Author gothard Posted August 5, 2010 Author Share Posted August 5, 2010 I'd want to know the circumstances first before walking out. When it happened, who the dude was, who she sent it to, if there are other vids, etc. etc. Don't let her turn the tables to the snooping, if she tries, the best response is "I'm so glad I snooped, dear heart, wouldn't you be?" Be calm and milk as much info as possible before dumping. Like the mafia movies, act like everything is going to be fine as long as she fesses up, be rational, get all the info you could conceivably ever want, then once you're out you won't plague yourself with questions. excellent advice, thank you, this is why i played it cool today...I dont want to come off angry in front of her. I want to know everything...and if she is feeling defensive, I will not learn everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 excellent advice, thank you, this is why i played it cool today...I dont want to come off angry in front of her. I want to know everything...and if she is feeling defensive, I will not learn everything. What difference is that going to make? Cut you deeper. According to your post, sounds like you know and seen enough. Don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 OP- this mentality illustrated here is reverse psychology of playing the victim. Only works if you fall for the bullShish.... You don't have to make excuse nor lie about how you found it. The truth is in the pudding and don't allow her to minimize her d!ck sucking session by justifying that you betrayed her because you snooped. Drop the hoe! Actually- don't even tell her why just say this 'It's over and you want to know why? Just think of what you did. Goodbye!". She's probably done soooo much more f'ed up things that she wont sleep for days trying to figure out what it is. My STBXW tried this tactic. Tried to change it from "I want a divorce because she cheated" to "I'm not sure if I want you anymore because you invaded my privacy" ummm ok. buh-bye. Link to post Share on other sites
GordonDarkfoot Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 OP, after you are set to dump her, and have downloaded everything you wanted to get from the computer, at least try to borrow some cash from her before dumping her. Also, you can ask her the following question: "Honey, when Halloween rolls around, do you plan on dressing up as a hobgoblin or a knobgobbler?" She'll look at you and say: "What did you say" (double take) Look at her and say: "Knobgobbler. I said knobgobbler. It was a joke. Get it? Knobgobbler?" And smile at her. Link to post Share on other sites
meerkat stew Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 What difference is that going to make? Cut you deeper. According to your post, sounds like you know and seen enough. Don't you think? The damage has been done, but unless he finds out all the answers he wants now, he will never have access to them again. I speak from experience. This is especially true when cheating comes out of the blue in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 My STBXW tried this tactic. Tried to change it from "I want a divorce because she cheated" to "I'm not sure if I want you anymore because you invaded my privacy" ummm ok. buh-bye. that's known as gaslighting. trying to defer the attention from where it was originally aimed so you don't pay attention to what the reality is. stay focused on the issue at hand - not the one(s) they try to deflect to. all of it is still highly manipulative and sneaky = lies. Link to post Share on other sites
Gfkr2 Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 I would have walked off with the computer and waited for her to ask for it back before playing the video before smashing it on the floor. End it, now. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted August 13, 2010 Share Posted August 13, 2010 So what's the final outcome? Link to post Share on other sites
benmac360 Posted August 13, 2010 Share Posted August 13, 2010 I found your reaction to her video interesting - anger mixed with sexual arousal. If I were you I wouldn't think that her cheating truly turned you on, but rather it may have been a self defense mechanism - to soften the trauma of her betrayal your mind focused on the sex itself, as if you watched two strangers rather than your girlfriend with another man. I know its been a week since you last posted, but if your situation has not changed I'm not sure you really need to know anymore than you already do. Its obvious she's unfaithful, so if you keep looking for more videos, and ultimately hoping she will confess you are just torturing yourself. Just tell her what you found (accusations of violation of privacy be damned) and end it there. Just be glad you did not make this discovery while married to her with young children. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 14, 2010 Share Posted August 14, 2010 I posted here a few days ago outlying my suspicions that my GF has been seeing someone else. Since then, I had installed a keylogger on her laptop while she was showering. She has always been secretive about her computer usage... This afternoon she took a shower again, and I quickly looked through the logs but found nothing of substance. Except: the logs were telling me her camera had been attached multiple times and files were copied to the harddrive. Searched for the most recent files...and I came across 3 video files. I opened the first one and it showed my GF sucking this other guy off. I was so angry and heartbroken -- the video switched to other things they were doing and as much as I was so angry, I was really turned on. I wasn't able to look at the other two files because I didn't have time before she finished her shower. I don't know how to broach this subject, I mean, I was snooping on her computer (invasion of privacy). After the shower she came over and kissed me but I felt so repulsed I had to leave. I think she knows I found the files because my mood dramatically changed --- what the hell do I do now? logically - IF you installed that keylogger you said you did - then you didn't need access to HER computer - and you should still have access to her files even now. what was the result of finding out? are you still snooping for the turn on - or have you broken up and moved forward- never to snoop on her again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gothard Posted August 16, 2010 Author Share Posted August 16, 2010 Hey everyone --- Those other files were exactly what I expected... Anyway, it's done & over, I confronted her about what I found and she blamed me for invading her privacy. As soon as I heard that line I walked out. She called me yesterday but I did not speak to her nor will I in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 Hey everyone --- Those other files were exactly what I expected... Anyway, it's done & over, I confronted her about what I found and she blamed me for invading her privacy. As soon as I heard that line I walked out. She called me yesterday but I did not speak to her nor will I in the future. You did the right thing. Privacy is the platform that most cheaters love to use. When the ex-H used it, I laughed in his face. Everyone who's ever touted the big need for privacy, has something to hide from their SO's. My current husband and I have wide open access to every piece of technology we each use. This includes smart phones, laptops, desktops, you name it, the other person has access...including LS. Link to post Share on other sites
cookie2 Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 If my STBXW had tried to play the invasion of privacy card, then I would've pointed out that it was an invasion of my privacy to allow another dude to put his **** in her ******. Link to post Share on other sites
cookie2 Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 Cookie, how are things going with you and your divorce? In the UK we can't get divorced until a year after the wedding date. My D8 will be in the post on the 14th of October! Link to post Share on other sites
Joe Normal Posted August 22, 2010 Share Posted August 22, 2010 If someone did this to me, I would not be able to resist making the video viral, and then telling them to check the internet if they wanted to know why I was leaving them. I would not say anything else. How would you make it viral when there are millions of porn clips online? Also, how do you know the other person knew your partner was involved, he/she may have been duped too. If you put an innocent person's video up online you could easily get hospitalised, have your life ruined, or even killed by them or one of their friends/relatives in revenge. Link to post Share on other sites
lilyy.12 Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 W T F! invasion of privacy does not compare with a video of her doing such repulsive things. dude i would dump her cheating ass. && dont u dare talk to her again aha jjk but i just think thats not right, if she wanted to do hose things then she shouldve jsut broken up with u instead of hurting your feelings. good luck -XOXO:o Link to post Share on other sites
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