how important is sex?

[love sick guy]

I have been going out with my gf for almost 1.5 years, and have lived with her for 3 months. For the record, im 21. Since moving in, things have turned kind of ugly. Well, the most noticable thing to me is our sex life, or lack there of. Before moving in, we used to have sex like 4-5 times a week strait up untill we moved in, now itd down to once a week. She has been complaining to me that i dont pay enough attention to her and stuff, and i do realize i havent been, but i have been making a good effort to change that. Whenever she would have some kind of problem, i would sit down with her and she would talk and talk and talk. I am there for her emotionally. When i ask her about it she always says "i got a headache, im sick, im hot, im not in the mood, i cant force myself" Like WTF. She says its VERY important to her that im there for her emotionally, but she just brushes off the sexuality part of our relationship. When i tell her that the sex in our relationship is as important to me as emotions are to her. She just says "stop trying to turn this around on me" I feel like we have been married for 20 years, i kind of dread to think what life will be like being married to her 20 years from now

 

what is going on here?

 

what can be done?

 

should anything be done?

 

thanx for your time and advice

[Tony T]

what is going on here? She has become disinterested in sex to some degree, at least the frequency. The stress of living together and other stresses and worries in her life could have something to do with it. Your complete and constant availability and constant willingness to have sex may also have something to do with it. Many people are not so attracted to that which is readily available. Since you now live together, much of the mystery has been taken away. Sex, as you know, is in the mind more than the genitals.

 

what can be done? Take her out, get her relaxed, help her simplify her life, make living with you a lot easier and less stressful for her. Make yourself scarse sometimes. Go out with friends or by yourself. Put some mystery into this. But always be nice. Just don't kiss her butt and stop asking for sex so much. You may be making her feel like some sort of sexual outlet for you by demanding a certain frequency. Lovemaking should be romantic and spontaneous. If it's not that way at your place, you better make it that way if you want to get more out of the relationship sexually.

 

should anything be done? Well, if you need or require sex more often than once a week and your behavioral changes don't do the trick, you need to find another girlfriend who has a comparable libido to your own. You also need to very calmly and with great understanding talk these issues out, get into your girlfriend's head, and see what the issues are. I have a feeling it's a combination of stress and the fact that you are no longer a challenge. It happens all the time when people get married.

 

thanx for your time and advice anytime. Hope this gives you some insight. And I pray others will comment as well.

[Nina]

For women, sex is intimately tied in with their emotional state. If I'm stressed out, unhappy, or frustrated, I cannot have sex. Period.

 

Your girlfriend has been complaining about a lack of emotional connectedness in your relationship, so that seems to be a very good reason for why you aren't having sex. Yousay that you're there for her, but then you say something like, "when she has a problem I sit down with her and she talks and talks and talks." That sounds a little like you're jsut going through the motions and believe me, women can sense sincerity.

 

Things change when you live together. You see the person every day, you wake up next to them, your laundry gets all mixed up, you argue about the toilet seat. It's easy to get sidetracked by all the little things.

 

So do something to make her feel special. Make her dinner, give her a backrub or footrub and make it sensual. How do you make a footrub sensual? You keep moving up the leg (hee hee). It's true. When I'm stressed out, my fiancee can still get me into bed, all he has to do is give me a massage and I'm like butter. Good luck!

[Tony T]

Yes, Nina, message is an excellent suggestion. Well, I know I have successfully used that technique on more than one occassion.

[billy the kid]

well basically you have either of two problems.1) you don't do her right.. 2) she is just not in to sex as alot of women are and I mean just not in to it..

I have been going out with my gf for almost 1.5 years, and have lived with her for 3 months. For the record, im 21. Since moving in, things have turned kind of ugly. Well, the most noticable thing to me is our sex life, or lack there of. Before moving in, we used to have sex like 4-5 times a week strait up untill we moved in, now itd down to once a week. She has been complaining to me that i dont pay enough attention to her and stuff, and i do realize i havent been, but i have been making a good effort to change that. Whenever she would have some kind of problem, i would sit down with her and she would talk and talk and talk. I am there for her emotionally. When i ask her about it she always says "i got a headache, im sick, im hot, im not in the mood, i cant force myself" Like WTF. She says its VERY important to her that im there for her emotionally, but she just brushes off the sexuality part of our relationship. When i tell her that the sex in our relationship is as important to me as emotions are to her. She just says "stop trying to turn this around on me" I feel like we have been married for 20 years, i kind of dread to think what life will be like being married to her 20 years from now what is going on here? what can be done? should anything be done? thanx for your time and advice