Betteroff Posted July 30, 2010 Share Posted July 30, 2010 Im new here, but i need a bit of advice. Some emotional more than legal. My Husband and I have been married 5yrs. I was in an abusive relationship before that, my sons father. I somehow thought my husband was better than that, only to go through the last 5 years and realize hes not. Thats not to say hes beating me or the kids, because hes not, but its just not working out. We have nothing. No jobs, no money, no savings, no house, no car, nothing. We do have 2 kids together. We are living with his family right now and when i leave (later this summer), I will live with my family with the kids. We agree on everything aside from child support. However, the thing we do have are furniture. Neither one of us bought any- it was given to us after we had bedbugs last year. So How will that be divided? I feel like I have given my husband chance after chance to change and he wont. Im tired of my children never having a stable house, money to do anything, money to have anything, depending on family to help, a father who could care less. I want and need better for them. Then why do I feel like crap about it all? I dont hate my husband but yet i dont love him either. I dont want to be with him. I see my childrens lives, as well as mine getting better, more stable, happier. How do you move on? How do you survive being a single mom? Our kids are 2 and 4, so a bit young to get the jist of it all. Will it be as easy to get a dissolution/divorce since we agree on everything? Can it really be as easy as filing and its done? Link to post Share on other sites
cavedweller Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 Betteroff, The first thing you and your husband need to do is go find a job.. Take any job to bring in some money.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Betteroff Posted July 31, 2010 Author Share Posted July 31, 2010 thats a long standing argument. Thanks though Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted July 31, 2010 Share Posted July 31, 2010 There's no balance in your life between responsibility for those children and the means to support them. It's time to get that balance. You can't see a reality with your H, or without him, because life is so off kilter there's no point in examining it. Jobs, yeah. You've taken on the responsibility of children without the financial responsibility. You can't do that, unless you're going to find a way to leech off the system, hardly admirable behavior. It's time for balance. It's time for jobs. It's time to be responsible. Nothing else about this marriage is even worth discussing until this issue is fixed. Link to post Share on other sites
sbradford2 Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 I totally understand how you are feeling. I am going through somewhat of the same thing. I was never married but with him for 11 years. And we have 2 kids together. We could not work out our differences and he finally left and told me that he would continue to support them but I'm not too sure on what's going to happen with that. I don't get it one minute he was a family man the next he's hanging with his buddies drinking all day and not even calling to see how the kids are doing. Its so easy for people to tell you to forget about him and move on as if it is so simple. When a man leaves he has noone to worry about but himself but the woman has to do what she has to do for her children. My advice to you is to seek counseling to help you get through this tough time and any other resources that could help. And if you have to apply for assistance by all means go ahead that's what it is there for. And do alot of job searching. And most of all take care of those babies. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
spriggig Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 As far as an easy divorce goes, I can only say what I'm doing right now. Both my STBXW and I agree on everything, child custody, child support payments, division of property, child visitation rights/number of days, etc. It will be a no contest divorce. I started out with an online DIY divorce site and actually paid them and got the paperwork. The problem was I wasn't confident I covered everything--that's what you're really paying for in a lawyer, more confidence that he's doing it right and covering all the bases. He can answer your questions and give you some peace of mind that this will be put to rest once the judge approves the divorce. My lawyer charged me $700 to write up the papers and file, including court fees. That's what the receipt says, but it hasn't actually happened yet, so we'll see if he tries to get some more out of me. Link to post Share on other sites
wrencn Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 I agree that your husband needs a job (but you know this already). As for you, finding a job that would leave you any money after paying for childcare is going to be difficult. Can your family watch the kids for free? I agree you should get assistance if you need it, then get in school for a trade. Phlebotomy, medical technology, dental hygienist... Something that is fairly short, but in demand. My business degree is worthless and my masters degree will probably be worthless too. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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