18inlove Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 what are your thoughts and expiriences on being a teen mom? I am 19 and my BF 31..we both make less than 20k a year live in a small apartment and have been dating for 11 months. My family is disappointed cause I didnt go to college or get married. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 My family is disappointed cause I didnt go to college or get married. You can still do both if you want to Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 what are your thoughts and expiriences on being a teen mom? I am 19 and my BF 31..we both make less than 20k a year live in a small apartment and have been dating for 11 months. My family is disappointed cause I didnt go to college or get married. Look, pretend you're walking into the door at a strange new shopping mall. First thing you willingly do is walk over to that big map to which you never pay attention when at the mall nearest your house. The little dot on that map says: "you are HERE" So whether you're 19 and pregnant, 92 and want to take skydiving lessons, or 44 and having a midlife crisis, you figure out where you are, and then make it your goal to move forward from wherever that point is. It doesn't matter whether you have a twin sister who is on American Idol, an older brother who is clearly loved more by your parents, or a pervy landlord who gropes you in the laundry room. Just figure out where you are right now, and strive to improve yourself and your standing each year. By the time you're 30 you'll be just fine!! Link to post Share on other sites
Scottdmw Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 I think it's probably like a lot of things in life, challenging but worthwhile. Scott Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 I love my children enormously, but being a mother/parent is extremely difficult. It changes just about every aspect of your self and your life, forever. While becoming a mother was amazing and the ongoing personal growth has been revelatory and meaningful, I personally was not ready for it until I was 30+. I needed my late teens and my twenties to grow and change and live abroad and have adventures and get an education and try on different careers and find who I was and get my heart broken a few times and get comfortable in my skin, before I had the patience/responsibility/steadfastness/self-sacrifice necessary to be a good parent. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 you are barely a teen mom- so lose the teen part and become a mother. being a mother is not dependant on age, income or marrital status- it is dependant on you caring and providing for your child to the utmost of your abilities. adult choices were made that lead to where you are now. face it head on and confidently- the future will come whether you want it to or not, so make the best of it and work hard. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 what are your thoughts and expiriences on being a teen mom? I am 19 and my BF 31..we both make less than 20k a year live in a small apartment and have been dating for 11 months. My family is disappointed cause I didnt go to college or get married. They might not be disappointed about having a grandkid so much as they are disappointed you're having one with a long term addict who is limping along in his recovery and coasts through life. Considering all your threads have been about how not ideal this relationship is - I have no idea why you're trying to believe it is your age that they're upset over. One of the things I remember being mentioned over and over in your other threads is how much more worse your situation would be if you got pregnant. And then here you are - pregnant. I assure you that your age is the least of your family's objections. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 They might not be disappointed about having a grandkid so much as they are disappointed you're having one with a long term addict who is limping along in his recovery and coasts through life. Considering all your threads have been about how not ideal this relationship is - I have no idea why you're trying to believe it is your age that they're upset over. One of the things I remember being mentioned over and over in your other threads is how much more worse your situation would be if you got pregnant. And then here you are - pregnant. I assure you that your age is the least of your family's objections. This...you know plenty well where I stand on your whole relationship from previous threads, so all I can do is sit back and wish you the best of luck... Link to post Share on other sites
jamesum Posted August 7, 2010 Share Posted August 7, 2010 Teenage girls should be locked up from society until they reach 25. :p:p Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted August 7, 2010 Share Posted August 7, 2010 Teenage girls should be locked up from society until they reach 25. :p:p And apparently men too till over the age 31. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted August 7, 2010 Share Posted August 7, 2010 what are your thoughts and expiriences on being a teen mom? You lose out on life. You hold resentment for losing out on that life. Your children suffer from your inexperience in life. Your children suffer from the instability that will follow you throughout your life. You will suffer from the instability that will follow you throughout your life. Avoid having children at any cost until you are much older and far more stable. Those are my thoughts, they come from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted August 7, 2010 Share Posted August 7, 2010 (edited) I dont regret having my children young... but I am a strong person who can manage personal sacrifice. All in all, do it well, or live to regret it pretty much sums up the whole child rearing thing. There are pitfalls whatever age you are. Dont be fooled into thinking older Mums know more or are better mothers. But really the situations you have drawn attention to previously does not make this sound too positive in some respects. Did you both plan to have the child? In my minds eye, I can imagine you both planning this. Take care, Eve xx Edited August 7, 2010 by Eve Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted August 9, 2010 Share Posted August 9, 2010 What abortion? Take care, Eve xx I think fitchick is advising her to have an abortion. So what abortion is the one the OP would have if she followed fitchick's advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Scottdmw Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 Wow, you are incredibly selfish. Sneak off and have an abortion and then tell your loser boyfriend you had a miscarriage. If you try to put it up for adoption later, he might interfere because he is hoping to get welfare money from the state for drugs. Then go for free therapy. Of course, you are too stupid to listen to good advice. I don't care if you are miserable but I feel sorry for the kid. Hmmmm, so you think it would be selfish to have the baby but unselfish to have an abortion? How can you be sure that this child or any other child is better off dead? It's possible that if she has the baby the baby will experience more suffering than average. It's also possible they will be fine. It's possible that even if the child does experience more suffering than average, he/she will grow up to be a great person despite the hardships. It's not even clear from evidence that this is that much less likely than with an older mother. Did you know that Barak Obama’s mother became pregnant with him when she was younger than the OP, and unmarried? Kind of says something about the logic of assuming that a woman that age should not have a baby because it’s selfish. Scott Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 I believe she was selfish for even becoming pregnant in the first place, in such a situation. Don't even get me started on the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Ella whispers Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 You lose out on life. You hold resentment for losing out on that life. Your children suffer from your inexperience in life. Your children suffer from the instability that will follow you throughout your life. You will suffer from the instability that will follow you throughout your life. Avoid having children at any cost until you are much older and far more stable. Those are my thoughts, they come from experience. I don't resent my daughter, she didn't ask to be here. My daughter watched me make mistakes and is wise enough to learn from them. She starts college this year and got 35k in scholarship money. I started working 2 jobs at 17 and have taken care of her on my own. Her "donor" isn't involved, his loss. I took my choice seriously and have never looked back. I don't know who I would be if I weren't her mother, I wouldn't be on the right side of the law most likely, I was walking a dangerous path, she's my angel. I got my priorites straight and besides a few slip ups here and there that we have both learned from we are better off because of it. My car is paid for, I own my own house, I'm not crazy in debt, we have a great relationship. I have friends my age that are losing their homes, jobs (their fault, not the economy) they are far from stable at 35. It depends on the maturity level and how capable one is to be a mother. I'm not an advocate of teen pregnancy but the stories that I hear of how terrible it is for everyone involved, when they continue to have more and more, rely on the "system", I have never taken anything, I earned what I have, then yes it's sad. That is my experience. To the OP, I don't know your situation but I empathize with you. It is the most difficult choice you will ever make but also the most rewarding. All of the horror stories and I told you so's WILL COME if you don't take this responsibility head on. Never forget, you aren't having a baby, you're building a person. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 Wow, you are incredibly selfish. Sneak off and have an abortion and then tell your loser boyfriend you had a miscarriage. If you try to put it up for adoption later, he might interfere because he is hoping to get welfare money from the state for drugs. Then go for free therapy. Of course, you are too stupid to listen to good advice. I don't care if you are miserable but I feel sorry for the kid. You do realize she can just leave it at the hospital and then no one would be able to stop it from getting adopted. Not to mention since they are not married and he probably won't sign the birth cirtificate she could just give it up with out him. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 I think fitchick is advising her to have an abortion. So what abortion is the one the OP would have if she followed fitchick's advice. Thanks. I didnt understand. I did not get the impression that the OP was thinking along the lines of abortion in any solid way, so was surprised by the topic being raised. I could be wrong but as odd as her posts can come across (in respect to her level of tolerance towards things that present as red flags).. the girl has shown signs of being pretty resourceful too. Still, I am thinking this may be a wind up because not many 19 year olds would have the patience to not respond in an overly defensive manner by now. Take care, Eve xx Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts