The Best Revenge You Can Get

[ladygaga]

Slowly but surely, I'm getting over the breakup. I've been really pissed off and wanting to exact revenge on MM for screwing me over the last 9 months.

 

But then, 3 different friends told me this over the last week, that the best revenge I can get is to see their marriage suffer as it will never be the same.

 

A life of MC and trading books entitled "How to get over your affair" or "How to save your marriage" can't be all peaches and cream. So is the constant paranoia of thinking he would do it again. Imagine her going through his phone bills, bank statements and internet history. I would do that if I were the BS, and it definitely can't feel good for the MM.

 

What about the disgusted looks that friends and family will be shooting him for leaving home for 4 months? They can pretend it's OK, but they won't be thinking it's OK.Most of all, imagine the bad sex or non-existent sex after they try to get back together.. it would be like a jail-sentence...

 

Won't it?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Most of all, imagine the bad sex or non-existent sex after they try to get back together.. it would be like a jail-sentence...

 

Actually, this is the only part you cannot count on. There is something called "hysterical bonding" and the sex, for some reason, is hot and often during the reconciliation phase of most affairs. The rest is pretty much dead on. So enjoy!

[Hazyhead]

Gaga, I understand how you feel; that you want him to be suffering like you are. However, this feeling will pass... it's a part of the anger phase which is actually quite healing. It takes the AP of their pedestal and helps you to see them in a less-than-perfect light.

 

As for now, in my opinion, the best revenge would be you moving on and living a full, happy life without him. Throw yourself into your family and friends and bloody enjoy yourself. Fake it to make it hon, and soon you'll be relieved that you dodged a bullet.

[Spark1111]

I don't know LG...I think it all depends on how much they loved each other and how badly they want to re-commit to the marriage. If she is angry and unsure, he will pursue her affections with the same zeal he once pursued your's.

 

It is unfortunate that so many do not appreciate what they have until they almost lose it.

 

But why would that make you feel better? To know he made you miserable, he must now be miserable, and trust me, the BS is miserable and will be for quite a awhile as she determines whether or not she can trust him again. He will be working very, very hard to regain that trust, whatever it takes.

 

I am amazed how many MM tell their paramours there is no sex life at home. While that may be true in some instances, it is definitely not true in all. They, ahem, lie about most things.

 

Think about it: Would you have been so sexually willing had he told you he had a great sex life at home? C'mon. That's in the MM handbook for affairs.

 

And does it matter anymore?

 

I understand the need for revenge when angry. But living well is the best revenge.

 

Get out there, date, have fun.

 

Stop focusing on him and them. That anger will eat you up alive. It will consume or control you, if you let it.

[ladygaga]

 

I am amazed how many MM tell their paramours there is no sex life at home. While that may be true in some instances, it is definitely not true in all. They, ahem, lie about most things.

 

Think about it: Would you have been so sexually willing had he told you he had a great sex life at home? C'mon. That's in the MM handbook for affairs.

 

 

 

I guess that is true. But then, I'm in my early 20s, and she's in her late 30s, I'm a size XS, she's a size L... we had sex everyday for the last 4 months, sometimes even 2-3 times a day.. I guess it might be an ego thing, but I don't understand how a man can retract from someone like me to her! LOL

 

I'm trying to understand his psyche, but I still don't understand. Perhaps it was the 2 year-old they had, perhaps, I don't know!

[Hazyhead]

I guess that is true. But then, I'm in my early 20s, and she's in her late 30s, I'm a size XS, she's a size L... we had sex everyday for the last 4 months, sometimes even 2-3 times a day.. I guess it might be an ego thing, but I don't understand how a man can retract from someone like me to her! LOL

 

I'm trying to understand his psyche, but I still don't understand. Perhaps it was the 2 year-old they had, perhaps, I don't know!

 

Irrelevant, I think. Perhaps it's the bond that they've built up during their marriage and their history together. I'm wondering why you're so focused on the sex anyway - there's far more to it and his reasons to go, I'm sure.

 

You need to stop thinking about them and start thinking about yourself, especially stop focusing on the BS - you only know what he's told you about her and that is unreliable information. I know it stings - the rejection, so comparing yourself is a way to bring yourself out of the hurt, but it wont help you long term. I think you're right: it's an ego thing. Self-confidence comes from within, not from external validation from a married man.

 

Let it go.

[Fallen Angel]

I guess that is true. But then, I'm in my early 20s, and she's in her late 30s, I'm a size XS, she's a size L... we had sex everyday for the last 4 months, sometimes even 2-3 times a day.. I guess it might be an ego thing, but I don't understand how a man can retract from someone like me to her! LOL

 

I'm trying to understand his psyche, but I still don't understand. Perhaps it was the 2 year-old they had, perhaps, I don't know!

 

I personally find this statement insulting to the BW, and to those of us who live life on the more Rubenesque side of the coin.

 

Just so you know there are many men who find a size XS to be unattractive and would suggest that you need to eat a cheeseburger now and then , and many men who would much rather have a conversation with a late 30's woman who has lived a life and has more to contribute to a conversation than what she has only lived vicariously through books and or television.

 

Stop trying to belittle the BW. She has done nothing to you, she simply loves the same man as you. She fought for her marriage and won, just as you fought for your relationship. Had he left her for you would you expect her to belittle you as you are her, for reasons other than the fact that you were mistress to her husband? It would be unfair of her to compare you to herself and point out where you are lacking (and I assure you that she excels in some areas where you are lacking). Keep that in mind when you feel the need to be snarky towards her.

 

The best revenge is NOT to sit around imagining him and her (by extension) miserable, it is to live a full life, happy and complete without him in it. Start today to find that happiness elsewhere, you will be much better for it in the long run.

[TinaniT]

I really hoped you'd end that subject line with what belongs: "...is living well."

 

This post sounds bitter and angry. Let go of the hate. Good luck.

[Hazyhead]

I personally find this statement insulting to the BW, and to those of us who live life on the more Rubenesque side of the coin.

 

Just so you know there are many men who find a size XS to be unattractive and would suggest that you need to eat a cheeseburger now and then , and many men who would much rather have a conversation with a late 30's woman who has lived a life and has more to contribute to a conversation than what she has only lived vicariously through books and or television.

 

Stop trying to belittle the BW. She has done nothing to you, she simply loves the same man as you. She fought for her marriage and won, just as you fought for your relationship. Had he left her for you would you expect her to belittle you as you are her, for reasons other than the fact that you were mistress to her husband? It would be unfair of her to compare you to herself and point out where you are lacking (and I assure you that she excels in some areas where you are lacking). Keep that in mind when you feel the need to be snarky towards her.

 

The best revenge is NOT to sit around imagining him and her (by extension) miserable, it is to live a full life, happy and complete without him in it. Start today to find that happiness elsewhere, you will be much better for it in the long run.

 

You said it much better than I was trying to FA

[joey66]

Just so you know there are many men who find a size XS to be unattractive and would suggest that you need to eat a cheeseburger now and then , and many men who would much rather have a conversation with a late 30's woman who has lived a life and has more to contribute to a conversation than what she has only lived vicariously through books and or television.

 

Right you are FA. Give me a mature, intelligent woman who likes cheeseburgers any day!

 

LG - There are many men who like a size XS, and who like Rubenesque women, and who like women in their early 20s, and who like women in their late 40s, and who like tall women, and who like short women, and ... you get the idea.

 

I'm sure you and his W are lovely. The problem with the mindset that I'm younger, prettier, etc. than she is, is that eventually someone will come along who is younger and prettier than you, too!

[RedDevil66]

with all due respect, grow up! Like FA says, most men like the L and not the XS ,I say this from experience and I'm a size S but men have told me to "gain some weight"

Also, the need to exact revenge makes you come off as a victm. Did he hold a gun to your head to cheat?

Use your negative energy to figure out why you were so broken you needed to cheat with a married guy.

You're the one that needs the fixing.

[Hazyhead]

In time, maybe you'll realise that women with curves are sexy; God, I so envy curvy women!

 

Apparently nice to have 'a little bit a' cushion for the pushin'.

 

You come across as kinda insecure.

[collegemommy]

Sounds so much like my story...

 

My fiance cheated on me with a girl who was younger and an XS. I'm a L.

 

He moved out for two months and we have a small child together.

 

As someone from the other side, what you don't realize is that while your MM was away from home for a few months, he was probably in constant contact with his W. He was probably crying to her about how screwed up everything was and how important she was to him.

 

I understand your need to belittle her. Hell, I still say ignorant things about the OW in my situation. But is that really going to change the fact that he picked her? Nope.

 

As for the size, she could be the biggest girl in the world but he loves her, they have a strong bond, and he wants to spend his life/time with his W. These are things he did not want with you....

 

Stop looking for revenge. Stop concentrating on them. Find your own happiness.

[WTFBBQ]

No wonder you are XS, honey! With all that screwing, when did you have time to eat? Well now, that's over, and you can get yourself a well-balanced meal. Maybe take some vitamins? Some Gatorade? You must be worn out after all that sex!

 

Now on to the revenge part. Did it never occur to you and your friends that he might have learned something during your sexcapades? Thanks to you, their sex life is better than ever, and they are on the road to recovery! Their marriage might end up stronger than ever! All thanks to you! Now, that's something to be proud of, isn't it!

 

Now, seriously. Please go eat something.

[xxoo]

Agreeing with the previous responses. Also, the late 30s can be the beginning of a woman's sexual prime

 

OP, you sound hurt and insecure. You are comparing yourself to your lover's wife, competing with her. You are young, and this is understandable for your age.

 

Know that you are an amazing woman, worthy of love, as is your lover's wife. Know that you deserve a man who is completely devoted to you, with eyes only for you. It shouldn't be about competing with another woman. When you are in the right place (maturity), and meet the right person (not this guy), size, age, and all the other women of the world won't make a difference

 

When you get there, THAT will be the best revenge. Wish you the best!

[bentnotbroken]

I guess that is true. But then, I'm in my early 20s, and she's in her late 30s, I'm a size XS, she's a size L... we had sex everyday for the last 4 months, sometimes even 2-3 times a day.. I guess it might be an ego thing, but I don't understand how a man can retract from someone like me to her! LOL

 

I'm trying to understand his psyche, but I still don't understand. Perhaps it was the 2 year-old they had, perhaps, I don't know!

 

 

No I don't look like I did in my early 20's. I too was XS, now I am in my 40's and I am M (having babies does that to you)OW at the time was a L. There were physical things that he liked about her and certainly sexual things...what is the sustainability of what you are talking about? You don't stay early 20's forever. What substance to you posses? You are right it is an ego thing.

 

Understanding the psyche of a cheating person...good luck. Perhaps it is the 2 year old, perhaps it is the security or perhaps it is because it is were he wants to be.

[Spark1111]

Hmmm...the scenario of opposite body types is all too common I'm afraid, LG.

 

I have apples at home, have had apples for several years now. I am a little bored. I want to try some oranges now.

 

I've never had oranges and that would be quite exciting and amazing for a while, to have oranges everyday all day.

 

Either I decide I like oranges better, or I decide I like apples just fine afterall.

 

Let it go. Let the whole "I'm prettier and younger and more sexier than her so why did she win him" petty female competition just go.

[Snowflower]

I personally find this statement insulting to the BW, and to those of us who live life on the more Rubenesque side of the coin.

 

Just so you know there are many men who find a size XS to be unattractive and would suggest that you need to eat a cheeseburger now and then , and many men who would much rather have a conversation with a late 30's woman who has lived a life and has more to contribute to a conversation than what she has only lived vicariously through books and or television.

 

Stop trying to belittle the BW. She has done nothing to you, she simply loves the same man as you. She fought for her marriage and won, just as you fought for your relationship. Had he left her for you would you expect her to belittle you as you are her, for reasons other than the fact that you were mistress to her husband? It would be unfair of her to compare you to herself and point out where you are lacking (and I assure you that she excels in some areas where you are lacking). Keep that in mind when you feel the need to be snarky towards her.

 

The best revenge is NOT to sit around imagining him and her (by extension) miserable, it is to live a full life, happy and complete without him in it. Start today to find that happiness elsewhere, you will be much better for it in the long run.

 

Great post, FA. Thank you for writing this.

 

Ah, the old stereotype...the husband leaves his fat, old, frumpy wife for some hot young chickie...this was the subplot in a book I read last week. It's also called fiction!

 

OP, don't worry about what is going on in the xMM life...go out and live your own life and grow and learn from this painful experience.

 

I also seriously hope that in 15-20 years that you aren't in the same place as that L size late 30's wife with the cheating husband.

[califnan]

I think the best way of overcoming an A with a MM is to realize one's part in it ..

 

In my EA .. It was I who was not a good steward of my life. It was I who could have paid more attention to and gathering better priorities at the time.

 

The best revenge is to begin to live your life at the 'best' level.

[Mimolicious]

I guess that is true. But then, I'm in my early 20s, and she's in her late 30s, I'm a size XS, she's a size L... we had sex everyday for the last 4 months, sometimes even 2-3 times a day.. I guess it might be an ego thing, but I don't understand how a man can retract from someone like me to her! LOL

 

I'm trying to understand his psyche, but I still don't understand. Perhaps it was the 2 year-old they had, perhaps, I don't know!

 

I actually fell off my chair LMAO reading this . How sad...

 

Perhaps, the bolded part is what a chick in her early 20's, size XS has to offer, and this may be why a man can retract from a woman like that? Back to reality, after he got sex'ed out? I'm just saying...

 

LG- You should print this post, save it in a momento's box and read it when you are in your late 30's and maybe a XXL. (Hey! You never know, ish happens and gravity is a mofo;)). News flash for you! YOU WONT BE IN YOUR 20's FOREVER! Beauty fades, honey! Looks can only go so far and it can get really boring when it's your forte. Don't complaint next time you get caught up with someone that use/dispose you, if this is the way that you are conducting yourself.

 

Maturity, intelligence and grace is of the essence. Work on that instead of wasting your time being bitter and hateful towards someone that treated you the way you allowed him (MM) and to someone that has done absolutely nothing to you (W).

 

Remember, you get back what you put out. It's the universal law of attraction. All this negative and vile state of mind is not going to get you anywhere.

 

Live and let God...

[Butterfly11]

I actually fell off my chair LMAO reading this . How sad...

 

Perhaps, the bolded part is what a chick in her early 20's, size XS has to offer, and this may be why a man can retract from a woman like that? Back to reality, after he got sex'ed out? I'm just saying...

I don't believe her age has anything to do with it. I'm in my mid 30s and an XS, my SO and I have sex EVERY time we are together, which is pretty much 5 days a weeks for the past year. I'm just saying that some people just have very healthy sex lives. It doesn't sound like the AP had anything more substantial to offer the relationship besides sex though. Sex can't be the only thing that bonds you.

 

Remember, you get back what you put out. It's the universal law of attraction. All this negative and vile state of mind is not going to get you anywhere.

 

I agree, why continue to possess and direct all this negative energy to someone who did nothing to you. You are the one that stepped into the marriage, you are villain. He made his choice and you should stop wasting your time trying to plan your vengeance. Hate is consuming, move on.

[Hazyhead]

I don't believe her age has anything to do with it. I'm in my mid 30s and an XS, my SO and I have sex EVERY time we are together, which is pretty much 5 days a weeks for the past year. I'm just saying that some people just have very healthy sex lives. It doesn't sound like the AP had anything more substantial to offer the relationship besides sex though. Sex can't be the only thing that bonds you.

on.

 

Butterfly, I think the point was that the AP attached too much significance to such a shallow factor. Who cares what size she or the wife is? Besides the OP, that is.

[Mimolicious]

I don't believe her age has anything to do with it. I'm in my mid 30s and an XS, my SO and I have sex EVERY time we are together, which is pretty much 5 days a weeks for the past year. I'm just saying that some people just have very healthy sex lives. It doesn't sound like the AP had anything more substantial to offer the relationship besides sex though. Sex can't be the only thing that bonds you.

 

 

I never said her age had anything to do with anything. She did by pointing out her age, size and how many rounds she goes for. Justifying her over-the-top ego by trying to make it seem as she is far more worth it than anyone who doesn't fit her stats.

 

I don't understand how a man can retract from someone like me to her!

[scatterd]

I agree with FA woman come in all different flavors L M S and Men enjoy each

one.You are young and when you start getting older and having babies you could gain weight.Loving is not based only on size have you not heard men talk about bu lumpish woman before.Im sure he did not marry her for her size

nor did his cheating have anything to do with that.He is selfish and wanted something on the side and beauty is only skin deep.As far as there marriage

getting back on track it happens everyday so think of your self live well and

be happy thats the best revenge of all.If we were all sm life would be boring.

[Hazyhead]

To be honest though LG, if you think that your age and size were the reasons he was with you, I'd be concerned about how he didn't validate you as a person. What about personality? Don't you think that might be a more valid aspect for you to be examining