veryloney Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 im 18 years old and i talk to this 14 year old. we have alot in common but we never dated. i like her and i know she likes me becuase we have alot of fun together.. what should i do? i know its wierd asking someone out that is 4 years younger.. btw i do not want sex! i want a friendship to become closer. Id treat her with all the respect in the world becuase she fits my life so well. Link to post Share on other sites
Raderick Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 This reeks of all sorts of weirdness, sexually or not. Link to post Share on other sites
bobdole Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Tried the same when I was 18yr old senior. There was a 14 year old beautiful freshman girl that practically worshiped me. I ended up breaking it off after a week or so because I didn't want to go to jail. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Statutory Rape. Don't do it, no matter how hot she is. Link to post Share on other sites
meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Nothing at all wrong with it, I dated a 14 y.o. at 18, as did many of my very normal friends. Half of us took freshmen to the senior prom because all the girls in our class were already dating joecollege. Be ready for some family scrutiny though, as it is likely she hasn't had much dating experience. Get her home on time or you will likely have the sheriff at your door. If she sticks her hand down your pants, calmly remove it and say "nothing to see there, move along." Link to post Share on other sites
Author veryloney Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 yea but she means everything to me! i cant just not be with her... i know i sound creepy but im not. she likes to hang with me and says im her bff so im confused... i know the law but dating isnt against it. i just want help on to make my parents and hers feel that it would be okay... just for the info, sex doesnt intrest me one bit id rather have a close friendship than anything. besides shes more into the sex thing than i am but she knows i wont becuase of the law... Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 I agree she's two years too young for you Link to post Share on other sites
meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 You have to remember, OP, that lots of folks here have sex on the brain, it's just that kind of place. There is nothing at all wrong with your dating her. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Lonely - I don't doubt your sincerity and that your interests in her are non-prurient. However, play this out for a second. She's a 14-year old girl - a "tween". At that age, girls are prone to all kinds of irrational actions, immaturity, etc. My fear for you is that if you break up with her, or she gets her feelings hurt, she can cause a LOT of trouble for you, ie. claim statutory rape, even when none occurred... THAT would be enough for me to stay away. The risk is too great. And a sex offender label is one that will follow you for LIFE, complete with forced registry every time you move, and admission on every job application. Still worth it? Plus, I wasn't allowed to date until I was 15 and in high school, and even then, I could only date high school boys. It wasn't I was 17 that I was allowed to date guys out of HS, and that I did... And why do you have no interest in sex at 18? Link to post Share on other sites
txsilkysmoothe Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 There could be trouble if things don't go smoothly. At the very least I think you need her parents blessing. It's easy to say you don't want sex right now, but don't you think that will change if you're dating for awhile? Every state in America has laws about statutory rape. You need to read up on the subject. If there was to be a bad break-up, she or her parents could cause you legal problems if the relationship becomes sexual or she claims there was sex. Just be careful. What do your parents think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author veryloney Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 i have no intrest becuase i want to wait until she is 18 aswell. you can think im strange, but im one of those rare type of guys who dont care for sex at an early age. to me 18 is still early, and one thing to that i have never dated before.... it sounds sad at 18, but i really had no intrest in girls in my grade... all they want is sex and **** and im no ready myself... Link to post Share on other sites
Author veryloney Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 u keep saying that she'll claim rape.... but if i never had sex they cant prove it... besides even if i do have sex(which i wont!!)... they cant tell after a year it has to be some what resent unless you have proof like a film or photo... and im not into sex right now... i just feel like i need someone to be with... Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Then what's stopping you from dating girls your age? I'm sorry, but I find it rather stupid that a guy would chance getting branded a pedophile just because of one girl. But then again, I've seen and heard of enough stupid people who do stupid things. Link to post Share on other sites
meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 You know what OP, on second thought, you should probably just go on down to the police station and register as a sex offender now because, despite your stated good intentions, and despite the fact that no one with bad intentions would actually come to an internet relationship forum and ask advice on this matter, you are apparently already guilty of something heinous Everyone in the world is not a caricature from the evening news. Link to post Share on other sites
txsilkysmoothe Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 u keep saying that she'll claim rape.... but if i never had sex they cant prove it... besides even if i do have sex(which i wont!!)... they cant tell after a year it has to be some what resent unless you have proof like a film or photo... and im not into sex right now... i just feel like i need someone to be with... And how would you prove that you didn't. Physically, nobody can tell if the two of you had sex. It's what's known as "he said/she said." It's very difficult for either of you to prove your side, but the allegation alone can cause you major grief. You indicated she is more into sex. How long will you be able to resist her? Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 u keep saying that she'll claim rape.... but if i never had sex they cant prove it... besides even if i do have sex(which i wont!!)... they cant tell after a year it has to be some what resent unless you have proof like a film or photo... and im not into sex right now... i just feel like i need someone to be with... She doesn't have to prove it. All she has to do is claim it. Link to post Share on other sites
AverageJoe Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Whether there is proof or not, just the accusation of rape can ruin your life. Thats right, just the accusation. Look pal, you are not thinking this thing through rationally. She is 14 and has no where near the mental or emotional capacity to be in a relationship with no life experience. Link to post Share on other sites
txsilkysmoothe Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 You said you knew about the law but you seem to think we are referring to "rape." We're not. Statutory rape is CONSENSUAL sex. It is when a legal adult has sex with a person that is under the legal age of consent - (17, 16, or the age set by their state). The law has concluded that a person under the age of consent is not emotionally or mentally mature enough to make that decision - to agree or consent to sex. It also concludes that a legal adult should know that a person under the age of consent isn't old enought to make this decision and therefore the legal adult should refrain from sex with such a person. If they do not and get caught, they are held legally responsible for engaging in sex with a minor. It doesn't matter if she seduces you, it's her idea, etc. It doesn't have to be her that files a complaint. Her parents can press charges even if she tells them it was her idea, she wanted to do it, liked it, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
bac Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Law considers as a statuatory rape if you just touch her genitalia with fingers or with smth else. You mentioned that she is more into sex than you. Fortunately, you are a very strong guy and nothing can make you want to have sex with her. BTW keep in mind that most people who would see you together would suspect that you have sex with her no matter what you say or think. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 You said you knew about the law but you seem to think we are referring to "rape." We're not. Statutory rape is CONSENSUAL sex. It is when a legal adult has sex with a person that is under the legal age of consent - (17, 16, or the age set by their state). The law has concluded that a person under the age of consent is not emotionally or mentally mature enough to make that decision - to agree or consent to sex. It also concludes that a legal adult should know that a person under the age of consent isn't old enought to make this decision and therefore the legal adult should refrain from sex with such a person. If they do not and get caught, they are held legally responsible for engaging in sex with a minor. It doesn't matter if she seduces you, it's her idea, etc. It doesn't have to be her that files a complaint. Her parents can press charges even if she tells them it was her idea, she wanted to do it, liked it, etc. Exactly. And even if you don't go to jail, your name automatically gets added to the national sexual offender/predator database. Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 im 18 years old and i talk to this 14 year old. we have alot in common but we never dated. i like her and i know she likes me becuase we have alot of fun together.. what should i do? i know its wierd asking someone out that is 4 years younger.. btw i do not want sex! i want a friendship to become closer. Id treat her with all the respect in the world becuase she fits my life so well. Wait till she's 18... Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 K, I'm going to bypass all the obvious legal issues present here and speak purely from a social standpoint: Ew. You should be getting ready to go to college and she's barely out of junior high! Dude, seriously. In a few years, a four year age gap wont matter at all but for now it makes a huge difference. Find someone your own age! Link to post Share on other sites
alexlakeman Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 18 and you do not want sex? Have your parents take you to a therapist.. you're queer Link to post Share on other sites
Blade Runner Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 (edited) 18 and you do not want sex? Have your parents take you to a therapist.. you're queer[/Quote]Yeah. That's right, people. If you don't want sex at eighteen and want to focus on more things in life, you're a queer. You don't even have to engage in sex with another man, you're still queer. Seriously though, what? As for this relationship with a fourteen year old. I strongly suggest you remain friends, and nothing more. Maybe even friends would be a bad idea. I don't know. There are too many factors and variables for us Strangers to be telling you what to do and what not to do - but there are some facts that you should consider. As others have said, she could call rape any time and have you labelled for life. I've heard horror stories by guys who this very thing has happened to. First you want to ask yourself why you're seeking out this particular fourteen year old. A lot of guys bring out the "You don't get it, she's so mature for her age, and we get along great, and..." And that's fine, some girls really are quite the characters at that age. But there will be issues. You said all girls in your grade want sex. This is not true. Sure, a large majority will. But not all. Love isn't a majority. It's you, and one other person. It doesn't take a whole grade to find somebody you connect with, it takes one single individual. It could be somebody you've never met before. It could be someone you meet in five weeks time at a party, on the street, in a bus, on the rooftop of an old building. Who knows? There are plenty of girls your age who don't want to have sex right now in their lives, either. This is not "abnormal". And anyway, who wants to be normal? I agree with the warnings other posters have given you. I'm not going to label you with any kind of "semi pedo" thing, because in reality, a lot of guys have given it thought before. This very thing. But to act on it is a different thing. It can work, sure. I've seen it work. But then again so can a lot of things that aren't always good ideas. Look at your motivations, take a step back, and think it through. Don't jump to her because she's given you some time of day. Fourteen year old girls give any older guy who's not a douchebag in their class time of day. Having said all that, there are plenty of 18 year olds, and even 30+ year olds who are some of the most immature people you'll ever meet. Some people really never grow up. In my mind it's just the stage she's in. 14 years old...two years ago she was 12. Look at it that way. When she's 16, 17, you could be 20-21 and I wouldn't see that as such a big issue. Still a considerable life difference, though (for most, I'd say). But right now, she's only 14. It's not such a good idea, IMO. Although in the states, if that's where you are, you have the legal age at 18, so that does make things different. (Even if you aren't planning on having sex). Edited August 3, 2010 by Blade Runner Link to post Share on other sites
crimsonmike Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 (edited) Nevermind. Edited August 3, 2010 by crimsonmike staying out of this one. Link to post Share on other sites
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