remember that its her not you dude. And everytime you feel jealous just remember, that dudes probably got bigger boobs than her. Hope this helped

[bonpaw2008]

okay,

I'm getting pissed now. I can't believe she is hanging out with this dumpy guy.

I want to call her out on this soooooo bad right now, but know I can't.

I've had 2 clonazepam, and a valium about 3 hours ago and all I feel is rage. It's had ZERO effect on me and I can't sleep.

This is f*cking ridiculous and makes absolutely no sense.

This gal is a f#cking head case...

And I let her in...

Unf*ckin believable.

 

Ok we have moved on to anger. Good. Now do what I told you to, knock her off, stand on your tippy toes and knock her off that pedastal. She is no good for you, she is still married, she doesn't want you. She is with some fat guy, and there is nothing you can do about it.

 

Take control sweetheart. Control what you can control. No more calls over to the friend that lives across the street. No more web stalking. You have no idea what is in her head, and you shouldn't want to know. You are so much better off getting this over with now. You dodged a bullet, she is not even divorced and she got with you. How can you trust that what she told you, how she made you feel wasn't all a sick act?

 

Good luck, I know jealousy and anger, they don't call it the green-eyed monster because it is pretty

[HighPlainsDrifter]

Hey buddy. Just got done readin the whole story. I understand how you feel about thinking there could be a reconciliation somewhere there, but you just have to hammer the fact "SHES STILL MARRIED" into your mind everytime you think about her.

 

Yea maybe shes just using this guy and bailed on you because she couldn't commit right now, that could definitely be why she wont say that she doesn't want to be with you. But at this point its really moot, and you are really better off without her man. You don't wanna fall in love with someone who is indecisive like that. You want a girl who knows what she wants.

 

You gotta stop torturing yourself about this and remember that its her not you dude. And everytime you feel jealous just remember, that dudes probably got bigger boobs than her. Hope this helped

 

Thanks fresco. I guess the pills finally kicked in last night. I must have fallen asleep shortly after my post, and finally woke up now. I figure I got a good 14 hrs worth of sleep? Even had another girl in my bed last night and I couldn't relax. Holy cow...

 

Kinda hitting the depression phase now. Checked my email, and still no reply from her. I just don't understand how she can turn it off so quick and run scared like that. I know it's not healthy for me. Man I let her into my heart and rarely ever do that.

 

I absolutely do want a girl who knows what she wants. Back then I asked her several times and she told me this is what she wanted. I thought I found her, but I was so far wrong that it shocks me. I'm usually a pretty good judge of character, or so I thought.

 

I know this guy is fat, but that's not really fair of me to put him down. I don't know the guy and it's not his fault. I don't want to criticize him for being overweight. That's pretty shallow of me. I'm just frustrated...

[HighPlainsDrifter]

Ok we have moved on to anger. Good. Now do what I told you to, knock her off, stand on your tippy toes and knock her off that pedastal. She is no good for you, she is still married, she doesn't want you. She is with some fat guy, and there is nothing you can do about it.

 

Take control sweetheart. Control what you can control. No more calls over to the friend that lives across the street. No more web stalking. You have no idea what is in her head, and you shouldn't want to know. You are so much better off getting this over with now. You dodged a bullet, she is not even divorced and she got with you. How can you trust that what she told you, how she made you feel wasn't all a sick act?

 

Good luck, I know jealousy and anger, they don't call it the green-eyed monster because it is pretty

 

 

Thank you again for coming to my aid paw. Yeah, I know I need to knock her off this pedestal. I'm having problems doing that I guess. She WAS so good for me when we were together and that's what sucks. I excelled at work and got a promotion to the head of my department. Was so happy to come home and spend time with her. Had no conflict, no arguments, happy sex life, and felt so complete. Then "poof".

 

I know I need to take control. I HAVE to. I just need to figure out how. Last night was the first night I didn't check to see if she was over there. I almost drove by after I made my post, but what difference would it make?

 

Yes Maam, I get jealousy and anger going on. Now I've woken up to depression. Jeeze I just can't believe it was all a sick act though.

 

I so wish she would face me, once and for all...

 

Thanks again for trying to talk me through this paw...

[bonpaw2008]

Thank you again for coming to my aid paw. Yeah, I know I need to knock her off this pedestal. I'm having problems doing that I guess. She WAS so good for me when we were together and that's what sucks. I excelled at work and got a promotion to the head of my department. Was so happy to come home and spend time with her. Had no conflict, no arguments, happy sex life, and felt so complete. Then "poof".

 

I know I need to take control. I HAVE to. I just need to figure out how. Last night was the first night I didn't check to see if she was over there. I almost drove by after I made my post, but what difference would it make?

 

Yes Maam, I get jealousy and anger going on. Now I've woken up to depression. Jeeze I just can't believe it was all a sick act though.

 

I so wish she would face me, once and for all...

 

Thanks again for trying to talk me through this paw...

 

I don't think it is a sick act, but I know she is a confused girl that needs this time away just as much as you do. All of the happiness that happened before is the past unfortunately. She needs to get her **** straightened out, and so do you. Give her that time, stop stalking , concentrate on the girl in your bed or your abs or something else. If and when she is ready to talk she will. If that doesn't happen you will have your answers anyway because you figured yourself out.

 

No problem at all, I am glad to help .... you guys help me so much too

[HighPlainsDrifter]

I don't think it is a sick act, but I know she is a confused girl that needs this time away just as much as you do. All of the happiness that happened before is the past unfortunately. She needs to get her **** straightened out, and so do you. Give her that time, stop stalking , concentrate on the girl in your bed or your abs or something else. If and when she is ready to talk she will. If that doesn't happen you will have your answers anyway because you figured yourself out.

 

No problem at all, I am glad to help .... you guys help me so much too

 

Yes Paw, the only thing for sure is that she is confused and needs to figure herself out. I just wish that she would do that by herself, instead of with someone else. Now look at me being the hypocrite here. Apparently I can't be by myself either. I need this place, and a woman in my bed and I'm still miserable.

 

Last night was the first night I never asked or drove by myself to see if her car was there. I wonder if that's why I couldn't sleep? I get so mad when I see it there, but then I get so mad not knowing. Talk about a catch 22.

 

You know, I'm really shocked I haven't heard anything from her. I don't even know if this is bugging her or not, and I would sure hope it would. I know though. Let it go... Oh so easy to say...

[HighPlainsDrifter]

Just posting here so I don't write the email to her.

 

What a f*cked up situation.

I know I came so close last week to reconnecting with her.

 

Maybe I pushed it too hard.

 

She is a coward and can't handle something real right now.

She is still married...

She is still married...

She's running scared...

 

I'm left to pay the price.

 

No way to confront her without looking like a crazy ex boyfriend.

 

At least I still have my dignity in her eyes.

 

Fake it till you make it. Whenever that is...

 

I guess this will be day 3, and holding.... Strong??

[HighPlainsDrifter]

Just posting here so I don't write the email to her.

 

What a f*cked up situation.

I know I came so close last week to reconnecting with her.

 

Maybe I pushed it too hard.

 

She is a coward and can't handle something real right now.

She is still married...

She is still married...

She's running scared...

 

I'm left to pay the price.

 

No way to confront her without looking like a crazy ex boyfriend.

 

At least I still have my dignity in her eyes.

 

Fake it till you make it. Whenever that is...

 

I guess this will be day 3, and holding.... Strong??

 

Effing biting my tongue again... Dam I wanna say something... And I got a story for you all tomorrow. Dig that effin whole hpd... Keep on diggin...

[bonpaw2008]

Effing biting my tongue again... Dam I wanna say something... And I got a story for you all tomorrow. Dig that effin whole hpd... Keep on diggin...

 

Hope you are doing ok High...

 

She quit you, she isn't talking to you, don't talk to her.

 

No stalking....

 

Have a good strong day!!!

[HighPlainsDrifter]

Hope you are doing ok High...

 

She quit you, she isn't talking to you, don't talk to her.

 

No stalking....

 

Have a good strong day!!!

 

Thanks paw. So no I never drove by and still haven't called her. I guess this will be day 4. Still want answers but I'm holding as strong as possible.

 

 

So my story is, last night, this girl that I've kinda started seeing to get my mind off things tells me to get kind of dressed up because she has a suprise for me. Now I'm not really in the mood for suprises, but I figured I could get out of the house anyway. I asked her if we were going to go eat and she said yes.

 

 

So we get to the restaurant and she has a table all decorated with hearts and heart shaped glasses and stuff like that. My stomach just kind of dropped. I mean it was nice and all, but I'm so not ready for the "heart" stuff.

 

 

We have dinner, and she ends it by asking me if we can make it "official" as in "boyfriend/girlfriend". Again, my stomach drops... I asked her "what does that mean anyway?" I said we are dating and I have a lot of issues I'm still trying to work through. I don't know what else to say?

 

 

I can tell she was kind of hurt by this, but I really hated being put on the spot like that. I like the attention and companionship she offers, but how could I commit to a "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing when I'm still obviously stuck on my ex?

 

 

Its nice to have someone want you though, but I'm feelin a lot of pressure due to this.

 

 

On the other hand, this is 4 days nc, and other than finding those web pics friday, I haven't driven by or asked anything about her for 2, going on 3 days.

 

 

Yep though... Still miss her like hell...

 

 

What a mess I'm in...

Edited August 1, 2010 by HighPlainsDrifter

[bonpaw2008]

Thanks paw. So no I never drove by and still haven't called her. I guess this will be day 4. Still want answers but I'm holding as strong as possible.

 

 

So my story is, last night, this girl that I've kinda started seeing to get my mind off things tells me to get kind of dressed up because she has a suprise for me. Now I'm not really in the mood for suprises, but I figured I could get out of the house anyway. I asked her if we were going to go eat and she said yes.

 

 

So we get to the restaurant and she has a table all decorated with hearts and heart shaped glasses and stuff like that. My stomach just kind of dropped. I mean it was nice and all, but I'm so not ready for the "heart" stuff.

 

 

We have dinner, and she ends it by asking me if we can make it "official" as in "boyfriend/girlfriend". Again, my stomach drops... I asked her "what does that mean anyway?" I said we are dating and I have a lot of issues I'm still trying to work through. I don't know what else to say?

 

 

I can tell she was kind of hurt by this, but I really hated being put on the spot like that. I like the attention and companionship she offers, but how could I commit to a "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing when I'm still obviously stuck on my ex?

 

 

Its nice to have someone want you though, but I'm feelin a lot of pressure due to this.

 

 

On the other hand, this is 4 days nc, and other than finding those web pics friday, I haven't driven by or asked anything about her for 2, going on 3 days.

 

 

Yep though... Still miss her like hell...

 

 

What a mess I'm in...

 

Yep she is hooked, or she is as bad as us and has co-dependent issues and needs the attention...you need to make it just friends with her or she is going to get stomped...

 

I know you are not trying to hurt her but she is already in too deep, cut her loose - try to find someone that is in the same spot or just wants sex...

 

You don't need answers by the way, you already have all the answers you need by what you know....

[HighPlainsDrifter]

Yep she is hooked, or she is as bad as us and has co-dependent issues and needs the attention...you need to make it just friends with her or she is going to get stomped...

 

I know you are not trying to hurt her but she is already in too deep, cut her loose - try to find someone that is in the same spot or just wants sex...

 

You don't need answers by the way, you already have all the answers you need by what you know....

 

Nice to see you coming to my aid again paw. I know what you are saying about this other woman. I've tried to make it as clear as I can that I'm not ready for this. I think its just my co-dependent crap coming through. Its just to hard to be alone. I wouldn't doubt that's exactly what's going on with my ex and this other guy as well after seeing the complete non physical way they interact with each other.

 

And I haven't been using this other woman for sex either. I'm not even feeling sexual right now. I haven't for a while. We had sex a few times when we first started dating, but it all came to a hault when these emails showed up.

 

I've tried to be as honest as possible, but I guess my weakness is showing through. Hell, I was going to stay in bed all day yeaterday until she called me to take me out to this "special" dinner. At least she got me out of the house and I actually ate something.

 

I feel like I need this woman right now, probably for all the wrong reasons.

 

Dam I keep digging myself into a hole...

 

Thanks for listening paw and I hope your day is going better. Day 4 ande barely holding, but holding none the less. :/

[bonpaw2008]

Nice to see you coming to my aid again paw. I know what you are saying about this other woman. I've tried to make it as clear as I can that I'm not ready for this. I think its just my co-dependent crap coming through. Its just to hard to be alone. I wouldn't doubt that's exactly what's going on with my ex and this other guy as well after seeing the complete non physical way they interact with each other.

 

And I haven't been using this other woman for sex either. I'm not even feeling sexual right now. I haven't for a while. We had sex a few times when we first started dating, but it all came to a hault when these emails showed up.

 

I've tried to be as honest as possible, but I guess my weakness is showing through. Hell, I was going to stay in bed all day yeaterday until she called me to take me out to this "special" dinner. At least she got me out of the house and I actually ate something.

 

I feel like I need this woman right now, probably for all the wrong reasons.

 

Dam I keep digging myself into a hole...

 

Thanks for listening paw and I hope your day is going better. Day 4 ande barely holding, but holding none the less. :/

 

I know you think you need her, and if she understood what this was all about then she wouldn't be asking if you were bf/gf. I bet you are an excellent catch What you don't need is more emotional drama, and that is all that the new girl is going to turn into. Us girls, we don't listen you can tell her until the cows go home that you are not in a relationship but she is feeling something different.

 

There is no reason to add any more drama to your situation. You need to get yourself back, don't transfer your feelings or create something with someone that you don't see a future with just because you are lonely.

 

You don't have to listen to me But you know what you need to do....go find someone that won't be so attached if you need that hysterical bonding....this one is already gone

 

How are things with the ex? No stalking today? You are a good person, you know that and you deserve so much better....

[lullaby]

Nice to see you coming to my aid again paw. I know what you are saying about this other woman. I've tried to make it as clear as I can that I'm not ready for this. I think its just my co-dependent crap coming through. Its just to hard to be alone. I wouldn't doubt that's exactly what's going on with my ex and this other guy as well after seeing the complete non physical way they interact with each other.

 

And I haven't been using this other woman for sex either. I'm not even feeling sexual right now. I haven't for a while. We had sex a few times when we first started dating, but it all came to a hault when these emails showed up.

 

I've tried to be as honest as possible, but I guess my weakness is showing through. Hell, I was going to stay in bed all day yeaterday until she called me to take me out to this "special" dinner. At least she got me out of the house and I actually ate something.

 

I feel like I need this woman right now, probably for all the wrong reasons.

 

Dam I keep digging myself into a hole...

 

Thanks for listening paw and I hope your day is going better. Day 4 ande barely holding, but holding none the less. :/

 

Hi HPD. Try to be strong, you're still on the process and as we always say, it's a f***ing roller coaster of emotions.

Just remember that it'll hurt less and less with time, but you really need to heal on your own. I know you want to fill the void she left but it's not fair if the person you chose gets emotionally involved with you.

 

As Paw said, try to find someone who is in the same situation as you, someone not looking for a relationship because you're not ready for that. Your break up is too fresh right now.

 

We're all here to help. If there's something you'd like to tell you ex, write it here, express yourself.

 

I remember I sent my ex a letter just after the break up, you know what I got from it? 'Thank you for the letter'. Just that, it was pointless. Then I took some time for myself and without noticing a month passed and I was doing so much better. So trust me, be on your own for a while, do something you always wanted to do and be honest with this girl, she doesn't deserve to be hurt.

 

Hope you're doing better.

[HighPlainsDrifter]

I know you think you need her, and if she understood what this was all about then she wouldn't be asking if you were bf/gf. I bet you are an excellent catch What you don't need is more emotional drama, and that is all that the new girl is going to turn into. Us girls, we don't listen you can tell her until the cows go home that you are not in a relationship but she is feeling something different.

 

There is no reason to add any more drama to your situation. You need to get yourself back, don't transfer your feelings or create something with someone that you don't see a future with just because you are lonely.

 

You don't have to listen to me But you know what you need to do....go find someone that won't be so attached if you need that hysterical bonding....this one is already gone

 

How are things with the ex? No stalking today? You are a good person, you know that and you deserve so much better....

 

 

 

Sigh... Yes Paw, what you are likely saying is true. You know, I guess it is a relationship of some sort, but just not a bf/gf relationship that I can handle right now. I know I don't need the emotional drama. You are correct. We did go through an episode of that about 2 weeks ago, and I explained myself fairly thoroughly there, but I didn't come right out and say, "I'm still in love with my ex". I just said I have severe trust issues from my past relationship and am not ready to get into "titles" or anything like that. It is a relationship of some sort, but I know it's different to her than it is to me. I do have fun with her when we do things and it gets me out of bed, so I guess in that sense, that's why I feel I need her. I know it's selfish and I'm not so proud of that part.

 

Lol... Thanks for the excellent catch part. Actually, I know that I AM a very good catch and get told that quite often. It just never works out for me for some dang reason.

 

I do listen to what you say Paw, and I agree with most everything you've said. Even though I might not exactly follow through with your advice, I know it is correct none the less, and I can use it for guidance. Thank you again for providing it. You've really been supportive of me through all this crap, and you are helping more than you know.

 

Things with the ex... No maam, no stalking today. No driving by. That makes it Thursday night since the last time.

 

I did look back at a couple of our last emails back and forth where we were she was saying that she needed to "figure this whole mess out" and how she was not ignoring the email that I sent her to tell me if she wants me out of her life for good and I will disappear and wish her well. But she still hasn't replied, at least not verbally or written.

 

Still feelin helpless about all this stuff, but I haven't communicated with her since I sent that email wednesday night, and I appear strong in her eyes at least, even though I'm a wreck. A wreck going on day 4 nc I guess...

[HighPlainsDrifter]

Hi HPD. Try to be strong, you're still on the process and as we always say, it's a f***ing roller coaster of emotions.

Just remember that it'll hurt less and less with time, but you really need to heal on your own. I know you want to fill the void she left but it's not fair if the person you chose gets emotionally involved with you.

 

As Paw said, try to find someone who is in the same situation as you, someone not looking for a relationship because you're not ready for that. Your break up is too fresh right now.

 

We're all here to help. If there's something you'd like to tell you ex, write it here, express yourself.

 

I remember I sent my ex a letter just after the break up, you know what I got from it? 'Thank you for the letter'. Just that, it was pointless. Then I took some time for myself and without noticing a month passed and I was doing so much better. So trust me, be on your own for a while, do something you always wanted to do and be honest with this girl, she doesn't deserve to be hurt.

 

Hope you're doing better.

 

Hello Lull. Thank you so much for coming to my thread of despair to visit me... Again, I want to thank you so much for your email the other week, and wish you strength in dealing with your grandfathers passing. My deepest condolences.

 

Yeah, it is a effing roller coaster right now. I guess right now its the bad part, especially when things were going so well last week and it felt like we were truly making progress. It's when I look at that that makes me think I should write something else to her and stir up her thoughts again. I'm mixed on the whole thing, because of the reaction I got last time. I know it gets to her when I do, but there is only so much one can do before you start to look needy and weak. I haven't done that yet, as non of my correspondence was begging her to come back or anything like that. I wished her well with everything and said she that my feelings ran deep for her, and that I just wish she could have talked to me before pulling her disappearing act.

 

I'm sorry to hear your letter didn't go so well. I did get a reaction from mine. She told me she was crying as she read it and it makes her so overwhelmed and she knows she needs to figure out the mess she's created. That's the frustrating part. I genuinely think that if she did face me, for even a half hour or so, she would know we should be together.

 

Yeah, the whole thing at the restaurant with this other gal made me feel pretty uneasy and guilty. It was nice to feel wanted and appreciated, don't get me wrong, but my heart is still elsewhere. It did get me out of bed though.

 

I just wish I had more supportive friends that wanted to do things besides go to the bar or people who I could talk to about this. I've really been relying on this board for support, and it has provided that. Thanks to everyone for this. I know I tend to ramble, but it's either this, or stalk or some other dumb thing I guess.

 

Lull, I hope you're doing ok with the all you're going through as well. May god bless your grandfather (hope you're ok with the god stuff).