Ridiculous innapropriate come ons.

[Green]

No, you were disrespectful to pyro and myself. If I were to count the number of not-very-subtly phrased personal slights to the both of us in this thread, I think I'd exceed the single digits. In fact, in your last post alone I counted two.

 

It is the way you said that the guys did nothing wrong, that I have issue with. From the response I have garnered here, I'm pretty sure that if a guy persistently hits on your gf you will think that he did everything wrong.

 

As far as your accusation that I was pyro I'd like to point out that pyro is a big boy and I hope you think he can handle himself.

 

My first post to Pyro was in reply to him talking about my gf and my relationship in a negative tone, so maybe you should check your facts.

 

As for you and your comedy routine which involved repeatedly asking for my gf's number what did you expect?

 

Like I said until the OP puts me in my place I think my point of view will benefit her even if she doesn't agree. But you go on and play loveshack hero, just don't cry foul when you get called out for your silly posts.

[Els]

I'm sure pyro can handle himself, which absolutely doesn't change the fact that you are accusing me of being something which you are, several times over.

[Green]

I'm sure pyro can handle himself, which absolutely doesn't change the fact that you are accusing me of being something which you are, several times over.

 

So is your point that I deserve disrespect and silly posts because you just don't like me? because you accomplished that the first time you implied I should give you my gf's phone number so you could satisfy your single male friends.

 

Look its fine you want to point the finger at me just don't be suprised in the future when the finger points back at you.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

The entire "so where is he" routine isn't as ridiculouse or inapropriate as you think. Plus if its just a boyfriend I think its fair game to steal a girl away...

 

 

Am I the only person who finds that just completely repulsive?

 

Let them hit on the single women once a women says shes taken have some respect simple..

[USMCHokie]

Am I the only person who finds that just completely repulsive?

 

No. But sometimes a little respect and consideration is a bit too much to ask for.

[Citizen Erased]

No. But sometimes a little respect and consideration is a bit too much to ask for.

 

Yep. I for one am glad to have a bf that doesn't think I'm fair game as we aren't married yet. If he did it would probably lead me to believe that he thought HE was for any chick that may come onto him.

[Kamille]

Woah, I should never sleep!

 

Thanks everyone for the interesting if conflictual discussion. I'll try to address a few of the points.

 

I tend to see things the way Pyro, Elswyth and Spanksthemonkey see it. I get frustrated with the situation because these guys aren't only disrespecting my boyfriend by continuing their campaingn once I let them know I'm not interested, they're ignoring what I'm saying to them. They're showing me a lack of respect. They make me feel like my voice doesn't count.

 

I'm not furious at them and I do know that if I'm out in a bar, there's a possibility I will get hit on.

 

So, in that regard, thank you Green, I will try to be a lot more upfront -perhaps rude- about not being interested.

 

I don't think I get hit on a lot. Men hit on me when I'm out dancing, whether at concerts or in bars.

 

 

Aussie guys, at least the ones around my age, tend to not see a bf as a turn off. But they do take an upcoming wedding as one as I have recently discovered. Saturday night I was being called gorgeous by this intoxicated guy, as soon as I mention I'm getting married, instant respect and consideration. I officially became old and boring.

 

Yes, I'm thinking of telling guys I'm engaged from now on.

 

where are you encountering these guys?

 

While I'm out dancing with friends. If you like dancing and want to meet guys, you should really try it out.

 

To respond to the criticism that I'm bragging on here, I don't think that I get hit on more than any other women in these specific settings. I think a lot of people get hit on there. - My issue is specifically being amused-annoyed that some of the guys will ignore what I am telling them: 1) that I have a bf and 2) that I am not interested.

 

I do think Green is right and that I'm not firm enough when I reject the guys. Something I need to work on.

 

I have a hard time rejecting people in a rude way. I don't think it should be necessary. So how can I be firm without being rude?

 

This is a bit of a tnagent but has anyone ever noticed that when you're in a relationship you get hit on all the time? As soon as you break up and are on your own suddenly it's like you've got boils.

 

I'm like you Shakz! When I'm single, I'm lucky to get approached, when I'm taken, I get approached a lot more. I think it's probably because when I'm in a relationship, I'm really just out enjoying myself so I probably have a better "energy" or something.

 

 

Pretty much what I'm saying is its fine that she tells guys "I have a bf" but when they ask "where is he" she should just answer with "I don't want to talk anymore thanks" "please let me be" ect.

 

thanks, will try this. Not sure I understand how the thread is silly though. Yes, a part of writing the thread was in jest: I find the "where is he" question to be as funny as it is annoying. I didn't get the point of it. Serenity and you explained the mindset behind it, so thanks.

 

 

 

 

She is ranting about how some guys do not take no for an answer. That is annoying when anyone doesn't take no for an answer.

 

Thanks Pyro! I don't think I'm hotter than anyone else out there. I just wish guys would listen when you tell them you're not interested. I will try to be tougher about it.

 

 

 

 

Its not my job as the single guy to protect some strangers relationship.

 

Isn't it everyone's job to listen to what the person they're hitting on is saying?

 

 

"I have a BF" whether it is true or not means that she is not interested. Move on to the next girl, simple as that.

 

No need for guys to be such asses.

 

Amen!

 

 

 

 

Let them hit on the single women once a women says shes taken have some respect simple..

 

Amen again! There's plenty of single women around, so no reason to ignore the fact that I'm flat out saying I'm not interested.

Edited August 2, 2010 by Kamille

[BubbleFreak]

Just be ready, when you tell guys you are engaged/married, for some of them to ask you to prove it by seeing the ring. It's happened to me before. One of my friends bought herself a ring to wear on nights out because of this situation!

 

P.S. When they ask to see the ring, you could show them your ringless middle finger lol.

[Kamille]

Just be ready, when you tell guys you are engaged/married, for some of them to ask you to prove it by seeing the ring. It's happened to me before. One of my friends bought herself a ring to wear on nights out because of this situation!

 

P.S. When they ask to see the ring, you could show them your ringless middle finger lol.

 

 

Good plan! I have a ring bf gave me that could pass as an engagement ring.

 

The ringless middle finger thing is hilarious... Out of my comfort zone but definitely a scene for a movie.

[Green]

Am I the only person who finds that just completely repulsive?

 

Let them hit on the single women once a women says shes taken have some respect simple..

 

Well technicaly they "single" women "bachlorettes" or what ever you want to call it. But you go on thinking that men are creeps, gross, and repulsive.

 

I think you'd really enjoy the movie "Indecent Proposal".

 

No. But sometimes a little respect and consideration is a bit too much to ask for.

 

Personaly I believe in treating all people(life even) with the respect they deserve.

 

The problem comes from my own experience. Growing up through HS and college I was always so afraid to offend, or get rejected, or be seen as a creep. This unconfident aproach made me the guy who didn't get his first kiss until the summer he graduated college.

 

I changed the way I viewed things and I found out that I could do quite well with women and date who I wanted. Personaly I don't even ask a girl if she has a bf when I first meet her, I treat it as casual for the first few dates. Then when I'm ready for things to get seriouse I make sure that we can be exclusive.

 

The fact of the matter is respect is the key thing here. You can ask a girl who never had a date in her life out and it will be disrespectful if you do it in a certain way.

 

But I do find women get mad about some things they shouldn't, its really as easy as telling the guy to go away or just ignoring him if its out on the dance floor. I mean if its on the dance floor and some guys trying to talk into your ear just gently push him away or move away... happens all the time.

 

Yep. I for one am glad to have a bf that doesn't think I'm fair game as we aren't married yet. If he did it would probably lead me to believe that he thought HE was for any chick that may come onto him.

 

Look I could have come on here and wrote nothing more then "hey thats horible guys shouldn't do that" but I tried to call her out and explain the way I see things.

 

I don't think my gf is fair game, I simply put it on her to get that msg across because I know men will continue to hit on her whether it be at the gym, mall or what ever.

 

I also know how hard it is to be a man and what great rewards you get when you are persistant. Many women will be initialy threatned by a man, or put up some resistance. I believe many men need to learn respect, but the same goes for many women as they are extremely rude.

 

Oh and by the way women do seem to hit on men who are in relationships a lot more. When ever I have a gf women seem to try to flirt or ask me out a lot more. Believe me I make it clear I have a gf and that isn't always the end all be all. Some times you just have to walk away and not talk to a person.

 

Sorry if reality is tough:cool: but I'm sure pyro will tell you that women never hit on a taken man and that such a thing is absurd

[Kamille]

Green, do you have any ideas about how I can be firm without being rude?

[Green]

I'm not furious at them and I do know that if I'm out in a bar, there's a possibility I will get hit on.

 

So, in that regard, thank you Green, I will try to be a lot more upfront -perhaps rude- about not being interested.

 

I don't think I get hit on a lot. Men hit on me when I'm out dancing, whether at concerts or in bars.

 

Well I'm glad to here a thank you as all I was trying to do was be honest and let you see the other side.

 

When you are dancing or at a concert your best bet is to just ignore the guy hitting on you if you know that is what is happening. As for bars the same thing will work but you might have to say "please leave me alone". As offended as every one is a simple "I have a bf" will probably almost always lead to "where is he" and maybe even "well how seriouse is it" and the guy won't necesarily give up right away.

 

Sorry if it offends every one for me to say these things but GROW UP.

 

 

I do think Green is right and that I'm not firm enough when I reject the guys. Something I need to work on.

 

I have a hard time rejecting people in a rude way. I don't think it should be necessary. So how can I be firm without being rude?

 

Isn't it everyone's job to listen to what the person they're hitting on is saying?

 

Amen again! There's plenty of single women around, so no reason to ignore the fact that I'm flat out saying I'm not interested.

 

You don't even have to firm ignoring often works. but my advice is stop expecting "I have a bf" to stop any one, just say "please leave me alone" or what ever you want if a guy is bothering you.

 

The fact of the matter is, it is rarely been an easy "I like you, you like me lets be bf/gf now" situation.

 

As a man you often have to be aggressive and not just stop at something like "I have a bf". I believe in having fun and being respectful when flirting with a girl. Seriosly if I acidently hit on a married woman I wouldn't be suprised if she was flattered and enjoyed being hit on.

 

My point isn't that men should say stuff like "well I have a gf so lets both cheat" only that you are technicaly single and that as a man you really get put in a position where life has favored the aggresive because where they fail with you they may end up suceeding with the next girl who really didn't have a bf, or who did have a bf but things weren't really that seriouse.

 

 

 

Just be ready, when you tell guys you are engaged/married, for some of them to ask you to prove it by seeing the ring. It's happened to me before. One of my friends bought herself a ring to wear on nights out because of this situation!

 

P.S. When they ask to see the ring, you could show them your ringless middle finger lol.

 

The fact is if a guy doesn't notice a ring on at that point he will ask to see it.

 

Really I think her best bet is just ignoring a guy who is obviously hitting on her.

[Pyro]

do you have any ideas about how I can be firm without being rude?

 

The problem is that no matter how you word it or how you say it at least one guy will find it rude.

 

When a guy first approaches you he has no idea what your story is, so be nice about it. Calmly and friendly state that you are not interested because you are involved with someone. If they ask where he is then state whether he is there or not. At this point the considerate thing to do is for the guy to walk away and move on to the next girl but if he can't get the hint then you will have to step it up a notch. If I were you I would walk away at that point.

[Green]

The problem is that no matter how you word it or how you say it at least one guy will find it rude.

 

When a guy first approaches you he has no idea what your story is, so be nice about it. Calmly and friendly state that you are not interested because you are involved with someone. If they ask where he is then state whether he is there or not. At this point the considerate thing to do is for the guy to walk away and move on to the next girl but if he can't get the hint then you will have to step it up a notch. If I were you I would walk away at that point.

 

I agree with your first statement.

 

But I really don't think she even has to go into whether or not she has a bf and if he is there. Just ignore if its a concert or dancing thing with loud music. And if it is a bar or something and you don't think ignoring is going to work (which it does) don't even go into "I have a bf" just say "no thanks" or "I'm flattered but not interested so please leave me alon" I really don't think these things are rude compared to some of ths stuff women will say to you at a bar, concert, or dance place. Really its tame.

 

When a bum asks me for money and I don't want to give it to them... I don't go into an explenation I just say "no" and keep walking or I just ignore them.

 

Don't even feel you need to explain anything to these guys. A LOT of women reject men so quick and so harsh they see this as an opening when you sit there nicely explaining that you have a bf, and then answering there questions about where he is and how long you have been dating. And then asking you to break up with him.

 

Why not just avoid them and flat out reject them. It's really not rude and they've probably walked up to you expecting that they very well might get rejected.

 

The dilusional rude ones especialy need to be rejected quick and clearly.

 

A lot of women are flat out nasty, my suggestions to you do not reach that level of rejection. I don't think it is rude to simply ignore them or flat out say "thanks but no thanks, please leave me alone". Its actualy refreshing because so many women send out such mixed signals. Seriously when I was single I wouldn't think a girl liked me even if she gave me her number and agreed to a date. Girls are so afraid to just speak their mind. Speak your mind and your bf, and all the men who hit on you will thank you or it.

[Art_Critic]

When a bum asks me for money and I don't want to give it to them... I don't go into an explenation I just say "no" and keep walking or I just ignore them.

 

Great analogy. I'm gonna have to remember that one...

[Kamille]

The problem is that no matter how you word it or how you say it at least one guy will find it rude.

 

When a guy first approaches you he has no idea what your story is, so be nice about it. Calmly and friendly state that you are not interested because you are involved with someone. If they ask where he is then state whether he is there or not. At this point the considerate thing to do is for the guy to walk away and move on to the next girl but if he can't get the hint then you will have to step it up a notch. If I were you I would walk away at that point.

 

Thanks Pyro. I actually like this a lot because, as I've said in the OP, the majority of guys back off once I tell them I'm not interested because I'm madly in love with my bf.

 

I do agree with Green that I don't owe anyone an explanation, but since the majority of guys respond really well to how I've handled it so far, I don't see the point in ignoring everyone. It's not my style.

 

As soon as they start asking questions, however, such as "Where is he?", then I'll step it up a notch and walk away.

 

Thanks guys!

[flying]

Haha, am I the only person who sees the "oh yeah, where is he?" question as kind of a socially awkward attempt at saving face???

 

It has always struck me as the sort of thing a guy says when he's been shot down but doesn't want to back down right away and look foolish. I agree it can be annoying to have to repeat yourself more than once, but I guess it is what it is...sometimes you just have to.

 

About the ring thing...heh, once, a while back when I was engaged, I got hit on by a guy and I said, "thanks, but I'm engaged," and held up the ring...and he said, oh, shouldn't a real engagement ring be gold - that's not real! (It was platinum.) I was like...er. What does one say? I had a ring and everything, and he still kept trying. But again, I think he had gotten the message really, it was just his way of saving face. I just said of course it's real, and left it at that. Kind of awkward, but more for him than for me.

[MsSydneyLane]

When a guy approaches and do this.. just smile and say not interested. If he persist, go order a drink and pretend to talk to the bar tender. Or you can just walk away. Why waste effort if ur really not interested.. such a waste of time too. You go gurl!

[Green]

Great analogy. I'm gonna have to remember that one...

 

Like I will actualy cut them off when they are talking to me if I'm trying to do something. One example is a guy who came up to me while I was shopping. I already knew that having some random guy talking to me was anoying, but when he started telling me about his food stamps and if I could buy him something with my money if he gave me his food stamps... I just cut him off and said "No thanks" and then went back to what I was doing. I didn't ask him questions, and I surely wasn't about to answer any of his questions.

 

Glad you enjoyed my analogy as I was afraid of wwIII IV V and VI over it.

 

Thanks Pyro. I actually like this a lot because, as I've said in the OP, the majority of guys back off once I tell them I'm not interested because I'm madly in love with my bf.

 

I do agree with Green that I don't owe anyone an explanation, but since the majority of guys respond really well to how I've handled it so far, I don't see the point in ignoring everyone. It's not my style.

 

As soon as they start asking questions, however, such as "Where is he?", then I'll step it up a notch and walk away.

 

Thanks guys!

 

See the thing is, if you have male co worker friends you hang out with or people you meet in a more casual friendly setting then letting them know you have bf could end up working great and keep things from getting awkward. Its actualy a great idea to let it be known.

 

But when you are at a bar, dance, or concert and some random guy who has probably been drinking hits on you, anything you say isn't necesarily going to send him running. If you are in a bar or that type of scene and you know what the guy wants you should just send him on his way and make it clear. It will be easier on you and feel better I bet.

 

Haha, am I the only person who sees the "oh yeah, where is he?" question as kind of a socially awkward attempt at saving face???

 

It has always struck me as the sort of thing a guy says when he's been shot down but doesn't want to back down right away and look foolish. I agree it can be annoying to have to repeat yourself more than once, but I guess it is what it is...sometimes you just have to.

 

About the ring thing...heh, once, a while back when I was engaged, I got hit on by a guy and I said, "thanks, but I'm engaged," and held up the ring...and he said, oh, shouldn't a real engagement ring be gold - that's not real! (It was platinum.) I was like...er. What does one say? I had a ring and everything, and he still kept trying. But again, I think he had gotten the message really, it was just his way of saving face. I just said of course it's real, and left it at that. Kind of awkward, but more for him than for me.

 

I really think this is as some what accurate assesment of the situation. Basicaly like I said life favors the guy who doesn't give up so easily any ways.

[Shakz]

Haha, am I the only person who sees the "oh yeah, where is he?" question as kind of a socially awkward attempt at saving face???

 

It has always struck me as the sort of thing a guy says when he's been shot down but doesn't want to back down right away and look foolish. I agree it can be annoying to have to repeat yourself more than once, but I guess it is what it is...sometimes you just have to.

 

About the ring thing...heh, once, a while back when I was engaged, I got hit on by a guy and I said, "thanks, but I'm engaged," and held up the ring...and he said, oh, shouldn't a real engagement ring be gold - that's not real! (It was platinum.) I was like...er. What does one say? I had a ring and everything, and he still kept trying. But again, I think he had gotten the message really, it was just his way of saving face. I just said of course it's real, and left it at that. Kind of awkward, but more for him than for me.

 

Well sure, it's like the old "What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" line. A man has to give himself a graceful exit. Sadly, the bar pick up is a lost art these days. These clowns don't seem to realize that a beautiful woman is most likely taken, and all they can really do is hope against hope. So go out there, have some class, and if she tells you she's not interested, compliment her and be on your way. If she was just playing hard to get she'll let you know. If not, no harm done.

[threebyfate]

Kamille, any guy who doesn't respect relationship boundaries is someone who doesn't deserve a courteous or respectful response. Shut him down.

[Els]

Kamille, any guy who doesn't respect relationship boundaries is someone who doesn't deserve a courteous or respectful response. Shut him down.

 

Simple, great advice.

[carvidep]

Well sure, it's like the old "What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" line. A man has to give himself a graceful exit. Sadly, the bar pick up is a lost art these days. These clowns don't seem to realize that a beautiful woman is most likely taken, and all they can really do is hope against hope. So go out there, have some class, and if she tells you she's not interested, compliment her and be on your way. If she was just playing hard to get she'll let you know. If not, no harm done.

 

If the guy stays classy like you said, then a taken girl might be persuaded to recommend him to a single friend of hers. Win-win situation!

[madjac74]

When a guy offers to buy my GF a drink, she orders a water

[Trojan John]

Well sure, it's like the old "What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" line. A man has to give himself a graceful exit. Sadly, the bar pick up is a lost art these days. These clowns don't seem to realize that a beautiful woman is most likely taken, and all they can really do is hope against hope. So go out there, have some class, and if she tells you she's not interested, compliment her and be on your way. If she was just playing hard to get she'll let you know. If not, no harm done.

 

Hoping against hope isn't so bad for some guys. I knew a guy in the US who would approach every relatively attractive woman in a club, sometimes twice. It was pure comedy watching him. I would guess that 90% of the women there rejected him, but that last 10% made his efforts worthwhile. He slept with some random girl one week, then her married sister the next.