My relationship with a married man.....I just don't know where I stand any more

[Star_Bright]

Things are not getting any better for me.

 

I think last night was a prime example. After a whole weekend of not seeing him I was feeling really upset. At work on the Monday I tried to talk to him but got snapped at. Told that all I do is go on and “hold him back” from work. I find this hurtful as I actually do an awful lot to help him at work…..sometimes this has a knock on effect on my work as I help him first.

 

Last night was terrible. I stayed back at work to help him and afterwards raised the issue of how he was with me the previous day. I also raised the issue of wanting to do something with him at the weekend. He basically kicked off at me. The worst part of it all was being told I’m mentally unstable, he fears I’ll harm him or his wife. This is absolutely ridiculous….that he is wary of me as I keep “going on at him”. I said it is because I want to spend time with him and when I raise it I do get emotional and cry…I can’t help it. I miss him and I feel frustrated. He said that he thinks I’m not right in the head.

 

*

 

To be honest I feel really hurt by all of this. If I am crying with frustration….when I try to talk…it is because of his dismissive response to my hurt. I try to make him see that not spending time with me is making me depressed and I can’t help but cry. He thinks I am just going on at him, not his fault, he feels unwell, too much to do at work. I have been described as another issue to deal with. He says he can’t put up with it much longer.

 

I feel that I am unable to raise how I feel with him as I just get accused of going on etc. It seems unfair as all I ever do is support him. I do get emotional….but when you ask someone who you have not spent time with for days to spend time with you and ask them what they want to do and they say “don’t know” and then show no enthusiasm it does tend to hurt. I feel I am being made out to be some sort of over-demanding person.

 

*I don’t feel asking to see someone you are in a relationship with or at least meant to be in a relationship with is being demanding.

 

*

 

I have been branded by him as being unreasonable, unstable, an issue…etc but nothing I am asking is wrong. I may cry and get emotional but it is because I care. To be told he needs to be wary of me….like I’m somehow this terrible person really rips me apart. Wary? Of someone who is only asking to spend a few hours doing something nice together…..like a couple. I am meant to be his soulmate….but I don’t feel needed.

 

I am just devastated by all of this. How is it possible to love someone so much and yet them act like this? How can someone tell you that you are their soulmate and yet be so dismissive of your feelings? Yes- I admit crying/getting stressed is not the best way to deal with something...but I am emotional.....because it matters to me.

 

I love him so much. He has said I am his soulmate and I don't get how he can be like this.*

 

*

 

So why do you still love a man who can treat you like this? Your soulmate would not do this to you. I am sorry for your hurt but by staying with this guy, you're staying hurt! You're in control and the only way you can stop being hurt is to give him up. Why do you still want to stay with him?

[jthorne]

Oh for crying out loud, Golon, what is it about this man that is so great? Does his d*ck dance? (Yes, I have been watching old episodes of Dexter.) I've followed your threads since the beginnning, and I still can't figure it out.

 

Can you please list for me 5 things about this man that are so great that don't have anything to do with the way he makes you feel? Because from what I can see, he makes you feel like shyt most of the time. So... list me 5 things. Just 5. Let's give it a start, shall we?

 

He's honest. No... He's lying to his wife, and most likely lying to you.

He's got integrity. No... A man with integrity doesn't cheat.

He's great in bed. Ok, fine. But so are a lot of men.

He's got a great job. Ok, fine. So do a lot of men.

He's smart. ditto above

He's hot. ditto above

He's a snappy dresser. ditto above

I'm being a bit flip here, but you do see where I'm going with this, don't you? What is it about this man that makes you want to stay with him? Think about that, and think about it REALLY HARD.

 

Now, I think we have discussed this before, but let's do it again. He loves you and thinks you are his soulmate when things are going his way. When you are the compliant mistress. When you ask for nothing.

 

When you ask to be treated like a human being, he treats you like dirt.

Golon, dear, unless you have not one iota of self esteem, I know you would not accept this treatment from a single man. So could you please help me understand why you accept it from a married one? It's a serious question, and I would appreciate an answer.

 

Just for kicks, let's daydream and pretend that things were rainbows and roses. That he really did plan to leave his wife and be with you. What would that look like for you? Do you think you two will run off into the sunset? Can you see that if he treats you this way as a mistress, that he would most likely treat you this way as his wife? Don't think so? Why not? You've been letting him get away with it since Day One.

 

Maybe that's why he doesn't respect you. And it's obvious that he doesn't.

 

Men don't marry women they don't respect. And they certainly don't leave their wives for them. (Well, maybe trophy wives, and that's not what we're talking about here.)

 

And since we're on the subject of wives, how are you reconciling it in your mind and heart that you are helping him betray her? Not being judgmental, just asking. If a stranger were to ask her today how their marriage is, what do you think she would say? If someone were to tell her that he H is cheating on her, what do you thing she would say? I don't know her, but the word blindsided comes to mind. I'd be willing to bet that she doesn't think that the marriage is as bad as he tells you it is. I'd be willing to bet that she doesn't have a clue. I could be wrong, but what if I'm not? So lets look at something else, a d-day. What do you think would happen if your A were to be discovered? Do you think he would admit he has feelings for you, or would he tell her you were some psycho that has a mad crush on him? What would he say? Think about that.

 

THINK GOLON. THINK.

[Confused4Now]

Men don't marry women they don't respect. And they certainly don't leave their wives for them. (Well, maybe trophy wives, and that's not what we're talking about here.)

 

THINK GOLON. THINK.

BRAVO!!! jthorne....This is so true. This guy has set the foundation how this relationship is going to be from here on out. Just be prepared....he doesn't respect you one bit nor himself for that matter....

[dreamingoftigers]

Hi,

 

It has taken me a little while to build up courage to reply......

 

I have to explain a few things....

 

The IVF is over. It started prior to meeting me and the final attempt was in motion when we met. It is over now though. I also didn't know about it until a bit into our relationship. I don't want anyone on here thinking I knew from the outset....I didn't. Why didn't I walk away? Well.....he convinced me not to....told me that it was me he wanted and managed to convince me this was the case.

 

The problem for me......well......it's the mixed messages. The other day I got the positive messages again.....about how he wants me....loves me....needs me.....but as you know if you've followed this thread this has not been a consistent message. Usually when I ask to see him he gets snappy with me....thinks I don't understand how difficult things are.

 

I was told a few days ago that he had had enough of us....I didn't understand he has obligations.....then the other day was told I mean everything to him....I'm his soulmate. He said it was just pressure at work making him snappy and working together has meant I've seen this negative side. He said the other day he wanted to reassure me that he does want me.

 

Thing is I just can't forget all the times he has been snappy/impatient with me. I don't know which side is the real side.....which is the true side. I do feel very torn apart by it all. He mentioned wanting a home with me the other day....he hasn't mentioned that in a long while. He used to talk of it a lot and I just felt so sad inside. I didn't really respond to it....just smiled. I didn't know what to say as we don't live together.....I want to be with him but inside feel so sad this isn't happening.

 

Does anyone else find they see other couples....holding hands.....being open and want to cry?

 

Does anyone else feel totally lost and not know what is going to happen to them?

 

When I do mention the future he just says he does want to be with me....of course he does. It is me he wants etc.....but then.....as you know from this thread....it is not a consistent message. I simply don't know what to do any more. I do want to be with him.....of course I do.....but I can't make him leave his W or make him take those steps.....I wish I could speak to one of you face to face....someone who has been there and understands....I feel very alone.

 

I get the above bolded feeling often when I think of mine and my husband's situation but I can see that in your situation you are not going to get that from him regularly ever. If that is what you want, you need to stop letting this man drain your relational energy and focus on putting it elsewhere, first healing your emotional wounds.

 

There must have been some major instability or something lacking in your childhood to want to cling to someone that does not return the energy you put into a relationship. I speak from personal experience.

 

In the end, this will only have been a drain on your time and energy, and do not kid yourself, this will end. You cannot have an incredibly long-term relationship if you do not respect yourself and it is best to extricate yourself before it implodes.

 

You may in fact want to look up some information on love addiction. I am not saying that you are one, but you may need some of the tools that help pull you from this situation.

 

Feeling in love and feeling like this person is your soulmate does not make it so, even if they say they are both. Could you imagine if you were with the wrong one and your soulmate was sitting right outside wondering where his mate is? And there you are stuck in a dead-end relationship with someone that is dismissive and hurtful towards you. Wouldn't that suck?

[Angel1111]

THINK GOLON. THINK.

 

It's the old 'but I love him' routine, which apparently is an excuse for all types of behavior.

 

Golon, if you were thinking, you would stop beating your head against a brick wall, you'd stop nagging and trying to control this man, you'd do whatever it took to get your dignity back (I think it might still be around somewhere...probably vacationing in Mexico...sipping Margaritas...on the beach), and you'd stop acting like you're surprised that a married man is treating you like this.

 

Crying and nagging looks suspiciously like the behavior of a spoiled child, instead of a grown, intelligent woman. You need to admit to yourself that you made a huge error in judgement being with this man and move on. Personally, I don't see an end in sight unless he break-ups with you, which is most likely in the near future. He probably is already working on it but is concerned about the scene you will make. This alone should tell you everything.

[pole_cat]

 

To be honest I feel really hurt by all of this. If I am crying with frustration….when I try to talk…it is because of his dismissive response to my hurt. I try to make him see that not spending time with me is making me depressed and I can’t help but cry. He thinks I am just going on at him, not his fault, he feels unwell, too much to do at work. I have been described as another issue to deal with. He says he can’t put up with it much longer.

 

*

What do you hope to accomplish by doing this?

*

 

I have been branded by him as being unreasonable, unstable, an issue…etc but nothing I am asking is wrong. I may cry and get emotional but it is because I care. To be told he needs to be wary of me….like I’m somehow this terrible person really rips me apart. Wary? Of someone who is only asking to spend a few hours doing something nice together…..like a couple. I am meant to be his soulmate….but I don’t feel needed.

 

*

Unfortunately, you two are not a couple.

*

 

I am just devastated by all of this. How is it possible to love someone so much and yet them act like this? How can someone tell you that you are their soulmate and yet be so dismissive of your feelings? Yes- I admit crying/getting stressed is not the best way to deal with something...but I am emotional.....because it matters to me.

 

I love him so much. He has said I am his soulmate and I don't get how he can be like this.*

 

*

He can be like this because he is lying to you about you being his soulmate.

*

*

 

He is an emotionally stunted man.

He is cruel.

He is a manipulator.

He is a liar.

 

None of these traits have anything to do with what you have/have not done.

 

If you are worried that his behavior is somehow wonderful with others and horrible with you, it just isn't true. Sociopaths are capable of loving and charming behavior, even for prolonged periods of time, when it gets them what they want.

[seren]

Golon, this man sounds more and more like he has a personality disorder, at the very least he is very disrespectful and sounds like a bully, toward you. Why you are with him and what you get out of it is not clear. I would run for the hills, not look back and think I had a lucky escape.

It does sound as though you don't know if you are on your a*** or your elbows with this man, he certainly doesn't sound loving, or even liking and you are blaming you. Clever man to twist and turn things around so that you continue to feed his ego at the expense of yours.

 

Read what you have written and ask yourself, Is this how being in love should be or feel like?

Take care

[on a learning curve]

Hi,

 

It has taken me a little while to build up courage to reply......

 

I have to explain a few things....

 

The IVF is over. It started prior to meeting me and the final attempt was in motion when we met. It is over now though. I also didn't know about it until a bit into our relationship. I don't want anyone on here thinking I knew from the outset....I didn't. Why didn't I walk away? Well.....he convinced me not to....told me that it was me he wanted and managed to convince me this was the case.

 

The problem for me......well......it's the mixed messages. The other day I got the positive messages again.....about how he wants me....loves me....needs me.....but as you know if you've followed this thread this has not been a consistent message. Usually when I ask to see him he gets snappy with me....thinks I don't understand how difficult things are.

 

I was told a few days ago that he had had enough of us....I didn't understand he has obligations.....then the other day was told I mean everything to him....I'm his soulmate. He said it was just pressure at work making him snappy and working together has meant I've seen this negative side. He said the other day he wanted to reassure me that he does want me.

 

Thing is I just can't forget all the times he has been snappy/impatient with me. I don't know which side is the real side.....which is the true side. I do feel very torn apart by it all. He mentioned wanting a home with me the other day....he hasn't mentioned that in a long while. He used to talk of it a lot and I just felt so sad inside. I didn't really respond to it....just smiled. I didn't know what to say as we don't live together.....I want to be with him but inside feel so sad this isn't happening.

 

Does anyone else find they see other couples....holding hands.....being open and want to cry?

 

Does anyone else feel totally lost and not know what is going to happen to them?

 

When I do mention the future he just says he does want to be with me....of course he does. It is me he wants etc.....but then.....as you know from this thread....it is not a consistent message. I simply don't know what to do any more. I do want to be with him.....of course I do.....but I can't make him leave his W or make him take those steps.....I wish I could speak to one of you face to face....someone who has been there and understands....I feel very alone.

 

My dear, please pay attention to the words you have written. He is snappy with you, disrespects your need to spend time with him.

 

He has said that he has had enough - are you hearing that? HE HAS HAD ENOUGH.

 

You are not soulmates. Please read what you have written.

[Golon]

Thank you for the responses.

 

I clearly have a lot to think about.

 

I just don't get the whole situation any more......soulmates one minute and snappy the next.

[spice4life]

Thank you for the responses.

 

I clearly have a lot to think about.

 

I just don't get the whole situation any more......soulmates one minute and snappy the next.

 

I'm coming in late on this thread and from what I see, you do have a lot to think about. The thinking you should be doing is about why you are letting this man treat you this way. You are caving into his every whim and that is where the problem is. You are giving this guy way too much control over how you feel and he is abusing it because you let him. Yes, this guy has a problem, but so do you. You need to look within you to find out why you are letting him get away with it. Once you figure that out then you will find yourself in a whole different place. You will then begin asking yourself, "is this what I want and need?" Try asking yourself that right now. Is he giving you what you want and need? I think you know the answer. Start from there and act accordingly.

 

The truth is, this man isn't capable of giving you what you need and it is time to stop expecting him to. I am only saying this because I have been there myself and after a lot of introspection I realized it was my problem and not his. I was the one who put myself in that position and had to start from rock bottom and work my way back up to the top. And the top is self respect. Once you have that no one can take it away from you.

 

Have you thought about counseling? If you haven't, you probably should. It will help a great deal.

[2sunny]

Thank you for the responses.

 

I clearly have a lot to think about.

 

I just don't get the whole situation any more......soulmates one minute and snappy the next.

 

He is an emotionally stunted man.

He is cruel.

He is a manipulator.

He is a liar.

 

None of these traits have anything to do with what you have/have not done.

If you are worried that his behavior is somehow wonderful with others and horrible with you, it just isn't true. Sociopaths are capable of loving and charming behavior, even for prolonged periods of time, when it gets them what they want.

 

 

read the bolded part.

 

there is no reason to hand over your power to him. no reason to be controlled by his actions or inactions... words that are nice or words that are mean... that is handing him too much power.

 

stop it! take your power back. tell him to take a hike! spend time with friends that are nice. friends that DO what they say. friends that mean what they say.

 

he's a liar. when he speaks = he's lying. it's designed that way to get whatever HE wants. stop doing it and you will no longer feel that way...

 

simple really - YOU allow it = that's why he does it... stop allowing it!

[jthorne]

Thank you for the responses.

 

I clearly have a lot to think about.

 

I just don't get the whole situation any more......soulmates one minute and snappy the next.

I'm going to go with 2sunny here.

 

I was thinking today that there's been patterns here. First pattern is that Golon fusses at MM until he gets tired of it, and then NC starts. Last time, he just stopped communicating with her before she came to The States. I don't know what happened afterwards, but obviously the NC didn't stick, and the pattern continues. Now, he's mad again, saying he doesn't know how much more he can take.

 

Another pattern I see is here on LS. Golon posts an update, and not to be flip or disrespectful, the update isn't much different than the last... She still wants more, he snaps at her when she asks. We give our perspective and... Nothing... Another update about the snappy soulmate. Ok, she is not obligated nor required to respond to us, and if she's thinking about what's being said, that's productive.

 

But there's no change.

 

I'm not sure what else can be done here. There's no magic potion we can offer to make him do something that he doesn't want to do. We can't make his actions match his words. Only HE can do that. And he is not changing. We can't make him change, Golon can't make him change.

 

But SHE can make a change. If she wants change, she has to make the change for herself.

 

I don't know what else to say here that will be of any help.

[Golon]

Hi,

 

I am sorry for the delay in replying. I cannot tell you how many times I have read and re-read the posts in this thread. I know I am poor for not replying but I find it hard to put into words how I feel.

 

I am still suffering from the same issues. Being told I mean everything to him, being told I am loved, needed. Then it all kicks off again and I get shouted at. I can't work it out who is the real person any more.

 

jthorne- in answer to your question. You are of course right. I would never accept this treatment off a single man. So why do I? I guess I do have belief in him.....there has to be a reason.

 

The most recent issue is to do with blaming me for putting on weight. Spending time with me means he hasn't done much exercise and he has put on weight. He said he told me months ago. This is true....I also said I didn't think he looked bad. He thinks I'm all about me and I don't care he has put on weight.

 

In part it could be said to be true in that to me he always looks lovely but I do care if he is unhappy. Before he met me he led a healthy lifestyle. I feel blamed.

 

This comes after days of being really happy together. I just don't understand. I would always support him in whatever he wished to do.

 

I feel I am falling apart. I feel I am blamed but I have never once said don't exercise. Yes, I do love to see him but have never been under the impression he would rather of been off exercising. He never said that to me.

 

Why after days of being happy all this has happened I don't know. It is my fault as I asked if there was something wrong and I pushed it. I'll admit I did push it but I could see there was a problem. I wouldn't stop so he is mad with me. I didn't mean to hurt him. I just wanted to know what was wrong. I am not a cruel person but he sees me as all about me......when I clearly don't lead a selfish life.....as I fit around his life as best I can.

 

You are all giving me such good advice. Why can't I just do what is right for me whatever that may be? I read your posts again and again and you all comment that I don't take advice on board but I do. I really do read and read so why is it I still have hope and still believe he must love me? I just feel so stuck.....so unsure. Just torn apart.

[BB07]

Hi,

 

I am sorry for the delay in replying. I cannot tell you how many times I have read and re-read the posts in this thread. I know I am poor for not replying but I find it hard to put into words how I feel.

 

I am still suffering from the same issues. Being told I mean everything to him, being told I am loved, needed. Then it all kicks off again and I get shouted at. I can't work it out who is the real person any more.

 

Golon......he is showing you who he REALLY is and it ain't good. What you are describing sounds like what abusive men do women, read up on it. It's all about control, they treat you sweet, kind, and then they jerk it all away and treat you cruel. It's a roller coaster.......don't you want off that ride? YOU have the power to get off it......when YOU want to.

 

jthorne- in answer to your question. You are of course right. I would never accept this treatment off a single man. So why do I? I guess I do have belief in him.....there has to be a reason.

 

The most recent issue is to do with blaming me for putting on weight. Spending time with me means he hasn't done much exercise and he has put on weight. He said he told me months ago. This is true....I also said I didn't think he looked bad. He thinks I'm all about me and I don't care he has put on weight.

 

In part it could be said to be true in that to me he always looks lovely but I do care if he is unhappy. Before he met me he led a healthy lifestyle. I feel blamed.

 

When I read the part about his problem with his weight gain and blaming it on you, I had to stop myself from going to the bathroom and upchucking.......really now? He blames you, come on Golon, surely you aren't so far gone that you can't see how manipulative that is. From what you describe this relationship is not healthy in any way shape or form.

 

This comes after days of being really happy together. I just don't understand. I would always support him in whatever he wished to do.

 

I feel I am falling apart. I feel I am blamed but I have never once said don't exercise. Yes, I do love to see him but have never been under the impression he would rather of been off exercising. He never said that to me.

 

Why after days of being happy all this has happened I don't know. It is my fault as I asked if there was something wrong and I pushed it. I'll admit I did push it but I could see there was a problem. I wouldn't stop so he is mad with me. I didn't mean to hurt him. I just wanted to know what was wrong. I am not a cruel person but he sees me as all about me......when I clearly don't lead a selfish life.....as I fit around his life as best I can.

 

You are all giving me such good advice. Why can't I just do what is right for me whatever that may be? I read your posts again and again and you all comment that I don't take advice on board but I do. I really do read and read so why is it I still have hope and still believe he must love me? I just feel so stuck.....so unsure. Just torn apart.

 

Golon..........you are the ONLY one who has the power to stop it and get off the roller coaster. This man is so bad for you, why can't you see he is an emotionally abusive azzhat? What you are describing is not love Golon......it's really not.

[9Lives]

Hi,

 

Firstly I've already been posting on here under a different name but I have had to create a new identity. This is because the MM (I'm not 100% sure) went on my PC while I was away and I think via search history etc managed to find my post. I think (although not 100% sure of this either) he possibly even replied to my post as the points raised were very much akin to things he would say. I am now being much more careful and making sure I delete "history" on my PC and making sure I don't leave it open to being looked at.

 

I'm not sure how it works on here but I'll try and message those who were replying to my last post. This is frustrating but I do feel I still need this forum very much as I am very confused. It also really means I can't go over old ground such as things which have happened before.

 

I have been seeing my MM for under a year and we met at work. I have been told that I am his "soulmate" that he wishes he'd met me before he met his wife, that if he was single we'd be together, that he has never felt like this for anyone, etc. He recently went on holiday with his wife. It really killed me...he said he had to go and had no choice. In return for this he booked us a few days away to show he was committed to me.

 

I really looked forward to those few days alone together. Trouble was while away he had to contact her every day and it killed me. At times I could enjoy the trip and forget the situation but at others I just felt overwhelming pain and sadness......seeing couples so open.....couples with small children. It was like I couldn't escape the ache inside.

 

On our return I couldn't see him for a bit as he had to deal with his home life. He had to lie about where he was etc to go. I guess I had hoped this trip would make the difference....that somehow we'd grow closer....but it seems like business as usual. He doesn't seem cut up about being back. I tried to discuss the future last time we met up and he got snappy with me and told me I was being heavy.

 

Thing was while we were away I was told he'd like to have children with me and that he wants his future with me. All so confusing. I think he feels the trip is proof of his commitment....that he took such a big risk....but I can't help but feel nothing has changed and I'm back at square one with all the same hopes.

 

The general line is that I want everything immediately and that simply isn't possible in the short term....but in the long term he does want to be with me...that he wouldn't be in the relationship if he didn't want me. Trouble is I don't know how long I can cope waiting. I love him so much and I do want my future with him but I just don't understand his stance. There will never be a good time to leave and when I delve further get told that it is to do with family, finance, not wishing to crush his wife who he does love and care for (but I'm told in the way you love a friend/family, not in the emotional sense) but I need to believe in him.

 

Is there any hope here?

 

Listen to me. Do yourself a favor and walk away. Even if this man left, he won't be in any shape to be with u. There will be a lot of emotions that he will have to adjust to. He will need to rethink a lot of things and it sounds like to me that the wife is being blindsided.

 

YOU BOTH ARE BEING SELFISH. Not just him. You are too.

 

The torture u feel is caused by u. U want a man who cannot leave. U want more, he can't do it. U want wife priveleges? U not the wife so why should u get it.

 

He wants both...he doesn't HAVE to handle his problem at home this way. This is his way of handling it and it really sucks.

 

 

Let me tell u, my exmm DESTRYED me and I'm still working so hard to move past a man who I thought loved me so much. I'm still not quite myself but I'm working on it. I hate him and I hate myself for being dump enough to handle this situation the way I did.

 

I should have ignore my feelings are walked away. That was the answer. I that man see u as his soul mate he will move heaven and earth to make things RIGHT.

 

You are living one big lie. Your feelings are your enemy right now causse it is ruling u when logic should be. Ignore your feelings and let him get his life together on his own.

 

This is not good.

[newpriorities]

Hi,

 

I am sorry for the delay in replying. I cannot tell you how many times I have read and re-read the posts in this thread. I know I am poor for not replying but I find it hard to put into words how I feel.

 

I am still suffering from the same issues. Being told I mean everything to him, being told I am loved, needed. Then it all kicks off again and I get shouted at. I can't work it out who is the real person any more.

 

jthorne- in answer to your question. You are of course right. I would never accept this treatment off a single man. So why do I? I guess I do have belief in him.....there has to be a reason.

 

The most recent issue is to do with blaming me for putting on weight. Spending time with me means he hasn't done much exercise and he has put on weight. He said he told me months ago. This is true....I also said I didn't think he looked bad. He thinks I'm all about me and I don't care he has put on weight.

 

In part it could be said to be true in that to me he always looks lovely but I do care if he is unhappy. Before he met me he led a healthy lifestyle. I feel blamed.

 

This comes after days of being really happy together. I just don't understand. I would always support him in whatever he wished to do.

 

I feel I am falling apart. I feel I am blamed but I have never once said don't exercise. Yes, I do love to see him but have never been under the impression he would rather of been off exercising. He never said that to me.

 

Why after days of being happy all this has happened I don't know. It is my fault as I asked if there was something wrong and I pushed it. I'll admit I did push it but I could see there was a problem. I wouldn't stop so he is mad with me. I didn't mean to hurt him. I just wanted to know what was wrong. I am not a cruel person but he sees me as all about me......when I clearly don't lead a selfish life.....as I fit around his life as best I can.

 

You are all giving me such good advice. Why can't I just do what is right for me whatever that may be? I read your posts again and again and you all comment that I don't take advice on board but I do. I really do read and read so why is it I still have hope and still believe he must love me? I just feel so stuck.....so unsure. Just torn apart.

 

You can do this. I could've written your posts myself. I just came to this forum last week and seeing what we allow others to do to us, in writing, was the slap in the face I needed. I am telling my MM it is over, this week or next, whenever he can fit me into his schedule . I want to do it face to face so there can be no doubt. You need to do what is right for you. To find the strength to do what is right for you. Only YOU know what that is, but it sounds like you do know. So gather up all of your strength, do it and begin taking care of YOU. These men are emotional abusers. I know that is a strong term, but it is not ok to tell someone how much you love them, call them your soulmate etc. and then beat them down with words and actions.

Partners should lift each other up and make each other better people. Not worse. Hang in there and be good to yourself!

[9Lives]

I was in your shoes and u are wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. Stop looking at him and look at yourself. You are doing it to yourself. You are so messed up right now. This man is not going to respect a woman who don't respect herself enough to tell him to kiss her a,ss girl. Men will toy with u and all the while see u as a piece of sht he can dump cum in when hegets good and ready. U better wake up and smell the coffee before he gets the nerve to throww the coffee in your face using his wifes hand.

 

This ain't about him, its all about u. U being your own enemy. Can't nobody treat u bette than u treat yourself. Tell him to go one with that second class lifestyle sht!

[9Lives]

[/b]

 

You can do this. I could've written your posts myself. I just came to this forum last week and seeing what we allow others to do to us, in writing, was the slap in the face I needed. I am telling my MM it is over, this week or next, whenever he can fit me into his schedule . I want to do it face to face so there can be no doubt. You need to do what is right for you. To find the strength to do what is right for you. Only YOU know what that is, but it sounds like you do know. So gather up all of your strength, do it and begin taking care of YOU. These men are emotional abusers. I know that is a strong term, but it is not ok to tell someone how much you love them, call them your soulmate etc. and then beat them down with words and actions.

Partners should lift each other up and make each other better people. Not worse. Hang in there and be good to yourself!

 

I'm so proud of u. Bravo! You are so fly to me! I think so highly of u. I wasn't u when I did this bullsht. No I was the one dragged threw the damm mug! I was the one so fked up that it is taking me almost a year to get myself together. You are so blessed to see it for what.it is..bullsht! If he is married...leave his silly ass alone. Cakereater, liar,steaky,unfair,selfish,stupid,ponk!

 

I WAS SO STUPID! Never again..never

[Minnie09]

This R is all about him, not one tiny bit about you, OP.

I would bet a lot of money right now that his M is ALSO all abt him and not about his wife. It's his personality. He's an abuser and manipulator.

He will not leave her for you. And if he did, you would be in her shoes. That's for sure. What a great prospect, right?

Wake up and throw him where he belongs: under a big fat stinky bus! Seriously.

This guy will not change. Neither himself nor his life. Especially not for his part-time mistress. You do not even play a small supporting role in his self-centered movie of life. You are that unimportant. Trust me.

Please also try to figure out for yourself why you are drawn to a character like that. Go seek help! You are not loving yourself.

[Golon]

It all just hurts so much. I don't know why he is like this with me.

 

How am I going to get through work tomorrow? I will see him and no doubt he will be off with me. It just makes me so sad.

 

I really have always tried my hardest to meet his needs. I have always made myself available and been supportive when he needed it. I know that I get upset and down and I know this must upset him but in my situation it does hurt sometimes when he drives away.

 

I feel so totally drained and really upset. I feel I am being blamed for something which isn't my fault. There are lots of weekends and evenings I don't see him when he could do what he wants. I do love to spend time with him but I have never been threatening or lost my temper if he can't see me. I have been sad yes but not horrible.

 

I am so scared about work tomorrow. I can't stand the thought of being blanked and made to feel bad when all I have ever done is love him. I just don't see why after such a nice time of late this has happened and I'm accused of being all about me and patronising.

 

I am here all on my own and I feel dreadful.

[alexandria35]

I was in your shoes and u are wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. Stop looking at him and look at yourself. You are doing it to yourself. You are so messed up right now. This man is not going to respect a woman who don't respect herself enough to tell him to kiss her a,ss girl. Men will toy with u and all the while see u as a piece of sht he can dump cum in when hegets good and ready. U better wake up and smell the coffee before he gets the nerve to throww the coffee in your face using his wifes hand.

 

This ain't about him, its all about u. U being your own enemy. Can't nobody treat u bette than u treat yourself. Tell him to go one with that second class lifestyle sht!

 

The above is a great post! So many women have made the mistake (myself included) of believing that they can make a prick stop being a prick, by trying harder, being more attentive, working more, being more loving etc etc....This is a big lie!! A man doesn't respect a woman who allows herself to be abused and manipulated. If you don't treat yourself with respect then nobody is going to respect you, least of all an abusive prick of a man.

[alexandria35]

It all just hurts so much. I don't know why he is like this with me.

 

How am I going to get through work tomorrow? I will see him and no doubt he will be off with me. It just makes me so sad.

 

I really have always tried my hardest to meet his needs. I have always made myself available and been supportive when he needed it. I know that I get upset and down and I know this must upset him but in my situation it does hurt sometimes when he drives away.

 

I feel so totally drained and really upset. I feel I am being blamed for something which isn't my fault. There are lots of weekends and evenings I don't see him when he could do what he wants. I do love to spend time with him but I have never been threatening or lost my temper if he can't see me. I have been sad yes but not horrible.

 

I am so scared about work tomorrow. I can't stand the thought of being blanked and made to feel bad when all I have ever done is love him. I just don't see why after such a nice time of late this has happened and I'm accused of being all about me and patronising.

 

I am here all on my own and I feel dreadful.

 

Golon are you even reading the responses here? I ask because you just keep posting the same thing over and over again. 'why does he do this?' 'how can he treat me this way?' 'why does he blame me?' 'how can he accuse me and call me patronizing?'

 

We've all told you why!! Because he can, because you allow it, because he loves himself..not you! Stop asking why he is the way he is, and ask yourself why you are the way you are. Stop analyzing his behavior and start analyzing yours. You are not the victim here, you have an objective and it's to win this guy, even if it means you have to sacrafice all your last shred of self respect. Why is that?

[fooled once]

Golon..........you are the ONLY one who has the power to stop it and get off the roller coaster. This man is so bad for you, why can't you see he is an emotionally abusive azzhat? What you are describing is not love Golon......it's really not.

 

Yep

 

In almost all of your posts you keep going back to this soulmate crap. He is NOT your soulmate. That is a line he fed you. If he truly believed that he wouldn't call you an issue, a problem of his, etc. So stop focusing on him saying that you two are soulmates. You are not! You are not even a good couple!! People who love each other do not treat each other so badly.

 

And frankly, you are being demanding and irrational when it comes to the weekends. He is MARRIED. You have accepted your position as being second in the relationship. You have accepted being thrown the scraps. If you don't see him a weekend that's too bad. Because he is MARRIED. And NOT TO YOU. His weekends belong to his WIFE. Period. He'll see you when he gets to you.

 

As he sees it you are not behaving like a proper mistress. You are stressing him out. He is waiting to throw you under the bus.

 

Instead of wondering about his actions and his thoughts what you should be wondering is why you are so willing to take this kind of abuse? Why are you ok with another human being treating you like *****? Why do you choose to be a doormat?

 

Yep

 

Golon are you even reading the responses here? I ask because you just keep posting the same thing over and over again. 'why does he do this?' 'how can he treat me this way?' 'why does he blame me?' 'how can he accuse me and call me patronizing?'

 

We've all told you why!! Because he can, because you allow it, because he loves himself..not you! Stop asking why he is the way he is, and ask yourself why you are the way you are. Stop analyzing his behavior and start analyzing yours. You are not the victim here, you have an objective and it's to win this guy, even if it means you have to sacrafice all your last shred of self respect. Why is that?

 

Yep Yep Yep

[9Lives]

The above is a great post! So many women have made the mistake (myself included) of believing that they can make a prick stop being a prick, by trying harder, being more attentive, working more, being more loving etc etc....This is a big lie!! A man doesn't respect a woman who allows herself to be abused and manipulated. If you don't treat yourself with respect then nobody is going to respect you, least of all an abusive prick of a man.

 

Yes I learned the hard way but I learned. It was a painful lesson and I'm glad its over. You can try yrt yrt try but if u don't respect yourself....try that first

[9Lives]

Golon are you even reading the responses here? I ask because you just keep posting the same thing over and over again. 'why does he do this?' 'how can he treat me this way?' 'why does he blame me?' 'how can he accuse me and call me patronizing?'

 

We've all told you why!! Because he can, because you allow it, because he loves himself..not you! Stop asking why he is the way he is, and ask yourself why you are the way you are. Stop analyzing his behavior and start analyzing yours. You are not the victim here, you have an objective and it's to win this guy, even if it means you have to sacrafice all your last shred of self respect. Why is that?

 

No she is not reading anything. She is not listening. The only reason I'm responding now is to respond to u all. I read her reponse and almost wrote something crazy and I know that would have to be cool