lakeishap43 Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 I need some help from a guy or a girl that would know what to say to a guy. My and my boyfriend for 3 yrs just broke up about 4wks ago and he's been seeing other ppl sence we broke up. I mean it's a diff girl almost every weekend. And it's like when he's got nothing to do he calls me wanting me to come over and he tells me things that make me think we will get back togeather. See we where about to get married and he told me 2wks before the wedding that he doesn't think me and him wouldn't be happy so he called it off. Then my best friend spent the night with him that night. They are now not really seeing each other but she's hooking him up with one of her friends. I just want to know what i can say to make him relize what he's missing. This has hurt me soooooo bad. i cant even sleep at night. i've even tried going out and it doesn't work. He calls and says sweet things to me and then does this sh*t to me. What can i do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm despret!!!!! someone please help so that i can get over this or at least get him back or make him jealous. any suggestions??? thanks, keisha Link to post Share on other sites
ladyangel Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 What you should say to this guy is good-bye. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 Yeah, say goodbye, he is not respecting you at all, he doesnt deserve you. Link to post Share on other sites
lakeishap43 Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 i've tried that but i didn't make it thru. i just want to know if there is something i can say that will blow his mind. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 Ok, you don't want to hear this but this will blow his mind - tell him: Do NOT call me, Do NOT contact me or email me. Stay AWAY from me. I did this to someone I thought I couldn't live without who was mistreating me the way your guy is. After I did it a huge weight was lifted from me. He was devastated and to this day would get back with me, but I don't want him. Doing that was the smartest thing I ever did in my life. This guy does not deserve you, and neither does your "best friend", by the way. Link to post Share on other sites
lakeishap43 Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 jason is the type of person that would just say "ok" and go on. Then what??? i've tried really hard not to talk to him and i always give in. I hate my self for that. I get soooo mad at myself for doing this sh*t!!!!!!!!!!! thanks, keisha Link to post Share on other sites
glasshammer Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 He Is A Punk A$$. I know you love him, That's why You are Not seeing what an a**h*** he is being. If you tell him "Don't talk to me" And he says "Okay Fine" then he is an a**h***. That is not "I Love You" behavior. He doesn;'t care otherwise, he would be hanging with your best friend or dating different girls every other night. The reason he calls you when he has nothing to do is because he's lonely, not because he cares. One of his other girls is probably busy so he calls you up, Is that fair to you? My thoughts are that you should say NOTHING. Just stop calling and go about your business. When he calls tell him your busy. That's the only thing you can do to "Shock Him" as you say. Nothing you say will work. Actions speak louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss_Prolixity Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 Lakeishap, I know this is a very emotional time for you and it's hard to hear advice that suggests maybe you should move on. Especially since you love him so much. But does he really deserve your love? Do you want a man who can't commit and put effort into the relationship as hard as you do? He is disrespecting you and no one deserves to be treated in a harsh manner. Yes, three years is a long time to be in a relationship and it's heart wrenching to let go of someone you've grown fond of. But love is a two way street. You can't make someone love you. By his actions he has proved to you everything but love. Why waste time on someone who won't commit their time to you? It does hurt letting go of someone you love, but it hurts worse to stay in a relationship where it's one sided. A committed relationship can't survive by one nurturing person, it will always take two. You know, he isn't the only man out there. There's lots of men who are willing to put forth the effort and commit to a loving, trusting, respectful relationship. But are you willing to to let go and allow yourself true happiness? It's all up to you! Link to post Share on other sites
lakeishap43 Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 It's sooo hard for me to just drop him like that. I'm surrpost to be going over to his house tonight to talk to him about all of this. What should i say??? iam like dumfounded about the whole thing. I'm lost when it comes to words and normally i'm pretty good about this stuff. I'm just so confused and soooo hurt i'm tired of feeling this way. thank, keisha Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 Don't show up tonight to talk to him. Don't even call him to tell him you are not coming. When he calls you to find out what's up, don't even pick up your phone. Link to post Share on other sites
lakeishap43 Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 I don't know if i can do that?????????? :( Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 Keisha, I know how hard it is - believe me - I was wreck over the guy I mentioned. I lost over 10 pounds in a couple of months (and didn't need to lose weight at all). I couldn't sleep, I couldn't function. My friends and family were even losing sleep over what I was going through. But you have to understand that you are going to continue to be in pain and experience ups and downs depending on whatever he feels like saying on any given day. He will be controlling your life. If he can just walk away then he does not love you but even if he hangs around it doesn't mean he loves you. He seems to be having a good old time keeping a bunch of women hanging. What a creep. If you accept his behavior now, you will be accepting it for as long as he feels like behaving this way. Just think of all of the anxiety and pain you will be putting a stop to if you tell him to leave you alone. But if you allow him to keep calling you, you're going to end up feeling worse than you do now. Link to post Share on other sites
lakeishap43 Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 Ok i'm going to take that advise but how do i do it. How can i keep strong and not give in. I've never been this weak. How do i go thru this.. thanks alot this has help me out alittle bit. keisha Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 Keisha... what FreeMe wrote is totally true. My ex-gf pulled the same thing that your ex is pulling now, and I only started feeling better once I was no longer communicating with her. You won't feel better right away, but I promise you that you will soon... I know it's hard, but you need to be mad at this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 Keisha, to begin with, just don't show up tonight. Whenever you feel the need to call him, post something here instead... Link to post Share on other sites
lakeishap43 Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 I have gotten mad but it just doesn't seem to help... what would hurt you more if you where my ex and you where doing this to me????? Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 What would hurt the most is if you stopped caring about him. Even if you care, you can't let him know that you care. And it's really not about hurting him, it's about making you feel better. Sadly, I think it's the only way it will work. Link to post Share on other sites
lakeishap43 Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 what hurting him.... how do act like i don't care Link to post Share on other sites
Miss_Prolixity Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 Lakeishap, I don't neccasarily agree with the logic of trying to hurt him. But I will say this. If you move on with your life, ie: no phone calls, e-mails, visiting him, etc. He might realize that he let something wonderful go. The only way sometimes people can cherish what they had, is to lose it. And that my friend, might cause a lot of pain to him. Knowing that he had someone wonderful in his life, but taking advantage of it. Life has many lessons and sometimes we have to go through the bad to appreciate the good. Link to post Share on other sites
lakeishap43 Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 That is true, but what if i see him with someone else what am i surrpost to do then????? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss_Prolixity Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 As much as it would pain you to see him with someone else. That just proves he really didn't love you. Someone who truly loves you is going to commit to you. Not sleep with other women, disrespect you, etc. You deserve someone who is going to respect you. And another word for "respect" in a committed relationship is love. He has done nothing to show you love. Right now you're a doormat to him. Someone who will put with his ruthless behaviour. If you move on with your life and show him you can be happy without him. That will prove more to him than anything you can say. If your paths do cross again, you can act civil and cordial towards him, letting him know he didn't get the best of you. Believe me, before someone will respect and love you, we have to love and respect ourselves first. Link to post Share on other sites
bicylejunk Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 That's very true. You don't know what you got, til it's gone. You don't realize how good you had it til it's over. We take too many things for granted. even love and relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
lakeishap43 Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 Why me everything hits me all at once. i found out last week my brother has to iraq and my grandfather is dyeing. I mean damn what else can happen in my life to make me feel worse.. I feel like i'm loosing control!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
lakeishap43 Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 Ok this is what i'm going to do..... tonight i'm going over to his house and i'm going to tell him that i'm not going to bother him any more and if he needs me at anytime to call me but i'm going to stop calling him because i can't get hurt anymore.. is there anything else i could say?????? thanks keisha Link to post Share on other sites
bicylejunk Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 Why do you have to tell him? why can't you just Not call him? He obviously knows how you feel about him....He knows. Why would you need to tell him again? I think it would a desperate move to go over to his house tonight. You're desperate for him, even if he did change, you think you could ever forget what he has done and how he dated other girls? Got together with your best friend? Your grandfather dying, That is horrible and that should be sad. Your brother going to Iraq, scary and worrysome, My heart goes out to you. But stressing out and worrying and being depressed because the guy you love is with other girls? You're doing it to yourself. Going over to his house is not going to help you, it'll just tear you up more tonight.....Do you want to hurt more than you already do? Trust me, Just let it go, don't call. I went thru the very same things as you, I was desperate and wanted to go to my ex's new house and tell her that I was there for her, But she would have just given me the same excuses and I would have just felt stupid and dumb and more depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
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