How much do you like to know about your partner's past?

[Thinkalot]

When you are in a new relationship with someone, or even when you have been with them for a while, how much information do you like to find out , or ask, about their past? I don't just mean their sexual past, I mean the past in general.

 

Ok, I obviously have my own motives for asking this question. I am overcoming jealousy/insecurity and obsessive thoughts about my guys past and ex-wife.

 

The things is, I have reduced my questioning, and my insecurity is less, self esteem better etc etc (most of you know my story) and basically we are much happier and relaxed together now as a result .

 

But I still ask too many questions from time to time, and am trying to overcome the feeling that I "need" to know EVERYTHING there is to know about his life. It seems like this is one of my remaining hurdles to overcome, and appears to stem from a need to "control" things, or not look silly or something.

 

For example, I don't just ask, oh what car did you own when you worked there...blah blah.. I will go on to ask, how much was the car? Did you need a loan? when exactly did you buy it? etc

 

You get the picture. It is over the top questioning. It is not stuff I need to know at all. It is details from the past that are not needed in the present. Rationally, I know this is painful, irritating and not needed at all. But sometimes when the old thoughts grip me, I really feel like I NEED to know. Mostly I can wait till that feeling passes, but sometimes I dont successfully manage it, and blurt out the questions.

 

The thing is, now that I can see things so much more clearly and calmly, I am wondering, how much do 'normal" people (subjective I know) usually want to know about their partner, assuming you did not spend your formative years together and each have a 'history' of sorts.

 

I know it may be painful to answer stuff like this, but it all helps me keep myself grounded.

 

Thanks guys.

[Thinkalot]

mmmmm...judging from the rush of responses this really WAS a painful question! Lol!

[DerangedAngel]

bwahahaha! I'm not really in the pool of normal shackers that you're looking for.

 

I do understand the way you feel, if that counts as anything. I want to know everything that my partners are willing to tell me. When it gets to be uncomfortable (annoying) for them, I have no choice but to back off. Because either way, I'm not going to get anything out of it.

 

I don't know if I've ever pushed it as far as your car scenario though...

 

Everyone else, help her out.

 

-Deranged

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by DerangedAngel

bwahahaha! I'm not really in the pool of normal shackers that you're looking for.

 

I don't know if I've ever pushed it as far as your car scenario though...

 

-Deranged

 

Thanks DA...you are happily in the normal pool now ! And yes, the car scenario is unfortunately, not a once off type of thing. No wonder my poor love was nearly driven crazy before I really sought help! Oh, the joy of obsessively thinking...lol

 

Luckily though, all my efforts ae surely paying off now.

 

And yes, please, 'help me out' ..ALL feedback very welcome.