Ladies: How do you handle increased attention from men?

[Ruby Slippers]

So far, based on my observations I can conclude that women are much less likely to check out good looking men than the other way around.

I went biking on the lakefront trail with a friend on Friday late afternoon, and I saw so many cute men (many with no shirts) riding their bikes! I was thinking, "Man, this could be a good pickup spot. There's about 10 guys to every girl." I was unabashedly checking them out. Some of them shot me a big grin or raised their eyebrows at me. haha

 

I wonder if women are just more discrete about it? I agree they usually don't blatantly stare in the same way that men often do.

Absolutely. Under less sporty circumstances, I am usually quite subtle in the way I size up the gents. Most men are incredibly obvious about it.

[Feelin Frisky]

Is this the stuff your talking about...

She reached out for remarks by posting. I meant what I said by reading many of her responses. I'm not post-stalking and it's not the same as being leered at as in the OP. *trying real hard not to call _______*

[tigressA]

I agree with the posts about 'tuning out'. I have just never been conscious of male attention on me unless I'm approached directly, and that is rare. My friends/boyfriends have had to tell me that they saw someone checking me out for me to know that it's happened.

 

I have been told that I can look 'intimidating'. I have a very aloof or unfriendly expression/vibe when out in public and that's most likely what stops men from approaching. If I'm running an errand, I look preoccupied with what I'm doing. If I'm in a coffee shop/bus depot/etc alone, I have a book with me that I read. Maybe try adopting some of that and see what happens.

 

The times when men have approached me, most were when I was with another person or two having a good time, laughing, smiling, etc. The few times it's happened while I was alone/clearly preoccupied, the approach was done by someone who was pretty blatantly lecherous.

[jamesum]

You're not weird - I observe human behaviour for a living and it's a blast.

 

I wonder if women are just more discrete about it? I agree they usually don't blatantly stare in the same way that men often do.

When I saw the few times women checked out guys, they usually just glanced for like two seconds. Very few actually stared.

 

I think the reason is hormonal as I mentioned. Women feel less to no sexual urge at all when they see an attractive man. But men see attractive women like women see nice shoes or jewelry.

[Ruby Slippers]

She reached out for remarks by posting. I meant what I said by reading many of her responses. I'm not post-stalking and it's not the same as being leered at as in the OP. *trying real hard not to call _______*

The feeling of fondness and respect is mutual, and there was nothing lecherous or weird about your post. I think GrayClouds was being funny.

 

I agree with the posts about 'tuning out'. I have just never been conscious of male attention on me unless I'm approached directly, and that is rare. My friends/boyfriends have had to tell me that they saw someone checking me out for me to know that it's happened.

I was the same way until pretty recently. I used to be completely oblivious to flirtation, even when it was obvious. But I've learned a few things since then. And this is the longest I've ever been single, so I am paying attention to male behavior in a way I mostly ignored or tuned out before.

 

I think my attraction meter is rising across the board. Not only are men showing more interest -- people are approaching me wanting to hire me, work for me, and get involved in my life in all kinds of ways. It's pretty amazing how all this is building upon the other elements. I am embracing it all.

 

But the man stuff is scarier to me, I think. This is what I will need to work on. For now, I'm keeping my focus on getting myself and my life where I want them to be, not worrying too much about the guy. I hope that when I'm ready, he will be show up and I won't have to agonize about anything.

[denise_xo]

When I saw the few times women checked out guys, they usually just glanced for like two seconds. Very few actually stared.

 

 

Yes, BUT after they glance over at the guy, they turn to each other and talk about how this guy is extremely hot and sexy or whatever - so it's not like the guy isn't causing a reaction, it's just a more outwardly subtle reaction than what men display.

[GrayClouds]

She reached out for remarks by posting. I meant what I said by reading many of her responses. I'm not post-stalking and it's not the same as being leered at as in the OP. *trying real hard not to call _______*

 

My bad, but then again maybe I was biased by your subtle screen name

 

 

 

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Edited August 9, 2010 by GrayClouds

[Eeyore79]

If I turn heads I actually like it; it makes me feel attractive and confident. You have to learn to ignore the jealous women who spit daggers at you! If men approach me and I'm not interested, I still smile nicely and make polite conversation - a little flirtatious conversation is fun, even if it's not going anywhere. If the guy proceeds to ask me out, I simply say that he seems really nice but unfortunately I'm already involved with someone. I'm firm but never rude, unless the guy starts being really unpleasant.

[D-Lish]

Just enjoy it, and accept the flattery! It's nice to hit that point where your inside catches up with your outside and things come together. Confidence does have a lot to do with it- good for you, enjoy!

[FitChick]

Wear sunglasses everywhere and you can pretend not to see them.

[You Go Girl]

I'm more often than not one of those tunnel vision types. If I'm in the grocery store, I'm bee-lining it to the next thing on my list. My own mother could walk past me and I wouldn't notice.

When I took off my wedding ring I was asked out twice in two days, but neither in the grocery store!

[K'aycie]

I sock them in the mouth.

[Taramere]

I guess I haven't developed my ice queen filters well enough? Because sometimes it's tiring to deal with. Do you just have to ignore this stuff? How do you do it? Any suggestions?

 

If a strange man is invading my space I'll tend to do my "professional mask" thing with them. ie I react in the same way that I would with a client. Confident and friendly, but non flirtatious. If it's someone who's just kidding around I'll just laugh and flirt back. I think there's a different vibe in the UK though. I've visited the US several times in the last few years, and men there seem far more prone to flirting in a fairly serious-minded "on the pull" way. More intense, less playful.

 

Possibly I looked less confident (being in a strange environment) and therefore more like an easy target. There were a few times I'd get this situation where a complete stranger would stare at me hard, and if I didn't manage to avoid eye contact he'd be making his approach like a salesman sensing an easy target. Which is fine if you're on for being picked up, but if you're not then it's mildly stressful.

 

If someone says hello to me, even if it's a total stranger I'll generally smile and say hello back. Over in the US, doing that seemed to be the equivalent of lifting up your skirt and saying "have at it, laddie!" I can see why women in the US have to master a more direct "no thanks" response. Every time it happened, I thought of this damned website.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think there's a different vibe in the UK though. I've visited the US several times in the last few years, and men there seem far more prone to flirting in a fairly serious-minded "on the pull" way. More intense, less playful.

This is a good point. I lived in Europe at two different times for three years, and I found the flirtation over there to be much more easy-going. Typical situation there is I'm sitting on a bench in the town square or park, a guy sits down next to me and makes friendly and lightly flirtatious conversation for a while, then eventually asks me for coffee. So civilized, and so easy to resist politely.

 

Here, it seems much more direct and sexual, in general. Sometimes I wonder if men here aren't walking around with a porn reel playing in their heads at all times, picturing all the women around them as players in their fantasy film. I get that objectifying vibe from men here far more often, and it's a real turn off.