youngatheart Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 How bothered are exes if you refuse to be their friend? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 I dunno...never bothered to ask...figured it was kinda irrelevant... Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 I can only think that he was upset after I went complete NC was because he couldn't dangle the puppet strings while force feeding me crumbs. If an ex gets mad that you two can't be friends is that they lose their backup. Hardly nothing an ex does constitutes as being genuine, especially if they are the dumper. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 It should be irrelevant if they are bothered! Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 How bothered are exes if you refuse to be their friend? Who cares? I never have. It's not good for the healing process. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 (edited) I didn't wait... I moved on. she's blocked in every which way. I have no regard for contacting her ever again Yet you will continue to talk about her every day and insist that you don't care anymore...yea, I'm going to call you out on this one...again... But back on topic, OP, were you the dumper or dumpee...? Edited August 5, 2010 by USMCHokie Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 I believe my ex when he said he wanted to be my friend, he was very persistent and seemed genuinely hurt and affected by the loss of my friendship. BUT obviously friendship works two ways. They can miss the caring and support that you offer them as a friend without really intending to be there for you in the same way. My ex seemed to want to prove he could be a good friend almost to make up for his failures in the relationship; he said he wanted to prove that he wouldn't let me down, as he obviously had in one respect, so I think there was a lot of guilt attached to the offer. In saying that nothing is truly altruistic so maybe it is more about ego. It depends I think on if you began as friends, or if you began in a relationship. Some exes do genuinely want to be friends again; maybe you were a special and valued friend to them or got them through some hard times or maybe they like to be friendly with everybody. I'm sure a lot are manipulative and sneaky with the friend offering but we all have different motivations. My rebound ex - we stayed friends, but his friendship DID alleviate any guilt I put myself through. That wasn't my motivation for being his friend though - it was because he was a good guy and the friendship was easy and casual. Link to post Share on other sites
tpopcaz Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 I'm going through a breakup right now that I dumped her over something stupid we didnt see eye to eye to and I still want to be her friend. Sure I love her and it was a big mistake why we broke up, but no matter what I'll be her friend. I went through three years of surgery and she was there everyday. So to me it only seems right to help her out with her life if she needs it. Link to post Share on other sites
whatadeer26 Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 I cut my ex completely out of my life 3 days ago, deleted her on Facebook and Blackberry Messenger. She went nuts for 2 days texting and calling, she even contacted a friend of mine to see what she did (B*tch you know what you did). I will not respond to any message short of I made a mistake and want to see you. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 When I was last dumped, we both said 'maybe we'll stay friends' ... like you do... because it makes the parting process easier. We lived a good couple hours drive apart though, so it made it easier... we didn't call each other, see each other or text/email/talk. Mainly because I found out after I was dumped, he cheated on me. I don't want to be friends with someone who is capable of inflicting the pain and devastation on me that he was. Uh-uh no thanks. So... whilst I was hurt, I wasn't that bothered. The whole thing was better off buried. It took a long time to get over it. Would I give him time of day now to talk or communicate...? Nah, no real point. Do I resent him or hate him in any way...? Nope. Not really. In fact, I hope he's happy whatever he's doing... but my wishing him happiness in life doesn't mean that I have to be aware of what that means. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 How bothered are exes if you refuse to be their friend? If the ex- is the DumpER, they have no right to expect to be a friend still, and should refuse all requests to be friends. If the ex- is the DumpED, they call the friend shots. BUT: They should only seek friendship when they feel completely indifferent to their ex (the DumpER) and could care less what is going on in the ex's life, or who's in it. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 If the ex- is the DumpER, they have no right to expect to be a friend still, and should refuse all requests to be friends. If the ex- is the DumpED, they call the friend shots. BUT: They should only seek friendship when they feel completely indifferent to their ex (the DumpER) and could care less what is going on in the ex's life, or who's in it. This is not applicable when the dumper is so because the dumped was cheating. Can we stop demonizing dumpers? Link to post Share on other sites
EthanH Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 I think it is a bit of a wide question... it depends on the circumstances. I do think sometimes the dumper has good intentions, knows they don't want to be with their ex anymore, but still values them. To me, it is never ever a good idea to get into friendship straight away. Some dumpers use it as a way of making them feel better about the situation and also, sometimes it is a power thing. I think essentially, for those who have been dumped, I don't think you should be friends with your ex, until you are over them, which is a long long process usually. People who have been dumped should just think about what is good for them in the short term, and if you are not over someone, trying to be friends with them just causes further pain/mixed messages etc. It is all about what you are willing to accept, if you accept friendship, that is all you should really expect, and if you want more than that, don't accept something less. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 This is not applicable when the dumper is so because the dumped was cheating. Can we stop demonizing dumpers? Ok, fair enough, but it wasn't my intention to demonise anyone. I'm saying whatever the circumstances, this is the best way to go. What people forget about this friendship thing -and is therefore important to remember - is the seeker's MOTIVE. That plays a major part.... Link to post Share on other sites
Username37 Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 (edited) My ex a few weeks ago texted me "when are we going to be friends again? :(" I didn't reply back. I was pretty much on full NC. Didn't get any angry responses from her or anything. So her offering of friendship was definitely false and for her only. I guess she wanted to get off the hook. Selfish cunt. If they wanted to be friends or at least want you back. They would be more direct instead of playing the waters to see if it's totally safe. I honestly believe they don't care if we become friends or not. They dumped you, they want you out. And they'll probably abuse the friendship anyways. Edited August 5, 2010 by Username37 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts