Always the one that winds up getting wet.

[tojaz]

Though I've tried before to tell her

Of the feelings I have for her in my heart

Everytime that I come near her

I just lose my nerve

As I've done from the start

 

Every little thing she does is magic

Everything she does just turns me on

Even though my life before was tragic

Now I know my love for her goes on

 

Do I have to tell the story

Of a thousand rainy days since we first met

It's a big enough umbrella

But it's always me that ends up getting wet

 

Every little thing she does is magic

Everything she does just turns me on

Even though my life before was tragic

Now I know my love for her goes on

 

I resolved to call her up a thousand times a day

And ask her if she'll marry me in some old fashioned way

But my silent fears have gripped me

Long before I reach the phone

Long before my tongue has tripped me

Must I always be alone

 

Every little thing she does is magic

Everything she does just turns me on

Even though my life before was tragic

Know I know my love for her goes on

 

Every little thing she does

Every little thing she does

Every little thing she does

Every little thing she does is magic magic magic

Magic magic magic

 

 

 

 

Funny this is my wifes favorite band, and I've always liked this song because the refrain always brought pleasant memories of her to mind, still does. Recently though, it was another line that struck me out of the blue. "Its a big enough umbrella, but its always me that ends up getting wet" I don't know if its how ole Sting intended it, and I'm probably taking a big leap here, but it hit me like a ton of bricks just the same. Because i see me.

 

I hear a guy trying very hard for the people in his life, doing what he can to help, to nurture, to provide the "umbrella". Watching as others sit dry under the shelter he provides as he stands in the, as Gunny would put it, "Storms of Life" getting soaked to the bone, pushed out into that position by those he cherishes most.

 

As many of you know, I recently lost a dear friend here on LS, someone who had been here just as long as I had, and we found each other from the beginning and had shared much and had been there for each other for what I believe was the worst part of our lives for both of us. Yet just as suddenly as we had found our friendship over a year ago, it was destroyed, and in the way that was done so was trust. In effect salting the earth so that nothing could ever grow there again.

 

That opened a lot of wounds that I have been trying very hard to heal. Our friendship ended much as my marriage did. Contradicting every belief and every memory of the dynamic that was shared. Almost as if it had never existed at all. So much so that I actually question myself of my own memories. A pattern that looking back has been repeated over and over in my life. By Friends, family, and the person I had trusted most, my wife.

 

Really starts to make me feel as if that is my role in life, more and more every day. If I am just here to aid others at the cost of myself. To give the advice, or the financial help, or the roof over their head only to be cast aside when that role has been fulfilled. Forever holding my umbrella over others as if I am not meant to come in out of the rain.

 

 

TOJAZ

[trippi1432]

Recently though, it was another line that struck me out of the blue. "Its a big enough umbrella, but its always me that ends up getting wet" I don't know if its how ole Sting intended it, and I'm probably taking a big leap here, but it hit me like a ton of bricks just the same. Because i see me.

 

I hear a guy trying very hard for the people in his life, doing what he can to help, to nurture, to provide the "umbrella". Watching as others sit dry under the shelter he provides as he stands in the, as Gunny would put it, "Storms of Life" getting soaked to the bone, pushed out into that position by those he cherishes most.

 

As many of you know, I recently lost a dear friend here on LS, someone who had been here just as long as I had, and we found each other from the beginning and had shared much and had been there for each other for what I believe was the worst part of our lives for both of us. Yet just as suddenly as we had found our friendship over a year ago, it was destroyed, and in the way that was done so was trust. In effect salting the earth so that nothing could ever grow there again.

 

That opened a lot of wounds that I have been trying very hard to heal. Our friendship ended much as my marriage did. Contradicting every belief and every memory of the dynamic that was shared. Almost as if it had never existed at all. So much so that I actually question myself of my own memories. A pattern that looking back has been repeated over and over in my life. By Friends, family, and the person I had trusted most, my wife.

 

Really starts to make me feel as if that is my role in life, more and more every day. If I am just here to aid others at the cost of myself. To give the advice, or the financial help, or the roof over their head only to be cast aside when that role has been fulfilled. Forever holding my umbrella over others as if I am not meant to come in out of the rain.

 

 

TOJAZ

 

Tojaz - One of the things I can say here is that you are a very giving person...it's in your nature to want to help people, nurture them and help see them through the bad times. It's very easy to see things now the way you do, after all you have been through trying to heal your own hurts to now also be hurt again by someone you trusted..... again.

 

I can tell you that friends, family, love and trust are the many things that will come and go in our lives. It's not just your dynamic, there are many who share that same dynamic as well. Why, we choose to...hurt after hurt, we choose to get up and put ourselves out there helping others, hurting with them, hurting for them and trusting them.

 

Why? Because that is a part of you that cannot be taken away even though you have been hurt by many. It's the part of you that gives you character, that keeps learning and growing. One person, be it someone you thought you knew, your family or your wife...yes, that can take you down and hit you like a ton of bricks when they hurt you. It takes a while to recover and the questions you have for the betrayal of that trust may never be answered.

 

There's the umbrella, there's the storm and there is the shelter. I would say that I have learned to pick the storms that are worth going through. Some were downright hurricanes with a tornado thrown in every now and then as a test...but going through those storms was a necessity to reach the shelter...even with a battered and torn umbrella...eventually, it was worth it.

 

Walking through the storm, holding that umbrella for others to shelter them from the storm, it's admirable....but sometimes you have to allow people to find their own umbrella and get through the storm on their own. The people who are worth it are the ones that share the umbrella and help shelter you as well. You may go through many storms to find those people, but I think that you know this already. With any storm, there is usually a cloud break somewhere and some sunshine....that is the part that eventually makes it worth it.

 

If you need an umbrella to shelter you from the rain, I will gladly share my umbrella with you.

[PWSX3]

I truly believe people come into our lives for a reason. They are there for different amount of time, some longer then others.....

 

Do you think maybe there was something you missed in your learning from the ex & maybe the friend is another chance for you to look at that situation again???

 

I do believe things go in circles & if we don't learn the first time then it will come around again.....

 

Tojaz, you know you are a great person, you have helped out many people & you do that because you want to, not because you have to. I'm sure if you would look at it in a different light, that many of those people have helped you grow but you might not be able to see it at this time.

[tnttim]

Then put down the f*cking umbrella and let them get wet for once. IMO people need to get wet once in a while to appreciate the umbrella you are offering.

 

My umbrella has an admission charge, and you can easily be kicked out from underneath it if you don't appreciate the shelter it provides.

Edited August 3, 2010 by tnttim

[You Go Girl]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-6rJPRVDuM

 

Starting to appreciate country music, I think you need this one!

[MJEW]

Then put down the f*cking umbrella and let them get wet for once. IMO people need to get wet once in a while to appreciate the umbrella you are offering. .

 

I agree tnttim

 

I have learned that you can't please everyone and you certainly can't be taken advantage of...unfortunately sometimes even though our hearts are in the right place, we still get hurt. People need to learn how to stand on their own 2 feet without the aid of others at times.

 

 

I truly believe people come into our lives for a reason. They are there for different amount of time, some longer then others.....

I do believe things go in circles & if we don't learn the first time then it will come around again.....QUOTE]

 

PW- you are very wise my friend.

[MJEW]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-6rJPRVDuM

 

Starting to appreciate country music, I think you need this one!

 

great song YGG.....

[quankanne]

tojaz, Sting also has a song called "shadows in the rain,"

 

"…if you see us on the corner

And we're dancing in the rain

I join my friends there when I see them

Outside my window pane

shadows in the rain."

 

the song talks about doing things outside the box, stuff that others consider strange or abnormal, and to a degree that applies to your situation.

 

you put your heart out there for friends, family, lovers, only get rained on. And so you have two options from that point on: To either complain about getting wet and be unhappy about it ... or to dance your azz off and enjoy the experience, even if it means getting strange looks from others or even getting hurt.

 

myself? I'll take the adventure of dancing in the rain ...

[spriggig]

The Police was one of my FIRST GF's favorite bands and this song saw me through our break up--yes that line.

 

She also liked Simon and Garfunkel and I can't hear "The Sound of Silence" without thinking of her on a very specific night.

 

Here's another one for you:

 

"And in the end, the love you get is equal to the love you give"

[tojaz]

 

"And in the end, the love you get is equal to the love you give"

 

If only that were true.

 

Thats kind of what I'm feeling. Its not really that i resent what I give, because thats not why. Even knowing what i know now, I doubt i would do much different in that respect. Its more looking back and seeing all the time spent holding that unbrella for others, and when the chips were down in my life, I don't see many instances of anyone offering that to me. The one exception until just the last couple years when she was lost in her work had been my wife.

 

Dont mind me, just whining I guess. Have had a lot on mind lately in this respect. Kind of unavoidable i suppose.

 

TOJAZ

[trippi1432]

If only that were true.

 

Thats kind of what I'm feeling. Its not really that i resent what I give, because thats not why. Even knowing what i know now, I doubt i would do much different in that respect. Its more looking back and seeing all the time spent holding that unbrella for others, and when the chips were down in my life, I don't see many instances of anyone offering that to me. The one exception until just the last couple years when she was lost in her work had been my wife.

 

Dont mind me, just whining I guess. Have had a lot on mind lately in this respect. Kind of unavoidable i suppose.

 

TOJAZ

 

Unfortunately, if all you are doing is giving and do not have the aptitude to receive, everyone will always seems selfish to you....sometimes people get lost in other things when their efforts are not recognized or appreciated. That's not to say that the focus had to be on you and what you gave at that time, but it is now because of what you have been through....and now, it's only about what you gave and what you give...no one can measure up to that.

[spriggig]

If only that were true.

 

Thats kind of what I'm feeling. Its not really that i resent what I give, because thats not why. Even knowing what i know now, I doubt i would do much different in that respect. Its more looking back and seeing all the time spent holding that unbrella for others, and when the chips were down in my life, I don't see many instances of anyone offering that to me. The one exception until just the last couple years when she was lost in her work had been my wife.

 

Dont mind me, just whining I guess. Have had a lot on mind lately in this respect. Kind of unavoidable i suppose.

 

TOJAZ

 

Well, it does say "in the END", and it IS the Beatles, so your argument is invalid. LOL,

[trippi1432]

I truly believe people come into our lives for a reason. They are there for different amount of time, some longer then others.....

 

Do you think maybe there was something you missed in your learning from the ex & maybe the friend is another chance for you to look at that situation again???

 

I do believe things go in circles & if we don't learn the first time then it will come around again.....

 

Tojaz, you know you are a great person, you have helped out many people & you do that because you want to, not because you have to. I'm sure if you would look at it in a different light, that many of those people have helped you grow but you might not be able to see it at this time.

 

I think that this is actually good advice. You have given to a lot of people, but if that is all you see...what you have given to them (your time, your advice, your financial help or a roof over their head) how can you see what anyone has ever tried to give you in return? Is it that no one ever has or is that just the way you see it?

 

Sometimes it's good to step out of your comfort zone and see things differently.

[Steadfast]

True acts of kindness and care are the ones given with no strings attached. Anytime we give looking to receive in kind, the action in and of itself is a lie.

 

It isn't a gift, it's a transaction. That's imitation love; the most common kind.

 

It's like they say on the airplane tojaz; first fit the mask over your face, then help others. There are no automatics, no guarantees. More important than the action is the motivation behind it. That way if it fails, is rejected or refused, then it's on the recipient. When lasting grief follows a conflict, you can be sure part of the pain is conscience. Let it go. Make the next right.

[2.50 a gallon]

Tojaz

 

I am with PWSX3 on this, but will go a little further and believe that somehow these people that come into our lives are guided there by unseen winds.

 

I can't help but notice the admiration that the ladies of this board have for you, that is a great sign as surely, though you might not realize it, the ladies of your real life are noticing this also.

 

I can also see that the loss of your relationship with the XW is still too fresh of a memory and needs more time for fading

 

Trust me on this one, when you are ready, the winds will find a way to direct a good one across your bow. Believe me it will be scary to trust again, but you will have your chance to come in from out of the rain

[karnak]

I'm going to post something on this thread when I have more time. But I suspect many people won't like.

[tojaz]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-6rJPRVDuM

 

Starting to appreciate country music, I think you need this one!

 

One of my favorites YGG sorry I missed it the last time around.

 

Thanx for the replies folks, but I'm not so sure i'm explaining what I'm feeling well, I'm still working it out for myself. I'm not really looking at it like compensation or as a transaction, but i do see how it reads like that.

 

Having a hard time putting it into words still.

 

TOJAZ

[Corporate]

As many of you know, I recently lost a dear friend here on LS, someone who had been here just as long as I had, and we found each other from the beginning and had shared much and had been there for each other for what I believe was the worst part of our lives for both of us. Yet just as suddenly as we had found our friendship over a year ago, it was destroyed, and in the way that was done so was trust. In effect salting the earth so that nothing could ever grow there again.

TOJAZ

 

I didn't know that. What happened? Were you being a meanie to her too?

[tojaz]

I didn't know that. What happened? Were you being a meanie to her too?

 

 

As most here that know what happened will surly tell you, this is not a yard you want to play in junior.

[twisted&alone]

I'm new to LS so I don't know the history and but I know of pain; I know the used up feeling and how it is to constantly be "wiping off the water." I know my path does not look real inviting or promising but I've resolved myself to this simple truth: "If I can not love him; I wish I could give him peace."

 

I have read many of your post and though I don't know you as most I do know you deserve peace. Sometimes the map and the ground are not the same, but the ground always is right...so follow the ground instead of the map (if that makes sense). Your greatest strength from what I know (albeit limited) is your capacity to care, to give of yourself, to nurture...our greatest strengths are usually our greatest weaknesses

 

"Our ability to experience any pleasure requires either a healthy denial or courageous acceptance of the weight of time and the prospect of ultimate defeat." G. Livingston

 

I hope in some way I helped; even if my words didn't I know my prayers can and you will be in them.

[Corporate]

As most here that know what happened will surly tell you.

 

Why don't you just tell us what happened with you and this girl from this board?

[silic0ntoad]

I've given up on doing anyone favors, or "keeping them dry."

 

Done.

 

It's the ME show for the rest of my life, humanity be damned.

[BetweenHere&There]

I'm loving the ignore list right now Tojaz....like I told WN - it's like sticking the kid in the corner for a time out session. It allows us to be our own moderators in a way. :bunny:

 

What? Huh? Sorry Corp...can't hear you....:rolleyes:

[tojaz]

Why don't you just tell us what happened with you and this girl from this board?

 

Everyone that matters already knows what happened.

 

I've given up on doing anyone favors, or "keeping them dry."

 

Done.

 

It's the ME show for the rest of my life, humanity be damned.

 

Sounds like a very lonely existence from where I stand, but I hope it works out for you. For me, my happiest moments have usually come about from helping others.

 

TOJAZ

[BetweenHere&There]

I've given up on doing anyone favors, or "keeping them dry."

 

Done.

 

It's the ME show for the rest of my life, humanity be damned.

 

You know, this is sad....it is the scariest part about being hurt so bad. I sit and hear people tell me, as well as read here on LS, that you need to work on yourself.....move on....etc etc...but then there is this side of it that people don't want to talk about or recognize. It's the anger, the pain the hurt that makes people pull their hearts in and never want to put them out there to feel again.

 

silicOntoad - I hate this for you, I really do because if you truly feel this way, how will you ever be happy with yourself? I have a friend who tells me all the time that I need to find my true happiness by being totally alone. Learning to live with myself...yes, part of that is true. But what she won't talk about is the fact that she is not able to love again....probably never will love again.

 

There are so many facets to understanding the lessons of love and loss....there is not being dependent on someone else to make you happy....yes, that is the biggest lesson and the hardest to learn because when you make that commitment, it's not a light one...it's not half-hearted...at least it shouldn't be by any means. But the other side of that is how can you be happy or make anyone else happy if you are miserable, or so against seeing anything good in anyone ever again?

 

None of us want to see ourselves as "getting back on that horse" or taking a chance on trusting again or relying on someone else for our happiness. We are all trying to figure out what "normal" is now and it is hard....very hard when "normal" was something that you defined...good or bad...for many years.

 

The sad part is when you let hurt get to you so bad that you turn the other way entirely and become selfish (not saying that is what you are by any means as I do not know you)....it is something that I fear though for myself. Just where is that middle ground....where is that part where you are comfortable in caring and giving to someone without losing a part of yourself every time? It's so easy to think I can live with them or without them....it's the lie we tell ourselves to protect ourselves. Like it or not, we give a part of ourselves away every day...whether it is family, a spouse, our children, our friends...even coming here and posting is giving a part of yourself...something about you, for you or for someone else.

 

It might not be a favor....but humanity can humble you sometimes. Something we all will eventually understand.