***the end game***

[White Flower]

In order words, you basically had left your M. Not norm.

Well, I was commenting on the not lying with regard to normalcy.

 

So you believe getting a D during or after an A is not the norm? Maybe not on LS, but IRL we see it 50-60% of the time. We just don't walk around with banners saying, 'I D'd due to an affair'.

 

I think a lot of LSers just want us to believe it rarely happens so that they can use it as fuel to advise us to think twice about things.

 

It's not a bad strategy, but often not realistic.

[White Flower]

D's during or after affairs aren't rare, but it almost always isn't because the WS initiates it. It's because they were 'found out'.

I don't know any stats on that but I suppose Mimolicious was correct in that I didn't fit the norm in that regard. I was the WS, again during an already bad M doomed to fail anyway at some point, and I was the one who filed for D. I just couldn't add to the stress our M was already suffering by dealing with the A much longer. I knew it was going to get heavier and it was just too complicated.

[OWoman]

D's during or after affairs aren't rare, but it almost always isn't because the WS initiates it. It's because they were 'found out'.

 

I doubt there are reliable stats on that.

 

Here in the UK, a WS can't sue for D on the grounds of their own adultery - so either their BS would have to be the complainant (and it would thus look as if the BS was initiating it, even though they may be doing so reluctantly at the insistance of the WS, or it may be by mutual agreement) or the WS would need to file under some different provision - which would require a far longer process, rather than the "quicky" option offered by the adultery route. So to all intents and purposes it would appear that the BS was suing for D based on the WS's adultery in 100% of the cases, when in fact that may well not be the case at all but merely the only way to get a divorce without having to be separated for a full year first before starting the D. And, TBH, I don't know a single WS IRL who was happy to be tied to a rejected BS for a full year after dumping them for the AP (or that many APs who'd be happy to kick around for a year before their MP was properly free, either) but I guess it is designed to allow the dumped BS to feel they have some dignity and agency left when they are being left for someone else.

 

In my home country, D is no fault, and pretty immediate, so almost all Ds are filed as "irreconcilable differences" rather than any other reason. Trying to find reliable stats would require a pretty major research project.

[White Flower]

In my home country, D is no fault, and pretty immediate, so almost all Ds are filed as "irreconcilable differences" rather than any other reason. Trying to find reliable stats would require a pretty major research project.

As is the case in my state.