loveisblind1 Posted August 1, 2010 Share Posted August 1, 2010 As much as my boyfriend hates to admit it - he gets jealous about everythingggg. We've been engaged for 8 months now - and sometimes he'll still ask me if any guys have texted me or tried to talk to me. I get a lot of attention from guys because of my looks or because im a "good girl" that has a lot going for her...and i guess thats attractive to a guy. But ever since we have been together I have never flirted with another guy, texted another guy (not including close guy friends Ive had since childhood), I even deleted my facebook. He says that he trusts me he just doesnt trust other guys because they dont care if I have a boyfriend or not. He thinks that because im pretty that guys are constantly texting me and trying to talk to me ... even if I dont answer a guys text - he'll get jealous that a guy even texted me in the first place. He doesnt throw a fit or start a fight...theres just this look on his face and his whole mood changes. It even happens when the MARRIED man who walks his dog by my house stops to talk to me about our new puppy (totally ridiculous i know) .... Im the one that should be jealous because he is really really good looking too. This whole jealousy/stubbornness/ needing things to be his way is starting to make me think our relationship wont last. AHHHHH! Link to post Share on other sites
BettyBoop Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 I've been to both sides of the fence, I know how frustrating it is to have your fiancé being jelaous about every single guy who even says "hi" to you. I'm also on the side where insecurity takes a toll on the relationship. I think I can speak for all of us who experience jelaousy that on some level we do not trust that our partners think that we're above everyone else. He neither trusts you nor the other guys. That is sad but it's true. But the one he trusts the least - is himself and his own attractiveness and ability to hold onto the girl he loves. Personally, I'm working on my own issues but I'd suggest you try making him go to a professional to talk about his insecurity issues. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy might help. As long as their is no flirtatious behaviour from your side he should be alright with it. If he isn't, he really needs to rethink why that is. Or he might be a person who likes to be able to control things in life. Since he cannot control your emotions or actions he is insecure. Anyway, my advice is to be honest with him. Tell him that you're not sure the relationship will survive if he will continue to be insecure, jelaous and unable to trust that he's the only one you want to be with. Hopefully, that will make him want to get help before it's too late. Being jelaous always makes both partners feel bad. Link to post Share on other sites
cookie2 Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 He says that he trusts me he just doesnt trust other guys because they dont care if I have a boyfriend or not. This is really not a healthy thing to say. Other guys owe him nothing and have made no promises to stay away from you, whereas you have made a promise to him that you will be faithful. If he trusts you then he would trust you to say no when a guy tries it on. He's being passive-aggressive, what he's saying is that he doesn't really trust you, but he wants to avoid a confrontation. I would seriously take a step back from your wedding plans until his insecurities are resolved. If it goes on, it will be a major problem in the future; better to get it sorted out now instead of later. It's easier to call off or delay a wedding than to get a divorce. If you just go along with it, I guarantee it will end that way. Link to post Share on other sites
6609510 Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 This is MY opinion - from the point of the person who is jealous and working through it. I think it might be helpful for you to try to sit down and talk with him about the real reason why he is jealous. Just say - look honey I care about you and love you and I want to marry you but this really concerns me. I don't feel I have done anything wrong so can we talk about this so I can understand why you feel the way you do? Is there something in your past that I am reminding you of without trying? Was he cheated on before? Did his last girlfriend lie to him about friendships that were a little more than just platonic? Did his mommy not hold him enough when he was a baby (seriously - sounds silly but not a joke)? There is always an underlying reason for people's behavior. This does not justify the behavior, but pin-pointing it can help him try to correct it. It needs to be directly addressed. If you really care about him, I think you owe it to him to at least try to help him begin to work thru this. You would want him to help you work thru a deep rooted issue if you had one too so, turnabout is fair play. Now on the other hand, if he does not see anything wrong with his jealousy and has no desire to try to get a handle on it then - there's really nothing you can do. You either have to accept it or move on. The problem with deciding to just accept it is you might change your mind and decide to move on later - which depending on HOW much later could be far worse for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 This is really not a healthy thing to say. Other guys owe him nothing and have made no promises to stay away from you, whereas you have made a promise to him that you will be faithful. If he trusts you then he would trust you to say no when a guy tries it on. Your completely wrong. He means exactly what he says. I worry about other guys alot when I'm dating someone who is extremely naive. If she is dumb and trusts some guy... who knows but he puts something in her drink or gets really pushy with her.... .... and if something like that does happen... most women never tell you the truth. They just make you deal with the emotional fallout and try to make you feel like its all your fault. Wake up! This is the real world, and it's not a safe place. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyBoop Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Your completely wrong. He means exactly what he says. That is alright if she goes out to bars and have drinks. It is not justified if it is the neighbour with his dog walking past! There will be no drug slipping into drinks there... The post from 6609510 is a good point of view. I definitely think you need to sit down and talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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