smk Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Well the last few days have been just a little bit of a nightmare – from doing quite well I dropped into a deep dark abysmal pit from which I thought there would be no way out… I went through a severe bout of depression, I touched base on a little bit of denial, I even bargained (thankfully to myself) and went through a substantial amount of anger (thankfully internal only – no fight club here)… I hit the bottle 2 nights running, popped a few tranq’s (still didn’t manage sleep) went through a severe bout of anxiety, and even looked at will making tips (yes that’s how bad it got)… and then all of a sudden I woke up this morning (after 5 sleep with only 1 interruption – the first time in almost 7 weeks) this morning and you know what it didn’t feel like such a bad day… I did think about her, but it was literally a passing thought. I have thought about her a couple of times since then but again its just been a passing thought – nothing to make me feel low… My playlist has recently been filled up with songs that generally make most of the populace want to slit their wrists, and today when I tried listening to it, it actually brought me a little down, so I changed playlists and listened to some upbeat music, and you know what I didn’t feel guilty for once that I wasn’t sad…All this time I had this stigma in my mind that if I was happy then I was giving up hope (and then it just hit home – why should I have hope – whats the point – by hoping that she comes back I am only going to be setting up myself for more failure). I may not be fully healed and this maybe a temporary phase and who knows I may even lapse in a couple of days, but for the first time in 7 weeks I have not felt guilty about laughing – in fact I even commented on how pretty another girl looked this morning (which normally felt like cheating to me)… I guess what goes up must come down, and vice versa… So for today I am going to embrace this feeling, I am going to spend my day thinking of happy thoughts, I lived 26 years without her in my life and I am sure I will survive another 50 without her… I guess what I am trying to say is that we will have some days where we will be down in the dumps, look at my posts earlier this week and then see how negative I became over the last 2 days and look at me today, but the key, as everyone here told me, is to embrace those feelings and just let them pass because they will… Be strong my fellow members of the Brosterhood… its only a passing phase and sooner or later you will wake up one morning and look out the window and instead seeing the dark gloomy clouds you will see the sunshine, go out and feel the warmth… Embrace the chubby ninja within you for he will fill your life with ice cream and jelly, with chocolate sprinkles on top... hehehehe - dont ask - this is a slight variation of the real chubby ninja post... Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 I lived 26 years without her in my life and I am sure I will survive another 50 without her… So true - so today is an US - 1 THEM - 0 day!!!! Woohoooo!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smk Posted July 30, 2010 Author Share Posted July 30, 2010 So true - so today is an US - 1 THEM - 0 day!!!! Woohoooo!!! yeah baby (in an austin powers acccent).... Link to post Share on other sites
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