ashzz Posted February 11, 2004 Share Posted February 11, 2004 Well, heres the basic situation. I met a great girl about a year ago. She ended up dating a friend of mine, but over the course of their relationship she youwld spend more and more time with me. I never really thought about it, but eventually when they broke up we simply clicked, and got together a few weeks later. We went on vacation together a month into our relationship, and after the vacation I kinda thought, maybe this girl is the right one for me. Some of it was rocky, but overall we survived 10 days 24/7 with one another and got on well and had a lot of fun. After e got back, the relationship kept going well. Then, after 3 months, she got pregnant. Ever since the pregnancy she has been pushing me away, more and more, and it just kept getting worse. About 4 weeks ago things finally boiled over, and the spats turned into a major fight and she told me we where breaking up, it was over. Now, we have managed to sit down since then, obviously with the child coming this situation is fairly complex. A week ago wwe met, and discussed things, and she told me she needs at least a months time. But, we have to spend some time together to get things organized for the child. I then asked her if she wanted to spend time together to work on the relationship as well, such as watch a movie or some such, and she said yes. So, tonight we go to watch a movie together at her place. The problem is friday she told me, we do not have a relationship. When I asked her if this meant we could go on dates with others and such she said yes, since we are not in a relationship. I have no idea what she meant by this. I can't imagine with her pregnancy that she is already seeing someone else, but it is possible I suppose. I have no idea how to handle this. If I do not stay in contact with her, she will think I do not care about the child or her, which she has told me. But, I want her to come to me and actually show me she misses me as well and wants me in her life, as I do not wish to pressure her. I really need some good advice how to handle this situation. The girl is very important to me, as is the child. We have problems, but I am willing to work this out with her, and I do not think any of the problems are unresolvable, though she seems to take a harsher stance here. Ona final note, she told me the first time about 2 months ago she doesn't feel the base for our love is there anymore. Basically she does not love me anymore. But, she says, maybe she can love me again, wwe just need to spend time together, take things slowly and see what happens. Whther or not it works out she doesn't know. Mostly I jsut want to spend time with her, be there for her, and I don'T want to miss out on the pregnancy. but, I have to stay away I think. Very frustrating. Anyone with insights it'd be much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 11, 2004 Share Posted February 11, 2004 Well how old are you? that could change your course of action. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashzz Posted February 11, 2004 Author Share Posted February 11, 2004 26....she is 22 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 11, 2004 Share Posted February 11, 2004 Very tough situation. It seems you never really had a real relationship based on knowing each other - more just like a fling where you had fun together but did not truly see each other in full detail. She doesn't have a history of forming secure attachments, it seems. She seems pretty clear on wanting you out of her life. I usually advise people with children to hold on if there is anything to salvage and build upon - but in your case, I am not sure that true connection was ever there. You could ask her if she is willing to go to joint counseling. You have no rights over the girl, as you know, but you may be able to maintain a connection with the baby. (Are you absolutely sure that the baby is yours?) I would suggest making sure that you provide material support directed at her health during her pregnancy, and directed at the baby's wellbeing after it is born. You may want to consult a lawyer about claiming paternal rights. Nolo Press has some info here: http://www.nolo.com/lawcenter/ency/article.cfm/ObjectID/893B37A0-D0E8-4B7D-9FD90CE5DCBC3BE7/catID/3C3AF4CE-DB9E-48C4-8DFCFE2E47C91747 I feel for you. As a parent, I know that being close to my children is a powerful need, and being separated from them would be extremely painful. Please see a lawyer quietly. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 11, 2004 Share Posted February 11, 2004 ok, well you are not children at least. She may be able to love you again, but it doesnt seem likely. Unfortunatly the child will suffer, you will have parental rights to the baby. And you two want to keep it right? not give it up for adoption? Link to post Share on other sites
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