Jump to content

1 year and 4 months of no contact this is where I am (If youre past 1 year nc cm here

health

By health
in Coping

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

health Established Member

health

Posted
Posted

What's up everyone? Today I felt overwhelmed and missing my ex after work.

I have faith I will find the right partner. (Thank god she's gone so I can meet someone right for me! lol)

 

Background story

Was with my ex girl for 5 years 4 months. Leave her out of anger (didn't mean too) - she rebounds after 3 days of our breakup with the guy she was friends with.

-She never cheated but maybe emotionally did.

- I broke down 1 week after I found out -crying at night for several months after

- back and forth contact for 4 months - She kept calling me, then I said don't call anymore

- she persisted in calling me for 6 months after our n/c- I never picked up

I feel bad for the guy shes with HA!!!

 

My Success story?

- focused on work

- got promoted, raise

- went to europe, New York etc

- Became intimate with 2 girls - one I knew - the other I met online (not at the same time silly peoples!)

- Never into short relationships, nor have I cheated but they say after a major relationship you have short healing ones

 

The Relationship after?

- Met a girl who broke up with her 5 year guy - one month - and meets me!

- THE OPPOSITE of my story!

- So it's like I'm the other guy I hated

- this girl is doing crazy things with me and I know her ex is dying in pain - This feels horible but I only met her one month after - I didn't help it break or anything

- So she always talks to her ex while with me (not while with me but at home alone) - hello no contact ??

- so I end it - CAUSE IT FELT WRONG

- she can't stand to be alone - and I don't want to be hurt and knowing this girl cheated in the past, plus it didn't feel right

 

WHERE I AM NOW

- feelings for my ex come back

- the pain

- They say rebounds never resolve anything - I didn't rebound I took time

yet still even after these small relationships the past unresolved feelings come back

- I may lose my job - I haven't been performing well - AND I WORK MY ASS OFF! LMAO

 

The moral is......I thought I had it set - the goal was to erase the ex from my mind and be successful and mostly happy

 

I am like that, but now all these worries come into place.

I have faith I will find a good girl one day!

Thank GOD I don't have any kids or am married!

BTW I'm in my late 20s.

 

I know the importance of being financially stable to support my self and kids in case of divorce - I can barely take care of myself to the point I want - my own Condo.

 

I AM COMMITTED TO HEALING AND BECOMING WHOLE!

DenverBachelor Established Member

DenverBachelor

Posted
Posted

I'm 8 months NC and loving life. I don't even count the days any longer. It took me a moment to even calculate how long I've been out of contact.

 

I've gotten to the point where I've accepted my faults, her faults and the contributory faults of both that led to the demise of the relationship. We both did some pretty F'ed up things at the end -- but we're both passionate people.

 

The judge said it best, "You go to your rose garden and, while pointing at me, you go to yours."

 

No animosity, no depression and no anger. What's done is done -- it was fun while it lasted. We had some great times! Focus on the positive things in life and you'll recognize the positive more often.

 

It isn't worth it to carry hatred no matter what happened short of them trying to kill you. Other than that, it was a great time and I'm glad I had the experience. When I think back, I smile. Every once in a while, I'll feel an itch in my nose -- as if I'm about to get a sniffle. ;)

  • Author
health Established Member

health

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Good for you man!

 

I still get crazy angry over everything though. After telling myself all is forgiven. It's all good and I did forgive, it's just that some moments are super hard.

teanoranges Established Member

teanoranges

Posted
Posted

its been a year and 2 months since my ex a I broke up

but only 9 months of nc.

 

though, I do feel pretty much over him.. I will say that I still sometimes get angry and frustrated over the situation that occurred between us.

I've heard people say that you can't get over someone until you meet someone else, and I've never been that way.

I'm kind of a loner in that sense I guess. I'm not interested in another relationship or any relationship.. I'm not interested in being any more than friends with people... but that's how I always was.. my ex just kind of showed up when he did and things happened very unexpected...

 

I like it better on my own though, less stress! lol.

Now, I don't think 'I hope this gets better' in a way about love.. but more about my progress in life.

 

 

blah blah... haha

listen_to_me_please Established Member

listen_to_me_please

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm pretty much in the same boat as everyone else here.

I've been NC about 2 years 4 months.

I rebounded for a while, multiple partners, one short relationship which lasted about 4 or 5 months.

 

The first year was pretty ruff. I kept waiting for her to come back. I use to talk out loud to her, only to realize I was alone.

 

I think I'm good to go now. The betrayal and the way it ended doesn't bother me anymore now a days. I guess she just moved on and forgot about me. I find that hard to believe, then again I thought she would never leave so what do I know.

 

As far as everything else, I still remember her. She was nice. Its sort of hard to forget the only girl you were so emotionally dependent upon.

 

But hey, what do they say? You live and learn and well rebounding didn't really help, it was more of a distraction and I soon realized I was getting involved in another relationship with someone whom I had no desire to be with so I ended it and remained single for about a year now.

 

So back to the topic, 2 years 4 months of no contact and I'm still alive and everyday its getting better, infact I think the feelings are gone now, I just have these memories, I hope they disappear as well, as I have no intention(s) of ever in this life, establishing any sort of friendship, relationship, contact with that particular female.

 

Sometimes I still can't believe it. I guess I never really knew her.

Edited by listen_to_me_please
  • Author
health Established Member

health

Posted
  • Author
Posted
its been a year and 2 months since my ex a I broke up

but only 9 months of nc.

 

though, I do feel pretty much over him.. I will say that I still sometimes get angry and frustrated over the situation that occurred between us.

I've heard people say that you can't get over someone until you meet someone else, and I've never been that way.

I'm kind of a loner in that sense I guess. I'm not interested in another relationship or any relationship.. I'm not interested in being any more than friends with people... but that's how I always was.. my ex just kind of showed up when he did and things happened very unexpected...

 

I like it better on my own though, less stress! lol.

Now, I don't think 'I hope this gets better' in a way about love.. but more about my progress in life.

 

 

blah blah... haha

 

I so respect you! That's the thing, alot of people feel empty unless they're with someone. But, they say Marriage is empty - it's what both individuals bring to it. I like going out on my own too. Reading, taking walks etc.

I feel like I love being around some people, but others I just feel poison my orbit lol. I agree too - I don't miss relationship stress either!

 

I am pretty much over her. I haven't talked to her for over a year and 4 months and we've been broken up for 1 year and 8 months.

 

I'm good. I just want to build my life up more. I'm saving money, have alot saved already (I moved back home and just pay $300 rent) - when I move out again I want to move into my own condo - and be independent to a high degree. I don't want to have kids in poverty like how I grew up.

 

I'm committed to nurturing my love relationship wth myself and my goals.

  • Author
health Established Member

health

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'm pretty much in the same boat as everyone else here.

I've been NC about 2 years 4 months.

I rebounded for a while, multiple partners, one short relationship which lasted about 4 or 5 months.

 

The first year was pretty ruff. I kept waiting for her to come back. I use to talk out loud to her, only to realize I was alone.

 

I think I'm good to go now. The betrayal and the way it ended doesn't bother me anymore now a days. I guess she just moved on and forgot about me. I find that hard to believe, then again I thought she would never leave so what do I know.

 

As far as everything else, I still remember her. She was nice. Its sort of hard to forget the only girl you were so emotionally dependent upon.

 

But hey, what do they say? You live and learn and well rebounding didn't really help, it was more of a distraction and I soon realized I was getting involved in another relationship with someone whom I had no desire to be with so I ended it and remained single for about a year now.

 

So back to the topic, 2 years 4 months of no contact and I'm still alive and everyday its getting better, infact I think the feelings are gone now, I just have these memories, I hope they disappear as well, as I have no intention(s) of ever in this life, establishing any sort of friendship, relationship, contact with that particular female.

 

Sometimes I still can't believe it. I guess I never really knew her.

 

Congrats with that man! I totally get you with rebounding and having no feelings for those people. That's why I want to be single until some girl really sparks my interest - and I spark theirs! Congrats man!

mr heartbroken Established Member

mr heartbroken

Posted
Posted

Hey, it's been a year this month since the last contact. It's here brthday that's the only reason I know. We were together for five and a half years! It's been a yearand seven months since she broke up with me.

 

Success story!

. Don't really have one.

. Yeah I found some things out about myself.

. I now know who my real friends are

 

relastionships after brake up.

. Right away I went to Europe with 17guys and had an amazing holiday. Slept with someone when I was away! (all I felt was guilt)

. I have had a fee one night stands!(not like me)

. I have had one mini rs but just wasn't right.

 

Where I am the now

. Currently single.

. I play football, and I'm now playing at the highest level I have ever played!

. Truth be told I'm not enjoying life!

. Wishing my life away!

I could go on! It's not worth it though.

silic0ntoad Established Member

silic0ntoad

Posted
Posted

It's been 14 months NC for me... roughly 14 months since the breakup, with a girl of 4.5 years.

 

NC is easy now. It's my routine. I don't have urges to contact her, knowing she left me for someone else. She's not worth that effort or pain, the pain of contact. I am mostly over it, but apparently still clinging to something that my therapist and I are trying to find and eradicate.

 

I feel as a shell forgotten with its memories. I still feel blank and cold, callous and calculating. I feel nothing towards the sufferings of the opposite sex. I could care less of their pains and struggles. And I feel nothing toward them when it comes to intimacy; complete apathy. I can't quite understand it, but it sucks.

 

I think perhaps I am still angry about that; hurting me, and I go into self defense mode where I let no one within arms reach.

 

I can't say how much longer I need to fight this battle; I mean, look, I'm exhausted dude. I'm tired of this internal and external war. I would never say "Come home, I didn't mean to say the things I said" but at this point, I am just lost for how I feel. This summer has been crazy, in fact the last six months of myu life has been a blur of changes, new hobbies, new/old friends, new hookups, and flings with past girlfriends.

 

But it's never enough to fill the void of my heart.

cdt76 Established Member

cdt76

Posted
Posted

Toad: I'm right there with you man. The ordeals of the past 5 years of my life, culminating with the break up 1 year and 1 month ago, pretty much left me devastated. No contact is easy, though finding something in life to replace the completeness that I once felt is becoming an abyss I can not fill. I'm fighting a hugh, major depression. Some days are so bad I can barely take care of my kids, and they see that dad is not happy, but don't know why. Other days, I fight it and at the end of the day, it's a draw.

 

I too, have taken the advice of others here, took up new hobbies, stopped seeing the vile that were "friends" and try to pull some joy out of the activities I do. It so happens that the activities I compete in, are ones that offer zero chance of meeting a woman. Friends are no more than acquaintances now. No parties, no gatherings. I have no family to fall back on.

 

I act happy and content but the void inside is less than the outward appearance. I often wonder if I will ever feel as though I once did or if the past trauma has destroyed the person I was.

 

On the positive side, I'm in good shape, have a good job. That is about all I can come up with. I'm trying to come to understand how to be happy with a life without goals. Or how to just be happy.

silic0ntoad Established Member

silic0ntoad

Posted
Posted
Toad: I'm right there with you man. The ordeals of the past 5 years of my life, culminating with the break up 1 year and 1 month ago, pretty much left me devastated. No contact is easy, though finding something in life to replace the completeness that I once felt is becoming an abyss I can not fill. I'm fighting a hugh, major depression. Some days are so bad I can barely take care of my kids, and they see that dad is not happy, but don't know why. Other days, I fight it and at the end of the day, it's a draw.

 

I too, have taken the advice of others here, took up new hobbies, stopped seeing the vile that were "friends" and try to pull some joy out of the activities I do. It so happens that the activities I compete in, are ones that offer zero chance of meeting a woman. Friends are no more than acquaintances now. No parties, no gatherings. I have no family to fall back on.

 

I act happy and content but the void inside is less than the outward appearance. I often wonder if I will ever feel as though I once did or if the past trauma has destroyed the person I was.

 

On the positive side, I'm in good shape, have a good job. That is about all I can come up with. I'm trying to come to understand how to be happy with a life without goals. Or how to just be happy.

 

 

There's a good song that goes something like this:

 

Fade away just like our love had died

And there is nowhere in this universe to hide...from you tonight

I've wrestled with angels...all my life

It's always the halos and the wings that keep you blind

And if I fall with all the strength I held inside

I wouldn't be out here alone tonight

I wouldn't be standing alone tonight

 

 

It's hard to seperate the feelings of depression, anger and guilt all at once. I know I'm strong. Hell, I stood like granite through most of the process. But it's just every now and then, I can't cope, and I bog down. IDK.

 

just like the song says, we're all alone, because we can't believe the good when everything seems so bad.

  • 3 weeks later...
jude007 Established Member

jude007

Posted
Posted

when u say you meet someone online? how and where do did you do that?

9Lives Established Member

9Lives

Posted
Posted

There is no way in HELL I'm gonna let a break up a year ago take my zest for life away like this. no fking way. my sht is over...it hurts but I KNOW damm well I'm better off! I don't have a man right now but life is so much bigger than ONE person leaving me. I'm gonna be happy again. I can't stay stuck in the past. it happen..i hated it happen but a lot of goodness and happiness is still out there for me. that person don't make life..you do so I wish u guys the best. I'm not gonna be down a year from now over him. its his lost period.

  • Author
health Established Member

health

Posted
  • Author
Posted
when u say you meet someone online? how and where do did you do that?

 

I met this girl from an online dating site. We met up several times.

It was cool for what it was.

jude007 Established Member

jude007

Posted
Posted

yeh but dating websites you have to show a picture of yourself, that others, or people might know you?

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author
health Established Member

health

Posted
  • Author
Posted
yeh but dating websites you have to show a picture of yourself, that others, or people might know you?

 

 

Yes, but |I've never seen anyone I know on one. It is what it is.

I message alot of girls and they end up not replying lol

 

I think I'm trying to hard to find a new girl - but I feel if I don't put the effort in, it'll never come. I'm not trying to Meet a new girl but meet a new friend.

 

Give it a try if you like - it's nothing to be ashamed about.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...