Stung Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 Your boyfriend doesn't WANT to pay off his bills, and he doesn't WANT to get married. He has told you this many times via his actions/words, so maybe it is time for you to step back and accept that you can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. Your feelings aren't wrong but there is no way to dislodge him from this comfort zone with pleas, promises of financial aid, threats, ultimatums. He knows what you want and he's more than aware that he no longer wants the same thing -- but he will not tell you that because he's afraid or your reaction. What is more important to you -- a relationship with this particular man that will never involve marriage, or having a relationship with someone else who desires marriage? If it's the latter, then you give yourself an internal deadline -- move out, find your own place, and if he is still unwilling to broach the subject of marriage at the end of that timeline, you absolutely walk away from this relationship. It's understandable that this is not news you wish to hear, but I strongly agree with the above points. I understand that you feel you compromised your plans/ideals in order to move in with this guy, thinking it would inevitably lead to marriage, and you want to push that marriage along as it feels past due. But your boyfriend is clearly balking, I'm sorry to say. In addition, it sounds like there might be some fundamental, very basic incompatability here, which could be a problem. What if you wait and wait and in three or four years he decides he is ready and the marriage comes to be. You are clearly by nature responsible, goal-oriented, meticulous, and direct, and he seems to be none of those things, which probably shows in more than just his frustrating inability to be upfront with you on this subject and his financial disarray. How much would these trait incompatabilities begin to wear on you, over time? Link to post Share on other sites
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