Always the one that winds up getting wet.

[karnak]

One thing that really is starting to scare me is that, in our recent times, emotional hurt is seeming to be more and more like a "zombie plague".

 

Men and women get hurt in their souls and hearts by the people they are attached to. And they become a sort of "emotional zombies", carrying the infection of hurt and mistrust wherever they go. And once they start a new relationship, they later "bite" the other person and go away, leaving behind them a new "emotional zombie".

 

Anyone understands my analogy?

[tojaz]

One thing that really is starting to scare me is that, in our recent times, emotional hurt is seeming to be more and more like a "zombie plague".

 

Men and women get hurt in their souls and hearts by the people they are attached to. And they become a sort of "emotional zombies", carrying the infection of hurt and mistrust wherever they go. And once they start a new relationship, they later "bite" the other person and go away, leaving behind them a new "emotional zombie".

 

Anyone understands my analogy?

 

Very simplistic, but yes, people are severely damaged by breakups and divorce. This festers into intense mistrust to avoid the opportunity to be hurt again, some shy away from relationships all together while others end relationship after relationship trying to beat the other to the bunch, thus causing hurt to others.

 

TOJAZ

[BetweenHere&There]

One thing that really is starting to scare me is that, in our recent times, emotional hurt is seeming to be more and more like a "zombie plague".

 

Men and women get hurt in their souls and hearts by the people they are attached to. And they become a sort of "emotional zombies", carrying the infection of hurt and mistrust wherever they go. And once they start a new relationship, they later "bite" the other person and go away, leaving behind them a new "emotional zombie".

 

Anyone understands my analogy?

 

I agree with this....I think it happens more to the ones that get left behind...or have gone through intense struggles in their lives that they have not come to terms with yet. It is most likely a fear of being mistreated, abandoned...etc. Not necessarily an "infection" but more an intense fear of being hurt again. I don't think you really see this as much with the ones who have left because they have already moved on in their mind.

 

I think we are all guilty of it though, it's a baggage we carry. Something the ex did that hurt us and then we see a behavior similar to that in a new relationship....brings all the pain back up to the surface. I think that what people tend to forget is that the new relationship doesn't have to be like the old one....part of the challenge is learning from the old one and letting go of those past hurts....not an easy thing to do. I would say that it takes a lot of patience and understanding.

[karnak]

Not necessarily an "infection" but more an intense fear of being hurt again. I don't think you really see this as much with the ones who have left because they have already moved on in their mind.

 

To be honest I think the ones who leave are usually very contaminated as well. Let me try to explain:

 

1- a man or woman is very affected by the end of a relationship.

 

2- they can't forget the person who left them, but they try to move "onward"

 

3- they begin a new relationship in order to try and forget their former lover

 

4- initially the new relationship brings them new challenges and excitment that allows them to forget their previous relationship

 

5- after some time, as things begin to settle and the "excitment" and "novelty" wear off the old pain begins to appear

 

6- they discover that the new relationship hasn't allowed them to forget the previous one. They begin to feel it's all a fraud and that it's all devoid of real meaning and emotions

 

7- they leave the new relationship, leaving behind them a devastated person, who isn't able to really comprehend what has happened. That person now goes to stage 1. And so on, and so on...

 

Sorry for the zombie example. Too much sci-fi I guess.

[dgiirl]

Tojaz, if this is about who I think this is about, don't carry other people's baggage and make it define who you are. You know deep in your heart who you are and never allow anyone else to dictate that to you. You know in your heart you were very sincere and acted with love and kindness. You know that is what defines you and never allow another to make you doubt yourself. Plus, when you look at this persons reaction to others, you know they got the same treatment as you did.

 

I do believe there are life lessons to be learned. And until you learn that lesson, life will repeat itself. Perhaps in your case, you gave too much and expected too much in return? Never give anything you cannot afford to give. If you need appreciation before giving, then make sure you are giving it to people who will appreciate it. Otherwise, just give a little, and receive a little. If you give too much, and then don't receive what you need, that can shake our world apart. And you should never give so much of yourself to another that can shake our world apart.

 

I think your life lesson are: Learning who you are, Balance and Learning which baggage is yours and hers. Never ever carry another person's baggage.

[PWSX3]

Tojaz, if this is about who I think this is about, don't carry other people's baggage and make it define who you are. You know deep in your heart who you are and never allow anyone else to dictate that to you. You know in your heart you were very sincere and acted with love and kindness. You know that is what defines you and never allow another to make you doubt yourself. Plus, when you look at this persons reaction to others, you know they got the same treatment as you did.

 

I do believe there are life lessons to be learned. And until you learn that lesson, life will repeat itself. Perhaps in your case, you gave too much and expected too much in return? Never give anything you cannot afford to give. If you need appreciation before giving, then make sure you are giving it to people who will appreciate it. Otherwise, just give a little, and receive a little. If you give too much, and then don't receive what you need, that can shake our world apart. And you should never give so much of yourself to another that can shake our world apart.

 

I think your life lesson are: Learning who you are, Balance and Learning which baggage is yours and hers. Never ever carry another person's baggage.

 

Thanks for this advice dgiirl, this is something I really need to work on.

[BetweenHere&There]

Tojaz, if this is about who I think this is about, don't carry other people's baggage and make it define who you are. You know deep in your heart who you are and never allow anyone else to dictate that to you. You know in your heart you were very sincere and acted with love and kindness. You know that is what defines you and never allow another to make you doubt yourself. Plus, when you look at this persons reaction to others, you know they got the same treatment as you did.

 

I do believe there are life lessons to be learned. And until you learn that lesson, life will repeat itself. Perhaps in your case, you gave too much and expected too much in return? Never give anything you cannot afford to give. If you need appreciation before giving, then make sure you are giving it to people who will appreciate it. Otherwise, just give a little, and receive a little. If you give too much, and then don't receive what you need, that can shake our world apart. And you should never give so much of yourself to another that can shake our world apart.

 

I think your life lesson are: Learning who you are, Balance and Learning which baggage is yours and hers. Never ever carry another person's baggage.

 

Very well said dgiirl, that seems to be something we all do, carry our baggage as well as others. So many times, it's hard to lay it down but it gets weary the more you carry it for yourself and others, life's baggage. Sometimes we even start carrying baggage at a young age, before we have even learned about life and love, before our spouse's or friends hurt us and we carry that

, pressures of our youth, tragic events. We carry it into our adult relationships.

 

While people say set it down, let it go and give it to Jesus or God...not always an easy thing to do. I don't think it is just a religious thing, although religion speaks to it quite often. Even Buddhism speaks to baggage, carrying the rock. It's okay to help someone carry that rock sometimes because you do care or love them, but it is not your rock to carry for them releasing them from responsibility. Letting go of baggage is not a selfish thing and it's not about becoming selfish.

 

Back to Karnak's analogy of the cycle, this also references the affects of carrying emotional baggage from relationship to relationship. I know that in my marriage, I carried mine and he carried his from our past....what we forgot was how to lay it down so we could carry each other as man and wife. Instead, we let our past baggage define our relationship which just became more baggage that got heavier and heavier to carry. That's not to say that this is present in all marriages, but can become the precedent for future relationships.

 

Hopefully this doesn't offend anyone as that is not the intent, just things that I found after thinking about some of the posts here...and analogies that I felt an emotional connection to that I thought I would share.

Edited August 15, 2010 by BetweenHere&There

[redpoppy]

Tojaz i was where you were for a very long time. Always feeling i was the giver and others were the takers and my mind got so caught up in this that i missed the giving that was being given. I'm sure there is much giving to you in your life but we can't always see it or realise it. You are a great guy, willing to give others of your time and as far as I can see, others think very highly of you too. What goes around comes around and your time will come. Remember to give to yourself too - very important while we heal from our broken hearts......Pops

[tojaz]

Tojaz, if this is about who I think this is about, don't carry other people's baggage and make it define who you are. You know deep in your heart who you are and never allow anyone else to dictate that to you. You know in your heart you were very sincere and acted with love and kindness. You know that is what defines you and never allow another to make you doubt yourself. Plus, when you look at this persons reaction to others, you know they got the same treatment as you did.

 

I do believe there are life lessons to be learned. And until you learn that lesson, life will repeat itself. Perhaps in your case, you gave too much and expected too much in return? Never give anything you cannot afford to give. If you need appreciation before giving, then make sure you are giving it to people who will appreciate it. Otherwise, just give a little, and receive a little. If you give too much, and then don't receive what you need, that can shake our world apart. And you should never give so much of yourself to another that can shake our world apart.

 

I think your life lesson are: Learning who you are, Balance and Learning which baggage is yours and hers. Never ever carry another person's baggage.

 

Yes Dgiirl, it is in a way, but not entirely. Its actually about a lot of people in my life. Nor is it about what I am receiving, like I'm looking for a reward or something. Its more about how fragile perceptions can be. Giving someone your best for a long time only to have the slightest slip or crossed wire turned against you. Becoming a villian in an instant after spending a life time trying to be caring, respectful, accepting. I just seem to see how fragile the good can be and how easy the bad can take over. In my D that was the case, much as in this situation. A long history of good was erased in the blink of an eye over a misplaced word or a difference of perspective. Like I said its a pattertn that seems to have repeated itself over and over again. I hate the feeling that my status is so fragile.

 

TOJAZ

[PWSX3]

I heard one time that you can do a 100 things for someone but you do just one bad thing & that is what they remember...

 

Look at athletes that do so many good things, yet they do one stupid thing/mistake & that is all you hear about. Sometimes that is what they become famous for....

[BetweenHere&There]

I heard one time that you can do a 100 things for someone but you do just one bad thing & that is what they remember...

 

Look at athletes that do so many good things, yet they do one stupid thing/mistake & that is all you hear about. Sometimes that is what they become famous for....

 

Doesn't stop there....it's in the work environment too....work your a&& off for many years and do one stupid thing...umm, like get your life back...and works against you.

 

Same thing with family too.....growing up it's about what you did wrong rather than what you did right.

 

you know.....with all of that, there should be one place that you can come home to where all that is not on you...but even that doesnt' work that way. At least my animals don't seem to mind...unless the cat is nudging the food bowl all over the place saying "Feed me Moron".

[dgiirl]

I hate the feeling that my status is so fragile.

 

TOJAZ

 

I know the feeling as in an instant my ex did the same to me. I struggled for a long time too because my ex's perception of me was so far from how I perceived myself. After a lot of thought, I came to realize that I cannot control other's perceptions. One person might love me, another might think I'm too shy, another think I'm annoying. That's all their perceptions of me based on their life experiences, and it's impossible to control them all. As long as I am comfortable with who I am, and I feel I am living with dignity, I no longer put so much emphasis on others perceptions of me. Of course, if someone doesn't like me, it will bother me to an extent, but I never give anyone else's perceptions so much power to make me doubt who I am.

 

Plus, for someone to turn around so quickly and forget _all_ the good and simply vilify you when you disagree just to hurt you speaks volumes about their character than it does about you.

 

Don't let their baggage define who you are.

[tojaz]

 

you know.....with all of that, there should be one place that you can come home to where all that is not on you...

 

I know the feeling as in an instant my ex did the same to me. I struggled for a long time too because my ex's perception of me was so far from how I perceived myself. After a lot of thought, I came to realize that I cannot control other's perceptions. One person might love me, another might think I'm too shy, another think I'm annoying. That's all their perceptions of me based on their life experiences, and it's impossible to control them all. As long as I am comfortable with who I am, and I feel I am living with dignity, I no longer put so much emphasis on others perceptions of me. Of course, if someone doesn't like me, it will bother me to an extent, but I never give anyone else's perceptions so much power to make me doubt who I am.

 

Plus, for someone to turn around so quickly and forget _all_ the good and simply vilify you when you disagree just to hurt you speaks volumes about their character than it does about you.

 

Don't let their baggage define who you are.

 

BH&T hit the nail on the head. I've lost that safe place, the place where I could find peace if even for a little while. Having someone in my lie that doesn't have a problem to solve or their hand out waiting for me to once again prove I'm a friend or they are important. I don't ask that of other people and used to have people like that in my life and while there are a few, I find myself most of the time "on duty".

 

TOJAZ

[BetweenHere&There]

BH&T hit the nail on the head. I've lost that safe place, the place where I could find peace if even for a little while. Having someone in my lie that doesn't have a problem to solve or their hand out waiting for me to once again prove I'm a friend or they are important. I don't ask that of other people and used to have people like that in my life and while there are a few, I find myself most of the time "on duty".

 

TOJAZ

 

Speaks volumes....

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNWkDNlbupk&feature=related