How do I meet new people?...

[Nela]

Hello all,

 

I'm 23, female and seriously wondering what I'm supposed to do. I've always been single, and have few (but good) friends. I'm basically a loner .

 

Problem is, I don't actually want to be completely alone! I want to have friends to go out with and do things with, but I don't seem to have much in common with any of the people that I meet at uni.

The friends that I have usually agree on one thing, I'm really nice, but only once you get to know me; at least that assures me that the friends that I have, actually want to be my friend, but it also assures I don't make many friends!

 

I don't know why I seem so unapproachable, or unlikeable at first sight; I'm not ugly, nor fat, maybe just scared because I have never had any experience in my life. I'm also not very outgoing and I don't talk a lot either (except when writing posts on forums!)...

 

So now, going into second year, I'm not going to meet any new people, so what do I do? Where do I go? And most of all, how do I make myself more approachable? What makes people approach you?

 

And please don't tell me to go out and meet people, because I'd feel like an idiot going out to some bar all by myself (my friends don't go out). And if there are places you can go to by yourself, what are they? I have no clue...

 

Thanks in advance for responding

[melodymatters]

Try getting involved in community theatre. If you have no talent that way volunteer to be staff. People become like family during a production and you will make friends for life.

 

Or volunteer just about anywhere ! I walk dogs at a dog shelter and meet lots of people via that.

[TouchedByViolet]

What do you like to do in your free time?

Do you play sports?

Are you artistic?

 

Tell us more about what you like

[Sophia8]

I tend to meet new people through things that I enjoy doing such as travelling, horse riding, salsa dancing, joint a Book Club, through work/studying, charity work and so on.

 

What interests you?

[USMCHokie]

Social networking. Meet the friends of your friends. Then meet their friends. Lather, rinse, repeat.

[Thorgs]

I too am in the same boat, except I am a 28 male and have zero social life. The people I met here when I first moved to the area turned out to be the sketchiest people I've ever met, so I'm looking for ways to meet new people too, except I have zero friends. And I don't drink so going to the bar might be difficult.

 

I don't mean to hijack, just "subscribing" to the thread

[Nela]

I'm not artistic at all....! Unfortunately.

I like dancing, and I joined a club last year, but as I had to sign up by myself, I ended up partnerless... as everybody else either came with one, or found one there, except me. So I quit pretty soon.

 

I do like sports, but don't have the money to sign up anywhere. I tend to go biking and running, as it's for free and I can do it whenever I want.

 

Apart from that, I like reading, watching movies, going to musicals, and just sitting with friends (most of whom now live far away as I moved to another country last year). I used to play the piano, but wasn't great at it. I enjoy just going places with a friend and ehm, thats it really.

I have never found anything I truly love doing, or something I'm really good at.

 

I like traveling, but again, honestly have no money - any money I earn is for my studies.... :S

 

Hmm, I have one friend who is pretty social, but he lives a (free!) 45min busride away, and I would feel like I would be intruding in his 'social group'. I have no idea whats normal and whats not...

 

 

ps: completely off topic here, but if I hit the quick reply button, I go to a new page as opposed to the quick reply below - any way to fix this??

[USMCHokie]

I too am in the same boat, except I am a 28 male and have zero social life. The people I met here when I first moved to the area turned out to be the sketchiest people I've ever met, so I'm looking for ways to meet new people too, except I have zero friends. And I don't drink so going to the bar might be difficult.

 

I don't mean to hijack, just "subscribing" to the thread

 

Like the above members have mentioned, meet new people through activities, hobbies, and interests of yours. All my friends had moved out of the area a while back and are all scattered across the globe, so there was a time when I had not a single friend in the area.

 

Do you go to a gym regularly? I have met A LOT of people at my gym, one of whom is a very good friend of mine now. Then I just do social networking from there, which has definitely helped expand my network of friends in the area.

[Nela]

Like the above members have mentioned, meet new people through activities, hobbies, and interests of yours. All my friends had moved out of the area a while back and are all scattered across the globe, so there was a time when I had not a single friend in the area.

 

Do you go to a gym regularly? I have met A LOT of people at my gym, one of whom is a very good friend of mine now. Then I just do social networking from there, which has definitely helped expand my network of friends in the area.

 

You make it sound so easy.... I went to a gym a couple of years back, and never actually met anyone. I feel like I would be intruding on someone if I would approach them.

[Nela]

I tend to meet new people through things that I enjoy doing such as travelling, horse riding, salsa dancing, joint a Book Club, through work/studying, charity work and so on.

 

What interests you?

 

What is a book club?? I like reading, so might be something

[USMCHokie]

You make it sound so easy.... I went to a gym a couple of years back, and never actually met anyone. I feel like I would be intruding on someone if I would approach them.

 

It really can be easy, depending on where it is...perhaps the gym isn't the best place, but it was for me because it's where I feel very comfortable. You said you like biking and running. Are there any specialty biking or running stores nearby? I know almost every one of them schedules weekly bike or run meets where people just meet up in front of the store and go. Since it's an activity you enjoy doing, you'll much more comfortable meeting and talking with other people. By engaging in the activity, there should be less social discomfort as your mind is focused on the activity itself, and you're just there doing that activity with others...

[tman666]

Nela,

 

Perhaps the way you carry yourself could provide clues? You said that you're not ugly or fat, and that people say you're a nice person once they get to know you. However, how hard is it for people to get through that door? You said in your post that you don't talk a lot, and that you're fairly reserved. Many people take this as a cue that you're unavailable for social interaction.

 

Of course, this doesn't mean that you're not worth approaching, getting to know, or don't have a lot to offer.

 

I'm not suggesting that you suddenly turn into a loud, giggly, flirty airhead, but it might be worth it to examine how you might appear to the outside observer. Try pushing your own boundaries by working on smiling more, speaking up in conversations, laughing, making eye contact, and reciprocating conversations with people you don't know that well.

 

This may seem like a complete no-brainer, but I feel like more people approach me for conversation when I'm having a good time. People can tell when you're in a good mood. Think about it, would you rather go up and talk to someone who is laughing, joking around, smiling, etc. or someone who looks either deep within their own thoughts or pissed off?

 

Good luck!

[Nela]

Nela,

 

I'm not suggesting that you suddenly turn into a loud, giggly, flirty airhead, but it might be worth it to examine how you might appear to the outside observer. Try pushing your own boundaries by working on smiling more, speaking up in conversations, laughing, making eye contact, and reciprocating conversations with people you don't know that well.

 

Good luck!

 

Reading back what I wrote, I can see why would you assume I don't already do that. I just don't do it a LOT. Sure, I engage in conversations, I smile, def make eye contact, etc. I don't talk a lot, simply because I don't have much to say - I'm an active listener more than an active talker.

 

But yeah, when I am somewhere where I don't know anyone, I do tend to turn into this unapproachable person, but I don't know why! I mean, I would find it a bit silly to smile when there's nothing to smile at!? It could be that my general posture/face reads, don't approach! But I don't know any different - I wouldn't know what to change...

Also, I have no clue what to say to people that I don't know. What am I supposed to talk about? Am I supposed to randomly introduce myself to people? And then? Talk about the weather? Studies?

 

I honestly feel like I have never been taught how to interact with people properly....

[Sophia8]

What is a book club?? I like reading, so might be something

 

The Book Club that I joined we meet up every fortnight or three weeks and each of us take it in turn to hold it at our house (although you can agree a public place if you prefer). Each of us takes it in turns to chose a book, which we read seperately and then discuss. We make a whole evening of it, so we discuss the book for a while and when finish we just socialise. It can be a real laugh and I have read some fantastic books that I probably would not have chosen myself. We also meet outside of the book club.

 

You may be able to find a book club at your Uni, if not you could always try setting one up by advertising it around the Uni and that may put you in contact with a different set of people that you normally meet. Where I live book clubs are often advertised in local newspapers or go online and search for them in your local area.

 

Also I agree with what tman666 said, the way that you carry yourself is very important.

[tman666]

Reading back what I wrote, I can see why would you assume I don't already do that. I just don't do it a LOT. Sure, I engage in conversations, I smile, def make eye contact, etc. I don't talk a lot, simply because I don't have much to say - I'm an active listener more than an active talker.

 

But yeah, when I am somewhere where I don't know anyone, I do tend to turn into this unapproachable person, but I don't know why! I mean, I would find it a bit silly to smile when there's nothing to smile at!? It could be that my general posture/face reads, don't approach! But I don't know any different - I wouldn't know what to change...

Also, I have no clue what to say to people that I don't know. What am I supposed to talk about? Am I supposed to randomly introduce myself to people? And then? Talk about the weather? Studies?

 

I honestly feel like I have never been taught how to interact with people properly....

 

I apologize for assuming you didn't do any of the things I mentioned. As far as randomly introducing yourself to people... Well, that's something that comes down to your own comfort level. Some people seem to be completely at ease approaching random people and starting conversation. This is something I'll never understand myself. I always feel that there has to be some sort of commonality. It's usually pretty easy to build off of things that involve both of you, even if it's stupid and trivial.

 

I think the trick is to try and learn to keep a conversation going, but not to beat subjects to death. Learn to transition into other topics smoothly. Share your opinions and experiences, but not to the point of just blabbing on (this is the part that I have trouble with hahaha). If you are at ease with what you're talking about, people with be at ease with the conversation.

 

Definitely stay away from the topics of weather and studies though...

[Sophia8]

Definitely stay away from the topics of weather and studies though...

 

Unless you happen to be in England, a lot of us do have the habit of breaking the ice by talking about the weather. This usually consists of something like "what a lovely warm day we've had today", the other person tends to agree and then the conversation tends to take another route. So it's only a two line weather conversation!

[tman666]

Unless you happen to be in England, a lot of us do have the habit of breaking the ice by talking about the weather. This usually consists of something like "what a lovely warm day we've had today", the other person tends to agree and then the conversation tends to take another route. So it's only a two line weather conversation!

 

Haha, I'm not in England.

 

That seems to be the trouble with a weather conversation. It's just like you said, the person usually agrees with you, and the conversation ends on a pleasant note. Conversely, if the person disagrees (which would be laughably strange), the conversation ends on a negative note. Either way, unless people start talking about high and low pressure systems, cloud types, and historical precipitation records, the conversation isn't going anywhere.

 

BTW, if they start talking in depth about the details of the weather, you should probably run for your life.

 

As far as ice breakers go, I would imagine that complimenting the person from the start would be a good way to get their attention and set a tone conducive to having a friendly conversation.