fooled once Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 Really?! What in Iraq, lol! Do you think there are not FEMALES in the military? Seriously? Do you not think there are Iraqi females that LIVE there???? You are reading way too much into this, if you go through all the posts throughout the thread with a fine tooth comb you will see I do usually refer to him as my fiance, I was actually trying to keep the grammar good by not using the same word in the same paragraph - that's all! To be honest I don't even know what the military benefits are anyway - I have never asked him and the subject has never come up about what what we would be entitled to. He has only briefly mentioned that they cover the cost of renting a house, but I didn't ask him to elaborate. Anyway, when we first met and got talking - I didn't find out about his job in the military for a while. In fact when I did find out it actually put me off slightly because in the UK, men in the armed forces have a bad reputation. I am quickly learning that this is different in the USA though. It makes me so sad that you are jumping to these conclusions without knowing enough about me, do you realise how depressed I am right now? I can barely get out of bed most days and am crying constantly, I don't need additional abuse on here The above bold is why you should not be engaged -- that you are this depressed and barely getting out of bed over the MM who dumped you 15 months ago and then "reappeared" to see if he still had you wrapped around his finger (and he did) ...... You have no business getting married right now -- not until you resolve these feelings ---- ONE AND FOR ALL ---- for the MM. Link to post Share on other sites
NancyBotwin Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 My understanding is the UK, but perhaps that was where they met in person for the first time and she's not a resident. IDK. BTW, OP, in my case the timeline was 14 years and seven years married. The MW didn't call me; I contacted her. Unresolved feelings without proper processing and/or therapy can, and were in my case, be a marriage buster. Fair warning, if you sincerely wish to have a healthy and long-lasting marriage....This is interesting. Kinda makes me wonder who really contacted who in this situation. Oh, well. OP, He's in Iraq and probably lonely. He met you online. Don't you think he could still be chatting with other chicks online? I hope he is, TBH, because it really looks like you are just using him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted August 1, 2010 Author Share Posted August 1, 2010 I do not have the energy left to defend or justify myself anymore, but some of the things that have been said on here are not true at all and I have been made even more upset by certain people jumping to conclusions and assuming they know what I am like, what my intentions are, and what my fiance is like. It is very unfair - I would never do this to other people, making nasty comments on their threads. I came here to seek help, and I am shocked at how bitchy this forum has become. I am even more depressed now and don't even feel I will be able to make it into work tomorrow. Well I know the truth, and God knows the truth, I guess that's all that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 I understand everyone's concerns. But its interesting. LS is a place where people can "journal" or diarize their thoughts and get other people's take on them and so she is. You put up your thoughts and you are bound to get "the real harsh truth" from people which is great. It makes you think. At the same time, the OP wouldnt be the first to be in bad circumstances, meet a really nice guy whom she cares for and who she thinks will make her happy and be willing to give it a go. Yes there are issues with her depression etc but they havent resolved themselves in the 2 years or so that she has been posting. Does that mean she is destined to be alone? We see some people with not so nice motives posting on here. I for one dont think the OP is one of them. Yes she will be eligible for a green card, but shes not looking to move to the US and get the green card and conquer the world. She wants to be a wife and mother and she thinks she will have a chance to do that and be happy and make that man happy. Is that so terrible? Just a thought. But Heartbroken do think about going back to IC. Use this time to work on you and get strong. Moving to a new country is exciting but its a big change and you want to be at your best mentally before you do that. THe language is the same but the culture is very different in ways you wouldnt expect and that is an adjustment plus the fact you dont know anyone there. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) I think her huge meltdown and "devastation" over xMM contacting her shows she hasn't moved on, isn't over him, and that THE AMERICAN isn't number one in her heart. This isn't really true. I know from experience. I once spent a lot of time getting over someone and later started dating someone else. I fell in love with the new guy but circumstances occured several months later where I needed to contact the ex. I didn't want to do it and I had a complete meltdown over it, much in the same way that the OP has done. Actually I got over it within a short while but I think my reaction had more to do with the fact that having to talk to my ex brought up all those buried (and somewhat still fresh) emotions. It's hard to explain but just because a person has feelings for two different people, doesn't diminsh one or the other. No one likes to hear this but it does happen. Edited August 2, 2010 by Angel1111 Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 I understand everyone's concerns. But its interesting. LS is a place where people can "journal" or diarize their thoughts and get other people's take on them and so she is. You put up your thoughts and you are bound to get "the real harsh truth" from people which is great. It makes you think. At the same time, the OP wouldnt be the first to be in bad circumstances, meet a really nice guy whom she cares for and who she thinks will make her happy and be willing to give it a go. Yes there are issues with her depression etc but they havent resolved themselves in the 2 years or so that she has been posting. Does that mean she is destined to be alone? We see some people with not so nice motives posting on here. I for one dont think the OP is one of them. Yes she will be eligible for a green card, but shes not looking to move to the US and get the green card and conquer the world. She wants to be a wife and mother and she thinks she will have a chance to do that and be happy and make that man happy. Is that so terrible? Just a thought. But Heartbroken do think about going back to IC. Use this time to work on you and get strong. Moving to a new country is exciting but its a big change and you want to be at your best mentally before you do that. THe language is the same but the culture is very different in ways you wouldnt expect and that is an adjustment plus the fact you dont know anyone there. Excellent post and I agree. Take care Heartbroken and chin up, don't let that man (mm) steal your happiness. You've got a whole life in front of you, grab it and decide to be happy with it. Just make sure you fiancée is a good man. Hugs...... Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Thank BB. I just think that most relatoinships have some aspect to them that are opportunistic in some way or another even if we dont see it that way when we are in love. My spouse will be a good parent, provider whatever. So Heartbroken can escape her life and the memories of MM and start fresh and hope that the residual feelings go away. She wouldnt be the first and wont be the last. Is it ideal? No. Is it criminal. No. She has told her fiance and he is OK with it. Heartbroken I do hope you go to work on Monday. The opinions of strangers should not be enough to keep you out of work for a day. You need to be tougher than that if you are going to start a new life on your own in the US and I say on your own as your fiance could be overseas on duty. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) Like the saying goes "moving on to bigger and better things". Amazes me how some posters here celebrate worse things than this yet here's someone that is actually trying to get out of the funk and gets bashed. Who's to judge us.... Heartbroken, can you see a professional? Maybe some meds can help you with your depression? I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Just when you were starting to get things going... Let's be for real. Honestly, who really sits and waits to fully get over a R to move to the next. Some people run concurrent R's while they are at it. Not giving a rats a$$ who they hurt. Some need to experience a new R so they can put things into perspective and actually be able to let go of the past. Then there are those like heartbroken that get all shaken up just when she thought she was moving on. Edited August 2, 2010 by Mimolicious Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts