nineyearsgone79 Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Hey Guys! So basically I've been NC with my ex for 11 months. He broke up with me via email after dating 9 years and completely disappeared (unfriending, blocking twitter, didn't pick up phone, or email etc.) He just said we needed to move on with very little explanation. Anyway we had both been mutual friends with this one guy. After the mess I contacted him and we had grown a great close friendship the past 11 months. Out of the blue today he said he was thinking about emailing my ex. I'm fine with it etc. and a bit curious with the guy is up to. I really still miss him and still make tears when I think about how sad the whole situation really is. We were best friends and had gone through so much. It tore my heart apart him disappearing the way he did. He had told me we wouldn't have a healthy friendship and seemed set in his ways telling me to not contact him ever again. Anyway.. I duno the thought of him contacting him I'm fine with but am now feeling a bit blue. I was crying earlier thinking again of the mess and am just venting a bit i duno. :/ When does it get better? I've even started dating a guy (for the past 2 months)... he's nice but I so miss all of those things me and my ex had in common. It's so hard to not compare! So again.. when does it get better because some days it feels like it happened yesterday. I just think .. why did he have to disappear .. how could this person who was so close with me just drop off the planet like that. I wonder if he has any regret or ever feels bad. He hasn't updated his art website since before the breakup and seems to have just dropped out in general. : ( Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 He broke up with me via email after dating 9 years and completely disappeared... Man o' man that is cold. What a coward. Sorry but DAYM! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nineyearsgone79 Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 Aw thanks!.... yah my friend still thinks that he overreacted breaking up in the way that he did in a cold email with no ineraction. Of course i was hurt and sad... but to just toss away all of those years and memories is really really sad. When I think about it really... that I will never get to share a laugh again with him it really does hurt. .. blah Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 YellowShark is right. After 9 years, that was extremely harsh. Hell, there are some LS members who were with their S.O. for over 18 YEARS! You guys have my sympathies for sure. Even though I was with my ex for much, much less than that, it felt like my soulmate just turned around once and hated me all of the sudden. You must know that somewhere close to the time your ex decided to leave, he was already "planning" to leave the relationship long before. They rarely address the problem with us(dumpees) first, instead, choosing the easy way out and disappearing. How long will it take to get over it? Why, that all depends on you. There is NO timetable. The day you start healing yourself from the ground up AND never looking back(i.e. breaking NC, checking his Facebook, having ex-sex, etc.) is indicative on how fast you will get over him. Of course you are allowed to grieve, second guess, and question, but if your ultimate goal is to feel better(and I hope it is), then you must work on getting yourself back up and out into the world again. Little by little, his memory will fade to the back of your mind with the rest of the useless junk. Link to post Share on other sites
spriggig Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 When does it get better? Every day. Are you better than you were six months ago? Can you see yourself being even better six months from now? That's progress. Compare yourself only to yourself and keep putting one foot in front of the other. When you feel yourself stagnating, switch up your routine. Buy some new clothes, get a new pet, change your exercise routine or start one. If you jog, bicycle instead, if you bicycle, swim instead or change your diet. Plan and cook three different recipes in one week. Pick someone on your FB friends list you haven't contacted for a while and message them to see how they are doing. Invite someone over to test one of your new recipes. The list is endless. And stay NC. Yeah, stay NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted August 4, 2010 Share Posted August 4, 2010 (edited) Hey Guys! So basically I've been NC with my ex for 11 months. He broke up with me via email after dating 9 years and completely disappeared (unfriending, blocking twitter, didn't pick up phone, or email etc.) He just said we needed to move on with very little explanation. Anyway we had both been mutual friends with this one guy. After the mess I contacted him and we had grown a great close friendship the past 11 months. Out of the blue today he said he was thinking about emailing my ex. I'm fine with it etc. and a bit curious with the guy is up to. I really still miss him and still make tears when I think about how sad the whole situation really is. We were best friends and had gone through so much. It tore my heart apart him disappearing the way he did. He had told me we wouldn't have a healthy friendship and seemed set in his ways telling me to not contact him ever again. Anyway.. I duno the thought of him contacting him I'm fine with but am now feeling a bit blue. I was crying earlier thinking again of the mess and am just venting a bit i duno. :/ When does it get better? I've even started dating a guy (for the past 2 months)... he's nice but I so miss all of those things me and my ex had in common. It's so hard to not compare! So again.. when does it get better because some days it feels like it happened yesterday. I just think .. why did he have to disappear .. how could this person who was so close with me just drop off the planet like that. I wonder if he has any regret or ever feels bad. He hasn't updated his art website since before the breakup and seems to have just dropped out in general. : ( Thanks! The good news is that it is not about you and clearly about him. He hasn't updated his art profile and has dropped off the earth. Who knows what personal crisis he is going through? A lesson I have learned (among thousands) during my break up is that although we are coupled up with someone, they are still their own person, with their own trials and issues and "mess" they have to sort through that we CAN'T " love away". Which is why people need to be whole individuals ( not codependent), who are on a level playing field, with healthy boundaries and interests so that they get this concept. Those who make their relationship their life or make their life about "helping" (read enabling) this other person in the name of love...are often left in a HOT mess because it doesn't work like that and usually things fall apart because some things, we have to do ALONE and being in a relationship fixes NO ONE's problems but often shows it up more. It seems very harsh and we can think of a million ways in which that person could have done things better...but you know what? We are not them and they are not and have not done what we think they should have. So what can we do? Realize it may have NOTHING to do with us and they are in a different mental/emotional space and have their own issues so you can wish them luck and know that perhaps someday you will understand why. For me personally, the 3 exes I have had who have cheated/disappeared later came back literally renewed explaining why they did what they did and why they couldn't do xyz, even my most recent ex. Although he wanted a second chance and disappeared, I now completely "get it" and know (unlike when we just broke up) that it has NOTHING to do with me, I am in a better place than he is in and he just has to go through his crap...so I don't take it personally. You have to remind yourself and you will get down every now and again, but the TRUTH of it is freeing. Also: I am not a fan of people dating other people when they are not over their ex. Crying over your ex but dating someone else is deceitful and clearly NOT helping, because if it were, you wouldn't be crying over your ex. So as long as this guy knows the truth (for ex. you are not making him believe things are serious and you are gonna be his gf/are already his gf)...then fine. But if he doesn't, you should really think that decision over. Edited August 4, 2010 by Beeotch Link to post Share on other sites
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