MissJane530 Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 I'm a newly wed and he and i havent been together for a long time previous to the marriage and lately all i am is irritated and annoyed with him. I feel like he never understands me and most of all i feel like im loosing myself and i hate it. The person i am right now is not the person i was when we first met. I hate to put all the blame on him but part of me cant help it. When we met i was independent had my own place job social life and then a new bf i thought everything was amazing we shortly moved in together and i realized something was wrong. He had a drug problem which he told me he had in the past but overcame it. So on his part he did a lot of lying and sneaking around with that habit and instead of being myself i became this over protective, controlling,"secret agent" snooping around making sure stories matched up etc. I was always told when you love someone you stick with them no matter what. so I stayed and helped him with everything and now he is clean but i fear that in the process of "saving" him i "lost" me. What should i do? I do i become my happy self again this person i only see in blurbs. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Pause a moment and resist the "nevers" and "always" mentality. I am sure there are times he understands you , he just doesnt always have the tools to reciprocate. No one is a saint even in the eyes of their closest friends. Can you draw on some of your positive assets to bring you back around? Are you an outgoing being? Enjoy friends and perhaps community causes? Get back in the groove of things. You chose to be a protector and now that the role is not necessary you need to supplement it with a new you! RE-invent yourself, find your passions, but stop holding another accountable for your active decision to be *lost* in being.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissJane530 Posted August 1, 2010 Author Share Posted August 1, 2010 Pause a moment and resist the "nevers" and "always" mentality. I am sure there are times he understands you , he just doesnt always have the tools to reciprocate. No one is a saint even in the eyes of their closest friends. Can you draw on some of your positive assets to bring you back around? Are you an outgoing being? Enjoy friends and perhaps community causes? Get back in the groove of things. You chose to be a protector and now that the role is not necessary you need to supplement it with a new you! RE-invent yourself, find your passions, but stop holding another accountable for your active decision to be *lost* in being.... Thank you a lot i mean that sincerely, that put it into perspective for me i do re-invent myself and get out there. I hope i have the strength to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Cuccoon Posted September 9, 2010 Share Posted September 9, 2010 Go to Al-Anon. It's free and everyone talks about the exact same feelings you are going through. You will find the support there to not lose yourself in his addiction. If you do this now, you may save yourself years of misery! Just try it! Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted September 11, 2010 Share Posted September 11, 2010 Go to Al-Anon. It's free and everyone talks about the exact same feelings you are going through. You will find the support there to not lose yourself in his addiction. If you do this now, you may save yourself years of misery! Just try it! I second this. You are exactly the type that al-anon helps the most. Link to post Share on other sites
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