Another cheatin' wife story, needing ...

[Notsoeasy]

Wow, there are some really bitter people here...

 

I am sorry to cause you so much anger. I was really looking for some help, not trying to generate this...

 

Church, Protection is used for other reasons beyond std's...

 

Unless you work in the medical field, you don't know how important it is to know if people are safe. Did she look at his records with intent to do wrong? Who knows?

 

I do know that if after the fact, when others bring it up, it is easy to recall that he was clean, because she had researched that prior for other reasons. Due to the concern for my well being, I had mentioned it to her, at which time she thought back. When I said that he could have had unprotected...prior to her, she said that due to the nature of his medical problem, he had recieved every panel possible within days of her looking at his file.

 

Either way, I was just looking for some help/advise on how to maintain, not end my marriage...

 

I believe that a lot of you are here, as your own therapy, and unloading your anger onto my situation isn't healthy for either of us.

 

I agree with what everyone is saying, I am not stupid, nor am I not accepting that I am in denial, but I want to make this work, and I am willing to try, within healthy limits to do just that!

 

If I need to convince myself of something to help me accept this in order to get on, that is my business. I appreciate your concern for me, and realize that many of you have been through this, felt the same, done the same, with tragic results.

 

Statistically, more than half of the M's that go through this, do survive. The survivers aren't here though. They have gotten on with their lives, and we never hear about them. They go through the same things, feel the same, display the same behaviors, but like I said, we don't hear about them, as they have no reason the be here...

 

As always, I really do appreciate the time you all have dedicated to this, and will continue to read and absorb everyone's opinions, whether I agree or not...

[Bitterman24/7]

Wow, there are some really bitter people here...

 

I am sorry to cause you so much anger. I was really looking for some help, not trying to generate this...

 

Church, Protection is used for other reasons beyond std's...

 

Unless you work in the medical field, you don't know how important it is to know if people are safe. Did she look at his records with intent to do wrong? Who knows?

 

I do know that if after the fact, when others bring it up, it is easy to recall that he was clean, because she had researched that prior for other reasons. Due to the concern for my well being, I had mentioned it to her, at which time she thought back. When I said that he could have had unprotected...prior to her, she said that due to the nature of his medical problem, he had recieved every panel possible within days of her looking at his file.

 

Either way, I was just looking for some help/advise on how to maintain, not end my marriage...

 

I believe that a lot of you are here, as your own therapy, and unloading your anger onto my situation isn't healthy for either of us.

 

I agree with what everyone is saying, I am not stupid, nor am I not accepting that I am in denial, but I want to make this work, and I am willing to try, within healthy limits to do just that!

 

If I need to convince myself of something to help me accept this in order to get on, that is my business. I appreciate your concern for me, and realize that many of you have been through this, felt the same, done the same, with tragic results.

 

Statistically, more than half of the M's that go through this, do survive. The survivers aren't here though. They have gotten on with their lives, and we never hear about them. They go through the same things, feel the same, display the same behaviors, but like I said, we don't hear about them, as they have no reason the be here...

 

As always, I really do appreciate the time you all have dedicated to this, and will continue to read and absorb everyone's opinions, whether I agree or not...

 

Total denial. Your in the BS fog. Whether protection was used or not, she still disobeyed her employement guidelines by stealing classified information to her own personal gain. How can you say that we don't even know the basic guidelines regarding the medical field, when by your own admission, don't even know whether she looked at those records for good, or bad intent? It doesn't matter whether the guy was clean or not, she still put your life at risk, she still cheated on you, and she's still playing you like a fool. Please open your eyes, and mind to face the music. Your not going to receive much help on maintaining your marriage unless you put your foot down at some point. We are not trying to unload our anger on your situation, but are merely trying to tell you to be careful because we as BSs have been down the path your going, so we don't want to see you hurt. Also for the record, more than 70% of marriages that experience infidelity result in divorce.

[Notsoeasy]

I second this. When I discovered my ex-ww's infidelity from video footage and confronted her, she said that she had been angry with me because of my decent career and how she felt alone, but when I asked why didn't she tell me, she said because OM was more attractive than me and that she "just gave in." After I told her she should have told me sooner before she decided to sleep with OM, who was my best friend, I kicked her to the curb. From my experience and personal perspective on infidelity, there is no excuse to go outside of your marriage to get your needs met.

 

Hey Bitterman24/7, I think that after reading a bit of your story, you have very good reason to be a "Bitter Man 24/7". And from reading every one of your posts, I believe that you are. I do really apprecite your efforts, and your interest in this, but I really need to surround myself with "non-bitter" people right now.

 

I assume you are here to give, and recieve advise, but I have a genuine concern for you, and wish/hope that you can find a way to shead some pened up anger. I have to guess that this is a deeply horrible subject for you, and I am sorry(truly sorry), but maybe this isn't the best place for you to hang out right now? I am not a shrink, so please don't take offence, as it is not intended.

[confusedinkansas]

Statistically, more than half of the M's that go through this, do survive. The survivers aren't here though. They have gotten on with their lives, and we never hear about them. They go through the same things, feel the same, display the same behaviors, but like I said, we don't hear about them, as they have no reason the be here...

 

Why do you think that is?

I personally believe this. The BS's here think that every single marriage should & always does end in divorce. Well, I for one don't buy it.

I think they can rebound & be better - especially if, ...There is love before the affair........ Both parties realize what could have been lost......Both spouses WANT TO make it work.

I think that you have these qualities in your own marriage.

 

Sorry you're getting bashed all over the place - It's sad that this happens here - Those here that are bitter over what has happened to them, well they have a right to be bitter, they do not have the right to name call or lash out at you. Nor do they have the right to say things such as.........

Wow. If she did this to him, I wonder if there were other "patients" she were "taking care of."

 

To you both - You have a long road ahead. I think you're already on the right path. You both 'sound' pretty level headed.

My own marriage (30 yrs) is much better than it was the 7 or so years prior to my affair. So - see.......It can work!

[RobD70]

You know what, I believe your wife. My wife acted the same way your wife is acting now when we reconciled this last time and even though her affair was different, the end result was the same.

 

I do believe she (your wife) is sincerely sorry now and I doubt she will go down that road again. It’s been a year since we have been back together and my W still says the same things she did back then (and what yours is saying now) and it would take an act of God to make her leave or even think about cheating again. From my own personal experience I am convince your wife is the same way and the fact she is even making an effort to post her side just reinforces that (assuming you are both being honest, and she is not really you).

 

That being said, the issue is how YOU are going to feel a few months down the road. What you are thinking/feeling today will change believe me. Sure I saved my marriage and forgave my wife (not easily) but I often wonder if I made the right decision. It's not too hard to find someone else just as good and not have this history of infidelity to deal with. No matter what my wife does or say today, I have lost some respect for her because she did something incredible stupid and will never know the pain she put me through unless I did the same to her. I still harbor resentment for what she did and I can’t say for certain that I will stay forever. There’s a part of me that can justify up and leaving at a moment’s notice because I could never get completely over this. I doubt I will ever leave over this but I know it’s an option.

 

I say try to make it work but know that in 6 months you may get to the point where you just can’t forgive her and end things. It's sad but a lot of reconciliations fail because the BS either has moved on or never forgives. You have a long road ahead of you but I think if you can last for the next couple of years you’ll be ok. Once you get to the 6 months mark expect your outlook to change though. For some reason it seems to take about 6 months for your emotions to get over things and change. It can work but the question will be if you will want it to work once the dust settles.

Edited August 3, 2010 by RobD70
grammer

[Owl]

Why do you think that is?

I personally believe this. The BS's here think that every single marriage should & always does end in divorce.

 

To you both - You have a long road ahead. I think you're already on the right path. You both 'sound' pretty level headed.

My own marriage (30 yrs) is much better than it was the 7 or so years prior to my affair. So - see.......It can work!

 

Be careful not to paint all BS's with the same brush. There are some of us here who absolutely know that a marriage can recover.

[confusedinkansas]

Be careful not to paint all BS's with the same brush. There are some of us here who absolutely know that a marriage can recover.

My apologies - It was a generalized statement & I hate it when others do that.

- I meant - Those BS's that are bashing here & are determined that this particular posters marriage should be finito'

[Chrome Barracuda]

The problem is the guy is walking around not believing his own eyes.

 

There must be some form of heavy skepticism before one can truly take back a cheating spouse. She MUST earn your trust back before you even attempt to reconcile, because if you make it too easy, she'll probably believe that, it was too easy. And she'll have the opportunity to do it again.

 

Not saying your a doormat or a push over but the reason we here are probably bashing you is because your letting her off the hook too easy!!!

 

Cheating is a choice!!! it was planned by her she didn't trip and fall on his d***. ok. let's be clear on that. She could have said no, this is wrong but she didn't.

 

Dont be so naive as to believe it wont happen again, it will happen or could happen again. That why i told you to remain skeptical, until otherwise.

 

WTF is wrong with you? Self respect my friend. Respect yourself first.

[Snowflower]

Either way, I was just looking for some help/advise on how to maintain, not end my marriage...

 

I believe that a lot of you are here, as your own therapy, and unloading your anger onto my situation isn't healthy for either of us.

 

I agree with what everyone is saying, I am not stupid, nor am I not accepting that I am in denial, but I want to make this work, and I am willing to try, within healthy limits to do just that!

 

If I need to convince myself of something to help me accept this in order to get on, that is my business. I appreciate your concern for me, and realize that many of you have been through this, felt the same, done the same, with tragic results.

 

Statistically, more than half of the M's that go through this, do survive. The survivers aren't here though. They have gotten on with their lives, and we never hear about them. They go through the same things, feel the same, display the same behaviors, but like I said, we don't hear about them, as they have no reason the be here...

 

As always, I really do appreciate the time you all have dedicated to this, and will continue to read and absorb everyone's opinions, whether I agree or not...

 

I think there have been a few more objective replies in your thread here...I hope you find them useful.

 

The so-called bitter posters here are sometimes using your situation as a way to work through their own anger...it's therapeutic for them somehow.

 

I have gone through infidelity in my own marriage...so I guess I am one of the survivors that you mention. And you're exactly right...many of the people who have truly moved on don't post here much. I still hang around from time to time and try to give back some of the same help that I received in those early months, but the tone of this board has changed from one of support to negativity.

 

Anyway, as long as you are self aware of your motives and your reasons for staying, then all is good.

 

BTW, I felt bad after I pointed out the similarities of your thread and the other thread in the "Second Chances" section. I wasn't trying to infer that you were doing anything wrong or that you were a troll...I just wanted you to know that it might be your wife posting...especially if you were trying to keep your thoughts private. Sometimes posters use LS as a journal of sorts and don't want their SO to know they are posting here.

 

Again, good luck to you. If you have any specific questions for me, as a successfully reconciling fBS, I will be happy to answer.

[Bitterman24/7]

Hey Bitterman24/7, I think that after reading a bit of your story, you have very good reason to be a "Bitter Man 24/7". And from reading every one of your posts, I believe that you are. I do really apprecite your efforts, and your interest in this, but I really need to surround myself with "non-bitter" people right now.

 

I assume you are here to give, and recieve advise, but I have a genuine concern for you, and wish/hope that you can find a way to shead some pened up anger. I have to guess that this is a deeply horrible subject for you, and I am sorry(truly sorry), but maybe this isn't the best place for you to hang out right now? I am not a shrink, so please don't take offence, as it is not intended.

 

Your right. I am and will continue to be bitter about my situation, but my situation is over and is irrelevant and yours is still fresh. I know that this is a hard time for YOU, not me. I went down that road and survived, and even though i'm bitter, I can say I made it to a better place. If you expect to get over your WS cheating on you without a scratch, then your sadly mistaken. It just hurts me to see a lot of my fellow men refusing to put their foot down in a relationship because they're afraid of the consequences. If you're choosing to reconcile, then fine, but all I am asking is that you stop forgiving so fast.

[Mr. Lucky]

I say try to make it work but know that in 6 months you may get to the point where you just can’t forgive her and end things. It's sad but a lot of reconciliations fail because the BS either has moved on or never forgives. You have a long road ahead of you but I think if you can last for the next couple of years you’ll be ok. Once you get to the 6 months mark expect your outlook to change though. For some reason it seems to take about 6 months for your emotions to get over things and change. It can work but the question will be if you will want it to work once the dust settles.

I think that in marriages that successfully recover from affairs the BS forgives but doesn't forget. And the cheating spouse accepts and understands the need for that.

 

Notsoeasy, have you and your wife discussed any requirements she will have going forward to be accountable in a way that assures you that this won't happen again?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Notsoeasy]

Thank you all again, and again! I can't thank you enough!

 

I/we have set boundries! We have totally changed, just about, every part of our lives! We have both accepted what has happened, but neither of us have forgiven, and don't even know if it is possible, until we can get there. I would hope that it is possible? But like I said, I really don't know. I do know that I am supposed to be able to forgive, as I am forgiven...

 

I would like to think that even if I don't totally forgive, we can still make this work? Wont know that either, until we get there.

 

As far as forgetting...Wow, I can't image, short of blunt head trauma, ever even coming close to forgetting this, and believe you me, I've tryed the first option, and it hasn't worked yet!!!:p:p

 

The biggest thing is that I CAUGHT HER!, I am not blind to things. I had suspision, followed through and CAUGHT HER! If any of you think that I am capible of walking through life blind to the obvious, you need to take a step back...

 

If you think that I am not angree, well that's just because for the sake of what "I" am asking you for, displaying my anger, hatred, resentment, worthlessness,...etc. isn't condusive to what I am looking for here. If I was asking for help whether to D, different story. Then you would need to know my emotions.

 

I made my wife acknowledge last night how empty my "energy" was. I can feel it, and after bringing it to her attention, so could she! If you have ever been in the room with a dying person, you will feel their energy leave the room before they pass. It is the freakiest thing, but once you are there, you really learn what "Energy" feels like. Well, we have both been through it, and she knows, and now realizes just how "Empty" I am. How my soul has been comprimised, and just how impactual this stuff can be! I think that was a big eye opener, and I hope you can relate to this feeling, as I can verbally convey the pain, but when she "Felt" the absence of "Soul"...

 

Anyways, I am rambling, but again, for the sake of wanting help, I don't feel that you all need to know the periferals, unless it just helps you "deal" with my pain, but please trust me, neither of us are "walking around blind to the elephant in the room", but for our purposes, they just haven't been shared...

 

Thanks!

[Dexter Morgan]

Maybe it sounds like I have accepted her doing what she did. I'm not putting her up on a pedistal, and I don't think that she is a victum of anyone else's wrong doing. She was wrong! Catastrophicaly Wrong!

 

She knows what she did. She wasn't drunk, or druged. She is/was aware, and knows that she can't change a f***in' thing about it now. We both know this!

 

By the sounds of things, there is, just about, no way for me to forgive her, and get on with our life?

 

not saying that at all. I have forgiven a couple past gf's for cheating, but I still left them. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to move on with them.

 

And also not saying you can't get on with your lives together. However, you will have triggers along the way and will think about what she did from time to time. It sucks, I know. but if you decide to stay, this is the reality you have to face.

 

Again, not saying you can't forgive her and can't move on in your life with her, but she now has given you something that will always be in the back of your mind. If you can handle that, then good luck my man.

 

 

Am I really a "doormat" for trying to be open minded about this.

 

not at all, you would be a doormat if you keep excusing her actions and minimizing what she has done.

 

 

Isn't that part of what "love" is?

 

part of "love" is not boning other people too.

 

 

Are we not supposed to forgive? Am I really just being a sap?

 

honestly?..yes. not for thinking that you can forgive her and move on, but the WAY you are doing it. making excuses, downplaying what she did, saying it was just a "mistake", etc...etc..thinking that you need to walk on eggshells or you will push her away....

 

I see nothing in you so far that has stood up and basically gotten even just a tad angry. She needs to know you won't put up with this crap, and based on what you have posted, my guess is she sees you are wanting to turn a blind eye to what she did and sweep it under the rug.

 

 

I am not trying to sound pissy, but I was really hoping for more "help" with the healing, than guidence for D, but I need reality, so I am open.

 

Thanks~

 

All I'm saying is quit making excuses and hopefully you aren't playing the puppy dog in front of her. Because all that does is teach her a valuable lesson..........that she has you wrapped around her finger.

[Dexter Morgan]

CIK is just trying to help and she is from the standpoint of a former wayward wife.

 

a wayward wife that doesn't regret that she slept with another man behind her husband's back and isn't remorseful for it either.

 

she also said that if her husband were to do the same, that she wouldn't forgive him, even though she expected to be forgiven for her affair. (and she will come here and say she has explained this, but the explanation is bunk)

[Dexter Morgan]

She is seriously interested in making this work.

 

She told me that we were gonna make this work, days before my reading/discovery.

 

and just what has she proposed that she will be doing to make this up to you? How is she going to make this work?

 

 

She has told me that it was not intended, and with limited "guy" exposure in life, I believe her.

 

you'd think with limited guy exposure it shouldn't have happened at all.

 

 

She had hung out a couple of times before, and didn't expect him to lay a kiss, leading to... We have read everywhere that most female infidelity is based on an emotional craving. It is the guy who shifts it to physical usually the women puts up with the physical for her emotional needs...I believe that my wife was in this group, and that is why it got broken off so early, om didn't want to be emotional after getting what he wanted. Typical bait/switch...

 

here you go again making excuses for her.

 

I have never said this, but this is why other's are calling you a doormat.

[Snowflower]

a wayward wife that doesn't regret that she slept with another man behind her husband's back and isn't remorseful for it either.

 

she also said that if her husband were to do the same, that she wouldn't forgive him, even though she expected to be forgiven for her affair. (and she will come here and say she has explained this, but the explanation is bunk)

 

Either way, her viewpoint still might be helpful since she was a WW. As BS's Dex, you and I don't have to agree with CIK's choices or her thoughts about having an affair...but she still might have some useful perspective as a WW.

 

Speaking from my own situation, the few male perspectives and some were WH that I did get here were immensely helpful to me at that time and maybe the OP would feel the same way.

 

CIK, I hope you will accept my apology for speaking of you when you are not directly posting. I was trying to make a point about differing viewpoints.

[Dexter Morgan]

As long as there was no intention to mislead posters, I can see nothing wrong with her being on LS and sharing info with both you and the other posters. Let me ask her a question, then. Is she still in contact with the OM?

 

he is a patient where she works, and she looks at the OM's medical records. So the answer is yes.

[Notsoeasy]

I appreciate all view points! Taken with a grain of salt, I truly believe that everything can be used for good. Even the "bitterness" shows me the potential for the future, and what signs to look for, so seriously, please keep it coming! It has really helped me/us in ways that I/we can't explain!

 

At the risk of sounding like a total hippie, You all are trully beautiful people for taking the time to be here, no matter what the motivation. I wish that when this was all over, no matter what the outcome, I could meet with you all to hug, and say thanks! As it has been stated, that I am so silly numb right now that I am amaised that I haven't peed all over myself! And through this forum, I have actually got some direction, some advise, a sense on "community" when mine has crumbled around me, and to say thanks, just seems almost insulting for all that you have provided me in the absolute weakest part of my life! I truly hope that you(ALL) know just how much this has meant to us!

 

I need to repeat the biggy, "You gave me a sense of 'Community', when mine has crumbled around me". That is HUGE! I believe that most of you know, through this experience, the feeling of loss of "home"(metephoricly). I feel like my "Home" became another "House"...It hurts, and hurts BAD!

 

All it takes is an offered hand to make someone feel a little better, and when you look around you, from lying on the ground, trying to find comfort in the debris that was once your life, and you look up to be surrounded by people offering a hand, or both, it is really comforting to know...

 

So again, Thanks!!!

[Bitterman24/7]

Thank you all again, and again! I can't thank you enough!

 

I/we have set boundries! We have totally changed, just about, every part of our lives! We have both accepted what has happened, but neither of us have forgiven, and don't even know if it is possible, until we can get there. I would hope that it is possible? But like I said, I really don't know. I do know that I am supposed to be able to forgive, as I am forgiven...QUOTE]

 

Its good that you're making progress, but just don't think it will be over in 24 hours. You're not at fault for her deception so she only needs to receive your forgiveness. I don't possibly know what the hell would she be forgiving you for but I would tell her she is in no position to say that. But overall, glad its working for you. Just remember i'm here for you no matter how harsh I come by. You seem to be putting your foot down a little by telling her how you really feel, but could still use a little tweaking...

 

P.S. Glad that I could be of help. The feeling's mutual.

Edited August 3, 2010 by Bitterman24/7

[Dexter Morgan]

Thank you all again, and again! I can't thank you enough!

 

I/we have set boundries! We have totally changed, just about, every part of our lives!

 

and are you requiring that she starts looking for another job? keep the one she has, but start sending out applications/resumes to other hospitals/doctor's offices?

 

because unless the OM stops being a patient there, and she isn't going to look for another job, or that you require it, then you are being very naive.

 

its good that you set boundaries, but if she isn't going to look for another job, again unless OM is no longer a patient there, then the boundaries didn't go far enough.

 

 

 

We have both accepted what has happened, but neither of us have forgiven

 

she has to forgive you? I'm sorry, did we miss something? Did you cheat on her?

 

 

and don't even know if it is possible, until we can get there. I would hope that it is possible? But like I said, I really don't know. I do know that I am supposed to be able to forgive, as I am forgiven...

 

what were you to be forgiven for?

 

 

As far as forgetting...Wow, I can't image, short of blunt head trauma, ever even coming close to forgetting this, and believe you me, I've tryed the first option, and it hasn't worked yet!!!:p:p

 

you won't forget. she has given you a scar to remind you for the rest of your life. it just may be only in the back of your mind after a while rather than consuming your every thought.

 

still a life less lived as far as I'm concerned, but everyone is different.

 

 

 

The biggest thing is that I CAUGHT HER!

 

 

yup, this is big....because she didn't confess of her own will.

 

 

I am not blind to things. I had suspision, followed through and CAUGHT HER! If any of you think that I am capible of walking through life blind to the obvious, you need to take a step back...

 

no, you do. you made excuses for her throughout this entire thread. you put more of the responsibility on the OM when your wife did this willingly.

 

and for her to say she didn't know how she could do this is a load of bunk.

 

 

If you think that I am not angree, well that's just because for the sake of what "I" am asking you for, displaying my anger, hatred, resentment, worthlessness,...etc. isn't condusive to what I am looking for here. If I was asking for help whether to D, different story. Then you would need to know my emotions.

 

 

well its clear to everyone here that you are making excuses and you know exactly what you want to do...keep her for whatever reason...and you will downplay what she did to justify it.

 

Not saying that you should just dump her, but we ask that you open your eyes and quit being a fool.

 

but you already know what you want to do and just about everyone in this thread, except for ther cheater apologists, is telling you to wake up and quit shifting the responsibility to this OM.

 

She cheated, knew what she was doing, and wanted to do it.

 

 

Anyways, I am rambling, but again, for the sake of wanting help, I don't feel that you all need to know the periferals, unless it just helps you "deal" with my pain, but please trust me, neither of us are "walking around blind to the elephant in the room", but for our purposes, they just haven't been shared...

 

you are BOTH blind. you are excusing her actions, and she is playing the "woe is me" with the whole, "how could I have done this" tripe.

 

until you both acknowledge that she knew what she was doing and that she knows why or how she could have done this, nothing will improve.

 

again, not saying you can't work this out, even though I'd sooner cut my own member off as to stay with a cheater, but the both of you need to quit playing this game of you taking the blame of her choice to cheat away, and her acting like she didn't know how she could do this.

 

you both need to acknowledge that she knows why she did it.....she wanted him...she wanted it, and acted on her wants.

 

otherwise this whole denial game you both are playing will only land you in a horrible place later.

[Butchannon]

I am warning you not to set too heavy boundaries if you don't wanna get in trouble! My GF and her family now aren't able to forgive me telling her to leave after I found out about her serial cheating in the beginning of our relationship. She took away our child and I could see her only for some hours one day a week. Nobody there wants to speak to me.

[Dexter Morgan]

Either way, her viewpoint still might be helpful since she was a WW. As BS's Dex, you and I don't have to agree with CIK's choices or her thoughts about having an affair...but she still might have some useful perspective as a WW.

 

because of her absence of remorse or regret, she has a way of coming to the defense of cheaters.

 

her advice is hypocritical because she said herself that she wouldn't forgive her husband for the same, yet she is going to advise others to forgive?

 

I agree, a wayward spouses input may be helpful. but not from the hypocritical.

 

When I give my take on this, I practice what I preach and walk the walk.

 

Sorry, I just see something very wrong in someone that will not forgive that which they have been forgiven, telling others that a cheater can change.

 

I am just saying that one should practice what they preach.

[Dexter Morgan]

I am warning you not to set too heavy boundaries if you don't wanna get in trouble!

 

boundaries were absent before, and look where that got him.

 

boundaries aren't what is going to get him in trouble. having a cheating wife will.

[Bitterman24/7]

I am warning you not to set too heavy boundaries if you don't wanna get in trouble! My GF and her family now aren't able to forgive me telling her to leave after I found out about her serial cheating in the beginning of our relationship. She took away our child and I could see her only for some hours one day a week. Nobody there wants to speak to me.

 

Why does it matter whether her family forgives you or not? If anything, they should be angry at her! You were right about telling her to leave because of something horrible she did and you are justified, rightfully so. If she's using the child against you, then obviously you need to sue for custody. So what if nobody there wants to speak with you. As long as they don't come between you and your child then to hell with them and that so-called gf of yours.

[Notsoeasy]

I, BS, am not asking for forgiveness.

 

The double forgiveness is intended to be:

1) She needs to accept, and forgive herself, before I can even think about/attempt forgiving her!

 

2) Then, and only then, will I consider if the effort is worth it.

 

I have just recently come to accept that it happened(little to no denial), so I guess that this is "acceptance"? I can only hope/prey that some day forgiveness will be an option...Who knows???

 

And, as far as her job goes, it was a short term "Extern", for completion of her Degree. The opportunity for contact is over, and even if it weren't, it would be! Fortunately, I witnessed that the contact with OM was already turminated by WW(voluntarilly), prior to me finding out about A. Nothing is set in stone, but the fact that there was already a termination helps in the building proccess!