Cougar at work: friendly or flirting?

[Ruby Slippers]

She wants to have sex with you, at your place.

 

If you want that, too, make it happen. Shouldn't be hard, since she's very hot for you.

[meerkat stew]

After reading several of these Priscar spam posts, I'm getting the feeling that "Priscar" actually refers to the "Nascar" tattoo on the very heavy and hairy dude's back in the state prison who is the one making the posts.

[desertmoon]

After reading several of these Priscar spam posts, I'm getting the feeling that "Priscar" actually refers to the "Nascar" tattoo on the very heavy and hairy dude's back in the state prison who is the one making the posts.

 

:lmao:...they need love too!

 

anyway, OP...whatever "relationship" you decide to have with her...have sex!

[Blur83]

She wants to have sex with you, at your place.

 

So you're telling me there's a chance?

 

I didn't get a chance to read everyone's responses until this morning, but after doing so, I had decided that today after work, I was going to ask her over for drinks this weekend. She came over to my desk around lunch time, though, to tell me that she was about to leave to go out of town to a friend's house on the coast for the weekend, so I didn't ask. As a side note, I'll say it again that the eye contact is absolutely intense at this point. Once she said bye, we held eye contact for so long that her back was facing me as she was walking off and she was still holding eye contact and smiling, for a good 4-5 seconds. I most definitely feel a connection there, but as others have pointed out, it may just be sexual on her part. Either way, I'm inviting her over when she gets back.

 

Also, my female friends think I should text her in a couple of days just like she did with me while I was on vacation and see how she responds. What do you all think?

[LisaLee]

 

Also, my female friends think I should text her in a couple of days just like she did with me while I was on vacation and see how she responds. What do you all think?

 

Text her a "hope you're having fun!" after a few days...then ask her out as soon as she gets back. Sounds like you guys have a lot of chemistry!!

[jean-luc sisko]

Cougar to me is not offensive but I'm a 30s male, not a middle aged woman so what do I know lol. I think it could work, if you're discreet.

 

But what if an employee sees you and her together? Do you care about this job, or at least want to move up?

 

i don't agree with not dating co-workers, it's not a black and white thing. it's how close you work with the person that is key. banging somebody in the same team is a no-no. but a different department, why not?

[Ruby Slippers]

Cougar to me is not offensive...

A good friend of mine is 39, but she looks like she's in her 20s and has a fun-loving attitude. Though she is not easily offended, she told me she was put off recently when a 20-something guy -- a guy who was hitting on HER -- called her a cougar when he found out her age.

 

She doesn't chase "cubs". They always come after her.

[jean-luc sisko]

reminds me of the term MILF. it's meant affectionately not offensively and don't get why middle-aged women get offended by it lol.

[meerkat stew]

Let's try to think of some other terms for older women seeking younger men...

 

Bluehare? Blue hair and f_cks like a rabbit.

Babybanger? Self explanatory

NOB? "naughty old b_tch."

Gropergranny

Kiddysnatch

Toddletart

 

Cougar isn't really so bad, is it?

[Trimmer]

reminds me of the term MILF. it's meant affectionately not offensively and don't get why middle-aged women get offended by it lol.

Because, irrespective of the affectionate intentions of the speaker (and I don't believe that everyone who uses them has a strictly affectionate attitude behind the terms...) both MILF and cougar are terms which reduce their target to a charicature, a stereotype, and objectify their target.

 

For a slightly more extreme example, you might argue that "f***able" was an "affectionate" term in the same way as MILF or cougar - hey, how is that not a compliment, right? But do you hear how it reduces a whole, complex human being to nothing more than a sexual object?

 

In a less extreme way, MILF and cougar do that same kind of objectifying - snapping a whole person down into a kind of a overly-simplistic cartoon, and I can totally understand how that would be offensive.

[meerkat stew]

both MILF and cougar are terms which reduce their target to a charicature, a stereotype, and objectify their target.

 

Well, tough on that. Our world is cram full of such terms and each and every one of them isn't an opportunity du jour for an "I am so objectified" feminist battle cry.

 

More I think of it actually, going to start using "cougar" regularly now just because of the above quote. The "objectification" complaints get very stale (where's the GIANT, RUDE OPEN-MOUTHED YAWN smilicon when you need it ). Hoping not to have to make a list of every term that objectifies men that no one complains about.

 

Or is it that terms that objectify men are OK?

[Ruby Slippers]

In a less extreme way, MILF and cougar do that same kind of objectifying - snapping a whole person down into a kind of a overly-simplistic cartoon, and I can totally understand how that would be offensive.

Thank you. People who don't get this... just don't get it.

[Trimmer]

Well, tough on that. Our world is cram full of such terms and each and every one of them isn't an opportunity du jour for an "I am so objectified" feminist battle cry.

Look, I'm not trying to strike a blow for feminism, nor trying to settle a score, nor even up some kind of long-term societal wrong. I'm trying to empathize with some imagined individual who gets called a name.

 

A particular poster (not you, incidentally) mentioned (not defensively, incidentally) that he didn't get why it was offensive. I believe I can empathize and understand the feelings it might create in some individuals it gets directed against (not all, incidentally), so I explained. I'm not doing battle, or at least, I didn't feel like I was, until you elevated it to one.

 

Or is it that terms that objectify men are OK?

I neither said, nor even implied that. Can you help me understand how you inferred that from my post to which you responded?

 

More I think of it actually, going to start using "cougar" regularly now just because of the above quote. The "objectification" complaints get very stale (where's the GIANT, RUDE OPEN-MOUTHED YAWN smilicon when you need it ). Hoping not to have to make a list of every term that objectifies men that no one complains about.

So your solution to a perceived injustice is to "do it back," with intention and hostility? (i.e. "just because of the above quote...") Good luck - go do your part in making the world a better place. <GIANT, RUDE OPEN-MOUTHED YAWN>

Edited September 3, 2010 by Trimmer

[Ruby Slippers]

So your solution to a perceived injustice is to "do it back," with intention and hostility?

 

(10 chars)

[jean-luc sisko]

Because, irrespective of the affectionate intentions of the speaker (and I don't believe that everyone who uses them has a strictly affectionate attitude behind the terms...) both MILF and cougar are terms which reduce their target to a charicature, a stereotype, and objectify their target.

 

For a slightly more extreme example, you might argue that "f***able" was an "affectionate" term in the same way as MILF or cougar - hey, how is that not a compliment, right? But do you hear how it reduces a whole, complex human being to nothing more than a sexual object?

 

In a less extreme way, MILF and cougar do that same kind of objectifying - snapping a whole person down into a kind of a overly-simplistic cartoon, and I can totally understand how that would be offensive.

 

It can be used to sexualise middle-aged women, but how is not being seen as desirable a compliment? To me, MILF simply means that a 40s/50-something woman still has retained youthful looks, and one that basis is physically attractive. I don't see it as disparaging.

[a_woman]

It can be used to sexualise middle-aged women, but how is not being seen as desirable a compliment? To me, MILF simply means that a 40s/50-something woman still has retained youthful looks, and one that basis is physically attractive. I don't see it as disparaging.

 

that's 'GILF'

[meerkat stew]

I'm trying to empathize with some imagined individual who gets called a name.

 

Everyone in our culture is categorized, fairly and unfairly, from "agoraphobic" to "yuppie." Personally, I don't like being called a "baby-boomer," with all the connotations of that term, merely because I was born in 1964. But it's just not a big deal, a given reality everyone has to deal with, we are all labelled in some way. It is certainly not another excuse for playing some objectified victim card.

 

I neither said, nor even implied that. Can you help me understand how you inferred that from my post to which you responded?

 

That portion of my reply was not directed at you. Women get up in arms about terms that are applied to women, as if no one else is labelled. Time to grow up and just accept that culture and media are going to label people rather than trotting out the old "don't objectify me" line and getting all offended. If you want to speak out against the propensity of our society to label people, go right ahead, I agree with you, but let's not make it all about "objectifying women." Everyone is objectified in our society.

 

So your solution to a perceived injustice is to "do it back," with intention and hostility? (i.e. "just because of the above quote...") Good luck - go do your part in making the world a better place. <GIANT, RUDE OPEN-MOUTHED YAWN>

 

Hostility? No, it's just a funny term I am going to start using as opposed to the old term I used for both genders, "cradle robber." "Cougar" is a better, less insulting term for women. Will still call men "cradle robbers" until some other term comes about. Lots of people in the world have a sense of humor and don't immediately construe any particular label as a hostile attack, merely humorous.

 

Women have called me every kind of insulting label in the book to my face without even intending to insult, most of the "titles" thoroughly inapplicable, "yuppie" for instance, despite that I am the absolute diametrical opposite of that. I can't help it if I look like a CEO of something. Perhaps it has been coincidental in my life that I can't recall any man ever applying a label to me.

 

I find that once a certain level of intimacy is achieved in a relationship, women feel they have a right to make labelling, objectifying comments about my appearance, work, social relations and general lifestyle. I do not do this to them. My male acquaintances do not do this. Every woman in my life I've ever gotten more than casually involved with has done this nonstop past a certain point, and I bet many men feel similarly hyper-analyzed in this way. Ask any man if he's ever had his actions attributed to his astrological sign by a woman for example, a particularly odious kind of labelling. I usually just take that in stride as the way of the world, and haven't really complained about this particular female tendency until just now.

 

So yes, hearing women get bent out of shape about a harmless "media created" BS label such as "cougar" is a hot button for me personally.

[Trimmer]

So yes, hearing women get bent out of shape about a harmless "media created" BS label such as "cougar" is a hot button for me personally.

Whew, apparently so...

[Rxwoman]

Wow,

I'd LOVE for someone to be THAT obviously interested in dating (or what ever) me.

She was actually at your house? AND she gave you her number???

 

That means she WANTS you to call!

[Blur83]

Alright, I have a brief update:

 

So I texted her one time while she was on vacation asking her how it was going, and I never got a response from her. I figured I would wait until today at work and feel how she was acting toward me, and if she was acting awkwardly, I was going to forget about all of it and move on. Well, first thing this morning, I'm at my desk and I hear someone go "Pssst". When I turn around, it's her, all smiles and waving at me. I saw her a couple of more times throughout the day, and both times, she had this sexy, almost seductive smile on her face, like she wanted to have sex right then and there. Earlier this evening, I see her at class and she finished long before I did, so she left. When I finally finish and am walking out to my car, there she sits, on the bench beside the door, waiting on me. We talked for about 10 minutes, and she asked the generic stuff, like how was my day, how's my place coming, etc. I asked her how her weekend was, then I ask her if she wants to go for a run downtown sometime this weekend, as she apparently has no life outside of fitness, and I still got shot down.

 

So, I've come to one conclusion: either she only wants sex, as Trimmer has pointed out, or she only wants to be friends. If this were any other woman other than a manager where I work, I would have no problem with being 100% direct about it and simply inviting her over with the intention of having sex, but it's not quite that easy. I know that inviting her over is nothing compared to some of the things she has done/said to me, but still, in the off chance that she just wants to be friends, asking her over with the intention of just having sex could be bad news. So how do I approach this from here?

[meerkat stew]

She doesn't want to be seen with you in public other than the gym, hence the shoot down on the run. In your shoes, at the gym, would say, "hey want to come over tonight?" when she is being flirty without other detail. If she asks, "why?" just smile, wink and say "never mind" and take off. In doing this, you haven't said anything at all rude or forward, she has already been to your house after all, and it leaves the ball in her court, which it sounds is the best place for the ball to be based on her assertiveness. She will think about it, and may approach you soon after. Less said by you the better. Just plant seeds and they will likely sprout.

[Trimmer]

So, I've come to one conclusion: either she only wants sex, as Trimmer has pointed out, or she only wants to be friends.

Another possibility that fits the evidence: (although I'm not saying I'm sure one way or the other...) She's a tease, whether intentional or unintentional, and she's enjoying pulling your strings, playing you, and seeing you dance for her. Like I said, I'm not sure, but if you're considering all the possibilities that could fit what you are observing, you need to keep this one in the mix.

 

She doesn't want to be seen with you in public other than the gym, hence the shoot down on the run. In your shoes, at the gym, would say, "hey want to come over tonight?" when she is being flirty without other detail. If she asks, "why?" just smile, wink and say "never mind" and take off. In doing this, you haven't said anything at all rude or forward, she has already been to your house after all, and it leaves the ball in her court, which it sounds is the best place for the ball to be based on her assertiveness. She will think about it, and may approach you soon after. Less said by you the better.

I agree... This puts you in the position of taking some initiative and showing some strength (instead of nonstop deference,) while leaving you some cover in the professional arena.

 

Just plant seeds and they will likely sprout.

Hee hee..... That sounds deliciously raunchy, outside the context of your post, and in the context of the rest of this thread! Although, maybe you don't so much want 'em sprouting...

[Blur83]

Another possibility that fits the evidence: (although I'm not saying I'm sure one way or the other...) She's a tease, whether intentional or unintentional, and she's enjoying pulling your strings, playing you, and seeing you dance for her. Like I said, I'm not sure, but if you're considering all the possibilities that could fit what you are observing, you need to keep this one in the mix.

 

I thought of this possibility, as well. The only reason I don't think it's true is because up until about three weeks ago (keep in mind, this has been going on for about three months now), I wasn't really reciprocating anything; she was always the one that approached me in every situation. I flirted back every time, but she was always the one to take the initial step. Here lately, it's kind of been the other way around. But I guess there is still a chance that that's what she's doing.

 

A few of my friends who know the situation believe this, but I've been meaning to ask you guys this, also: do you think that I've been too vague about my approach? I guess I'm saying do you think she even realizes that I'm showing interest in her by asking her to do these things? In the beginning, it was always her asking me to do stuff, like running, swimming, etc., but my grad school schedule always kept me from being able to do these things with her. Maybe she took this as a lack of interest on my part. Now I'm the one asking her to do things, and I'm getting shot down.

 

Secondly, and I believe someone has already made this reference, but I realize that the things I've been asking her to do have been a bit elementary, so I can't say that I blame her for not wanting to do any of it, but at this point, I feel like I've been shot down five or six times. I guess what I'm saying is I've felt like a child who's asking a grown woman out. I'll be honest, I sensed a tiny bit of frustration from her the last time I asked her to do something, though I don't know if it's because she's waiting on me to be a man and ask her out out (or just flat out ask her if she wants to have sex), or if it's because she feels like she's given me the hint that she's not interested one time too many and I just haven't caught on. Based on mine and other friends' past experiences, when a woman wants you to know she's not interested, she'll let you know, whether it be directly, or just by taking a step back and/or ignoring the person. What do you all think?

[Blur83]

Any more thoughts?

[Blur83]

Alright, guys, so I have stumbled upon a good way that I can ask this woman out. I've seen several posts throughout this thread that address the possibility that she doesn't want to be seen in public .... so .... a good friend of mine has offered me two free tickets to a Canucks game that's in November. They were for he and his wife, but they won't be able to make it. I have no clue if this woman likes hockey, but if I had to guess, I would say no since she's not originally from the North and she's never expressed an interest in sports, but that's just a guess. However, we both live about 60 miles out of Vancouver, so the chances of someone we know seeing us out together at this game are very slim. Plus, she's always telling me about how much she goes to the city and how much she enjoys it there, so if I don't go with this opportunity, I feel like I'm going to be out of options. And if she says no, and there's no counter-offer again, I'll know to move on. What do you guys think?