does she regret or is she just worried about money?

[tank]

I havent been posting in a while, just reading what others have had to say and working on me. I have set a lot of boudaries within my life and in particular with my stbxw. Just so everyone knows she still has her pay deposited in my bank account, i keep what is required to cover the car payment, car insurance and her gym membership then giver her the rest of her pay. She is 2 months behind in her child support. so this is why i have started this thread.

 

My plan was to keep some of her pay tomorrow as i truley need that child support to survive. I am running my household on just my income. So what we did off of 2 incomes i now do of of one, with 4 kids and a BIL its kinda tough. She sent me the following text message, i have put on here word for word.

 

"I want you 2 know that i have been 2 the doctor and got a script...im not sure how i feel about this but i will try...i miss you i miss laughing and having a good time with you i dont like the place we are at now we are better than this...after tomorrow i will have enough 2 get my own place and that is what i need now...hopefully when i get my meds tomorrow i will be back on track...thank you for listening and sorry 4 everything"

 

She has never taken medication, been against it for ever, so know this is hard for her to do. I also know she has told her brother she hates her life. i have been very strick in what goes on with her and my children. Holding her to the separation agreement. I have taken all steps legally available to me on the child support but i have been robbing peter to pay paul for the last 4 months trying to make ends meet and without her support i am failing and will have to sell the house. She has already broken all trust i had with her obviously, but part of me wants to believe that text as her being genuine. Then i look at what she has done and realize i have to take care of my kids first, why should i care about her being able to have her own place and move out of the OM place. I guess i am looking for some advise from those that might have been in a similar situation. Do i have a little faith that she might be trying to better herself which in turn will be better for my kids and suffer without her money until they take it off her pay, thus allowing her to go on her meds and move into her own place. Or is she just saying what she thinks i want to hear so i that i give her all of her money tomorrow?

[cookie2]

If she's your STBXW, why is she still being paid into your bank account?

Why are you taking money for her car payment and insurance?

 

Personally I would never want to be reliant on getting anything from her (or anyone else). You should be able to be self-sufficient without her - what if she were to just skip the country and disappear? Whatever it takes to make that happen, I would do it.

 

But for now I think you could be justified in taking money she owes you out of "her" money... after all she gave it to you by paying it into your account...

[Gunny376]

In the US, Canada, UK, Australia, NZ etc ~ i.e the Western ~ Northern Hemisphere countries? Only about 10% of fathers retain custody of their children, (and you are truly blessed if you are one of them)

 

This is mostly because men believe that young children are in better care (nurturing and what-not) than they would be. In the 10% of the custody contested cases where men seek custody ~ they're awarded custody 90% of the time because they tend to be the higher wage earner, offer a more stable environment for the children (although your can kiss your personal life goodbye ~ unless you find someone who is willing to take on a 'ready-made' family. BTW ~ if you do find such a woman? She's a 'Keeper'

 

[sidebar] The above is not an absolute blanket cover all statement! Individual circumstances, individuals and relationships vary]

 

With that said, in the 10% of the cases where the father retains custody?

Women default on paying child support 90% of the time. (There's a lot of reasons for this ~ too much to go into here ~ but the first is that its expensive being a woman ~ just to get a job in most cases)

 

First and foremost you've not only an obligation, responsibility ~ but a duty to see to the mental, physical, emotional, and pyschological welfare of your children. THEY COME FIRST and FOREMOST!

 

If that means you have to go without? So be it! They get clothed first, they get medical attention first, they get dental care first, they get feed first!

 

If that means you have to work two jobs or a job and a half? So be it! You do what you have to do to provide for them and see that they don't go without.

 

That means meeting the 'necessities' of life ~ A Sony XBox isn't a necessity of life ~ neither is satellite or cable TV. I just fine growing up without such ~ and so will your children.

 

Daughters need to know that they are loved, wanted, needed and cherished!

 

Son's need the same but need and want their parents to be 'proud' of them and their accomplishments ~ regardless of how little nor small, (And no children shouldn't receive such for just trying)

 

I myself just as of last April have being seeing a psychologist once a month.

 

In conjunction with my PCP (Primary Care Provider ~ aka ~ Dr.) have been prescribed antidepressants, and anxiety drugs.

 

I was more or less 'forced' to seek help by my former boss (I got fired for a typo on a certification form ~ apparently there's a Hugh difference between a .090 and a .009)

 

There's reference here ~ bare with me. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, alcohol abuse (not an alcoholic ~ was self medicating to get to sleep) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome)

 

I can barely say those words ~ Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome ~ without breaking down into tears?

 

My insurance provider typically authorizes eight visits for mental health? Me they gave me twenty-two. Guess 'My Twenty" in the Corps screwed my head up that bad.

 

All of that to say?

 

The meds really do help although they make take a couple of months to kick in ~ and need 'adjustments" periodically over time.

 

Mine have given me 'balance' I once was walking through life PO with Life and everyone in it.

 

Now? I'm not stoned ~ drugged ~ in a daze?

 

But I've a more realistic if not positive outlook on life. I smile more, am more polite, more optimistic, laugh more, less worried (even though I just got fired from my job ~ which BTW wasn't necessarily a bad thing! I've worked every weekend and every holiday for the last all but six years ~ on second shift)

 

I'm not going to advise you about the finacials between you and the STBX ~ other than to say that if you've got to hold out whatever you need to provide for the children?

 

Do so.

 

If that creates problems for the STBX?

 

Oh Well!

 

Life's a struggle regardless of who you are?

 

Live with and deal with it!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Isnt this the same bitch that left you for her OM?

 

I wonder how she's even able to afford the apartment and you gotta sell the house?

 

I would be punching holes in the wall right now, first thing is first do not speak with her, get a lawyer and take her to court, garnish her checks for child support, next find you a better job and daycare.

 

and lastly ignore the bitch. She misses you, wtf gtfo here!!! She has no right!

 

not anymore.

[wrencn]

Take what you need money wise to care for your kids. Make an appointment with a realtorr ASAP. I have a bachelors degree in real estate if you want to pm me just for advice. If she is really trying to change time will tell. Let her actions show... She isn't worthy right now or maybe ever again.

[Gunny376]

Isnt this the same bitch that left you for her OM?

 

I wonder how she's even able to afford the apartment and you gotta sell the house?

 

I would be punching holes in the wall right now, first thing is first do not speak with her, get a lawyer and take her to court, garnish her checks for child support, next find you a better job and daycare.

 

and lastly ignore the bitch. She misses you, wtf gtfo here!!! She has no right!

 

not anymore.

 

CB is right! Not to say that any and all women are bad and evil?

 

But a lot of them are out just looking for a "meal-ticket" ~ a pay-day or an early retirement system (AKA ~ SAHM, "Traditional Wife")

 

Its hard to differentiate between a true SAHM and a blood sucking lay on your fat @zz donesn't want to work what-ever. (I was shocked to find that a former co-worker who up in the ranks ~ with an excuative secertary wife was paying out $800 a month net after taxes in child care! for two children! )

[Gunny376]

Take what you need money wise to care for your kids. Make an appointment with a realtorr ASAP. I have a bachelors degree in real estate if you want to pm me just for advice. If she is really trying to change time will tell. Let her actions show... She isn't worthy right now or maybe ever again.

 

That's got to be bitch!

 

Five ~ ten years ago that was the way to go.

 

I sold cars for six monts post - Marine Corps,

 

I wouldn't go into any kind of sales unless I had

 

1. No wife

 

2. No dependents

 

3. No Child Support

 

4. At least a year worth of savings to cover living expenses saved up and in the bank

[wrencn]

That's got to be bitch!

 

Five ~ ten years ago that was the way to go.

 

I sold cars for six monts post - Marine Corps,

 

I wouldn't go into any kind of sales unless I had

 

1. No wife

 

2. No dependents

 

3. No Child Support

 

4. At least a year worth of savings to cover living expenses saved up and in the bank

Oh gunny it is indeed a bitch. My master's degree will probably be worthless too since the city and state are BROKE! Can I pick em or can I pick em. Shoulda went to nursing school, too bad I hate blood and guts.

[tank]

well thanks for the posts everyone.

 

I will start by saying my children have not had a shift in their life style from a financial standpoint. I have maintained the family home, extra curricular activities that they always have done. But with 4 growning children, they are always needed new clothes, shoes etc. it does get extremely costly. I do have a financial plan to stay afloat, it just got side tracked with some unexpected expenditures. Now with the school year coming around i have back to school to worry about. My kids have had there standard summer, with 2 trips for vacation. All of this is what has made me rob peter to pay paul. Going forward things will change, next year we may not go away for 2 holidays, i just felt it was very important for the kids to have everything as close to normal as possible. So I do have a very good stable job, its just been a tough time trying to keep things as close to normal as possible for them. I have responded to my stbxw that i cannot worry about her financial situation, that i have to raise our family and make sure they are taken care of. I told her i would be keeping money from her pay for the childrens back to school and that i would give her a reciept and notify the "Family Responsibilities Office" of the amount so when they final collect the money they know she has paid something. I told her i am glad she is taking the steps to improve herself, but if she continues to rely on me to ensure she gets a cheque and the bills she is responsible for get paid, i will continue to deduct for her arrears and current child support. Unfortunately i am on the car paperwork, and the finance company wont take me off unless she finds another someone else to co-sign, no one will do that. So i kind of like have the control of ensuring that bill gets paid as it is my credit that will be messed up if she doesnt pay. Just so everyone knows, her response was sincere, she said she was sorry for all that she has done, she does need money as she has to get out on her own. makes me think that things with the OM arent so great anymore. Kinda hard to bitch to your boyfriend about your husband, she has no one else and it would be kinda of tough for a man who has decided he never want his own kids to put up with the baggage of a women living with him who has 4, then put in that they both work at the post office and their depot deliverys mail to his house so everyone has seen the redirected mail of hers to his address. I also took back her anniversary present this year, but just for ****s and giggles i kept the flower delivery and everyone at work teased them both. So as a man, i know that situation would wear me down quickly.

 

Well sorry for the long post, thanks again to everyone for their responses, i have come such a long way from the support and a@# kicking from everyone on here. I am focused on me and my children and i am truley enjoying my life. Cooking for them has become my passion, i will use this lap top and just find new things to make, i get to interact with them and its great, especially when they help. I have never been more fulfilled as a father then i am right now. so thanks to everyone who answered my posts and help me realize what was important and what i needed to focus on.

[GorillaTheater]

I have nothing but respect for you Tank. You sound like you're one hell of a father, and it also sounds like that you're in a good place mentally and emotionally. You can handle whatever comes your way.

 

Again, you have my respect.

[wrencn]

I agree with GT, you are an excellent father!

[2.50 a gallon]

Tank

 

Way to go!

 

This kids come first.

 

Reconciliation can begin after she publicly castrates the OM, and then you will take it under advisement

[tank]

Ok, well I just met my wife at the bank and geve her just enough money to cover her gas for the next 2 weeks. She understood why i was keeping the rest. She told me that she really missed me, "i miss you like crazy" not things we did together that she missed, she just missed me. She said she needed the money for the rest of her last months rent deposit on her new apartment. She needs a place to live on her own she says, so that she can figure herself out. She said she had no right to ask me for anything and she knows she has screwed up everything good in her life. She just doesnt want us to hate each other. She needs somewhere to call her home. She is going to a counc. to help figure out why she messed up her life, and the counc. put her on medication. She said that if she cant have the money she will have to stay where she is for a little longer and she doesnt want that! She started crying about what she had done and that she misses me, that was stated 4 times in the course of 15 minutes. I wasnt an as*hole but i didnt show any emotions at all. I told her that if she needed the money that bad, have her new landlord tell me who to make the check out too and i would pay it directly to the company she was renting from. This was more than good enough for her and she thanked me and asked if she could have a hug. I told her no, told her to let me know about the cheque and when she would pay her support. She said she was able to get a payday loan from work on her next pay to pay up her support and help with furniture etc. So i will have all the back support in 2 weeks. She also said she starts a second job at a coffee shop working afternoons and nights and every other weekend. She says they were very flexible so it didnt interfer with her visits with the kids. i said thats good, hope she works through her issues and said talk later and left.

 

WTF, I just dont understand, it was hard to keep myself in check when she started crying and saying she missed me. Even harder when she admitted she screwed everything up. Dont know how to take this, My gut tells me the OM told her to hit the bricks as he couldnt deal with the situation any more. But she seemed sincere. Anyone with any thoughts on this. I kept my composure at least, shows me that i am becoming stronger and i will be better. But it was still hard

[tank]

I'm thinking i need an as@ kicking again. She has been texting me and trying to have conversations. It got to the point where i just said goodnight and shut my phone off. its like she has woken up from a bad dream and is trying to grasp on to her life. She says she knows she screwed up the best thing in her. Why, did this have to happen now? I was doing so well and then this, it feels like a bomb has gone off again, I didnt sleep last night, even with sleeping meds, my mind wouldnt shut off. I celebrated my dads 63 birthday last night with the kids etc. and both my parents knew i wasnt myself. I didnt talk to them as it was his day, but when they hugged me goodbye, they both told me they loved me and that things would get better. Where would we be without our parents. I just feel myself slipping back to where i was when this started, like there is a sliver of hope and i want to shut that off. I dont want to think about it. I keep trying to tell myself that she and the OM are having a rough patch, he probably couldnt handle the baggage she came with. He probably couldnt deal with everyone at work knowing his life and teasing and giving him grief. No matter what i tell myself i keep thinking about how she cried yesterday and how she really wanted that hug and i didnt give in. I dont normally deny this women anything, and i am now. Surprising, that hurts me even more. I dont want to start down that terrible path again, so i am going to the gym, and then to the waterpark with the kids. try to stay focused today, and i am leaving my cell phone at home.

[wrencn]

(((HUGS))) reading what you wrote made me feel so sad- my husband use to love me like that once upon a time, sigh....

 

Sorry to hijack

 

I would say give it 3 more months. Stay strong, don't let her see you sweat. If she is still remorseful after some more time has passed then perhaps y'all could slowly start working on reconciliation (if you see her heart is really in it). You've got to give her time to see if she's still singing the same tune once she's on her feet.

[You Go Girl]

She busted out of the affair fog. She probably figured out that the OM is selfish. Afterall, what other kind of man would convince a wife to leave her H and to leave 4 kids! Even if he didn't 'convince' her, he certainly egged her on, went for as much sex as possible, etc.

So she's realized that she doesn't love the OM, and that it was an infatuation, and that her H is a far better man than the OM.

That's what has happened.

So yes, she needs desperately to figure out why she threw her family away for a fantasy romance. She does need months alone.

There was the newness factor, that's huge, but moreso, for a little while she believed a man that she didn't even know was her ideal romantic love partner. That's how women think and work. For the OM--the #1 was sex. For the woman--it's the fantasy of true love and the romance. Sex is always secondary.

You can't decide whether or not to take her back right now for a very good reason. Right now is NOT the time to make that decision--so it is impossible, and not even a question to ask at this time. Her texting, etc., are attempts to move back into her life with you ASAP.

She has some growing to do, and she can't accomplish that growing with any man, but only alone. You could take her back completely and bring her home and never make her do that growing, or you can refuse her desires to just make the OM thing go away like a bad dream. Will she do it again? Probably not, actually. But that's not the point.

Will she change so much during time alone that she decides to stay on her own? That's another possibility.

If you want her back, but grown from her own mess-up, you will force her to stay on her own, yet go to marriage counseling twice a month together. Your call.

[tank]

well this weekend has been aweful. I havent slept, i havent wanted to do anything. My children have rallied around me, they have noticed i'm having a bad time and are very aggectionate, wanting to cuddle and spend a lot of time with me. They really do make me happy, its just that my wifes words really hit me. She misses things that we used to do together, she misses laughing with me, she has said these things all along no she goes and says she just misses me. Who knew thos words would cause such a problem for me? I have wasted an entire weekend over those words. I dont know what to think, i spent the morning with my priest after mass, and i normally feel better but today, i didnt. I am heading to family dinner at my parents, my MIL and BIL and GMIL will all be there, so i will be surrounded by family. Hopefully i can get out of this funk.

[Chrome Barracuda]

well this weekend has been aweful. I havent slept, i haveent wanted to do anything. My children have rallied around me, they have noticed i'm having a bad time and are very aggectionate, wanting to cuddle and spend a lot of time with me. They really do make me happy, its just that my wifes words really hit me. She misses things that we used to do together, she misses laughing with me, she has said these things all along no she goes and says she just misses me. Who knew thos words would cause such a problem for me? I have wasted an entire weekend over those words. I dont know what to think, i spent the morning with my priest after mass, and i normally feel better but today, i didnt. I am heading to family dinner at my parents, my MIL and BIL and GMIL will all be there, so i will be surrounded by family. Hopefully i can get out of this funk.

 

Why r u listening to her, she bet on the wrong horse! Why r u giving her money when she betrayed and abandond you. She did it before. So she has the propensity to do it again.

U let her earn the trust back and if that means her crawling through broken glass then so be it. Don't be soft on her. Are you planning on divorce?

[Corporate]

She abandoned you, she abandoned her two kids by you, she left her kids from a previous relationship behind for you to take care of, on order to have some fun sex with some dude from work, probably unprotected and all, while you're at home crying and now she just want you to take her back?

 

Seriously! She should feel very blessed that you took care of her other two kids.

[2sunny]

She abandoned you, she abandoned her two kids by you, she left her kids from a previous relationship behind for you to take care of, on order to have some fun sex with some dude from work, probably unprotected and all, while you're at home crying and now she just want you to take her back?

 

Seriously! She should feel very blessed that you took care of her other two kids.

 

keep telling yourself this! also, stop giving her money. you DO NOT need to be making anything about her life easier. she cries and tells you what she KNOWS you need to hear so she gets what she wants from you! stop playing into her evil hand!

 

SHE did this - SHE needs to pay the penalty! if she needs more money - let HER earn more! when you get her paycheck - keep it! YOU need it. your kids need the house to live in, you need it for their school stuff. and no more vacations - until all the bills are settled up.

 

stop affording all of them luxuries when you can't keep up.

 

your wife can live longer with her OM if she doesn't have the money - besides, she should have thought of all that when she started screwing him.

 

why are you making things so easy for everyone else - and so willing to make yourself miserable and worried at the same time? YOU need to make YOU the priority. let you cheating, manipulative, lying wife take care of herself for a change. this is the life she CHOSE for herself.

 

and from her end - SHE should be taking care of the kids she gave birth to with someone else. that really is NOT up to you to provide for them... it's up to her! you should participate by being a loving example and a part of their life - but the financial responsibility is not up to you - it's up to her.

 

wake up - she's still using you to her benefit - and YOU are ALLOWING it. so stop it... and stop feeling guilty, you didn't do anything wrong.

[habs53]

well thanks for the posts everyone.

 

I will start by saying my children have not had a shift in their life style from a financial standpoint. I have maintained the family home, extra curricular activities that they always have done. But with 4 growning children, they are always needed new clothes, shoes etc. it does get extremely costly. I do have a financial plan to stay afloat, it just got side tracked with some unexpected expenditures. Now with the school year coming around i have back to school to worry about. My kids have had there standard summer, with 2 trips for vacation. All of this is what has made me rob peter to pay paul. Going forward things will change, next year we may not go away for 2 holidays, i just felt it was very important for the kids to have everything as close to normal as possible. So I do have a very good stable job, its just been a tough time trying to keep things as close to normal as possible for them. I have responded to my stbxw that i cannot worry about her financial situation, that i have to raise our family and make sure they are taken care of. I told her i would be keeping money from her pay for the childrens back to school and that i would give her a reciept and notify the "Family Responsibilities Office" of the amount so when they final collect the money they know she has paid something. I told her i am glad she is taking the steps to improve herself, but if she continues to rely on me to ensure she gets a cheque and the bills she is responsible for get paid, i will continue to deduct for her arrears and current child support. Unfortunately i am on the car paperwork, and the finance company wont take me off unless she finds another someone else to co-sign, no one will do that. So i kind of like have the control of ensuring that bill gets paid as it is my credit that will be messed up if she doesnt pay. Just so everyone knows, her response was sincere, she said she was sorry for all that she has done, she does need money as she has to get out on her own. makes me think that things with the OM arent so great anymore. Kinda hard to bitch to your boyfriend about your husband, she has no one else and it would be kinda of tough for a man who has decided he never want his own kids to put up with the baggage of a women living with him who has 4, then put in that they both work at the post office and their depot deliverys mail to his house so everyone has seen the redirected mail of hers to his address. I also took back her anniversary present this year, but just for ****s and giggles i kept the flower delivery and everyone at work teased them both. So as a man, i know that situation would wear me down quickly.

 

Well sorry for the long post, thanks again to everyone for their responses, i have come such a long way from the support and a@# kicking from everyone on here. I am focused on me and my children and i am truley enjoying my life. Cooking for them has become my passion, i will use this lap top and just find new things to make, i get to interact with them and its great, especially when they help. I have never been more fulfilled as a father then i am right now. so thanks to everyone who answered my posts and help me realize what was important and what i needed to focus on.

That is totally amazing. I myself am starting to feel the pinch here. I am running a house and car while she pays for her ugly apt and no car. Water bills and other stuff is coming is as well. I will survive however.

[tank]

Well Barracuda, i am not giving her money, i am giving her, her money from her pay. Where i live we have a Family Responsibilities Office and they collect child support for me. They have been in contact and she has until Sept. 1 to pay her arrears. That being said she is still being very nice to me and she sends me texts throughout the day, sometimes i respond, and others i dont. I dont want to hate this women, I chose her not only to be my wife but the mother of my children. We have been through our ups and downs, medically i am not so good right now, she still cares and she went to my last appointment. We have been best friends for 19 years! Yes I still love her, but the difference is i can live with out her, i have shown myself that. She doesnt get a free pass into my home, and i have told her that i dont think she is strong enough to make this work. She is seeing a physciatrist and she is on medication for depression. She has found her own place to live and she says she is starting her second job next week. She is learning a valuable lesson in life right now. She has always run away from problems, never been one to stand and fight, well this is a baby step for her. No matter what happens between us, i will rebuild the relationship so we can at least be friends and be in the same room together for our children. I dont want to hate her and i hope with a little more self improvement i will be able to forgive her. This women means a lot to me, and my kids need her to straighten herself out and continue with the self evaluation and proceed in what ever direction gets her back to her life and gets her back to being the mom she was before. This women gave up everything for her kids, swore she would never leave them ever, she would get kidsick for them when ever we went away. She had a special little routine with each of them, they lost that, she lost that. My only hope for now is that she realizes what she gave up and works on her issues so that my kids have there mom again.

[seibert253]

Time is on your side Tank. Use it wisely.

 

You know you can make it without her, she's now seeing she can't make it without you.

 

Sometimes they need to hit rock bottom before they get that "oh sh#t what have I done" moment.

 

If she truely wants to come back and is sorry and remorseful, she will tell you. It takes time to get there though.

 

Don't hedge your bets on this though. Focus on moving on. If she wants to return, and you want to allow her, then great. If she doesn't, well you already know you can move on, you've just experienced a little bump in the road there. You'll get back on track.

 

Remember this is a marathon, not a sprint.

[tank]

thanks seibert, i do know i can get along without her. Last week her words and seeing in her eyes that she meant them hurt me. I stand behind my drive for improvement, i will not forget she abandoned me, her kids and her family, she took money that was for the kids. those thoughts help me push on every day. She will never be able to waltse into my life like nothing happened. It would be the toughest road she has ever had to walk to come back into my life. I am not waiting for this to happen. I am moving on, i have started dating and just haning with my friends. I have a fun trip with my 2 brother in laws to tennesse in another week, so i will be having guy time. Was nice of them to invite me, for the cost of food. So i am moving on with life, i just hope she continues to evolve as it will be better for my kids.

[tank]

well another day, and last night she had my son ask if she was sllowed into the house to see his room. She took a long time walking from the backyard upstairs. When she came down she asked me if we could have a talk. I told her yes and she said in private to which i refused as i was preparing the food for todays dinner, and even when she is there the kids still prefer to be with me (makes me feel good). So she started talking about the situation and i went directly for the throat but very polietly and nicely (kids present). I told her i wasnt moving my family, that she had until September 1 to tell me if she was signing off on the house if she was going to want it sold, in which case i would have to buy her out. I did make the comment that she promised our children they would never have to move again. I know, low blow but what have i got to lose. The kids got their 2 cents in on the topic. Then i went into the car and asked if she had gotten someone else (i.e. OM) to consider co-signing so i could be off of the lease etc. She didnt say much after that, she said good bye to the kids and asked me for a hug, which as the kids were there i did give her but it wasnt a close intimate one, one armed and quick. I was very respectful, calm and it was like any other conversation we have had over the past 10 years. The funny part is, she checked every corner of the house she could, and it was spotless, no kid mess, the kids were sitting at the island colouring while i was preparing food, and i know she felt like the odd man out. Should i take joy in that? i think so, i still cant believe she wants to have her visits at my home, especially when she is banned to the back yard, the kids will be inside with me or out with their friends so she spends most of the visit sitting there with the dogs and maybe one of the children. Even her mother doesnt hang outside with her. Well to me that was a success, i was able to hold my composure, communicate and get the message across to her that i was moving on and trying to deal with the few remaining issues between us. No matter what, i want everything resolved, no lose ends. That way no matter what happens, i am financially secure and my children wont have to worry about stability. today is a good day.