I need advise on my fella using chat rooms to flirt

[recruiter27]

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This time last year my boyfriend and I had a fall out over him chatting constantly to girls on various websites these girls were always talking dirty to him and he replying back i found a log of all his conversations and they made me sick.

 

I confronted him about this and on Valentines day last year we decided to have some space I couldn't cope though and at 1.00am i drove to his house 15 miles away to find him stood in the street and looking rather flustered when he saw me, he tried to get rid of me so I left upset. I checked the logs the next day once we had talked he said that he had gone for a walk but the log said that he had arranged to meet with a girl. I arrived just in time i guess.

 

We made up however I cannot trust him and keep finding out that he has been on porn sites and chat sites and talks to many girls on the internet about sex and what he would like to do with them. He says that it is a laugh and that there is nothing in it but I feel cheated. I am a very attractive woman who has been able to get anything I wanted in the past but now I feel cheated and hurt about all this and so anti porn its unreal. I live just round the corner form a strip club and my blood boils everytime i walk past once upon a time I couldnt care less but now it feels like porn has ruined my true love as he was perfect before he got hooked on the internet sites.

 

Im I being pathetic?

[dyermaker]

In general, I think that anti-porn women have several issues with themselves and their perception/understanding of things.

 

In your case, I think that it doesn't matter who's in the "right"--you need to leave this relationship, because you are not going to change your mind.

[meanon]

The use of porn/chatrooms does not occur in a vacuum - whether it is harmful or not depends on the dynamics of the relationship so whilst you may need to examine your attitudes your husband also has a responsibility to do the same and to consider the effect on you.

 

I am not an anti-porn woman and see this as an unhelpful categorisation of LS opinion which attempts to dismiss differing points of view on this issue.

 

The main issue would seem to be your lack of trust, only you know if this is justified. You seem certain that he arranged to meet someone else - are you sure this is true? If so this goes well beyond use of porn/chatrooms to possible infidelity. You are not being pathetic.

 

If you are not sure about the meeting it may be best to let it go and try to reach a compromise based on a real understanding of what each others views and feelings are. This will not be possible unless he is prepared to be honest with you and you are prepared to listen. If he doesn't agree to this then you would have to question the importance of the relationship to him.

 

You know best what are the key issues for you but I would imagine there is a distinction between use of porn and chatrooms where there is direct contact with real people and all the dynamics that brings. Use of porn/internet chatrooms is not the same as infidelity but if the effects on the relationship are the same as an affair (lack of interest, time, intimacy etc.) then he has a responsibility to moderate his habits.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by meanon

I am not an anti-porn woman and see this as an unhelpful categorisation of LS opinion which attempts to dismiss differing points of view on this issue.

Shame on me for facilitating the manifestation of "anti-porn woman" and "dissmissive of differing points of view"--Those women are true martyrs, and go out of their way to be understanding, despite my inability to return the favor.